geemasgirls

[geemasgirls]

2020 - you wouldn’t believe it...

Hi GMa,

It’s been a while since I’ve gathered my thoughts here. This year has been crazy - you are probably looking down, shaking your head in disbelief to a certain extent. I haven’t had a dream about you lately and wondering how you are doing. John and I have moved in the middle of a pandemic, didn’t work for a while and have been inside mostly. I am baking a lot more, trying out new foods and watching a lot of TV. It reminds me of how you would sometimes sit in front of the television endlessly and didn’t even speak the language. I wonder what stories you made up in your head as you watched American TV. I could have been better about explaining to you what was going on. I won’t ever forget that one time I took you to watch Titantic at Wollaston Theatre - that was really fun. I wish we did more of that. 

The world seems really messy these days. I won’t get into it since you are probably getting a front seat for this show. I understand it, I don’t love all of it and it makes me feel all kinds of emotions. I lean on nostalgia in general, thinking about past times but feeling the sadness recently. 

I wish you lived with me or was closer. We’re lucky John’s grandma is nearby and when we see her, they stick together and catch up on things I wish I could ask you. Like...what did you think Melrose Place was really about??? hehe.

I miss family and was able to see Lily recently. The kids are all so grown! Ron’s getting a bit grey, Rosa slightly older but still acts young. No, no kids for us yet and don’t shake your head! haha I can picture the speech I would be getting. You always loved kids...always maternal. I miss you and sending hugs. Visit me soon!

- hui ping

[geemasgirls]

A few nights ago, I got very emotional looking my family photo album from the 80s-90s. It was a mix of pregnancy hormones and missing my grandma and dad. This happens often when I’m going through a big life change and long for them to be here for it. Grandma always looked out for me and cared about me the way my mom never did. She always asked me if I had eaten yet, kept me well-fed, and yelled at me when I didn’t call or visit her. She eventually let me hug and kiss her on the cheek when I got older and found that many non-Asian people did this with the ones they loved.

I miss playing with my cousins in their living room while grandma watched us and the TV from her corner of the couch. I miss spying on grandma from the window while she was outside tending to her garden or hanging up clothes to dry. I miss listening to her loud and grouchy voicemails asking me where am I and why haven’t I called her? I want to hold onto these memories forever. They are all I have left.

Earlier in my pregnancy, Grandma started to appear in my dreams. I look up many of my dreams to find meaning and believe the ones I like. One of them said:

If you are pregnant and dreamed of your deceased grandma, it implies your baby will be blessed by the ancestors and grow up healthily.

Wherever you are, I know you are still looking out for all of us.

-Vicki

[geemasgirls]

Gung Hay Fat Choy

It’s year of the pig! :)

It’s my zodiac sign AND it’s the first year I’m passing out red envelopes. What’s funny is I’ve always embraced accepting envelopes (free money what?!) and didn’t care about being called out as “single”.  Now that I’m married, I find myself equally excited to pass out red envelopes. 

I think either way its about the traditions. Being 1st generation Chinese American, I’ve gone through the waves of being ashamed....embarassed....to vocal and proud of my traditions.  I don’t want to forget everything my parents did and what you did too grandma.  

You gave us envelopes, wore a nice blazer and we always took this family photo in front of the meal we had.  We would take papers folded for burning but before doing so, we’d hold them in our hands and bow towards the shelf that housed photos of great grandma, grandpa, great grandpa at the time.

I did that today at Mom and Dad’s house.  It was nice. I feel like with their age and just time in general, traditions are slipping further and further away.  

I miss waking up to blaring Chinese New Year music, wearing red and the smell of burnt fireworks and incense.  

When it came time to eat, the dish with the seaweed that looks like hair, steamed chicken and a pour of your favorite 5 spiced wine. I tried that on Monday night during closing dinner. You always asked for a full shot glass pour...it made me think you can knock back shots probably.

I missed you during Chinese New Year....it would have been fun for you to see me pass out red envelopes.  

Love you.

Jenny

[geemasgirls]

ah poh, gnoi git foon la...

Dear Grandma,

It’s been a while since my last post. It’s not because I’ve forgotten about you or anything. I always feel you never left my side....

I got engaged on 12/09/17 and the past 10 months since have been a whirlwind.  There were times it would hit me that you wouldn’t be at the Tea Ceremony and the actual wedding itself.  I teared up at times when I looked at photos of you and a gung. I miss you and still do.  I remember you would worry so much about me not getting married, shaking your head when I would joke about it never happening.  Mom would always worry about me not getting married and it would always get me angry because I felt like some burden. 

Recently when Dad brought up I should have gotten married earlier, and surprisingly mom scolded him saying that it’s fate I met John later in life. 

All of this sunk in recently. I realized when their last daughter got married off, it wasn’t a sigh of relief but more or less a comfort that I was not alone. I think it was the first time I didn’t feel like a burden was off their shoulders. No parent wants their child to feel unloved or lonely and I get that.  On the receiving end all these years I was definitely pissed, annoyed and pushed back against them.  During the tea ceremony, mom said she loved us both and that John will take care of me now. It’s true, mom and dad won’t be here forever...just like how you had to leave us so soon -- there is never enough time. There is comfort knowing that in the time we have now, we are all loved and taken care of -- whether its friends, family or significant other. So, here I am married to a man who loves me so much. The hard headed side of me will want to argue, “I don’t need anyone” which is still true, however, I have found my equal partner in life whom I will share so much with -- being very grateful for that.  :)

I’m rambling a bit now but just wanted to say I love you and miss you. Thank you for watching over us.  I really want to sit next to you on our brown couch back at Eustis street, holding your hand while we watch TV together along with John and Taro too. 

Love you so much,

Hui Ping

[geemasgirls]

Random Dream

Last night I we spent some time in our old neighborhood.  We were on Wayland Street and I thought, I’m moving home!  I want to live in our old house.  It was completely renovated and didn’t look the same anymore.  We then sat in this clear elevator, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

We proceeded to float above the neighborhood and you mentioned how you told Stone to not change the house.  Then I realized I was crying.  I do this often when you are in my dreams because I realize you are no longer with us when I wake up.  I continue the conversation as if nothing has changed.  

The elevator goes back down and then I walk into the old Wayland house - the old layout was still there.  

Then I woke up.  Miss you grams.

[geemasgirls]

It’s been two years and two days since you left us.  I’ve gone back to Boston multiple times and we didn’t go to your resting spot physically.  I was telling Jelbers at dinner tonight that I don’t feel that’s really where you are.  I still see you in my dreams, randomly and we talk.  When I wake up, I try my hardest to hold on to every single detail - what did we talk about, did you seem happy, what were we doing, etc....I hold onto everything.

My dreams with you are clear and I feel you there, that warm feeling.  I miss holding your hand and how we would sit when I would visit.  You helped me pick out the dress to wear to my friend Ed’s wedding. :)

I miss you all the time.  I asked you what would you do if you were me the other day and I’m thinking you were OK with me being stubborn about things. Or I would like to think that.

When I talk to mom sometimes it almost slips, “how’s grandma doing?”.

Vick got married and your photo was there.  Mom said something to you and she was crying.  I wasn’t sad for some reason.  I had this feeling you were there.

I feel bad because I moved so far away and wished I got all the moments Vicky, my parents and Ron’s family did.  I look back and regret a lot - how I could have been better, how I should have finished documenting your stories (I interviewed you one afternoon a long time ago).  Maybe we can talk about it some time the next time you pop into my dream.

Miss you lots and love you a bunch. 

Love, Jenny

[geemasgirls]

Bebe is married.

I got married two weeks ago! It was one of the best days of my life and I am so grateful for everyone’s love and support. Kolin and I have the BEST family and friends. It was really stressful leading up to the wedding. I had no appetite and I couldn’t sleep. I remember crying a lot because I missed my Dad so much. I think of him everyday, but they are usually just flashes of memories with him. The days leading up to the wedding were the hardest because I wanted him to be there. He would have enjoyed every moment of it because he was the most loving person I have ever known in my life. My Dad and Grandma were very close and I would remember my Dad dropping me off at Jenny and Lily’s house and then talk to Grandma for hours while I ran off to play with my cousins and Beacon. I missed Grandma too and even though she probably wouldn’t have come to the wedding, we would have all stopped by Bauer House to be with her. Kolin wanted to do a tea ceremony, but I didn’t feel it would mean much to me without Grandma and Dad there. It makes me sad not to carry on some of my family’s traditions, but it’s something that tends to happen to first generation children. I am still holding on to memories and things my Dad and Grandma have taught me and I hope I can continue to share this with my own children one day by writing and talking about it. It’s hard not to think about the past, but I also have to focus on what I have now and all of the amazing people in my life that I love (like Jenny and Lily, if you guys are still actually reading this--I expect some posts soon). I sometimes think Dad had something to do with helping me find Kolin. They have many similar traits, including cooking, which reminds me--my Dad, in retrospect, taught me so much about food. I wish I paid more attention back then. Thank you, Dad, for loving me always and teaching me about food. Thank you, Grandma, for raising Dad, my aunts, and all of us. You will always be remembered and loved.

-Vicki

[geemasgirls]

Happy Chinese New Year! This picture was taken back in February of 2010 when Grandma was 99 years old and Abby was a little over 5 years old. One of my favorite memories of my Dad and Grandma was during Chinese New Year. Grandma lived at Jenny and Lily’s house but during the Chinese New Year, my Grandma would sleep over my house. I loved having Grandma over. She and my Dad would cook all night. Since my mom would work at the airport and leave at 5am, we would all have New Year’s dinner in the middle of the night.

We had scallion chicken, roast pork, and vermicelli noodles with vegetables. The vermicelli noodles were mixed with all sorts of vegetables--wood ear fungus, slices of lotus root, sweet snap peas, black moss, and bean curd sheets. That was my favorite dish. We also had a boiling pot of soup made from bones. Grandma would also make steamed sweet desserts that were sticky and glutinous. We also had taro cooked with bok choy and ginger and stir-fried arrowroot. Dad, Grandma, and I were one of the few people who loved eating arrowroot. Aside from my birthday, New Year’s was one of the few times I remember Grandma coming to my house and I loved having her over.

Missing you, Grandma. I made jai and Kolin and I made homemade dumplings this Chinese New Year. I think you would have liked it.

-Vicki

[geemasgirls]

Spareribs in the sink.

After school, gma would always have food ready for us when we got home.  This particular day, Vicki and I were home first.  Jenny was probably out galavanting with her hoodlum friends. (Kidding...kind of) Gma told us to go eat.  In the rice cooker, there was always something that was being steamed while the rice cooked.  Today was spareribs.  Yummy chunks of pork ribs, steamed with black bean sauce. We would use this claw type of kitchen tool to lift the plate out of the rice cooker.  Today was not my day with this kitchen tool.  I lifted up the plate and carefully tried to carry it to the table.  The rice cooker was placed next to the sink and as I teetered over the sink, one of the “claws” came out from under the plate.  Down went the spareribs. Into the sink. Gasp. I mean, I already don’t like wasting food, but the WHOLE PLATE?! And I guess I could have used the “5 second rule” and picked it up and ate the spareribs, but I was a kid and didn’t appreciate food like I do today.  Anyway, Vicki and I quickly picked up all the ribs and threw them into the trash can before gma found out.  We knew gma would not be happy that spareribs were wasted in such a manner.  When she came into the kitchen, she immediately asked where the spareribs were.  We said, with fear in our eyes, “we ate them all.”  She then yelled at us for being selfish and not leaving any for Jenny.  Well, we all didn’t have spareribs that day.

Gma was the queen of not wasting food.  I mean, come on, back in China they didn’t have the luxuries that we have in modern America.  So appreciate the spareribs steaming in your rice cooker and don’t place your rice cooker next to the sink.

-Lily

[geemasgirls]

...the time Jenny got mad at me.

[geemasgirls]

Finally!

It’s Vicki. I’m the one in the middle of the photo--the ‘baby’ of the family. I am the youngest grandchild. In other words, the spoiled one and most loved, of course. I am turning 29 in November and a true scorpio. Grandma was too. I don’t really pay attention to astrology mumbo jumbo, but it fits us to a T. To sum it up--we are fiercely independent and very loyal, until you mess with us. There are so many wonderful memories about grandma. I don’t even know where to begin. She was tough as nails and had so much love for all of us. I haven’t even started writing out the stories and already the tears are streaming down my face. I am incredibly lucky to have known her and I am even luckier to have cousins and family who continue to remind me of her and keep her memory alive in all of us.  I love you grandma and wish I could smother your cheeks with my kisses like I used to and have everyone laugh at me for doing it, including you.

[geemasgirls]

Mother’s Day...

reminds me of gma. I have a lot of memories with grandma.  She made sure we woke up, got dressed and ready for school.  I remember one time she was worried we would be cold and made us wear winter jackets during the spring.  When we got home, she’d make food for us - all types of grandma food.  She did so much more.  While my mom worked, grandma was there.

I miss her a lot. I think about how she was simply there.  Sometimes I took her for granted that she was there. And I’m sure she felt out of place when my friends invade the house and she moved from the living room to the kitchen, reading a paper.  She never complained I had friends over.  I miss her and love her for that. I wish I spent more time, yes a lot of people say that after a loved one passes.  I was the furthest one away and should have been there more. I felt bad and thought about this a lot.  She showed up one day, in my dream.  I remember it so well.  She was watching my nieces play and she looked at me, smiling.  It was a dream I didn't want to wake up from. I know she is still here for me.  I just wanted to say Happy Mother’s Day to her, because she basically raised all of us. Love you lots.

-Jenny

[geemasgirls]

Grandma food

I had a random feeling today.  I wanted grandma food.  My parents were working constantly and there was a period of time where my Grandmother would make us after school snacks or dinner.  It was all really yummy and basically whatever my Grandmother could throw together in the kitchen.  Literally.

One of my favorites was when she made Quaker oatmeal with pork and soy sauce.  It was called, “Mack paain” and it was the most bizarre but yummy grandma food.  Boil water for oatmeal but use pork bones and pork meat.  When the meat is cooked and broth is ready, add desired oatmeal (this depends on the consistency you like; a thinner oatmeal would require less oats).  Once complete you would eat it with a dash of soy sauce.  

Spam and elbow macaroni soup was a good one too.  Boil a nice pork broth and throw in diced spam.  Add some elbow macaroni, and once that is cooked through, throw in some iceberg lettuce.  You have a nice warm soup after a cold walk home from school.   

Another type of grandma food was leftovers in a pot.  It all goes to the same place she would say.  It would be meat, veggies and rice (or whatever leftovers we had) all stirred up in a pan.  :)

Grandma food is basically comfort food.  It was always made with love and she made sure we had enough food at the end of the day.  Love you grams.

[geemasgirls]

I took this photo of grandma 6/16/08 on my Blackberry.  She was talking and I quickly snapped a photo of her.  She was very active then and was expressive in her story telling.  I loved hugging her and brushing her hair back so I could see her face.  She was loud and often asked me the same questions like when am I moving home, when will I get married, etc.  :)

I have her brown cardigan with me, in my closet.  I will cherish it forever, because it was a staple in her wardrobe.  I miss her and it makes me feel closer to her when I wear it.  I often wish, I could just hug her because sometimes, that’s all it took to make me feel better.  

[geemasgirls]

Grandma, enjoying a slice of pizza.  She loved pizza and it was the one food that made us go, “whoa” when Vicky’s family brought it over.  It was eaten with such joy and it was all very cute.  

[geemasgirls]

Hello, my name is Jenny.  I’m the wild one.

Jenny, Vicky, Lily.  Triple threat as Jelbers likes to call us.  I’m the first one on the left in the photo.  This is my introduction entry and I’m not sure where to begin (surprising, I know.  my family knows I love to talk about myself).  I’m the oldest, and sometimes I act like the youngest.  I am an amateur foodie, love a good beer and have the itch to travel when I can.  I have gone through many ups and downs in life, having personal struggles of my own.  It has shaped me into the person I am today.  I also have grandma Gee to thank for raising me.  She was there for us since the day we were born and I miss her a ton.  She is absolutely one of the most stubborn, tough, loving, inspirational and sweetest woman.  Without her, I would not be here.  I love you grams, and I hope you know that.  Cheers and I hope you enjoy this as much as we do.

[geemasgirls]

Hello intro!

I'm Lily. The one on the far right in the picture.  I'm a new mother living in the mile high city.  I live with my hubby and my mother, who is here helping out with the baby.  Maybe I'll blog about my sleepless nights, breastmilk spraying my baby's face, or the dish my mom just made with pigs feet.  I know you're intrigued.