gotabigdiego

[gotabigdiego]

@doctorareyes replied to your post “Who invented nonfat ice cream? I am going to fight...”:

I think I had too many drinks. I do stand by my comments though. I'm Xóchitl. What's your name?

​Ah, no worries! We've all been there. And, besides, it broke the ice nicely between us, didn't it? We already have a point in common. :)

My name is Diego Moreno Martín. (I figured I should give you the "whole" version instead of the "skim.")

[gotabigdiego]

Well, hey, I trust your tastebuds are in working order (unlike the Chicagoans), but I guess I'll have to get over there. You know, test the authenticity. Like some kind of pizza sommelier. How cruel, my fate. (But how delicious!)

And, for the record, the first means spicy salami, the second means spicy peppers. Hope you can handle the heat, if you've been getting those confused. Though, honestly? If the pizza is good enough, I'd take the chance on the mix-up and the tripping hazard—how else would I gauge my spice tolerance and my pain tolerance, all for the price of a slice? Still, I'm glad they [...] worked out the kinks.

Yeah, I dunno about authentic New York, but when I've been forced to rely on deep-dish for a couple years, I'll take anything. Uh-- What's the difference between pepperoni and peperonchini?

Only around midnight! No there was a [...] magic tripping hazard.

[gotabigdiego]

Mom? Cry? Over me? You, I'd believe, but Mom? Rude. If anyone's the burnout, it's you. Me? I'm the streak on the asphalt, what with how you're throwing me under the bus. Trampled, apparently much like my prospects. Your lack of faith hurts, Raul. It really does. :(

Still... I could be teaching possums art on the roof of our building. That'd be my real rock bottom, I think. :)

Damn,

So down on your luck and out of prospects that you're hoe-ing yourself out for Zbucks

and your computer exploded from shame

burning out at 28, oof

Mom's gonna cry

[gotabigdiego]

Oh, it is certainly concerning, but I don't know that I need to do all that? Perfectly happy to spread the warning and then go about my business—and, according to a lot of strangers on this website, it is at least a little bit my fault for being reckless. A lesson that I am taking to heart.

If you want to start an investigation, I'm happy to pass along what I know. Granted, much of it is public on this profile or others. Does the local PD even have a cybercrimes division? Waste of public funds, in a town this size.

This is extremely concerning. Did you alert the local authorities? Have you been compensated for the computer? And the fire? This hacker slash crypto trafficker needs to be apprehended before they send the entire town into ruin!

I believe we should start an investigation!! What have you learned so far?

[gotabigdiego]

I am so sorry about that. I promise that I would never question someone's performance in so public a space. (Or at all, really, without proof—and even then, you know, there's always room for improvement, right? Why simply criticize when you can push for betterment?)

I had a friend take a look at my computer; she is much, much better at that sort of thing. But it was more of a "replace" situation. The account required some back-and-forth, but the evidence against the hacker was pretty damning, though I don't need to tell you that.

Sorry, what? He sent you bees? What do you mean? Like, an angry swarm? An aggravated nest? A bee-themed spell? And you kept them? I mean, keep them, absolutely, if they are not... problematic? Given the rest of his actions, I might have expected you to be allergic.

Oh, ok, things are making a little bit more sense now. Sort of. [user doesn't really understand how crypto works] I'm sorry that happened though, how were you able to get your stuff back?

You, or I uh, guess your hacker sent me bees...you don't want them back, do you?

[gotabigdiego]

No, no. You can laugh. I can see that it is a bit funny. (Though less so when it happens to you.) So long as you take my warning seriously, I do not mind a bit of light fun at my expense.

Probably not every rule, right? I know of several others. Now, anyway.

LMAOOOOOOO sorry I don't like laughing at strangers but this is too funny. Wdym you went through all the effort of typing in a link to a sketchy website that you had no idea was even legit???? Even I know that goes against like every online safety rule! [user ignores the fact that she frequents sketchy forums]

[gotabigdiego]

Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Thankfully, it's no huge loss for me—but it could be for others! A warning seemed appropriate.

Your brother? [User reviews the messages that Fiego sent out.] I was hacked at that point, yes. I am sorry for his actions, even if they were not my own. Is there anything I can do to help you [...] find your brother? It seems the least I can offer.

[User only understands half of this, if not less] I am sorry that happened.

Were you hacked when you sent me a message from my brother?

[gotabigdiego]

If he had tried to sell me an emoji subscription, it would have been simpler to avoid. I'm more used to using emoticons; my previous phone just turned emojis into blank boxes. (I guess it was too old?) Cookies are [User consults a wallet-sized, physical list of computer terminology that he has made. It's laminated.] generally okay to accept, if they're from a website that you trust. Especially if you do not keep much sensitive data on your computer.

Possessed in a literal sense? I can't ask that quite so publicly. The terms are a bit silly, so I'm quoting the person who informed me of the scam. They were... also a bit silly. I understand the idea of it—labeling the dangerous side of the Internet the "dark web"—but the terms are a little too vague. And when vague becomes alluring? Easy draw.

Sorry, buddy... did they try to sell you an emoji subscription too? I feel like that was the last big scam we had. Or was it the shrimps? Hmm, something about shrimps, probably. Cause I remember craving shrimp pizza a whole lot back in the day. Nay, I'm craving it now. What was this about? OH, I totally feel for you, though...Hacking would defo work on me, cause I give all my data all the time? Is there a cookie to accept? Access to give? I'm all about it. I just try not to click on sus links though, that keeps me safe.

My laptop once exploded cause the Sims possessed it, it was pretty fun, but now I'm like... was that an early Zbuck attack? Anyway, I'm way more intrigued about your use of quotes, what's that about?

[gotabigdiego]

I didn't. Should I have? Admittedly, my schooling was a bit more... traditional. Still have phantom cramps from handwriting my essays, chalk was thrown at my head when I wasn't paying attention, that kind of thing?

If no one ever stuck their neck out, we wouldn't get anywhere. Honestly? I'm glad to have been the one targeted, instead of someone more vulnerable.

Dude, why are you going to random URLs you found on a bulletin board? Didn't you get the whole 'internet safety' course in elementary school?

[gotabigdiego]

Oh, don't worry; I didn't click a suspicious link! There is a community bulletin board outside the Post Office. It is extremely useful for chasing leads! (Though some of the postings are a touch strange?) Anyway: I found an advertisement on the board that warranted some research. Egg on my face, of course, but I've since torn that specific posting down. This hacker is nefarious, though. I worry he'll strike again.

Oh, am I? I've used quotation marks to show places where someone explained a concept to me. Their words, not mine, hence the quotation marks. If I was paraphrasing, I wouldn't bother. So, that seems to me the standard use. And, even if it wasn't a direct quote, the idea of a cryptid coin warrants a... sufficiently skeptical quotation, doesn't it?

.... Honey, why would you click on a suspicious link? I fear that's internet safety 101. Also, I feel like you may be abusing the use of quotation marks there... You OK?

[gotabigdiego]

[text] Sorry, I can't quite remember where it was?

[...]

[text] But, like, in a mundane, "I was wandering around" way, I promise. And I reset the phone and took the SIM card out, don't worry. As for the number, I was paying month-to-month for it, so I figure the contract's lapsed? If it makes you feel better, you can check it over! Is it more worrying if it's a totally normal phone?

[text] Fine, fine. But at least let me pick up lunch, sometime.

[text] .............What tech store did you go to? Did you factory reset your phone before you gave it to them? Have you cancelled that phone number?

[text] Getting the smell out is my specialty! You really don't, I assure you.

[gotabigdiego]

Surprised that there isn't one of those coming through town. 'Tis the season for carnival acts, yes? A traveling band of well-oiled athletes might put the spring back in the old ghost's step.

Ah, it has its merits, though! Baseball pants, for one. If you're going to be standing around, might as well give the crowd something to look at.

I think here might be the last place for Macho Man's ghost to visit unless we got some kind of indie wrestling showcase he'd want to see. Which would be sick.

Guess he got bored of standing there for nine plus innings? I'd want to start putting people through tables too.

[gotabigdiego]

I never run from a challenge. Makes success all the sweeter, no?

Not much of a deal for either of us. Why make a whole production out of something I was ready to freely give? Hey, why not? If that's fun for you, I'm happy to play along. One considered question from you in exchange for one honest answer from me. It's a deal. I agree.

Charmer. I'd think you could make a lot of headway here, or are you telling me that you like to run from challenges?

[user is trying very hard to think of interesting questions but all that comes to mind is "have you killed someone" or "will you kill someone" "when will you kill someone"] Do you want to make a deal? The next question I ask you (once you agree), you provide me a truthful answer, to the best of your ability. Do you agree?

[gotabigdiego]

Hey! So sorry to do this, but can I add something to the order? A slice of strawberry shortcake with two scoops of vanilla ice cream? I'll promise to tip really well! The craving for something sweet hit me, and I thought I'd ask!

If you’re still wanting people to avoid your house, I think that probably includes delivery drivers.

That said, sounds tasty. I'm afraid I'd be too tempted to sample. The sweetest of tips, really, but likely to irritate the recipient.

[gotabigdiego]

Hello Fence Man. I am a new home owner. I was told you are the one to message about fences. It must be robust, able to withstand nor'easters. I would like spikes on the top, for the birds. Tell me, are there smell-proof fences? I have been told to do something about the smell, which is absurd. I do not control what direction the wind blows.

Fence Man is a new one. Though, I've heard no complaints about my ability to drive wood. Wait. Spikes. Oh, this is. She's being literal.

Hello there! I think you may have the wrong man. More of an "Events Man," myself—meaning that I'm a journalist, not a fencer. Though, between you and me? I don't know that there are smell-proof fences. Could you contain the smell to a greenhouse or a sealed compost bin? (I'm sure whatever you're growing is lovely, but people can be scent-sitive!)

[gotabigdiego]

Who invented nonfat ice cream? I am going to fight them, right along with the person who invented reduced fat cheese.

Oh, absolutely. It's insulting to the cow, if you really think about it. She worked hard to produce that milk, and we strip it for, what? Some obscene concern about being too indulgent?

To whom do I owe the pleasure of agreement?

[gotabigdiego]

There's authentic New York-style in this town? Is it just "better than Chicago," or does the owner actually know their pepperoni from their peperoncini?

Long lines, I assume? Why else would you have trouble getting in there?

Thank GOD I can get into Sly Slice. Last time I lived here I had a minor problem with that. Oh, how I missed you, East coast pizza. Chicago could never.