glitch-grim

[glitch-grim]

I LIVE FUCKERS

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these days, the summer fan is on, and there is a little cricket in you. your mother would say you don't have ambition, but that's not quite true. you just had different priorities: for most of your life, the pain swallowed so much of your energy that picturing a future was almost impossible. it took so much just to render yourself here without evaporating - making goals always felt shallow, far-off.

at 17, maybe you would have wanted to be famous. maybe you would have wanted to kiss every woman and come home late at night and call the dawn to heel like a dog. to meet taylor swift and ask her to collaborate on poems and french-kiss in the rain. to wiggle your fingers at jealous ex-lovers while you lifted the hem of your ballgown and got out of limousines. a life of rooftops, spinning and glittering.

these days, it isn't that you're tired, but that you have learned the weight of carrying things. you have had the good times. you have laughed at the bottom of a pool. you have had your hands on the paring knife. you know the cost of it, like a carcinogen. these days, you want a life like a stone fruit. these days, you want a life that lays gently on your skin, rather than piercing through.

you are going to get a little condo with your friend. the two of you fantasize about basic things: how it will feel to cook in a friendly kitchen. the serenity of picking out wall paint colors. putting plants in the sunlit corner. you want a place that never rings in anger. where the only echo is jazz music. you want a peace like holding your head under the water.

ah. maybe your younger self would be devastated - you got boring?

she doesn't know yet. she has lived her entire life terrified, running. she has grown so accustomed to the threat that she has fallen in love with the scythe. she thinks passionate and violent are synonyms, that anything lovely has to come with a bad side. she thinks life has to break like a wave - that you need to swallow the ocean in order to stay above the foam. she doesn't know about the boat yet. she doesn't know about spending hours at home, quiet, your hands folded, finding peace. she doesn't know about weightlessness. she thinks everything good is everything sharp. that the pain is what makes something satisfying.

one day she will make cookies from scratch. one day when she breaks a plate, she will be the only one around, and nobody will start shouting. one day she will slip her fingers under the sand, and it will make sense to her. the life assembling in little shards: oh. i've been afraid of a quiet life at home because i've never had a quiet home to come to before.

the gentle world inside her, singing behind a door.

[glitch-grim]

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't posted in well months, i never meant to take a hiatus this long but life has been extremely hectic

For starters my family is currently homeless, I've be dealing with art block, and I'm about to start my senior year!

Im hoping to return to posting but considering my countless attempts at regular posting i wont make any promises i cannot keep lol

But yeah! I just figured id update my few followers who might've been confused at the disappearance.

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Didnt think I'd have to say this but Pro-shippers, T-cesters, "Maps"(pedophiles) and all that other gross bullshit STAY THE FUCK OFF MY PAGE!!! i don't want that to be interacting with my artwork, I dont support it. This goes for the other fandoms I'm in aswell if/when I post about those. I DO NOT WANT THAT GROSS BULLSHIT ON MY PAGE.

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He is the real gift tbh

Also MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANUKA, AND ANY OTHER HOLIDAYS THAT YOU GUYS MIGHT BE CELEBRATING RN

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How do people like grow their accounts its so weird to me

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Quick casey drawing i did a while back <3

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Oh Mi Gosh me actually posting? Wowza

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Get yourself someone who sees you the way rottmnt artists see NYC at night

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i couldn't stop thinking about this prompt from @1--------------1

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I should probably start posting again

How do people like consistently post? Because i have content i just dont remember to post i guess?

Help

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i was originally gonna link to the thread but i know not everyone would go out of their way to click on it so heres this thread i saw. twitch needs to be held accountable for how horribly they have treated people with disabilities. there has been so many stories similar to this one and that should never be the case.

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MIKEY. IS. VIBING.

Anyway 3rd times a charm, hopefully this one posts

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AH MY DATAS WONKING OUT MY MIKEY FANART WONT POST :(

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New fixation dropped =p

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You ever have a compliment that just sticks with you for literal years and years? Maybe forever?

For me, it’s when I was working as a figure model for art classes at my university (because it paid well due to being an early-morning thing and was easy to get because nobody else wanted to apply due to the near-nakedness and pervasive body image issues in our culture). There was this one professor who was always so happy when I showed up as the female model for that day because he said that I had a “good sense of motion”, and it was fun to draw. (Which, in itself, was a great compliment because I am a clumsy, self conscious person.)

But what really got me was one day we were doing 15-minute poses, which are harder to do because you need to come up with something interesting and dynamic, but you have to be able to hold it for a quarter of an hour without moving even a little bit. They didn’t have any specific guidance for us, so I just… did something. Idk. But about five minutes into wandering around helping the students and talking to them, he paused and told me that I was doing a good job, and, “What a fun pose. You’re reminding me of Rodin’s ‘Eve,’ there. You always have a very Rodin sort of energy about you. Thanks for waking up early for us.” And then just went back to discussing the use of ink with one of the students like he hadn’t almost reduced me to tears.

Then I went home and looked up Rodin’s ‘Eve’ and was blown away because she actually did look like me? I had ended up in that pose almost exactly just by chance, but she also had a soft, squidgy tummy and the hip dips and weird butt and big feet and thunder thighs and strong calves, just like me.

And I don’t have a great relationship with my body. Very much the opposite. I frequently hate the way I look and fit into it, but then occasionally from the depths of the past comes the voice of an art nerd telling me I’m like a Rodin sculpture, and I feel like, “Yeah, I have Rodin Energy so suck it, brain!” And it helps me reframe the way I’m thinking about myself because I can get outside of my head for a minute and see that while I’m frustrated with my body, it has an art to it just by existing. Soft tummy? Fun to draw, nice curves! Big thighs? Strong lines! Dimples and wrinkles and slopes become a place for light to sit. Bodies are so cool, and that includes mine! Even if it’s not quite what I want it to be, it’s still a work of art that nature sculpted just for me.

And for him it just seemed like such an off-handed, normal, natural thing to say. He thought “Hey, that looks like Rodin,” and so he said it.

Just… Idk. Compliment people. Say what’s on your mind. You have no idea whether it’s going to totally change a person’s life. It’s just words to you but it could be really, deeply important to them.

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IM SORRY IM NOT DEAD I JUST KEEP FORGETTING TO POST, school started, my moms going to the hospital, i have to plan a party, other shite, so my bad guys but here's multiple drawings <3 i post more regularly on instagram, still not that often though