g0dteeth

[g0dteeth]

as always - i'm here to complain about my health.

finally heard back from accommodations. they approved my documentation and i have an appointment scheduled with them on monday to discuss the best course of action. i have now failed 2 exams and i'm fucking devastated. i have 2 more exams next week, and i'm trying so hard to study it's just... so hard to focus when you're constantly lightheaded and nauseous. i made the mistake of looking at my hr patterns on my apple watch and over the last week(s) it's literally ranged from 42 to 183. like what the fuck is that? i know, obviously that heartrates change with what you're doing and that most of it is normal but it isn't for me? not this high/low. i usually run from 60-110 or so?

i'm not sleeping very good, now, either. i keep waking up short of breath with my heart pounding. like what the fuck is that x2?? i never have trouble sleeping. usually all i do is sleep lmao.

i can't wait for the 20th when i can talk to my electrophysiologist again. i'm supposed to call him that day and discuss the results of the heart monitor that i'm wearing right now. i need to be able to explain to him that i literally am not functioning.

i also emailed the assistant dean of students under recommendation from one of my professors - he hasn't gotten back to me yet but hopefully he will today & i won't have to worry about that all weekend.

[g0dteeth]

more health complaining TW

hi literally like, falling asleep? or - momentarily losing consciousness? don’t know how to describe it. i have to close my eyes because of the blurry tunnel vision, an then when my eyes are closed my hearing is kinda goin in and out… idk in class is miserable!!!! i think it’s time to seek either a medical leave or to lighten my course load. i don’t want to do it but i am fucking miserable.

[g0dteeth]

HEALTH STUFF TW !!!

i reached out to student accommodations today because i am. So fucking sick. i don’t even know what they can do for me, but i just. i need them to at least let my professors know that im not lying when i tell them hey im sick LMAO i could barely even get dressed this morning. it was fucking miserable. and the nausea is back full force. fuckin gagging and shit. can’t take much more.

[g0dteeth]

i don’t want to keep harping on my heart issues here - but i also don’t want to keep thrusting it on my friends either. so under the cut will be a very long ramble about everything i’m dealing with right now.

triggers include: heart problems, cardiac surgery mention, side effects, withdrawal from an antipsychotic, obviously shitty mental state, gun mention? but nothing like - bad or harmful? just my brother practicing. cheating between my parents & finally a brief mention about my dog’s health at the very end.

i’m so scared, guys. i know that i made the right decision choosing the ablation now that ive done some research on both it & the pacemaker, but im still just. fuck!! they have to BURN MY HEART??? yall. like what!!! watched a video about the procedure and there’s this like rare side affect wherein the esophagus gets a little fissure in it & bad stuff can happen ! i’m like ??? i ALREADY have esophageal issues - (the reason i have issues in the first place is when i swallow - as explained in my previous post ) i don’t need any more!!! but i also know i have to have this done if there’s any chance that the other symptoms im having now are related to the heart issues— which im pretty sure they are. will know more in about three weeks when my cardiac electrophysiologist goes over my heart monitor results with me.

i just. i’ve always been relatively healthy - i’m super overweight but otherwise? i’m fine. except for this problem. the syncope started when i was like 15, but the other symptoms didn’t start until like… 2020/2021? like, i first saw my doctor for nausea in my freshman year. i was so sick then i literally was throwing up outside class and then gargling some water and going to class like nothing happened.

i switched schools and it helped some being back home - so i do think that some of it was anxiety, then, but now? it’s not. i can be completely fine and just be throwing up. other than that, like, i’ve been relatively fine until i came off of my abilify in december. it ?? rocked my world. those withdrawals were the worst thing i have literally ever been through. since? i can’t breathe to get dressed, i can’t walk my dog, i can’t do steps, i can’t sit/stand up from a laying position, i can’t bend over, suddenly im having major blood flow issues to my hands and feet, i can’t go out to eat because i get so nauseous post-meal that literally the last 4 times i’ve been out i’ve thrown up in their parking lot. the lightheaded dizzy sensations are… endless. i can just be sitting in class and i have to close my eyes and like, try not to pass out. before coming off the abilify i didn’t have syncope or pre-syncope symptoms other than when i was eating. now, i will say that i haven’t actually passed out any other time than whilst eating but even still the pre-syncope is… it’s just as bad; other then i’m not hitting my head like i did the last time i passed completely out.

the cardiologist AND my regular doctor did a poor man’s tilt table test, and it came back both times just below the threshold to be diagnosed with orthostatic hypotension. but i have so many of the symptoms of it, and suddenly im anemic. my doctor doesn’t think that the anemia is causing any of these symptoms, but it could be. i start an iron supplement this week. fingers crossed maybe it helps??

but my ablation is scheduled for july 18th. thank god that it’s summer and i don’t have to worry about trying to do school around this procedure. i’m supposed to get out same day, depending on multiple different factors. but i’m hopeful! and scared lmao.

on top of all of this, i’m freeballing the whole mental health thing. when my psych took me off my abilify, she prescribed vraylar but because i was suddenly having such severe symptoms she took it away again to make sure it wasn’t a reaction to that. i’ve been off it for over a week now and the symptoms are just as bad - if not worse. i’m fucking miserable and i know all my friends are tired of hearing it and im worrying my mom and dad to death. but - i just don’t know what to do. i feel so goddamn pathetic. we tried to have a family day out today because on top of ALL of my heath issues, my family almost fell apart because of some not-so-great decisions my father made with another woman. we’re trying to heal things - but i can’t even be out of the house long. we went out so my brother could shoot his gun and then we went out to eat and i was so fucking sick the whole time. my throat suddenly (as in, for the last two weeks.) hurts so bad on the one side, and it’s making my ear AND teeth hurt. i’m worried there’s something wrong in my throat because when i’m swallowing water smth like catches on the side… idk. it’s weird to explain? i haven’t talked to my doctor ab it yet. see her on the 12th i think.

it’s just so fucking ridiculous and i really don’t know how im gonna make it till july like this. i cant even take an edible when im having these symptoms because they exacerbate the lightheadedness/dizzy sensation so badly. i have a whole fucking semester left taking more credits than i’ve ever done before… i’m just so overwhelmed, scared, and just plain sick.

AND on top of all this there’s a little knot on my dog’s rib cage that has me fucking … just, like, petrified. im tired, guys. so fucking tired. i need like - comfort, if you have any kind words please leave them. i need it.

[g0dteeth]

so, my cardiologist appointment did not yield good news. I have known that i have a rare form of syncope for a long time. however, as it turns out, this syncope is very much heart related. the cardiologist said i have two options. to have a pacemaker put in OR to have an ablation done.

from what i understand.... they stick catheters into different parts of my body and run them up to my heart and then basically stimulate my vagus nerve and initiate the syncope so he can ablate (he said he would burn it.) the part of it that is causing the electrical blockage between the top part of my heart and the bottom part of my heart. the blockage is causing the top part of my heart and the bottom part of my heart to beat out of sync. the top part continues beating, sending the signal to the bottom part of my heart to beat - however, when i swallow food it is triggering the vagus nerve and the vagus nerve is blocking the electrical signal from the top of my heart & causing the bottom to stop beating. cutting off blood flow to my brain, causing me to pass out. this isn't life threatening really, but it is dangerous because i pass out very frequently and it is dangerous for me to eat standing up / in locations where i could fall off chairs / beds / etc. i have hit my head before and we just don't want that to happen again.

so, july 18th i will be having the ablation done to avoid the pacemaker. i am,,,, so scared. there is a chance that the ablation won't work, as my form of syncope is so rare that the ablation hasn't really been done for it. (they usually do it for patients with afib) however my cardio is VERY optimistic. for now, i'm wearing a 2 week heart monitor so he can get a good baseline look at my heart rate pre-procedure because it is quite likely that my heart rate will go up post procedure.

all this is to say that i may be very spotty here for awhile because i'm so stressed out with school and this. OR i may be here constantly looking for a distraction. idk yet. just uh. keep me in your thoughts, i guess?

[g0dteeth]

not me getting up at 4am today and literally i have to go ALL day to school and then gotta do a four? five? hour drive(ride? i don't drive.) to cleveland for my cardiologist appointment that is at SIX FORTY FIVE AM TOMRROW.

[g0dteeth]

my mom just left to go spend the weekend w my dad. soooo once i finish my homework i will be around to bother yall all weekend. twilight things, maybe?

[g0dteeth]

thinking so many loud thoughts about jasper right now please come write with him

[g0dteeth]

❝         s'not.         ❞         he   responds   quietly,   a   hint   of   a   smile   playing   at   his   lips.         ❝         you   have   edward   to   blame   for   that.      he   asked   me   -   well,   he   told   me   -   to   stay   away   from   you.      for   your   safety,   of   course.         ❞         it   wasn't   that   jasper   enjoyed   being   a   walking   statue.      no,   edward   had   required   it   of   him.         ❝         would   you   prefer   i   be   more…      talkative ?         ❞  

𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔, @g0dteeth.

❛ it's like talking to a wall. only you get more from a wall. ❜

[g0dteeth]

since i probably won't launch the wolf multi until summer, because this semester is shaping up to be very busy... i may throw my favorite oc from it over here just bc. so lmk if you wanna hear about mutt, my lovely little non-binary werewolf.

[g0dteeth]

i did absolutely nothing over winter break but be sick. so, yeah!! sorry about that 😭 school starts today n IM so !! ahhhh.

[g0dteeth]

missing everett. come plot with him? <3

[g0dteeth]

still thinking ab my werewolves. but also thinking about twilight. so yanno my brain just out here LMAO

[g0dteeth]

thinking very loud thoughts about the werewolf ocs™ mutt, in particular, has my heart rn. can't wait to tell u guys ab them!!!

[g0dteeth]

idk what happed to that post. tumblr glitched out tf

[g0dteeth]

still thinking about this!!! might work on it when i get home.

dreamed i made a multi full of werewolves in their own original universe & it was so spicy. they were all connected and had such cool little blurbs.

[g0dteeth]

dreamed i made a multi full of werewolves in their own original universe & it was so spicy. they were all connected and had such cool little blurbs.