gnocchi5000

[gnocchi5000]

i am sittint next to a fucking loser on public transportation rn like ok dude you getting no pussy is diabolical LMAO stop harrasing ppl asking their insta and bothering them with going to where they go like ok ok dude ok stop pathetic "you wanna sit?" one of the girls said no and he said "okay wasnt gonna give my seat anyway" OKAY WE GOT IT. OKAY. NO PUSSY.

[gnocchi5000]

i have this demon of a teacher giving german classes at school and lemme tell you about the time i literally lost consciousness in her class like dude I fainted not sleeping not anything I don't answer like and I woke up bu myself somehow and I started crying the second I lifted my head up from the desk bc I couldn't see anything like it was all pitch black and I thought I got blind and it was so scary and let alone doing anything to help she barely asked what happened and if I was okay instead she took her sweet sweet time and took her things and bag while my friends immediately came to help and I was crying saying I'm blind I got blind like what the fuck what the actualy fuck I got back to my senses probably like 1 or 2 minutes later and all she did other than looking at me like I was the pathetic sacrificial lamb crying for mercy as soon as it saw the fire getting lit I heard her say is she good outside of the class like thank you it really saved me when you hit the situation with the is she good from outside the classroom bitch when I catch you bitch like when I told this to my doctor she said are you sure about not consulting legal advice about this and I was like nah im good ig I hope nothing ever bad happens to you and your family and I hope wealth and happiness always finds their was into your life but I also hope that randomly on a Tuesday afternoon you will remember the moment I was screaming I got blind while trying to poke my eyes out with my fingers in horror. you are a mother too after all. and I am a daughter of a mother just like you are. the empathy and care that doesn't even need to cone out of love I asked for was too much to ask from you. I hope you will remember the way I was screaming and I hope it will make you at least a little more sensitive to a child other than your own cries for the help they seek from a trusted adult.

[gnocchi5000]

i wont be scared of growing up. if i fear growing up, what would the little girl in me do? we'll just grow up together and we'll walk through this earth together. there is enough, more than enough opportunities and good for everyone. we are all gonna make it, we are worth saving. we are worth saving old and young, this was or that way. we are all growing up together, we are all sharing a piece of life without knowing who shares with who, and greed cant reach where it doesnt know the way to the core of human, of soul, of mind.

[gnocchi5000]

for my whole life I've been told that bangs would suit me the best because I have a big forehead.

and I really tried. so many different types of them. and everytime, the only thing that I waited for patiently was not tomorrow to come quickly so I could show my hair to my friends but to my hair to grow long as fast as possible.

and now, I want to try something different. I want them to grow long. and I want to let myself know that it is okay if bangs don't suit me that much.

and I want to love the part I hid for so long. maybe the little girl once I was and always will be can feel safe underneath the thin curtains she cut to hide the part she wasn't so nice towards.

and I want my hair to hold memories. and when the air gently caresses my hair, I want to feel all of them one by one with the good and bad. I want people to know that I am living my life and body to the fullest, with every fine line making a milestone for the life I experienced with everything.

[gnocchi5000]

dude lesbian situationship kinda shit LIKE MAYBE JUST EVEN FRIENDSHIP hit so bad I started a tumblr just so I can scream into the void like what is fucking happening what's next weird obsession with virgin Mary? well well well

[gnocchi5000]

[gnocchi5000]

"it was nice to be friends"

yeah, it was nice to have a glimpse of how love can change something far beyond recognizable to the verge of evolution. it was nice to be able to share the experience of purity without having to worry about the possibility of unequally dividing yourself just so you can get back the crumbs of your being. it was nice to play roblox horror games and a little dress to impress afterward. it was nice to experience the cruelty and involuntary but necessary blooming of girlhood with you. it was nice to learn that you can love someone just for their mere existence in this world and find peace in the thought of them. it was nice to, for the first time, enjoy being the poet instead of yearning to be the poem for once.

[gnocchi5000]

today i told my journal about you again, hoping that will be the last one.

and even thought it felt like a crime to even think, i really wished for you to never come back.

and i hope you never find your way back to me, but still, i also desperately wish you to think of me once in a while.

please don't come back, please don't dare to do it, not in this lifetime.

and, one day, if you decide to do so, let our next meeting be at our next lifetime. because even if we end like this in every chance God gives us, the warm welcome of your soul is worth the thunder I have to handle at the end.

[gnocchi5000]

and now it doesnt feel right

and i my brain knows i cant hold it forever

and my body refuses to accept the fact that the place you have in my heart will be just like the empty space of a candle on a shelf.

there will be dust around where it used to be.

at least me from 5 months ago doesnt know things will go different yet.

at least i still have tomorrow.

[gnocchi5000]

my sun, i wont take my shades with me

so i can see your light deep in my soul.

ill wake up earlier than everyone

so you can shine on me before anybody.

they told me there are seas, woods, caves that you cant reach.

they promised me a million other places to be, where i can be the best ive ever been.

but how i can be the best if there is no you to see by my side?

is it possible for a flower to grow without the gentle rays of its kind sun?

ill strech my petals as far as i can, so they all can get your love equally.

ill move around as long as your eyes are still on me.

and ill pray to god so i can be born as a cloud in my next life.

because if i were one, we wouldnt need to try to reach each other this hard just to make our fingertips touch.

and i am happy that we are looking at the same sky.

if you really think about it, it means we are looking at each other's eyes, in someway and somehow.

sometimes i try to imagine myself without your presence in my soul,

and god doesnt let me to do so.

even it is written on the books,

flowers cant survive without the sun.

winter almost passed, but you didnt.

the feelings you offered me,

ill be forever grateful for them.

i dont have much, but better believe it,

maybe i couldnt take you the moon,

but i would go to the moon just so i can feel your warmth a little closer.

sun, ill be there no matter what,

this world can crumble under our feet

and this sky can collapse.

the only thing i will be saving is our city.

i would save our city so we could walk around the same streets and squares again and again.

and we would make different memories each time, for us to save in our skin.

they can promise me a million dollars,

promise me to make me a big big man with big big power.

what a small dream it is? what a small frame they looking from.

you have big money but not enough to buy you a bigger frame to paint the world they think they could buy.

they dont know that i would paint you in that frame.

and i knew, oh that feeling.

you were familiar than my reflection on the mirror.

i knew it, ive seen you before,

in the water, trees, the sky and in the sun.

ive died for that smile before, and we promised each other before,

we promised to find each other before, and we will do the same in this lifetime again.

so we can feel the warm welcome of our souls greeting each other in our next life.

because a sunflower cant survive without her sun shining on her.