gaydioactivewaste

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just like me fr

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Just rediscovered a meme I made— and this is true— on January 2, 2020. Whoops.

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Christmas movie idea:

It starts off as the classic Hallmark formula: girl has a supportive, loving boyfriend, but he doesn’t have the spirit of Christmas or wtf ever. She goes back to her hometown for the holidays and hits it off again with her high school sweetheart. But! At the end of the first act, they finally kiss and she says, like, “Don’t tell my boyfriend,” and the guy’s like “Wooooah. This is not what I signed up for. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I thought maybe you’d changed,” implying she cheated on him too back in the day.

He goes to her boyfriend and is like, “Hey, I’ve got some bad news for you about your girlfriend.” Bf’s understandably hurt by the revelation, and he’s like, “Whatever, man. Fuck you too.” And hometown guy’s like, “I get it. But if you ever want someone to talk about it with, here’s my number.”

Anyway, over the course of wacky second and third act hijinks, the two guys get together at the end.

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“Brat Summer” is over, babes. It’s time for “Hyperfixating On Like Three Specific Indie Folk Songs Fall.” 🍁

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Someone more talented than me needs to make this song parody fucking ASAP

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See, the problem is that I have no respect for my own boundaries, because I know the person that put them there, and they’re a fucking pushover.

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Brennan Lee Mulligan learning about the Onceler fandom on the latest Fireside Chat has me *dying.* I did an actual spit take when Erika brought up Evan Kelmp, because FUCK, they’re so right…

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Critical Role merch idea (feel free to steal, Laura Bailey): a wool sweater or cardigan called Fjord’s Merino Layer

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Shoutout to the Vi Hart video “On Gender,”

And shoutout to me watching that video as an eighth-grader, hearing a faint cracking sound, saying “What was that? Oh well, I’m sure it’s nothing that’ll come back to haunt me in like six years when a global pandemic forces me into an unprecedented level of self-reflection,” then presumably proceeding to watch half a dozen Minecraft mod reviews back to back.

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Queer people during mandatory allyship training at work:

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Consider: Karl Marx’s drag persona, Yass Kapital

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Come with me, dears, as I indulge in possibly the most autistic fuckery of my entire life:

There are, I think, a theoretically infinite number of perfect meals. The details may be wildly different for any given person, and some may be definitively better than others, but a perfect meal cannot possibly be improved by any concievable individual change; it is a local maximum, for the mathematically inclined among you. In my life, I believe I have found exactly one perfect meal, and it is as follows:

Tomato basil soup, homemade from fresh ingredients, blended smooth. None of this slightly chunky shit, at that point just go store-bought. Served warm, but not so hot you need to blow on it. Garnished with cracked black pepper and a sprig of fresh basil.

A grilled cheese sandwich, made with sourdough bread (sandwich loaf), smoked Gouda, and sautéed yellow onions and shiitake mushrooms. Grilled on a panini press, cut diagonally.

A gin martini, 5:1 Hendrick’s Gin to Dolin Blanc Vermouth de Chambery (not Dolin Dry), 2 dashes of Angostura orange bitters, stirred, not shaken (007, you maniac). Garnish with a twist of lemon expressed over the top.

In the background, the Frank Sinatra compilation album Ultimate Sinatra is playing on vinyl.

That, my friends, foes, and mutuals, is a perfect meal. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

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Is it just me, or did every middle grade fantasy series have the same set of protagonists?

A dude:

Another dude:

A girl:

And some sort of gremlin:

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The gender binary is “basic biology” in the same way that there being three phases of matter is “basic physics”: bullshit that we teach kids, because their tiny brains can’t handle the true complexity of reality.

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Asking me to stop doing finger guns because “this is a funeral” and I should “show some respect” is frankly kind of biphobic.