girl-epitome

[girl-epitome]

she roams

hello, my beautiful girl-bloggers. It's been a while since i've shared a few words and oh my goodness, things have occurred.

im back to my life at university, writing in a newspaper and taking oh so many classes.

i have cycled in lovers over the summer, and i continue doing so now.

i realize how damaging this must be to my being, how my energy might suffer from collecting these hearts like participation ribbons.

i wish i had it in me to fuck like an animal, and discard the rest.

but as i lie next to the man, i ask them of their childhood, of their wants and wonders.

i yearn to know these human beings. i yearn to feel their lips on my neck and breath on my tongue.

am i attempting to fulfill a void? if so, what void might that be?

i have no desire to be a girlfriend or a wife. no desire to find a soulmate.

i want to be a nurturing figure. an intimate soul prepared to digest your issues and cradle your head.

why am i this way, and what will it take for me to stop?

[girl-epitome]

a dulcet woman

when i pass a woman on the street or in a shop, an aroma is left in her wake.

you think her scent is nostalgia to the men who wronged her?

i want to find my scent desperately, an aroma so distinct to my soul and desires.

i think letting go of my teenage years means doing things an "adult" might do, defining "adult" by what my adolescence always thought i'd be like as a woman. and finding a specific perfume for me is one of those things.

how does one find a scent? i walked in department stores, sniffing the cheap bottles on display, nothing particularly interested me.

i'm a firm believer in what is yours, will find you.

i am 20, i've been searching for a scent to coincide with my being since i was a freshman in highschool.

finally, i have found one!

after department stores failed me, i retaliated. i went 21st century on their ass and bought a discovery set on amazon from "juliette has a gun"

(it had great reviews)

a piece of advice from your mother, epitome, buy a discovery set, explore the plethora of fragrances at your disposal.

within the discovery set i purchased, none tickled my fancy quite like the scent: lust for sun.

each time i walked past a lover or entered a room, the habitant(s) were filled with the incessant need to inform me how blissful the scent i carried was.

"like flowers" they would say.

however, with it being $150 a bottle, i need to find an identical dupe fast!

that's how i found my scent, doing so makes me feel like i'm leaving my teen years behind.

[girl-epitome]

strangers kissing

hello my sugars,

i began this summer in Rome. my goodness what a beautiful city. Italy itself was entirely romantic. subtract men from the equation and still my surroundings invoked an urge inside of me i never felt before.

what is it about location that changes the way you think so much?

i'm from a small town in the dessert, such a banal and exhausting destination for a woman whos heart contains puissance for vivacious activities, being surrounded by the grand ancient architecture, the walkable neighborhoods, and the lively streets were all someone like me could have ever dreamed of.

one night we stumbled into a private hookah bar, we had a few very strong drinks, i ordered a manhattan, something i've dreamed of doing since i was a little girl watching SATC, i did not enjoy it but it was pretty to look at.

we smoked from the hookah on a couch by the door, my goodness did we laugh in childlike wonder. who would've thought we could experience something like this? three best friends, listening to various languages, intoxicated by alcohol and joy at 3 a.m. in a foreign country.

soon some men (visually boyish) came and introduced themselves. I guess anyone in europe can seem boyish with the spectacular diet they have.

the boys were a year or two younger than us, strong Albanian accents, my friends were chatting with the tall one, and i caught the attention of the boy with glasses. my type.

we held hands as he sat in front of me, telling me about life in europe. the keyboard on his phone was so hard for me to understand while i punched in my instagram user.

we left the closing bar and he offered me his cigarette. the italian breeze blew in my hair and the cobblestone sang to my heels. i never had one before. he took a puff and passed it to me. we shared two cigarettes that night, foreshadowing the kiss we allotted just minutes after.

my time in Rome was quixotic. stunning outfits, tasteful cocktails, and the blissfulness of living like you'll die tomorrow. my heart is destined to leave the place i reside. i will experience the world, i have to.

[girl-epitome]

who am i

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

20 years on earth / gemini

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

musicians: ・portished ・fiona apple ・alexandra savior ・mirah ・the beatles

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

songs:

・the first taste- fiona apple

・gone sugaring- mirah

・waiting for my ruca- sublime

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

movies:

・crybaby

・the craft

・sitting in cars with boys

・twilight

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

about me:

i'm a writer, i always have been, it's whats driven me since my adolescence. however, i'm always in an identity crisis. unknowing of who i am is my largest obstacle, i'm hoping through this blog i will find what is aching to be discovered.

i enjoy walking, when its cool out. no need for a destination, i simply enjoy the ability to do so.

reading fantasy is my favorite past time, but i’m trying to indulge in literature that challenges me.

i enjoy viewing fashion, art, and architecture. art by george grosz evokes maudlin within.

i enjoy thinking about the gruesome and wonderful thing that is life. possibilities are various!

experiencing the minds of others is a pleasure i wish to digest until i die.

i want my readers to express what they like and don’t like about my blog, if there ever is an instance in which one may want to!

wine is a must, smash all clocks, stop telling me it’s too early for a glass XD

[girl-epitome]

needy muse

I long to evoke artistry in a solemn poet

[girl-epitome]

i’m allowed to have sexuality.

i’m allowed to own my humanity.

to death with compliance.

[girl-epitome]

this account will be transformed into a blog, an agglomeration of prose and the macabre of humanity, i hope you all enjoy!