gemmashrinks

[gemmashrinks]

Is this thing on?

I’ve not really been active at all on this platform for a really really long time. I started my account as a way to view inspo to ‘spur me on’

It’s been years and honestly whilst great great things have happened in my life, I’ve never been fatter. And more miserable and frustrated with myself.

I’ve moved house into a home me and my partner own, we got engaged and we had a baby…a boy, who’s now 2 years old and the absolute centre of my universe. I want so badly to be the mum he deserves, but I’ve let the bingeing get to new levels. Mainly as a pathetic way to cope, but still.

I’m going on, but I guess this post to the void serves as a way to hold myself accountable to myself….to draw the line and remember the fundamental reason why I’m so desperate to lose weight: to enjoy my life. I don’t want to be the mum who is out of breath chasing her toddler who, let’s face it, at two hasn’t even began to warm up to the energy level he will possess. I want to be able to keep up with him, I really do.

I want to be a partner who is desirable and a nice person to be around…not a pain in the arse who is passive aggressive and snappy because I hate the way I look and feel.

I want to be a nurse who is a positive role model to my patients; not a nurse with a BMI over 40 who sits there telling a patient why they really need to lose weight. The hypocrisy and irony is soul destroying.

And, if you’ve stayed this long (well done you, seriously!) I bet you’re wondering; why here? I’ve deleted my social media (bar this and Pinterest. Love). Just got fed up of having it forced in my face on a daily basis that I’ve not found my people yet. I need somewhere to vent, maybe post the odd inspo post to kick my arse in to gear…and hopefully find likeminded people who are feeling as equally out of control and desperate to gain the control back.

So, hi. My name is Gemma, I’m 33 years old and it’s lovely to meet you.