gameofthronesblogs - Tumblr blog

[gameofthronesblogs]

Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand Breaking Relationship Norms

 Season 4 of Game of Thrones introduces the characters Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand. They are presented as a couple, and although they love each other very much, their relationship is unconventional and breaks several societal norms, including monogamy, heterosexuality, and premarital sex. For this reason, the relationship between Oberyn and Ellaria illustrates how non-monogamous, bisexual and un-married couples can nonetheless be in a strong, loving relationship.

 Oberyn and Ellaria are in a committed relationship with one another despite the fact that they have sex with other people, together. They represent a relationship not really fitting into any exact type of couple, such as polyamory but they also definitely do not fit into a monogamous one either. To be in a monogamous relationship means to only have emotional and sexual relations with one other person. To be in a polyamorous couple is a little bit more complicated as there are many different forms of it, but it essentially means having more than one person to which you are emotionally bonding. I would argue that Oberyn and Ellaria’s relationship is most similar to a Dyadic Polyamorous couple. This means that Oberyn and Ellaria are a primary concern for each other, despite opening up their relationship to other people. They care about each other more than they do anyone else they might have sex with and see each other as the main couple. Though different than a polyamorous couple, they do not have any other people they share emotional relationships with. They have sex with other people, together, but form no emotional bond with anyone other than each other. This is clear in the fact that when they do have sex with other people, it is always at a brothel, where they always have sex with different people. 

They are both also bisexual, as they both enjoy having sex with males and females. This is clear in how Ellaria picks a female prostitute for herself, while Obern picks a male prostitute for himself, as they all have sex together. In Season 4, Episode 1, Oberyn goes down a line of female prostitutes for Ellaria to choose from, and she notes at one how she is too timid. 

It is clear that Ellaria is very open and unashamed as to what she wants. Similarly, Oberyn approaches a male prostitute, and even though the prostitute comments that he is “wildly expensive”, Oberyn is very forward when he simply says:

There is also a type of symmetry in their choice of sexual partners, as Ellaria chooses a female to satisfy her desires for the female body which she does not get from Oberyn, while Oberyn chooses a male prostitute to satisfy the desire for the male body which he does not get from Ellaria. They never have sex with other people without one another, making the other people they have sex with objectified to fulfill all the desires they have. 

What may not seem very apparent at first, is that Oberyn and Ellaria are not married, despite acting and working exactly like a married couple, all expect the title. They actually call each other paramours, which is a type of couple that is essentially in a committed and long term relationship with one another without being married. Some reasons why it may not be clear that they are not married to one another is that when Oberyn (spoiler alert) dies, Ellaria takes over for him, as if she were married. The commitment she makes to avenge his death and never love another is a sign of how strong their relationship was to one another. 

It is clear that despite being unmarried, and non-monogamous, their love for one another is undeniable. Some common criticisms of non-monogamous relationships are that jealousy will grow, and love can seem diluted or not as strong without being 100% faithful to one another. It is clear that Oberyn and Ellaria do not care about society’s norms and the criticisms that are imposed on them as they very openly show passion, love and warmth to one another. When Oberyn goes off to fight, Elarria tells him:

 Their love is undeniably strong, and clearly not diluted or weakened in any sense because of its non-monogamous nature. They call each other lovers and are rarely seen apart from one another. It is also obvious that jealousy is not an issue for each other as their relationship is very dyadic. Specifically, in one scene where they are having sex with other people, Ellaria makes this comment shown in this gif:

What is not shown, is that Oberyn replies with, “They will all have to line up behind you”. Because they have sex with other people they acknowledge the fact that jealousy can arise as sex is an intimate act they have opened themselves up to, but they resolve this concern by separating sex from love. They only have sex with other people and do not form emotional bonds with them, keeping each other as the only emotionally invested couple in love with one another. They are quite a fierce couple, showing passion and love in all of their encounters. Despite their relationship being so far off from ay type of societal norm, what is still clear is that despite it being so different, it works for them.

Though their relationship does take place in the fictional world of Game of Thrones, it is still relatively realistic and could be representative of a progressive type of relationship in the real world. In the real world, many societies hold similar social norms that take place in Game of Thrones, such as heteronormativity, monogamy, and pre-marital sex. There is still a common view that if you fall in love with someone, it will be with one person for the rest of your life, and if you sleep with another person you have cheated on them.  Oberyn and Ellaria exemplify a relationship where sex does not have to be exclusive or restricted to one another.  Sex to them is seen as a desire, where it needs to be fulfilled and whatever what it wants, without shame or restriction, and it need not be tied to the emotional connection of love. Their relationship would also likely work in real life as there is a prevalent idea of hookup culture in today’s society. There are many people are having one night stands without the need for emotional connection, using apps such as Tinder, Grindr, Bumble etc. providing people to have sex with for couples that want to have sex with other people without falling in love. 

Perhaps viewing a successful non-monogamous couple such as Ellaria and OBeryn would provide many real-life couples to view their own relationship in a different light. Sometimes monogamy can feel like a restriction rather than comfort for some people, and the separation of love and sex is not an option considered before. Seeing representations of non-monogamous, unmarried and bisexual couples such as Ellaria and Oberyn provide the public with a look at how there is such a large variety of ways to have a loving relationship with a person, and the possibilities are really endless for their own needs.

Written by: Emily Fallows

[gameofthronesblogs]

Daenerys Targaryen: Is Her Journey to Power Really Liberating?

Daenerys Targaryen is a fictional character in the TV Show Game of Thrones. Her image and persona as viewers recognize her is as Khaleesi (queen) mother of Dragons, an unstoppable and powerful woman. She is often seen as a feminist figure, inspiring women to be powerful strong leaders such as herself. This of course may have changed since the ending of the series where Dany has a change of heart, but I will focus on the majority of the portrayal of her character. One could argue that Dany is a very progressive figure as a female leader, though what is often forgotten is how exactly she came to this power. She originally starts off the show almost unrecognizable to the end of the show, not so much in looks but in character traits. She actually begins her journey as a soft, young, gentle girl being sold off as a bride to Khal Drogo by her brother Viserys. How exactly does her change of character happen? 

First, Dany is portrayed to be afraid of her brother Viserys, who obviously hurts her if she ever disobeys him. The following is a scene where Viserys is threatening Dany, explaining to her she must please the Khal so that the deal he made with him is solidified. 

She does not talk back to her brother and makes no action of stopping him either. She is then sold to Drogo, wearing a very sheer dress to show her body clearly.  She does not speak, and neither does Drogo, he simply looks at her. 

It is clear that what is the ‘selling’ point of a wife, is her body. This implies that the wife in this transaction is to sexually use them. This later manifests on their wedding night when Dany feels she has to have sex with Drogo. She is used as a piece of property, owned by her brother, and sold to another man, to now be owned by him. This is very similar to real-world practices that were popular in the past, and still occur for some people. Interestingly, the practice of marriage celebrations where the father ‘gives away’ the bride to the husband was originally created because the father actually owned the girl, and was placing ownership to the husband. 

Once she marries Drogo she has sex with him, to 1: consummate the marriage, but 2: as a duty she holds to her husband. This is reflective of real-world practices of marriage, where the exact same ideologies are upheld. It is apparent that Dany does not enjoy their sex as she cries for the duration of it portrayed in the scene. Dany is having sex with Drogo here, not resisting or saying stop, not because she actually wants to be having sex, but because she feels she has to. Dany knows that if she does not, she will not be “pleasing” her husband, and if she does not do that, then her brother will hurt her.  After this initial sexual encounter, Dany asks for advice from a servant on how to sexually satisfy a man better. The servant shows Dany how to do this by apparently taking charge of the encounter by going on top of him and making eye contact, and being more aggressive.

 Dany then later does this with Drogo as she goes on top, maintains eye contact, and apparently makes the sexual encounter more enjoyable for both of them. From that point on they are madly in love with one another. 

It is important to note that after crying during sex with Drogo, Dany sets out to improve her sex life- not for herself- but for Drogo. It was not Drogo who seemed displeased with the sexual encounter but in fact the crying Dany. The solution to Danys problem for her is to please her husband. Also, the advice given to her is to take charge and have more control over sex. All Dany does is go from doggy style positioning to her on top. This apparent switching up of sex positions makes Dany more in control? And the switching of positions also apparently makes sex more pleasurable for her and Drogo- because the problem before was apparently the sex position- not the coercion. I think the message the show is giving in having Dany do this, is not very liberating to Dany, but in fact, only giving her a sense of control to please another man. It also enforces the idea that it is the women’s job to please her husband, and that if they can please their husband, it is better for them as well. 

It also gives a sense that sex is the most important part of a relationship to have love. Because Dany is now having better sex, they all of a sudden fall in love. It makes it seem like they love one another because of the connection they made during sex. There is no other action that gives the impression of a bond being made between the two characters other then a physical one. There must be more to a relationship then sex, though it can be important, does it really mean it has to lead to love? 

Not only are Dany and Drogo now in love with one another after locking eyes while having sex, but Dany has also gained self-confidence. She stands up to her brother when he tries to hit her and carries herself with more confidence and authority. As queen to Drogo, she now holds some power over his people. Her features do not appear soft and fragile, but suddenly stronger. Now, as wonderful as it is to have a strong independent female character in media, was it really progressive in the way they ‘gave’ her this power? Dany does not gain confidence for herself, or by herself, but instead does so to please a man. It is great to have women gain confidence in themselves and realize the power they can hold can be equivalent to a mans, but if it is given to them by a man is places this idea that they can not get it by themselves, or even have it by themselves, but rather it must still be given to them. 

Dany later becomes independent without her husband, commanding many armies, and freeing slaves, controlling dragons, clearly portraying strong women. 

Though this is important to recognize, her leadership is often brought back to her marriage with Drogo, and how her relationship with him was a domino effect on her power. On many occasions, Dany says how her actions are reflective of what her late husband gave her, in the third book of Game of Thrones, Dany amazingly says, “my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise”. Does this not instill the idea that all that she has accomplished is stemming from a power given to her, not inherent? For women to realize their potential, they must understand it is something they have already, without the need to be given it from others. 

Written by: Emily Fallows