gordonhasthoughts

[gordonhasthoughts]

[gordonhasthoughts]

Pigeon

Very important.

[gordonhasthoughts]

After the blue of winter the bugs will reemerge

And the trees 

Will gently begin to green again

And slowly, like my own cells

I replace all of the you that is left in me

[gordonhasthoughts]

Like the other two loops, the Roslyn Loop (RosLoop) was built during the scientific boom of the 1970s. It brought a huge influx of workers to the previous mining town to build, then staff the particle collider for specific research. Roslyn was chosen for a few reasons. Washington was no stranger to cutting edge nuclear research, and many of the scientists that had been working at the Hanford Site moved to this installation as a career opportunity. 

Furthermore, the already hollow ground of the Coal mines provided an easy opportunity for a number of booster rings to be constructed for the high energy research needed. 

The influx of the scientists brought a want to make families. Some families had already lived in Roslyn before the loop, now they are about equal in number. 

Roslyn is also interesting given its distance from both a major Magnetrine Highway, as well as the cascade mountains and greater forest area. 

The city is just over a mile in diameter, with the loop sitting just northwest of the town’s edge, making it great to access many of the amenities by bike, or even by foot. 

The summers are warm, but not hot, and many Kids on break will bike to the local town of Cle Elum, just a 15 minute ride down the coal mine trail, right on the yakima river to swim and play on the rocky shores. 

Adults will most likely be found at 'The Brick' or 'Mako’s Place' for drinks on off hours, or bumming around the Northwest Improvement Co. general goods store.

Also in town is a newly opened video and home computing equipment retailer named CompuTech in response to the growing demand from the tech-savvy scientists. This also was coupled with the opening of Silver Rocket Electronics consignment for various second hand oscilloscopes and other test equipment, but sometimes through the rubble extraordinary things could be found. Also downtown is Basecamp Books, a bookstore. There is a small medical clinic downtown, but more serious injuries may need to be treated at the Cle Elum Hospital 20 minutes bike, 5 mins car ride away.

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mystery ideas:

A kid wakes up, he was in a coma for 8 years but hasnt aged a day

Rogue robot is destroying crops between cle elum and roslyn 

In the back of the Silver Rocket, you find

A watch that counts backwards

2. A strange blinking device that freezes time while you are touching it 

3. A tv screen that displays impossible footage from the past 

For some reason, all the fridges in town stop working 

You find a rock on the beach. When you take it home, the radio, microwave, and tv all start malfunctioning. Your parents blame you for it.

[gordonhasthoughts]

i stepped out of the shower

it was cold and my towel was outside the door

must remind myself that cold is not inherent with bad

and as I step back to towel off

a song comes on, and it reminds me of them

"they would love this" I think, and with it a pang

but also realization, that just like cold

that, too, is not inherent with bad

[gordonhasthoughts]

hrnth was my senior project, and I want to finally explain it, bit by bit, what I was trying to convey and if I as the artist think I conveyed it. there are parts that are literal, and parts that are metaphorical.

the first part to cover is the melody, the leitmotif of the whole piece, the hrnth theme essentially. the vocals take the melody here and make it very clear, almost Too obvious, what the theme of the piece should be. as well as the lyrics themselves,

don't drink the water

they don't want to help you

don't stray from jawo

with no ring on you

feeders always feeding always

if you drink the water

we won't forget you

this was intentionally very explicit in worldbuilding as the rest of the world building would be without words, so I wanted to strike a balance.

in this, the concept was that this was a lullaby that served as a warning against the feeders, creatures who would convince people to drink the poisonous lake that they live around. after the feeder convinces someone and makes the kill, they feed on the body for sustenance. jawo was the name of the main moving settlement of people. the ring was a concept I had that I would like to explore furthur, it was essentially a mapping device for anyone who strayed far from the town into the deception of the feeders.

the second part is the feeders theme, where the arpeggiated section becomes the theme and leitmotif of the feeders. this is definitely more ambience building of a track than story or anything, although the latter portion there is a direct encounter with a feeder, where we join someone running away from one, with the brainwashing already being heard, there is very faint whispers of “drink the water” and “you are thirsty” in the far background of this section. as well, there is the sound of the feeders themselves, which is the clicky sound heard in the background as it gets more intense and closer. I am quite proud of this sound in particular, it is my tapping guitar picks on the desk, then layering that recording on itself a few times to make it more full, and processed to sound like little tiny legs. creepy.

the third part is the concert, where there is a display of community through group song, on mainly lithophones and metallophones, instruments that they would have access to in the mainly shale setting of this universe. for this section I took a lot of inspiration from gamelan as well. the first part of this section is a beautiful display of community, and the second part is a warning against the evils of the feeders, and this time it almost happens as if by brainwashing, it almost cuts off the applause. the second section quotes the lullaby once again.

the fourth section is the beginning of the journey, the point of view character starting to travel. this is the largest hole in the project I feel, it is difficult to leap from the world building into the action as there is no clear call toward taking any action. the journey begins anyway. an artificial lake is heard, with a gradually rising high tone representing the sun/orb featured on the cover.

I envisioned the sun to be almost a god to these people, as it is essentially the only source of hope for the people of jawo. this, along with the three pillars, make up the majority of the people’s culture, as well as the written language that goes with the project.

the language is another piece of paratext that I created for the project. although it is not a full language, more of a symbol set that sets the mood and tone for text in-universe. the way I went about making the symbols was by first ideating about what I wanted the general structure of a letter and the whole set. then I looked at ways I could apply the symbol set to something internally consistent with language, and without needing to construct a full conlang at this stage in the production. the way I decided to go was to assign each symbol to a pre-existing English consonant phoneme. from there I started to assign the symbols to phonemes, as well as changing symbols to fit; specifically all of the voiced consonants have dots in the design, where as unvoiced does not have them.

the fourth section ends with a nebulous change in auditory texture, representing the pov character falling into the water. for the next portion I wanted to do some crazy sound design and convey the impact of this moment. I still think it is some of the best drop arrangement I have done. I see this as a coming to god moment, looking up though the shimmery water at this white orb, and being saved by this being. As well, I am fascinated by the idea of what the rapture would actually sound like, which can be heard here, as well as in 9M by s280f from the album that dropped this same year. even though it ends with a house dance drop, i think it does the job well. the pov character (voiced by me) surfaces from the depths and is ready to battle.

the fifth section marks the end of the line, beginning with the bold assertion, “now i see, the way we defeat them is together.” which is on the nose, and honestly betrays too much for what I was going for at this point in the project, however, when I was actually writing this I was struggling to find a conclusion to all the threads I had, and all the ideas I was working with here. Laying it plain at least let me submit the project haha.

the next part is a re-orchestration of the themes and progression introduced in part 4, still some of my favorite string writing i have done as well. this CLUMSILY transitions into a metalcore-inspired final battle theme, denoting some sort of triumph of the people over this great evil. from the get go I was very conscience of the themes I wanted to try to convey in this project. the basic takeaway is the collective ability to triumph over difficulties.

in finale, the choir comes back, as well as some interesting texure in the high end. if you take the end and look at it through a waterfall plot spectrograph you are able to see the album art! which I think is the coolest part of the whole thing.

for the presentation of the piece, I set up a viewing platform of sorts to take people into this world. From pretty early on I wanted to make a bench, and it needed to be concrete. I really wanted it to be this ominous Thing that stuck out, just like the obelisks in the album art. my favorite part of the bench was that it was cold, which is a welcome change, and also slightly jarring for the Florida late spring when this was exhibitioned.

as well, the art is placed at just above eye level when sitting down, such that your head slightly tilts up, almost in deference to the artwork and the ideas that are presented there. I adore this interaction between the viewer and an art piece, when it has been constructed in a way to force the viewer to contort in unexpected ways just to see the artwork. in this case, it was religious.

the music was played from the very speakers I made it on, pointed at the ears of the person sitting on the bench. it was played on loop so people were able to sit as long as they liked. I didn't observe the bench for long, but I seem to remember people sitting for long periods of time, which is one of the best compliments on my work I could receive. I had been watching and consuming a lot media analysis, like movie breakdowns, as well as the dissect podcast, and want nothing more than to create a work that can be dissected. my aim with writing this whole long thing is to explain my though processes behind the work while i still have any memory left of making the work.

[gordonhasthoughts]

honestly I think its time to move away from lofi hip hop. it was great for so long. as an example this 65 year old man that I am doing musical tutoring for has started making some songs in the genre, and he has no interest in sampling and no knowledge of the culture, just that it seemed easy to make.

[gordonhasthoughts]

sometimes I think about how perhaps im on my phone so much because im waiting to get a text from anyone, so that I can respond and be reminded I am worthwile. hm.

[gordonhasthoughts]

Getting stuck in a Groundhog Day scenario would fix me

[gordonhasthoughts]

a word salad of things:

I find myself always so full of thoughts whenever there's a big holiday or transition in my life. I remember this feeling is that same as when I would walk home from school the last day before summer, or on the walks between my last classes before breaks.

it sends me into this sentimental and thoughtful mood, because I should be thinking about this past time and reflecting on it, but I have trouble with memory so it always is unsatisfying what I can remember. then I want to get better for the future, but I know I will probably fall back into old habits. here is in writing what I want to get better at, make meaningful progress in, this coming year:

1. read more. Im setting a goal of 10 books this year. thats up from 1 this year and 1 the year before. although, I did listen to all of dimension 20 which is essentially a whole novel, maybe two

2. meditate. take time everyday to disconnect and exist. I tried to just sit and think a few times this year, for 10 minutes, and found it nice. im going to try to do that more

3. make more music. its something that I love to do, but has gotten more difficult for me for sure. I want to get back into the habit

4. play more video games. I know this is kinda funny, but yes, there are so many good games i want and need to play, and maybe I will start streaming to do that? who knows

5. floss. at least once a week

7. write more. I want to work on a lot of writing projects, and continue to get better at laying out my ideas in a way that people find helpful, while also getting across what I have to say.

I have no idea what this year will bring, but I hope with the right amount of luck and as much energy as I can provide given my job and other circumstances I can improve myself this year

[gordonhasthoughts]

I feel like I am two people

Makes sense given the amount of thoughts I have

Part of me thinks that is where the gemini sun manifests or whatever

I long for two completely different things

Huge wide swaths between

On one hand I adore the natural

The browns and greens, the thick wood tables,

cluttered hearth,

cozy, warm, peace, whole

fresh books and long loved bread

nooks and crannies

 the other hand is abstractions and thinness

gray boxes of concrete scattered

regular lines, cold light, glass and metal

it’s the infinity implied within brutalism that really speaks to me

something about the true deference of something that is truly beyond me, truly greater:

a built structure so large that it would take lifetimes to circumnavigate (this isn’t about architecture)

where are these two realities within me, One infinite,

one collapsed

one of cold and one of warmth

can they coexist. Perhaps I reflect in myself a 3d character;

is this what depth is

 how possible is it to be both

and how futile and self-absorbed is this whole endeavor of attempting to define myself so

perhaps this is the attention deficit

the lynch-disorder that weaves through all of me

apparently

[gordonhasthoughts]

As red tree blossom

dawns; meaningless escapement, megabytes and

fervent hosieries educate, edutainment delights in completeness of view. its a mustard wholesome,

seldom Folsom approach to life.

Shirk those unwise coattails of mind,

these communication-less so-called shrinks verify nothing, contain no answers, no fervor, no thought but niceties

come home;

your company enjoyers, farseekers, mind-de-lighters, viscous conversationalists are waiting

[gordonhasthoughts]

Nascent - Alexander Panos : Electronic music as a discussion of climate change existentialism

49-1:00

A: you just need to live in the moment

B: I want more than a moment, I want a future

While there is a frankly more obvious reading where the speakers are two lovers discussing their relationship, I choose to see it as a discussion between those who are established on earth, and those that will inherit the earth, a discussion of those fully entrenched in the capitalistic psyche with those still able to see the forest from the clear-cut old growth of past. 

In this reading, I see person A is Millennials/gen x and older, and person B is Gen Y. I see there being two parts to it, the assertion to “live in the moment” and the rebuttal of “I want more than a moment.”

The idea of living in the moment is a common idea, and a beautiful one. From studying Buddhism to reading a psychology journal, there has been a really powerful wave of mindfulness, appreciation, and gratitude for what you currently have. I also agree with that assertion at face value, however this discussion is shown to have flaws in this specific instance. One of the primary thoughts behind living in the moment is built on the basis of “unable to change the past, unable to see the future, therefore the present moment is the only existence” but this can and has been misinterpreted by older generations as “cannot affect the past, cannot affect the future” which I suggest may be due to the malformed understanding of psychology journals. In this instance, telling someone who’s future is almost certain to be hellish, water and food crises, rampant disease and heating of the earth, to “live in the moment” is almost an insult. 

I see it as a response to the common idea that life has potential and growth, which was the truth for older generations, before the existential dread of climate change had properly set in. As the next generation is waking up and coming to understand how grave the current situation is they react brashly, to which their parents respond “live in the moment.”

This also pairs with the instrumentation of the album. Although the sounds are electronically created, the sounds chosen are incredibly natural, giving feelings of bubbles and waterfalls. What is it about the instrumentation that provokes these feeling I wonder. Partly due to the space, the beds of chords, and plucks. I am familiar with electronic music, including Alexsader Panos’ earlier work, and I am fully confident that a robot or sci fi energy can be created if wanted. 

Furthermore it is the truly incredible use of the human voice, which is masterful. Chops and grains of vowels and consonants on ‘reasonotto’ slowly morph into a restating the thesis of the album, I want more than a moment, I want a future. a war cry against the inevitable collapse of the environment and the apathy of all who you have looked up with. in the face of insurmountable apathy, it is a 

“I want a future living in the present time 

letting time go passing by”

then the transition into dream extinction, the extinction of a natural and beautiful world gives a gigantic contrast to the natural sounds of earlier. these are exactly the robots to which I was referring. 

Even the album art, bright sunny living flowers on one side, and dark dead ones on the other. 

[gordonhasthoughts]

potential topcs

1. eddie wong pottery vs art consumerism

2. echoic memory 

3. nascent - panos

4. vocal synth similarities between nascent and vespertine

5. chainsaw man and the intersection of how sex is treated in Japan

[gordonhasthoughts]

i literally hadso many i made a tumblr to write them but now they are gone where did they go

[gordonhasthoughts]

listening list 1

dancing queen - abba

sink into the floor - feng suave

the end of all things - panic at the disco

counting bodies like sheep - a perfect circle

i dont miss you at all - finneas

gold rush - taylor swift

anniversary of world war iii - the west coast pop art experimental band

time alone with you (ft daniel caesar) - jacob collier