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Restless

The last two years of my life have been jam-packed with travels. I have forgotten what it’s like to feel settled into one place for an extended time. It’s a feeling I resent and love all at the same time. Bouts of pure homesickness hit at unexpected times (or expected according to my mum), and becomes nearly debilitating for a couple days. That is, until I snap out of it and come back to the realization that I am experiencing and creating so, so, so many unforgettable memories.

Throughout my life I have been described as: restless, loving, passionate, adventurous, stubborn, and outgoing. All of which are extremely accurate. I suffer from mild- to severe depression and was diagnosed at 13. It will always be a battle- but I am determined to cope, manage, and keep living my life. Travel, moving, experiencing new things is my preferred form of therapy. It is while doing these things I feel the most in- tune with myself; when I take the time to reflect, feel, heal, and cry.

In August 2015 I found myself on a one-way flight to Australia. I moved out and cross country at the age of 18, so being away from home wasn’t so scary. However this would be my first time more than 6 months of not seeing family/loved ones. My original plan of six months turned into one year. When asked about my year in Australia I am told I truly light up. There aren’t enough words to describe what an incredible year I had. My two years of 60+ hour/ 7 day work weeks paid off.

I returned home this last fall and found myself almost immediately feeling anxious, severely depressed, and longing for another grand adventure. I had accepted what sounded like an amazing position- but became painfully overwhelmed with the thought of setting roots. I backed out and fortunately found an equally amazing short-term position. I decided then I needed to hit the road again and began planning a 3 month Europe trip.

In January I boarded my flight to Germany. I couldn’t wait to see my friends, drink apfelschorle, and explore unfamiliar places. I took this trip as time to sort things out with myself. Most importantly- finding peace with staying home longer than a few months. Truly being okay with my decision to do so.

Yesterday, March 23, I landed back at home. While I am feeling anxious, I am also feeling a sense of place. I know what I need to do to keep myself centered, continue to heal, and happy. In 2019 I will go abroad to New Zealand for an extended time. But for now, I know I need to be home, where my heart is.