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goldi-1-graysons-version · 1 day ago

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beneath the same stars - averyjameson

summary: avery’s mind is flooded with doubts about the hawthorne house, and thoughts that she hasn’t told anyone. somehow, she finds herself confiding in jameson hawthorne. a/n: aww baby averyjameson :( this takes place before they are officially together / between tig/thl (jameson is sooo down bad omg) wc: 1.8k

the rooftop wasn’t her favorite spot, but it was his, and tonight, avery didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts.

after avery had climbed up very cautiously, she noticed jameson sitting dangerously close to the edge, sitting with his legs dangling off, without a care in the world.

the wind rippled through his half-buttoned white shirt, and he turned around right as avery neared, sending her one of those grins that made her brain feel light, and kept his eyes on her right until she sat next to him.

she forged herself to ignore it, “you could’ve told me you were coming up here,” she said, settling down a few feet away— close, but not too close. and much further away from the edge.

he analyzed the way she looked from where she sat, before looking back at the sky infront of him. “figured you’d find me anyway.”

jameson reached over to the other side of him, then held out a recently opened bar of dark chocolate to avery.

she stared at the chocolate for a second before taking it.

“i hate that you’re actually right sometimes.” she didn’t eat the chocolate right away, and just stared at the floor.

jameson looked intrigued. “careful, mystery girl, that almost sounded like a compliment.” he grinned, but his tone was softer than usual. he could sense something was up with avery.

he gave her a long look, then eyed the distance between them, asking a silent question.

avery gave a slight nod, and jameson moved to sit beside her. shoulders nearly touching, so close jameson could practically hear her mind whirring.

they sat like that for a while, the silence stretching but not breaking. avery could hear the soft rustle of the wind through the trees, and the sound of cars far away.

it made her think of how different this was to her life just a few months ago. nearly nothing was the same.

“sometimes,” she said suddenly, trailing off with her voice barely audible. “sometimes i think about leaving,” she exhaled a deep breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

jameson turned his head slightly, but not all the way. “leaving hawthorne house?”

“yeah.” she picked at the wrapper of the chocolate, tearing it into smaller and smaller and smaller pieces. “the house. the money. all of it.”

“would you, though?” his tone was careful, which is a word that was almost never used to describe anything about jameson. but with her, he was careful.

avery shrugged. “i don’t know. i mean, it’s too late, right? there’s people who want the worst for me. without oren and everything, i’d be in danger.” she looked at her lap, mumbling quietly and trying to sound detached.

she couldn’t tear the small pieces of wrapper any more, so fiddled with her fingers instead.

“isn’t that crazy?” she chuckled as she set her hands down back in her lap, but it sounded hollow. “people i don’t even know, people who know nothing about me, who want to harm me. or— or people that know too much about me, or people that knew your grandfather, or—“ she cut her nervous rambling off with a sigh, tucking her hair behind her ears.

she couldn’t believe what her life was now. this was the first time she was really confiding to anyone other than libby or max about these thoughts she’s been having, about the huge what ifs.

jameson observed her quietly. he wanted to reach out, but he didn’t know if it was alright to do that yet.

for some reason that avery couldn’t quite pinpoint, she felt like she could actually talk to him. “i just— sometimes i wonder if i should’ve left sooner. or just never have come. then i wouldn’t have to deal with all of this.”

she crossed her arms over her chest as the wind got stronger, and pulled her shirts sleeves over her hands. “it just kind of feels like i don’t belong here, no matter what i do.”

jameson was oddly silent for a moment, and slowly tore his gaze away from avery and back to the sky that was beginning to set.

avery quickly began to worry— did she over-share? she definitely overshared, she didn’t even know jameson all that well. why was he so silent? why on earth did she—

“you’re wrong about that,” jameson finally said.

avery’s thoughts were put to a halt. “about what?”

“saying you don’t belong.” he answered, “you belong more than any of us, look at you, heiress. you’re incredibly intelligent in all aspects. in your first few days, you solved the keys faster than anyone else. the house could do with a few more complicated geniuses. ” he sent her a small grin, “maybe you belong more than you’d like to admit.

avery shook her head and looked away, the wind whipping through her hair. “i don’t know, jameson. sure, i solved them faster, but that doesn’t mean anything, not really.” she said, “and i’m not complicated.”

jameson raised a brow.

she narrowed her eyes, “what’s that supposed to mean?

“whatever you want it to mean, heiress.” he said through a chuckle. “i’m just saying, i didn’t call you mystery girl for no reason.”

“you barely even call me that anymore.” avery said before she could even think.

jameson grinned, “why, you miss it?”

“absolutely not.” avery shook heir head, fighting a small smile. jameson didn’t say anything else as he watched her. he could sense there was something else waiting to be asked.

avery’s smile faded, and she pressed her lips together as she formulated her words. “jameson?”

“yes, heiress?”

“you always seem so sure of yourself. don’t you ever think you’re doing the wrong thing— like, making the wrong choices?”

a smile finally reappeared on jamesons face, and avery realized that she had missed seeing it. the thing is though, the smile wasn’t like his usual one, it was almost like one of those bitter ones.

his head was tilted up with his adam’s apple on full view, “all the damn time,” he said, a slight shake of his head as he looked up at the sky.

avery got the feeling that there was a lot more to jameson hawthorne than what she had thought originally. “and, what do you do about it?” she stayed looking at him, even when he wasn’t looking at her.

he chuckled lowly, gaze still up at the sky.“nothing.”

that answer didn’t surprise avery in the slightest. she hummed, “nothing at all?”

“nothing at all, heiress.”

“nothing at all,” she nodded as she repeated quietly, as if she was tasting the words on her lips.

he nudged her shoulder gently, that one cheshire grin finally back on his face. “you got it.”

avery’s face broke into a small smile despite herself, and jamesons grin only widened.

“why do you come up here so much?”

“you have a lot of questions today.”

she looked back at her lap, “sorry, i didn’t mean to—“

“don’t apologize,” he cut in. “i’d answer anything you ask.” he sent her one of those joking grins, but it didn’t feel like a joke. “to answer your question, mystery girl, its because i can see everything from up here.”

that’s all he said, but there was more to it. he would come here to think— he always had since he was a kid. jameson was told he wasn’t as creative as his brothers, wasn’t as determined, wasn’t as talented.

he would literally come up here to see the bigger picture— look for more possibilities, more answers, and then he could maybe find who he really was.

avery looked ahead at the landscape infront of her, her fingers playing with the torn chocolate wrapper. she hadn’t even taken a single bite.

“sometimes,” jameson continued softly, breaking the quiet, “i think this is the only place that makes sense.”

she turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “a rooftop?”

“not just any rooftop, heiress,” he said, a lazy grin tugging at his lips. “this one. and as a bonus, thisview.” he tilted his head toward her, his meaning unmistakable.

her heart stuttered, and she hated how he always managed to do that. “you’re so strange,” she muttered, but the corners of her mouth betrayed her with a smile.

he shrugged, “i try.” he said as he leant back on his hands behind him.

avery let the silence stretch, also leaning back slightly to take in the view.

the sky was bruised with shades of deep blue and purple now, stars faintly visible against the last streaks of orange.

she felt the weight of jameson’s presence beside her, solid and steady, even as her thoughts spun.

but then movement caught her eye. down below, the gravel driveway lit up with headlights as a sleek black car rolled to a stop.

her chest tightened when she saw who stepped out. oren, his stance sharp and alert as always. then alisa, perfectly composed, her phone already in her hand. and finally—grayson.

he adjusted his jacket as he stepped out, his expression unreadable, the way it always was.

he said something to alisa that avery couldn’t hear, and she watched as they moved toward the house together.

she didn’t know why, but the sight made her stomach twist. she hoped jameson didn’t see the way her shoulders tensed.

“looks like the cavalry’s back,” jameson said casually, his voice pulling her back to the present.

he’d noticed them too, of course.

avery and jameson shared a look. yes, he sounded casual, and he did try to put on an expression of nonchalance, but avery saw through it.

just like how he saw through her constant attempts of looking unfazed.

avery looked away, then exhaled. “i should probably go.”

jameson didn’t move. he stayed sitting, leaning back on his hands, his gaze flicking from the driveway to her. “are you in trouble, heiress?”

“i never even know when i am,” she said, smiling already. “that shared look on alisa and oren’s is never a good sign, though.” she said as she looked down at him.

“are my reckless antics rubbing off on you?” he narrowed his eyes jokingly, tilting his head.

“no. in your dreams.” she let out a chuckle, and jameson loved the sound. when she spoke again, her voice was quiter.

she tried to make it sound like a joke though. “i just can’t seem to make the right choices recently. i’m always doing the wrong thing.” she admitted, “i mean, according to alisa.”

he gave her a slight shake of his head, “it’s impossible to fully get it right with alisa. don’t lose your mind over it.” he told her, “nobody would know what to do if they were in your situation, and i highly doubt anybody could possibly handle this as well as you.”

“i… .” she trailed off, unsure on how to respond, “yeah, alisa can be hard to please, i guess. ”

she chose not to comment on anything else. she tried to keep her expression blank, like his words didn’t make her heart accelerate 10x faster.

jameson could tell she still wouldn’t believe the words he had said, how she was handling things, but he didn’t press the matter any longer.

“goodnight, then, heiress.” jameson gave her that lazy half-grin of his.

she hesitated for half a second, then she said “night, jameson.”

then she turned and climbed back down the way she’d come.

when she was gone, jameson shifted to sit where she’d been, still close to the edge but not quite at it. the bar of dark chocolate lay on the ground forgotten, and he stared out at the horizon, now dotted with stars.

the rooftop felt bigger without her, quieter in a way he didn’t really like. but jameson stayed there, legs dangling over the edge, like he always did.

jameson stared out into the sky and wondered— when had avery become not just part of the view; but part of the reason he kept looking?

tag list: @x-liv25-jamieswife @wish-i-were-heather @thecircularlibrary @whatsamongus @littlemissmentallyunstable

@anintellectualintellectual @lovethornes @maybxlle @sheisntyou @emelia07

@midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @charsoamerican @hxress23 @imaseabear

@clarissaweasley-10 @off-to-the-r4ces @thelov3lybookworm @graysw1fe @lanterns-and-daydreams

@hermesenthusiast @elysianwayy77 @that-daughter-of-hephaestus @apollosmusee @hijabi-desi-bookworm

@danni-1-graysons-version

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goldi-1-graysons-version · 2 days ago

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HOLY SHIT

OH MY FUCKING DAYS

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goldi-1-graysons-version · 2 days ago

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When your Character...

Gets into: A Fight ⚜ ...Another Fight ⚜ ...Yet Another Fight

Hates Someone ⚜ Kisses Someone ⚜ Falls in Love

Calls Someone they Love ⚜ Dies / Cheats Death ⚜ Drowns

is...

A Child ⚜ Interacting with a Baby/Child ⚜ A Genius ⚜ A Lawyer

Beautiful ⚜ Dangerous ⚜ Drunk ⚜ Injured ⚜ Shy

needs...

A Magical Item ⚜ An Aphrodisiac ⚜ A Fictional Poison

To be Killed Off ⚜ To Become Likable ⚜ To Clean a Wound

To Find the Right Word, but Can't ⚜ To Say No ⚜ A Drink

loves...

Astronomy ⚜ Baking ⚜ Cooking ⚜ Cocktails ⚜ Food ⚜ Oils

Dancing ⚜ Fashion ⚜ Gems ⚜ Mythology ⚜ Numbers

Roses ⚜ Sweets ⚜ To Fight ⚜ Wine ⚜ Wine-Tasting ⚜ Yoga

has/experiences...

Allergies ⚜ Amnesia ⚜ Bereavement ⚜ Bites & Stings ⚜ Bruises

Caffeine ⚜ CO Poisoning ⚜ Color Blindness ⚜ Food Poisoning

Injuries ⚜ Jet Lag ⚜ Mutism ⚜ Pain ⚜ Poisoning

More Pain & Violence ⚜ Viruses ⚜ Wounds

[these are just quick references. more research may be needed to write your story...]

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goldi-1-graysons-version · 2 days ago

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I'M SO EXCITED!!!! Anyways, time to analyze before anyone else can :)

One thing I find really strange: I believe that JLB said that TGG will be a trilogy. However, I believe there are four suits (suits?? Idk). ♠️♥️♣️♦️

So one of these won't be included I guess?

Last time was a club, the losing team (which definitely threw me off). Knowing JLB, I feel like the losing team being in the cover this time would be too easy to guess...or maybe it's reverse psychology.

I don't remember the flowers being important last time, and neither the color, so we'll ignore those.

Purple is the color of royalty and the powerful, if it matters to anyone.

First of all, the masquerade mask. I'm 90% sure that nobody wore a purple one, but correct me if I'm wrong. Lyra and Savannah both wore blue dresses, so I'd assume their masks would be too. Avery did wear a purple dress, but her mask was "black gold," as Lyra described it. Gigi's was feathered and turquoise, Odette's was feathered and white, Rohan's silver and asymmetrical, Xander was gold and Grayson plain black. Maybe it's just for aesthetic and I'm reading too much into the color?

Either way, the objects left are a chain, or maybe it's a necklace, a dart, two dominoes, and what looks like a tiny sword?

The chain is pretty self explanatory, I would think. Savannah's chain.

The dart, I don't know. Guess we'll have to see, huh?

The dominoes I find interesting. On the last cover, they were Scrabble pieces, WCP. This time, they're dominoes where the top number is two and the bottom is six. At the end of TGG, Gigi, Odette, and Knox were eliminated. This makes three out, five in. I'm hoping the two and six mean that one person (hopefully Gigi!!) come back somehow, to make it two out and six in. However, the two being on the implies that by the end of the book, there will be six eliminated and two left for the last of the trilogy.

Swords can symbolize a bunch of stuff. Power and strength, protection, justice, chivalry, etc.

And that's it! If anyone comes up with anything else, please reblog and/or tag me!

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goldi-1-graysons-version · 3 days ago

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walkin’ out the door with your bags — part 6

⤷ “i’m not the type to run, i know we’re having fun,”

summary: you and gigi are peacefully enjoying your day, when you find out, grayson’s… back? and he wants to talk. what could go wrong? wc: 3.0k masterlist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5

14 years old…

you found him hiding in the library.

he was slumped in the corner, knees pulled to his chest, head buried in his arms. at first, you weren’t sure it was him—grayson hawthorne never looked so… small.

his usually pristine shirt slightly wrinkled like he’d been tugging at the hem, and it wasn’t tucked in. he didn’t look straight at you when you stepped in, but he didn’t tell you to leave either.

“what do you want?” his voice cracked, but he tried to sound cold.

you didn’t answer. instead, you sat down beside him, legs crossed, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

he blinked at you, waiting for an explanation, but you just shrugged. years of knowing each other, and it always went down like this.

“company.” you picked a random book off the nearest shelf and flipped it open. “you can pretend i’m not here.”

he didn’t reply.

minutes passed. long enough that you thought maybe he really would ignore you. at one point, you began actually reading the book you were pretending to read, and nearly forgot about the boy beside you.

but then, out of nowhere, he spoke.

“i don’t know what to do.” he admitted slowly. “there’s this girl… emily,” he said, his voice low, and you felt your heart beat faster. “and… my brother. jameson.”

your chest tightened, though you weren’t sure why. your kept your gaze fixed on the pages of your book, but your hands had stopped turning the pages.

“what about them?” you asked carefully, glancing at him for a second.

he ran a hand through his hair. “she’s… complicated. and jameson—he doesn’t think. he just jumps into things, never stops to think what it might do to everyone else.”

you hesitated, breath hitching as you studied the way he wouldn’t look straight into your eyes. whatever this was, clearly meant a lot.

he continued, looking down at the floor. “it gets repetitive. jameson, emily—they don’t think about the damage until it’s too late. and then they leave me to clean it up. and stupidly, for some reason, i do. i always do.”

you’ve seen grayson sad before, but this was different. he looked… lost. and angry. and for someone like grayson, who always carried himself like he had the whole world in order, it was jarring.

“you’re allowed to be mad, you know,” you said.

that made him pause. “i’m not mad,” he said, but the words sounded like a blatant lie.

your shoulders were barely touching , but the act alone felt larger than anything else.

you tilted your head, a soft smile growing on your face. “okay, then you’re… frustrated? dissapointed? annoyed? irritated? pick your adjective.”

that earned the tiniest flicker of a smile, and your chest felt a little lighter, but then it disappeared just as quickly. he looked at you then, and something about the way his eyes searched your face made your breath catch.

“sometimes, i think you’re the only person who actually sees me,” he said quietly.

your heart stuttered, and for a second, you couldn’t think of anything to say.

but then you smiled, “of course i see you,” you rolled your eyes jokingly like he hadn’t just sincerely confirmed that he really did see you as a friend, after years of just feeling like you pestered him.

your cheeks reddened, “i’m your friend, that’s what i’m here for.”

“but, you know,” you continued, “you’re surrounded by people who care about you,” you said softly, taking the focus away from you, and back to being there for grayson. “just let yourself see it. don’t push them away.”

his head snapped up at that, his sharp eyes meeting yours. “but people never just… stay.” he mumbled. “they have their own lives, their own motives.”

you stayed. you always would. “that doesn’t mean you have to shut everyone out,” you said, your voice steadier now.

“not everyone’s going to hurt you, grayson. but you won’t know that if you keep closing the door before anyone gets close. i mean, i annoyed you for so many years straight even when you pushed me away.” you said.

“not everyone has my extreme level of patience and willingness to accept moody brooding.” you joked to lighten the moment, but there was truth behind it, he couldn’t expect people to stick around if he pushed them away.

he stared at you for a long moment, and something in his expression cracked, like he wanted to believe you but didn’t quite know how yet.

he looked back at the floor, “you never actually irritated me,” he admitted, “and i never hated you. perhaps you’re right, i don’t… i don’t like to let people in.”

you shrugged casually, “i’m always right.”

he looked at you with a newfound softness in his eyes. “you’re annoyingly persistent, you know that?” he said finally, your shoulders still brushing against each other.

“oh, i know.” you grinned. “if i wasn’t, we wouldn’t be friends right now.” you said with a small smile. “someone’s gotta stick around to remind you you’re not as alone as you think.”

for a while, neither of you said anything. grayson leaned his head back against the wall, letting out a long, quiet breath.

that was when you knew he was replaying your words, letting them sink in—even if he wouldn’t say it outloud.

—

present

after days of confusion and radio silence from grayson, you finally told yourself that you were done overthinking. gigi had dragged you to your favorite ice cream shop for a much-needed distraction.

the two of you sat at your usual table near the front, the smell of waffle cones and the soft hum of background music lulling you back into some sense of normalcy. that was until gigi leaned closer, her voice a hushed whisper.

“don’t look now, but…” gigi trailed off, her eyes going behind you once again. “grayson is kind of, um, here. and sitting behind you.”

considering gigi had made very careful effort to not even mention his name around you — even when you persisted you didn’t care— hearing graysons name come from her lips stunned you for a moment, then you realized what she had just said.

“what?” you whispered in shock, and then you turned around before you could think it twice.

there were quite a few people in the shop, so there was quiet chatter mixed with the background music, but it all seemed to silence.

but there he was, grayson hawthorne, sitting in the back of the empty icecream shop, glasses on typing on his computer.

‘who did he think he was?’ you thought, ‘coming to our— my place? the one that i introduced him to?’

you focused on the anger so you wouldn’t feel anything else.

what on earth was he doing here? who the hell comes to an ice cream shop and doesn’t even get anything? and does what, office work? and who—

he looked up through his glasses, and you realized to late that you were sort of… full blown staring.

he met your eyes for the briefest of seconds as you turned your head back around.

“holy cow…” gigi mumbled as she looked down at her icecream, “he’s giving you a major longing stare right now.”

“okay,” you hummed, raising your eyebrows momentarily in lieu of a shrug that he would he able to see, “i don’t care.”

“sure you don’t,” she replied knowingly, dragging her spoon through her melting sundae. you gave her a look that said you didn’t agree, and that you seriously did not care, but she didn’t say anything.

a beat passed before gigi suddenly grinned. “okay. in five seconds, i’m giving him a major angry glare.” she mumbled under her breath.

“gigi, do not.”

“three…

“seriously, don’t.”

“two… one. i’m doing it!”

“gigi!”

she tilted her head back up, and bless her heart, gave her best attempt at a seething glare at grayson.

it was sort of impossible for her to look angry with her wide blue eyes, no matter how hard she furrowed her brows.

and she didn’t let up at it for a few seconds, then raised her eyebrows — half surprised and half amused. “ha,” she grinned to herself and fisted the air. “he looked away first. loser.”

he was probably just crazily confused, you reckoned.

“okay,” you chuckled under your breath, your cheeks reddening by the second. “um, should we leave now?”

“no,” gigi whined, taking a bite of her icecream. “that’ll make it obvious we’re mad. besides, i haven’t finished my icecream.”

“well, i think that look you gave him made it more obvious,” you told her, and she only laughed as she shook her head. “but alright.”

it wasn’t long before you left. you didn’t even have an appetite any more, and you were too overly aware of a presence behind you to focus on anything else. gigi finished her icecream promptly.

the drive home was quiet. gigi hummed along to the radio, her mood as bright as ever, but you couldn’t shake the tightness in your chest.

your thoughts churned, questions you’d been trying to bury for a few days swirling all over again.

“you’re quiet,” gigi said after a while, her tone soft. she glanced at you, concerned, but you only shook your head, trying to force a small smile.

“just tired,” you mumbled.

gigi didn’t push, and you could tell she didn’t buy it.

you pulled into the driveway and sat there for a moment, the car engine ticking softly as it cooled. gigi patted your arm before grabbing her bag and heading inside.

you smiled and nodded, muttering something like ‘i’ll meet you inside,’ and you stayed behind for a moment, staring at the steering wheel.

your phone was put on silent, then you scrolled through your notifications.

grayson

— Hi, I believe I saw you and Gigi today

you

— yeah haha i think gigi told me she saw you i thought you were gone for 8 days? — it’s nice to see you back

grayson

— Likewise. — I think we should talk, It’s been long overdue.

a scoff escaped before you could stop it. the audacity.

your fingers moved before your brain could catch up.

you

— ok — talk then

grasyon

— Would you be alright with talking in person?

you

— yeah sure whatever — where?

grayson

— I’ll come to you.

you

— maybe not — i don’t want to disturb gigi

grayson

— Our park spot, then?

you

— ok

your heart slammed in your chest. you sat there for a moment, staring at the screen wordlessly, trying to process what just happened.

our? how could he even still use that word?

this was happening, you were going to talk to grayson for real this time. you anticipated it wouldn’t end good. things with him were rarely easy.

you put on your headphones to numb your thoughts, pulled on a hoodie, and made your way out the house.

the playground was completely empty, which was usually how it was when you and grayson used to go. the sun was already beginning to set when you walked out of your house, and it was fully dark once you arrived, making your way toward your spot. the bench.

it wasn’t anything special—just a worn wooden bench tucked away at the edge of the playground. but it had been yours. you and grayson’s.

he was already there when you arrived, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, staring at the ground like it might have the answers he needed.

you sat down on the opposite end of the bench, keeping a deliberate distance. “okay,” you said, crossing your arms. “talk.” the park was eerily quiet, the air cooling rapidly as the sun finally disappeared behind the trees. the bench felt cold under your fingers as you sat down, the weight of the moment settling in.

his eyes flicked to yours, and for the first time, you thought you saw a hint of guilt there.

you were both silent for a few seconds, before you looked away, down at the floor.

“fine, if you won’t talk, i will.” you muttered.

“grayson,” you sighed, “you can’t just—” you started, your voice breaking slightly before you caught yourself.

you cleared your throat, willing the tears to stay put. “you can’t just disappear and then show up like nothing happened. like i’m supposed to just... what? forget it?”

he inhaled, then hesitated. “you know, i never meant it to be like this. i didn’t mean for it to feel like that.” he said quietly, his tone so calm that it just made you more angry.

“feel like what, grayson?” you finally snapped your head towards his. “like you were ignoring me? like you couldn’t be bothered to let me know what was going on? because that’s exactly what it felt like.”

his jaw tightened, but he didn’t say anything.

“that’s it?” you scoffed, followed by a bitter laugh as you sat up straight. “you disappear, you come back, and all you’ve got is ‘i didn’t mean for it to feel like that?’”

he wielded silence like a weapon, just like he always had.

you continued, still. “what’s going on with you? you’re acting so— so different, i barely even recognize you.”

he let out a breath as he looked away, running a hand through his hair. “please, don’t make this harder than it already is,” he started, his voice calm but careful. “yes, we are good friends, but we’ve tarnished that too far for us to ever be simply friends again.”

“what? grayson,” you said through a forced laugh, “what are you even saying right now?” you knew precisely what he was saying.

“you’re a good person.” he said, almost sounding like he was begging for you to see his point, “you’re a lovely person, the most caring and funniest person i’ve met. you deserve better, i’m not the person for you.”

“grayson, what is wrong with you?” you couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity at what you were hearing, but you were so frustrated at his… selfishness.

“i want you, you want me, right? it’s that simple! just let us be us.”

“it’s never that simple.” he shook his head, that one strand falling back into his face. his brows furrowed slightly like the words hurt him to say.

“it is that simple! you’re making no sense, just— just stop.” you stood up, and he followed, fear flashing in his eyes momentarily.

you took a slow step away from him.

“you kissed me! you kissed me.” your voice crackled, and you swallowed thickly, forcing yourself to keep going. “if you knew from day one that you couldn’t do this, you should’ve just spared me the effort and left me alone.”

he looked at you like you’d shot a dagger through his heart, though his eyes were the only thing that showed it. were you being unfair? probably. but in your eyes, you had every right to be.

as much as both of you hated to admit, his eyes were far too easy for you to read. they were like a language only you were fluent in, like you could have a whole conversation without even speaking.

now, all they said was pain.

“you’re the only thing making things more difficult, gray.” you hated the way your voice trembled.

low blow after low blow. but he deserved it.

all those nights you’d spent together? he knew you inside and out, what hurts you, what doesn’t, and exactly how you love.

he knew all of that, and he still thought that leaving because things were difficult was going to be the right thing.

this couldn’t be real.

“look at us, don’t you see it?” he motioned between the two of you, like whatever was happening was a tangible thing he could see. “we’re fighting like this, and we’re not even together. we’re going to ruin each other.”

ruin each other? is that what he thought? god knows how many years of friendship, a pretty perfect friendship too, and he thought making something official would lead to you ruining each other?

you weren’t fighting with him, you were trying to fight for him. for the chance of you actually being something more.

“we can’t do this.” his voice felt so detached, but his eyes looked so hurt at the same time. he didn’t getto feel hurt, not when it was his fault. “we’ll just end up hurting eachother, and i don’t want to hurt you.”

you nodded silently, willing your tears back. every inch of you you wanted to scream in his face, “you already have! you coward.”

he was doing nothing but hurt you these past few days.

instead, you nodded, biting the inside of your cheek to keep the tears at bay.

“yeah,” you said, pressing your lips together as you nodded again. “alright. i get it. that’s it then?”

grayson’s eyes narrowed for a split second like he was confused.

was he surprised? did he think you were going to hang on longer? because you weren’t. you’d spent far too much energy on him. you always saw him as someone worth spending you time on, someone worth trying to figure out, someone you wanted to know.

but you understood now: he didn’t want you to figure him out because he didn’t even know who he was himself. he was scared. but that wasn’t an excuse; you were terrified, and you still were.

love had always been your fatal flaw, the one thing you were unsure of, but you were willing to dive in head first because it was grayson.

he just didn’t feel as deeply though.

you didn’t want to figure him out, and you didn’t want to know anything about him anymore.

he didn’t answer right away. instead, he looked at you, and for a moment, his mask slipped. his eyes—those stupid, stupid eyes— almost made you want to feel sorry for him. he looked vulnerable, but you were too angry to let it affect you this time.

“i… yes.” grayson finally said, sounding unsure of himself for once in his life. “i suppose that’s it.”

“good,” you nodded as your crossed your arms, “because i don’t want to hear what you have to say ever again.“

he reached his hands out but quickly let his arms fall back, curling his fingers into a fist.

he looked at you like he didn’t know what to say, his mouth opening and closing before he finally settled on just staying silent.

you still felt like there was a million unspoken words that needed to be said, but you turned and walked away.

for once, you didn’t wait to see if he’d try again.

you willed your feet to move and not think about how he looked behind you, because if you did, even for a second, you had a feeling you’d turn right back.

a/n: guys it gets better i swear they’ll be happier than ever soon 🙏 taglist: @x-liv25-jamieswife @wish-i-were-heather @thecircularlibrary @whatsamongus @littlemissmentallyunstable

@anintellectualintellectual @lovethornes @maybxlle @sheisntyou @emelia07

@midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @charsoamerican @hxress23 @imaseabear

@clarissaweasley-10 @off-to-the-r4ces @thelov3lybookworm @graysw1fe @lanterns-and-daydreams

@hermesenthusiast @elysianwayy77 @that-daughter-of-hephaestus @apollosmusee

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goldi-1-graysons-version · 3 days ago

Text

walkin’ out the door with your bags - grayson hawthorne x reader - part 5

⤷ “every second counts, i don’t wanna talk to you anymore.”

summary: you go over to the hawthorne house and end up leaving with a lot of new thoughts and ideas formulating about your best friend (?) grayson. wc: 2.9k masterlist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

previously on part 4…

“you said goodbye at the door once again, and this time, you felt brave enough to his kiss his cheek goodbye. the action took a lot of courage, even though he had practically been on top of you 30 minutes prior.

it was actually time for you to go to bed now, and you rolled over relentlessly. you couldn’t count how many times you replayed the moment over and over in your head.

you brought a hand to your mouth as you fought a smile.

grayson, the boy you’d known since forever. his lips, yours.

seriously, what was your life?”

—

you stood infront of the hawthorne house, tote bag in your shoulder with a large camera inside of it — graysons. you were here to return it, well, that was your excuse, but it wouldn’t be so bad if a certain blonde resulted in you staying a little longer.

you smiled at that thought and knocked on the door to the hawthorne house, then ringing the bell once you remembered that the likelihood of anyone hearing your knock in that huge house was very slim.

this time, you didn’t have to wait so long, or even text grayson, because someone opened the door within 2 seconds.

the face behind the door made you stall for a second. you weren’t sure who you were expecting; but it definitely wasn’t nash.

“oh!” you said in surprise as you took a slight step back.

“hey kid,” he drawled out, moving to the side so you could step inside.

he looked like he was just about to head out, motorcycle keys in his hand and his usual cowboy hat placed on his head. “how’re you doin’?”

a smile over took your features and grayson took over your mind before you could stop it.

“good, i’m doing good.” you exhaled, nodding almost dreamily.

“yeah? that’s good to hear.” nash sent you a look like he knew exactly what was going on with you and his brother. “i’m glad.”

you quickly remembered your purpose of the visit, the heavy camera in your bag serving as a reminder. “hey, have you actually seen grayson anywhere?”

xander, who was standing right around the corner with his disheveled school uniform, came into view. his smile faded with his brows furrowing as he looked at nash for a moment, before looking back to you.

“oh, he didn’t tell you?” xander asked.

you shook your head, feeling your smile start to make way for a frown of confusion.

“tell me what?”

xander tried to hide his surprise, “he’s on a business trip or something. he’s gone for i think…” he trailed off, looking up in thought, counting on his fingers.

“5 days,” nash cut in. “he’ll be gone for 5 days, kid.”

you felt your stomach drop a little. you were being dramatic— it’s not like he purposefully left you or anything, but why wouldn’t he tell you?

“i’m sure he meant to tell you, he’s probably busy back-loaded with work.” xander said enthusiastically, like he plucked the thought straight from your brain.

“come on,” he nudged you, a wide smile on his face. “you know how our little gray is.” he sang that in a way you would talk about a incompetent 7 year old. “he’s a man of very little words!”

this boy had a way of making you laugh when not a single part of you felt like you were capable of it. he was, in all ways but biologically, your endearingly annoying little brother.

you cracked a smile, letting a laugh escape your lips. “yeah,” you sighed, “yeah. you’re right.”

“when am i not?” xander grinned.

“…” you blinked at him, “i could name more than a few—“

“— that was actually what one would call a rhetorical question,” he interrupted with his brows raised, holding one hand infront of your face dramatically. “thank you.”

you snorted and looked over to nash, who shook his head down at the floor, seemingly in disappointment, but he had a smile on his face nonetheless.

your eyes landed back on xander’s, and in no more than a split second, a grin spread across his features and he quickly blurted out: “first to make it to the games room gets all the blueberry scones!”

he was already running halfway through the sentence. you quickly got to running and you were pretty sure heard nash leave through the front door behind you.

“what?!” you yelled, half laughing as you ran after him, “that’s so unfair! you didn’t even give me any time— you cheater!“ you huffed in annoyance but kept running, but you just couldn’t get ahead of him. “i never agreed to this, for your information!”

to literally no ones surprise, xander made it to the games room first, but he felt bad.

“here, take these ones.” he muttered, half chewing, as he placed 4 of his blueberry scones on your plate with the lemon ones on it. “i’m not that bad of a person.”

you both sat criss cross on the couch, a coffee table with far too many scones on it infront of you.

well, too much for you, but not for xander. this boys bloodstream was probably 30% scones.

“wow,” you deadpanned as you stared at the plate infront of you. “that might have been the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

xander gasped in astonishment, his brows furrowed.

“surely not,” he gave you an look, a mix between confusion and incredulousness. “i’m always nice!”

you raised a brow, “no,” you hummed, “not really.”

“okay, then grayson must have really raised your standards of nice or something— which is strange, because nice isn’t really a word anyone would use to describe grayson— apart from you.” xander spoke quickly, “he’s literally only nice to you.”

you scoffed in amusement, “okay, first of all, no. and second of all,” you continued, “grayson is nice— and not just to me!” you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

okay, he wasn’t the nicest person to everyone, but you had to back up your … grayson infront of his brother.

“please,” xander rolled his eyes with sass, placing his scone back on the table as he pointed at you. “i see that smile on your face. even you know i’m right!”

“let’s change the subject.” you demanded, your cheeks flushing pink.

“okay,” xander piped up, “what is it with you and grayson recently?“

“… that’s not what i meant by changing the subject.”

“stop deflecting.”

“i am not deflecting!” you exclaimed— sounding like a whiny 7 year old. you caught your composure, “besides,” you said, taking your eyes to your lap and biting back a smile. “there’s nothing going on between us.”

xander was silent, so you took your gaze back up to him. once you were looking at him, he had the most bored expression on his face.

“you are undoubtedly the worst liar i’ve ever met.“ he couldn’t keep up the blank expression any longer and laughed mid sentence, making you laugh too.

“i am not lying!”

“yes you are,” xander raised his brows, “because gigi told me you kissed.”

your jaw dropped. “gigi what?”

“okay, don’t go all anti gigi here!” he raised his arms up as he scrambled, “in her defense, it took me 3 hours, 2 semi-cat nappings, and constant annoying for her to tell me, and she did look super apologetic when she did.”

you knew gigi was that one person you could trust with anything. besides, xander was one of your best friends too, you would’ve probably end up telling him today anyway.

the initial shock you felt was fading as you stayed silent.

“semi cat-napping?” you questioned.

xander shook his head seriously. “… hard to explain.” he said, “don’t worry about it.”

you were only more confused as a frown tugged at your features. “how can i not worry about that? i— never mind.”

“let’s get back on track here, you and grayson—“ a buzz from his phone cut him off, and he checked. “would you look at that!“ xander interrupted himself with a smile on his face, “he just texted!”

your eyes flicked to your own phone momentarily, like you were waiting to see a message from him too.

you didn’t.

your heart felt like lead in your chest, “oh, really?” you asked, feigning a smile.

xander saw through it like it was the clearest thing in the world, “what?” he put his phone

down, “what’s wrong?”

“nothing.” you shook your head, “what do you mean what’s wrong?”

“you have that million miles away look in your eyes,” he said. “something is definitely wrong.”

“xander,” you laughed, “i’m telling you, nothing is wrong.”

“and i’m telling you, i don’t believe you.” he deadpanned, then he shrugged as he leaned back. “i’m notoriously known for my ability to keep pestering people until i find answers, so, do with that what you will.”

“you’re so impossible.”

he grinned, like he hadn’t been expecting you to say anything else. “tell me something i don’t know. like for example, what’s plaguing your mind!”

you let out a nervous chuckle, shaking your head.

“it’s seriously nothing, xan.” he gave you another incredulous look, and you hesitated.

“i— it’s just… grayson hasn’t responded to me, and it’s been like… nearly a day?” you looked at your lap, voice quiter than you had intended. “but, then you just told me he responded to you.”

grayson always responded quickly no matter what. and even if he didn’t this time, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. that’s one of the reasons you came over, to talk to him for real. but then you found out he wasn’t even in the state.

you knew he had priorities. but paired with the fact that he just… didn’t mention he was gone, made you feel strange.

xanders brows only furrowed further, his playful smile flickering for a moment. he looked down confusedly at his phone for a moment like he was making sense of what you had just said, before looking back to you.

“oh please, don’t think so horridly.” he said as he nudged your shoulder, “you know it’s not like that, i… he’s probably just waiting for the right moment to talk.” he suggested, and despite his best efforts, you didn’t feel all that much better.

he still continued trying though. “i mean, he’s only texted me 3 word sentences, so i highly doubt he has much free time on his hands.”

“yeah,” you nodded, tucking your hair behind your ears. “yeah, you’re right. he’s always really busy, i don’t know why i’m overthinking this.”

“hey, it’s alright.” xander nudged your shoulder, a grin growing on his face as he thought if something to say.

you internally betted this was the part where he’d say something stupid to make you laugh.

“i don’t know about you, but i’d rather be overthinking than underthinking. unless it’s about problems, i like to not think about my problems at all— but anything else, i love to overthink. my brain is always whirring that way!”

yeah, you were right.

you let out a chuckle, “i don’t like under thinkers.”

the fact that grayson hadn’t responded to you was still lingering in the back of your mind, but you would let yourself wallow on that later. now, you would let yourself laugh and have fun.

“i think everyone would do themselves and the world a favour if they thought just a little bit more, especially before they spoke.” you joked, but there was a lot of truth behind it.

xander raised his hand for a high-five. “exactly!” he exclaimed, “although i may be… heavily guilty on the speaking before you think aspect— i agree wholeheartedly.”

that was exactly how fast topics changed with you and xander, you couldn’t stay on track for more than 5 minutes. for instance, when he told a story, he told around 6 side stories, introduced 10 new people, and ‘forgot what he was saying’ 12 times.

you’d he lying if you said you were any better at telling stories, though.

—

before you knew it, it was nearing the late hours into the night, and you were heading home.

the second you stepped out of the hawthorne house door, you turned on your phone that xander had forbid you from using.

he claimed it was because you were having ‘special quality friendship time’, but really, you suspected heavily that he was just trying to get your mind off of grayson, and looking for that response.

you shook your head at that, half smiling to yourself because xander always showed that he cared in the most xander like ways.

you sent gigi a text letting her know that you’d he home soon. and before you could even think, you found your fingers were moving by themselves.

of course, you were checking if grayson had responded yet.

(2 days ago, 9:46pm)

you

— I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY TOOK YOUR CAMERA — i put it in my tote bag before i left — sorrrryyy!!

grumpy blonde 👎

— It’s alright, sweetheart, you can keep it.

you

— oh okay — sweetheart — that’s. — new!!

grumpy blonde 👎

— My apologies, have I overstepped?

you

— nooo omg 😭😭 — it’s new but — in a good way — also i’ll drop off ur camera tomorrow or the day after

(today, 4:11 pm)

you

— hey, xander and nash told me you went on a business trip or something — how long are you gone for?

you had texted him that hours ago when xander had went to the bathroom for a minute, and he still hadn’t responded.

you let out a frustrated exhale you hadn’t even realized you were holding, and you could see your breath infront of you as a result of the cold breeze.

you rolled your eyes and opened your car door, slumping into your seat.

still, the back-and-forth, the silence—it felt deliberate. or maybe it wasn’t, and you were just projecting.

but if that were true, why wouldn’t he say something? anything?

you threw your head back against the headrest with a groan, closing your eyes for a moment to collect yourself.

you thumb hovered over the screen again. you wanted to say something—anything—but there was nothing left to say that didn’t feel desperate.

finally, you turned off your phone and tossed it onto the passenger seat, and started the engine. you told yourself you wouldn’t check again. not today, at least.

but as you pulled out of the driveway, headlights illuminating the dark road ahead, your phone buzzed. it was faint, you barely heard it, but it was there.

against your better judgment, you grabbed it at the next red light.

(Today, 11:49 pm)

grumpy blonde 👎

— 8 days.

you

— oh — okay thanks

now your heart was beating even faster, your stomach felt like it had been trampled on, and your chest was fully hollow inside.

all that time— and all he had to say was 2 words?

you wish you would’ve left him on opened, ‘thanks?’ what on earth were you thanking him for? you wish you wouldn’t have texted so much earlier— maybe you annoyed him too much.

you could feel your thoughts threatening to tumble very fast into places you didn’t want to go into, so you busied yourself with another task as you parked in-front of your house.

you

— hi nash — are you sure graysons out for 5 days?

nash 🤠

— 100% positive, kid. Why?

you

— nothing haha i just forgot — thanks though

okay, maybe nash just didn’t know? grayson wouldn’t lie to you, that would just be insane.

but then you texted xander again.

and jameson.

and even alisa ortega.

and they had all said 5 days.

why on earth were you the only one being left in the dark here?

worst of all, was grayson lying?

—

you sat in the car for another half-hour after that, trying to keep your thoughts at bay before you went inside with your emotions all written over your face, but it was like your mind was in a perpetual state of “it’s not that big of a deal, you’re overreacting,” ending in, “oh-my-god-what-the-hell-is-happening-i’m-so confused-and-hurt.”

you couldn’t stop your mind from replaying that one word he used in your last conversation.

‘Sweetheart’

you clenched your jaw. the frustration, the longing, the anger, the confusion—they all blurred together until you weren’t sure which one you felt more.

you finally decided it was time to get inside, you had texted gigi earlier that you were on your way, and you didn’t want to worry her by taking too long.

gigi hadn’t even heard you come in, she was so involved in the book she was reading that she had forgotten about the world around her.

so when you entered her room with no warning after you had showered, she almost jumped out of her skin.

she cursed loudly, “oh my god! you halfway scared me to death!” she yelled with a hand over her heart, sitting up fully as she shut her book and placed it beside her, flicking on the main overhead light.

her frightened state quickly dissolved to laughter, and you joined in as you sat down beside her on the bed.

a frown quickly pulled at her features, “whoa, what’s wrong?”

either you were the worst person in the world at hiding your emotions, or you just had annoyingly great friends who knew you and could read your face.

“nothings wrong,” you chuckled.

here we go again.

“um, something is very clearly wrong. you’re doing that thing where you try to laugh but it sounds like a muffled sad horse neigh. a very fake laugh.”

you weren’t sure if you were supposed to be offended. “that’s… a creative way of putting it.”

gigi raised a brow, “am i wrong?”

you looked away.

“exactly! now, tell me what’s up.”

you gave her a summary on what had happened, how you had asked everyone how long he was gone for and how he gave you a different answer, how he seemed to be avoiding you, and how you just felt so confused.

somewhere along the rundown, you both lay down on on your backs, and talked as you stared at the ceiling above.

“—god,” you shook your head as you sat up, “i feel ridiculous even talking about this."

gigi raised an eyebrow, still laying on her back. "ridiculous? you? no. you’re concerned. that’s different."

"am i not being crazy, though?" your voice cracked slightly as you looked down at her, and you hated it.

"i can’t tell if i’m overreacting or if something’s actually wrong. i mean, i know he’s quiet, but never like this. and the timing… right after we—“ you cut yourself off before you could let your mind linger on that moment. “what if i’m just… clingy or whatever?"

"clingy?" gigi snorted, crossing her arms after she got up. "please. i’ve seen clingy, and that’s not you.”

“you’re right, the timing of it all is crazy. i’d be ripping up furniture if i were in your situation.” she joked half heartedly, “you’re just… worried because you care about him. “and honestly, he should feel lucky you do."

"he doesn’t feel lucky right now," you muttered, staring at your phone on the bedside table again. the empty screen taunted you.

"or maybe,” she sang, “he’s just being a dumb boy who doesn’t know how to handle his feelings," gigi countered, nudging your shoulder. "seriously, you’ve met him, right? the guy’s a master at shutting people out when he doesn’t know how to deal.”

you didn’t know if you believed her, but there was something weirdly comforting in the idea that maybe, just maybe, grayson wasn’t doing this on purpose.

gigi’s smile returned, more teasing this time. “you might have to go get him, though. ‘cause, knowing him, he’s probably sulking somewhere thinking he’s doing you a favor by not texting.”

you blinked at her, the knot in your chest loosening slightly. "you think that’s what this is?"

"i think it’s possible," gigi said, her tone softer now. "but whatever it is, you’ll figure it out. and if not, we’ll egg his car together. sound fair?"

you let yourself fall on your back again with a sigh, half laughing despite yourself. “which one?” you snorted.

“all of them. helicopters too!”

“okay,” you laughed. “fair.”

“good. see? we’ve got this. you’ve got this. and if he’s still being weird when he gets back, we’ll corner him and i’ll flood his place with cats. he won’t know what hit him.”

you laughed in agreement, and turned off the lights, tucking yourself in the bed. you and gigi had 3 bedrooms in your apartment, but whenever things got rough, or whenever you missed your best friend, you found yourself in the same room 90% of the time.

after a few minutes of silence, the kind where you know you’re both awake, you spoke into the darkness.

“gigi?”

she hummed quietly, “yeah?”

“sorry for bringing it up again, but… what do you think i should do? about— about grayson.”

“don’t be sorry.” she muttered, as she turned her head to look at you.

“grayson, he thinks self inflicted isolation is the only answer when things get confusing. i guess you have to show him it’s not.” she said. “i think, i think you should just ask him, or talk to him.”

you hummed into the darkness, “yeah, maybe.”

but that was the thing about grayson hawthorne. simply asking what was wrong never got you very far.

“thanks, gigi.” you mumbled, and she turned back around, falling asleep promptly.

you turned over restlessly, even with the thick blanket covering you, you couldn’t shake the coldness off of you.

it was strange, how one incident could change your whole perception of someone so quick.

you knew a lot of things about grayson, but one thing you never would’ve taken him as was a ghoster.

a/n: sorry guys i couldn’t let them be happy for more than one part taglist: @x-liv25-jamieswife @wish-i-were-heather @thecircularlibrary @whatsamongus @littlemissmentallyunstable

@anintellectualintellectual @lovethornes @maybxlle @sheisntyou @emelia07

@midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @charsoamerican @hxress23 @imaseabear

@clarissaweasley-10 @off-to-the-r4ces @thelov3lybookworm @graysw1fe @lanterns-and-daydreams

@hermesenthusiast @elysianwayy77 @that-daughter-of-hephaestus

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