gibberishstudy

[gibberishstudy]

It's been a long time. So neither this blog nor a blog about drawing helped me stay motivated.

The "problem" is easy for me - i don't have space, physical or mental. When I'm back from work, I don't feel ....well... save. I don't want to be interupted, bothered bu lound voices etc etc.

But the above might be just an excuse. I don't have much energy and motivation.

But today I wanted to say, after my birthday i decided to learn a language. First I though about japanese, but after a week it turns out i don't have time for regular practive and the questions "naze?" stareded to from in my head. And I don't have a precise answer. I like anime, I like japanese culture, but i don't watch anime anylonger and I don't discover japanese culture anymore.

Generally I feel a little bit guilty not to learn about my region but i get hyped about some other regions/places.

So i decided to maybe have some fun with upper sorbian / lower sorbian, as one of those slavonic languages. Purpose - none, exept linguistic curiosity.

[gibberishstudy]

Two thougts

I like learning languages but I have / had ambigious feelings about it. It came from the realization that this is kind of empty knowledge that is not useful in my life, and that i spread myself thin on many languages and can't master any for good.

But now, with high level of anxiety, I think learning a language is a good tool to occupy my mind, practice focus, and to give me a joy of small achievements. Instead of studying a language I could do some craft (also not useful in my lifestyle), and the point is therapeutical, excercising the brain, not practical.

2. I have also ambigious feelings about watching tv series, books, generally engaging in fiction. I probably have maladaptive daydreaming behaviours, so new ideas, new stories makes me fantasize more. But I guess it will be ok. I watch Outlander right now, and while I don't like the plot and romance, I like the landscapes, Scotts and other characters. And I think, as stupid as it sounds, characters really inspire me to be braver, more active in my life. Also it is good that I have many different daydreaming materials, because I have spent so much time with one fandom and it wasn't healthy. Lastly, waching tv series is a great way to improve my English. I am on a level that I can't learn more from formal written materials, but only thorough engaging with "english-speaking" culture.

[gibberishstudy]

I keep wondering whether I should study Russian or Ukrainian, but the honest answer is both.

Yeah, studying two similar languages are objectively not the wisest idea, they are already mixing in my head but: even if I wanted, there's no way to separate these two languages. I listen to some Ukrainian podcasts and it's quite often that a host speak Ukrainian and the quest speak Russian.

I also need to say, unfortunately, it's hard to find real materials (in a sense of yt channels and podcasts) in Ukrainian that interests me. Very often Russian ones pop in. So I kinda know that I would still be listening to Russian materials and these two languages would be mixing.

[gibberishstudy]

Generally I think about idea of learning russian this upcoming year. I have always been learning languages, a couple of them, but with my short lived motivation and quicky changing goals, I couldn't really master any language except English.

And the problem is that I don't need any other language in my everyday life except English. Like it's cool i can read tweets in other languages but that's it when it comes to usefulness.

Ukrainian has been somehow useful for me, because I could watch news / read news not waiting for the translation, but I've already reached a level when I can easily watch news/politicans speaking, read books, so I've reached my goal and usefulness and my motivation dropped. I still don't speak fluently nor I understand "street" language, but I feel it is so much work with not much reward that my mind simply refuse learning. But maybe? Maybe the idea of going thrugh all my Ukrainian materials throughoutly will be alluring to me as a 2024 challenge?

German - I had this as a challenge in 2023 but i stayed motivated somewhere till may.

And generally i deal with the though that learning a languade does not make my life better and it's quite useless skill. But from the other and this is a kind of challenge for my brain and to decrease my level of anxiety. I won't kid myself, there 's not magic way I would use time I normally spend on languages to do something productive, i'd probably scroll the internet.

3. And here comes the question whether i really should learn russian. I am somewhere on A2/B1 level according to placement tests so i think it would be nice to bring it up to a fluent communicative level. Pros is: there's a lot of materials and podcasts/ yt videos on the topics i am interestem in. Cons: I don't use it in everyday life.

[gibberishstudy]

My "self-improvement" journal

The blog will be public. I'm not gonna promote it in any way, but the sole thought that somebody might come across it and read it will motivate me to be more balanced in my thoughts, to strife to show some progress, and to stay positive.

I have many thoughts about making my life better but I need a journal to keep me motivated. I also have many ideas or I stumble upon them and I want to have a place to keep them. Running a real blog is a huge commitment I am not ready to maintain so this tumblr blog would be like a tiny substitute for it.

I am an adult. I struggle with many things. One day it seems I'm fine and on the right tracks and the next day I feel depresive and unable to take up any action. It's hard for me to uphold commitments and generally I am emotionally constipated, can't decide who I am, what are my dreams, what is what i truly want. Most of the time I don't feel any drive that would lead me through a life.

I somehow prepare this blog for 2024 self-work. Next year I guess I will try to prioritize lowering the level of stress in my life.