garfieldinnirvana - Tumblr blog

[garfieldinnirvana]

Mangakas be like: "Okay. We have our typical MC who has some cool abilities and superpowers. What kind of father will they have?

HOLY SHIT! I got an idea. Let's give the MC a shitty father who is also a villain that wants to destroy the world for his own selfish motives.

I am sure it will go smoothly."

[garfieldinnirvana]

"Some" Self improvement videos have titles that say "Secret to living a good life" or "Secret that most women don't want to know." And when you watch them, they just say fucking common sense.

God bless Clickbait.

[garfieldinnirvana]

Conservatives: "Hah, look at these pathetic leftist SJW soyboys. They are getting angry for no reason."

Also conservatives: "FUCKING PRONOUNS IN STARFIELD. STOP PUSHING YOUR AGENDA INTO GAMES, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

[garfieldinnirvana]

"Let's Dance Chotu Motu" feels like a soulless remix of Nursery Rhymes featuring Bollywood Celebrities. I bet it was made for Indian Cocomelon addicts.

[garfieldinnirvana]

Godot: *literally throws a hot cup of coffee at Phoenix.*

The judge: Well, that's fine.

Franziska: *whips Phoenix in the middle of a trial.*

The Judge: Okay, not bad. Still a normal thing in a courtroom.

Maya Fey: *Speaking up against Lotta's testimony after the verdict was given*

The Judge: Sounds like Contempt of Court to me.

Ace Attorney, Ladies and Gentlemen.

[garfieldinnirvana]

Am I single? Yes.

Do I feel lonely? Yes

Do I hate feeling lonely? Absolutely

Do I make a genuine effort to meet someone?

Nahh

[garfieldinnirvana]

Freud after snorting a lot of Cocaine:

"Yes. I realise that sons secretly love their mums. I can say this by referencing a certain play that narrates a story of a man accidentally killing his dad and accidentally marrying his mum."

[garfieldinnirvana]

Indian horror movies in a nutshell.

1. A haunted mansion with a ghost.

2. A couple lives in that mansion. They fuck like rabbits, with horny Bollywood songs in the background.

3. Jumpscares happen.

4. The heroine gets possessed by that ghost.

5. The heroine scares the hero who then sends in an exorcist to fight with the ghost.

6. The ghost is actually the hero's obsessive ex who is back to fuck her ex as a ghost. Apparently she died, obsessing over her ex.

7. That fails because the hero got God by his side. The ghost is gone and the couple fucks happily ever after.

[garfieldinnirvana]

*When London gets foggy and grey.*

Me: Weeee! I am in Silent Hill.

[garfieldinnirvana]

If "Israel" has a superhero.

Palestine should have one.

His name will be Habash

[garfieldinnirvana]

Greek Gods are more alpha than your average modern alpha males.

And that's not a good thing.

[garfieldinnirvana]

"Alpha Males": Human Psychology should be taught in schools.

Also "Alpha Males": Depression isn't real. You are just a lazy unambitious guy and you need to get your fucking shit together.

[garfieldinnirvana]

Tinder success stories on reddit be like:

"I said some lame-ass pick up line to a woman on tinder and now I am married. Imma post this to make your virgin self seethe, lol."

[garfieldinnirvana]

How to write a biblical love poem?

Step 1: Trip acid.

Step 2: Take a pen and a papyrus.

Result:

"How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead."

- Song of Solomon 4:1

[garfieldinnirvana]

Men: MEn Are visuaL crEaTUreS. ThEY LoVe womEn Who arE AcTUaLlY attractIVe aNd hot.

Visually Impaired Men: Are we a joke to you?

[garfieldinnirvana]

Internet users in a nutshell:

"What's this? It's a youtuber who makes videos for kids. I don't like them cause they annoy me. Let's dox the youtuber and bully them."

[garfieldinnirvana]

Every "Life Lesson" video in a nutshell:

"Man gives his girlfriend his own poop on Valentine's day dinner. What happens will shock you | Bhar Mann"