gradschoolrants

[gradschoolrants]

Me: *Gets accepted for prestigious postdoc*

Also me: “I don’t think I’m cut out to be a scientist”

[gradschoolrants]

Me: *Walks angrily down the hall, bumps into advisor*

Advisor: “What’s wrong? Is it the class you TA?”

Me: “Ugh yeah… but that’s not why my day is not going well… I’m doing bad cause the fridge fell on my face.”

Advisor: “The what?”

Me: “The fridge. It fell on my face.”

[gradschoolrants]

I don’t understand people when they say they don’t like Fahrenheit. It’s the perfect temperature unit… it just makes so much sense. Say it’s 26 degrees out, that’s like saying that it’s only 26% warm that day. If its 80 degrees out it’s like saying its 80% hot that day. Anything below 0 is too too cold and anything above 100 is way too hot. It’s perfect.

[gradschoolrants]

Worker solidarity.

[gradschoolrants]

Is it normal that my advisor told me she can’t help me with my comprehensive exam which is to write an R21 grant…?

[gradschoolrants]

Our grad union bouta go on strike ☕️

[gradschoolrants]

The only retail therapy I get these days is maxing out the lab’s credit card.

[gradschoolrants]

How many else of you are at SfN? 👀

[gradschoolrants]

Imposter syndrome got me questioning my ability to aliquot properly

[gradschoolrants]

Sorry this is so long...

But like I need to put all of this down in writing somewhere to process my feelings about it all.

This isn't related to the content of my blog but it's my life and it's my blog so I'm gonna post it anyways lol. Diary time! haha

So a few of months ago I ran into this kid from my program really late at night in the hallway of one of the science buildings at my school. He asked if I was staying late and I was like not really, I'm leaving soon. And he was like okay, be safe! And I was like you too! (?lol).

Then the following week he came to my lab and introduced himself. I was like "yeah, I know who you are! (?again lol, I'm so awkward, but my program is so small that i know everyone in it). He said he wanted to borrow some pipette tips because his lab wasn't getting the ones they ordered because of supply chain issues. So I let him borrow them, thinking that his PI and mine had set it up.

A couple of days later this kid comes back and returns the tips saying that they got their's and he was like "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, could I make it up to you by buying you tea or coffee?" Clueless me who never wants to impose on anyone or be a burden and thinks that no one would ever like me, was like "Oh no! That's okay, you don't have to do that." He was kind of taken aback and then asked me about my research progress and we chatted for a bit about both of our projects.

Then like the next week he came to my lab looking for me twice when I wasn't there and told my labmates that he'd be back the next day and wanted to talk about the department seminar we would both be presenting at. So he came back the following day and asked if we could practice our talks together. So we did and it was helpful but we both research very different topics (cancer and neurodegeneration) so it also wasn't that helpful. At this practice he told me he was surprised that I knew who he was when he first stopped by the lab... and I was like, yeah I know most everyone in the program? (?haha)

On the day of the seminar he ended up walking out of the building with me after the talks were over. It was raining and he offered his umbrella to me but I was like "oh that's okay, I have a rain jacket, I don't need it!" (again major lol, that's such a romcom moment and I live for romcoms, but he didn't have a raincoat and I'm a fierce American who doesn't use umbrellas haha) He was like okay... and then was like "I'm going to Dunkin, do you want to go?" I had to finish up an experiment at the lab so I thanked him but declined and said I couldn't go.

To make this shorter, he keeps coming by the lab every few weeks to ask me about something related to the program and we sometimes chat about things like our future goals after phd, apartment living, and food. (He asked me what I like to cook and I told him I don't eat meat or dairy and he seemed kind of looked disappointed haha and one time he told me he thought the way I dressed on the day of the talks was really nice and professional(?!?!??)). Sometimes when he comes in I can't talk to him right away because I'm busy so I just say "hey what's up?" and keep working because sometimes he also asks one of my labmates about homework for a class they're in together. Instead of just leaving he'll usually wait outside the lab on the chairs for me to finish.

Recently he asked me if I wanted to read some cancer articles and have a sort of journal club discussion with him on the weekends, since I told him I'd like to shift more into cancer research and away from neurodegeneration when I graduate and he wants to understand some cancer pathways better. So we're going to meet to discuss some articles sometime next month. I do believe it's just the two of us discussing these articles even though there are other people in his lab that research cancer. .....

So I guess my question is, does this kid like me? Am I reading too much into this? And should I be responding differently?--am I being too cold or clueless?

I've never been in a relationship in all my 27 years of living on this earth and I'm clearly clueless so I need some help. How do you know if someone likes you and how do you know if you like someone? When I was in middle and high school I had a crush on one of my friends the entire time we were in school together and I remember blushing sometimes when he'd talk to me and my heart racing. So that's what I assumed love was like for everyone all the time.

At first I literally thought this kid was stopping by just for lab stuff but now I'm thinking that might not be the case? After he kept coming by the lab I joked with my labmates about how he kept stopping by each week and each time he stops by when I'm not there they're like "your FriEnD was looking for you." But now he's growing on me. The last time he came to the lab I was talking to my PI when he stopped by and I actually got nervous and started blushing because he was there.

Sometimes I wonder when he's gonna stop by and after he does stop by I end up smiling after talking to him. And the other week I was like I wonder what he does on the weekends cause he's an international student and doesn't have a car, so he can't really be enjoying fall that much can he? And I was like I wish I could bring him around to different places so he could go to haunted houses and go on fall hikes too and just see more of America than our school's little town.

Does that mean I like him? Or do I like the idea that he likes me?

[gradschoolrants]

Why is academia a contestant state of deadline stress and pressure? I have not been posting anything cause I’ve been too busy trying to get data for SFN (which is in less than a month 😬)

[gradschoolrants]

People be throwing around the term “PhD candidate” all over their CVs and professional socials. Like girl… did you even pass your quals yet?

[gradschoolrants]

Everybody’s talking about work-life separation… but I want work-life integration

[gradschoolrants]

I couldn’t take my roommates or the cockroaches anymore, so I finally move out of my apartment in a week!!

[gradschoolrants]

Absolute triumph: presented my findings in lab meeting, and my PI said “this is exactly what we want our data to look like.”

[gradschoolrants]

[gradschoolrants]

So I stopped eating and cooking at my apartment because of my roommate leaving raw meat in the fridge and on the counters despite knowing that I’m vegan. I eat all my meals out. And so I have not gone into the kitchen in two months, and also have not cleaned the kitchen in two months because I do not use it. Now, we have COCKROACHES in the kitchen because since I wasn’t cleaning, no one was!!!!