graveyardbells

[graveyardbells]

you know how much it fucking sucks to realise you've been a yandere way before you found out? i'll tell you how much right now.

i'm obsessing over them again, being thrown on the same lovesick loops again and again except this time i cant fucking risk telling them. the obsessiveness stopped before for another person once i confessed but i dont know how to do it again and especially for someone who i'm not even sure i want to romantically be with. they absolutely do NOT reciprocate my feelings, i genuinely dont know how to tell them or if to tell them at all. either i eventually spill the truth and hopefully stop suffering or i hold it in and risk myself. i don't want to potentially lose them though or ruin our bond, that'll damage me way too much to handle right now.

i hate my mental illness for doing this to me. i never asked for this. nobody i know asked for this. i don't WANT to be obsessed over them I JUST WANT TO STAY FRIENDS WITHOUT FEARING FOR EITHER OF OUR SAFETY AND COMFORT. my heart aches and i feel ill over this i just want this to stop i WANT THEM TO KNOW ALREADY SO I CAN STOP FEELING LIKE THIS. LITERALLY ID BEG TO EVEN BE REJECTED SO WE CAN KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP AND I DON'T LOSE THEM FROM MY LIFE AND CAN GO BACK TO NORMAL

it sucks too much to be a genuine and real experience yet it IS REAL. i lose sleep over this, lose my mind over this, cry and pace my room and go numb and die inside and take bathroom breaks often from feeling physically ill from how overwhelming yandere lovesickness is. i wish this never happened to me again but HERE I AM NOW IN SO MUCH PAIN

[graveyardbells]

SCHOOL MAKES ME RAGE SO MUCH

CAN NEVER CATCH A BREAK

had to dance the rage away. it's still simmering even when my legs are aching in rest.

[graveyardbells]

an introduction + rules post ig?

hi. i'm bellz4brainz but on this blog, call me malice [any/all prns]. im part of a mixed origin system, im (unfortunately) an irl yandere cause of bpd and this blog was primarily made to vent out our brain soup whenever we're in a dogshit mindset due to our bpd (+ other conditions) because we'd rather not burden discord w this all. here's a few rules:

1. dni exclusionists (primarily lgbtq+ and plural ones) and discriminatory shitheads, ESPECIALLY ableists. you aren't wanted here whatsoever. also if you know me irl then fuck off from this blog

2. we'd only ever (probably) post here when we aren't doing well so be cautious and gentle w your language if you want to ask questions in comments/reblogs. idfk if asks work on this or not i never made a sideblog before

3. do NOT mention this account around my main whatsoever + dont screenshot posts here. this sideblog is supposed to be a more secretive and quiet corner of our general online space and we aren't here on this blog to post pretty art or be funny. any reblogs/comments trying to discuss either blog on the other will be deleted

4. as a heads up, there is very much a guarantee some posts of venting thoughts will be of high concern but i assure you that we will be fine after each post/series of posts. we have enough self control to not act on any intrusive or dark thoughts we have and if we do need actual help asap, we'll either state so here or get help elsewhere. we don't need posts reported or anything (but we do appreciate simple check ups in dms and such /gen)

main tag we'll use is 'malice cries' for all our posts. non-vent/rant posts will have 'not vent'/'not rant'. all posts will have any general necessary cws put before their contents.

we aren't always going to post here either, just mainly during brick shithouse periods of time

i think that's about it ??? im writing this at 2am so brain is fuzzy. id say this is good enough. bye

- malice