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NIIIIICOOOOOO

nnnnnnnnico

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“I can’t f***ing read”

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Niall Horan You and Me // ZAYN Insomnia

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the worst feeling is when you feel like you’re annoying the only person you wanna talk to

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Am I that easy to replace?

One song that describes what I’m feeling right now is creep by radiohead.

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I wish I was special...

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Harry Styles for Gucci Cruise 2019 Tailoring Campaign (Photographed by Glen Luchford)

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A dream that will never be

I just want to be the reason behind that smile

I just want to be the guy who makes your day

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Bleed

I wake up Today is the first day That I won’t call you mine After all this time I’m relearning how to be myself without you Thought I can’t breathe without you But I’m doing fine

  The first time Harry realized you weren’t his anymore, was when he stood at the doorway and he can’t move himself and can’t bring himself to breathe either. He’s anchored down almost, and not even anything as powerful as threatening couldn’t move him that time.

  His posture was sloped and his eyes were hazy with tears and he refuses to make a sound, the only thing to be heard was tossing of clothes and shuffling around the room but he couldn’t hear his words because he knows it wouldn’t be heard.

  He feels numb to everything but heartbreak.

  “Y-you’re gonna leave me?”

  The words sounded off pathetic to his ears and he can’t help but clench his hands and unclench them with so much urgency, curling his toes as his mind is all over the place and focused at the same time it’s confusing him, not daring to step closet to you whose back is turned to him and he feels his heart flutter when you flinch.

  “I don’t want to leave you.”

  Harry’s heart slows down and he knows what he’s hearing is right, all worry vanishing from his place and he’s stumbling over his words, the rolled-up sleeves of what he was wearing on the night-out tight against his arms when he raised them up to comb through his hair frustratedly.

  “Then please don’t.”

  “But I have to.”

  Both your sentences collided at the same time and it knocks the breath out of him again, a whimper unconsciously coming out of his lips and the green of his eyes looked absolutely dull even if compared to how the area encasing them was red and irritated and it’s barely been half an hour ever since he started crying.

  “What — what do you mean? Why are you — no, no! Don’t pack that!”

  He thought he was gonna be absolutely silent the whole time but he can’t bring himself to be, striding over to snatch the shirt you were about to put as if it would hinder your departure, looking down on it briefly and it pierced right through him.

  Was a yellow shirt, but it looked like to him as something he’d want to see you wear everyday because it gives him the vibe of happiness every time you did put it on much to his delight and it is happiness but it looked faded and dull and it’s not the shirt that didn’t bring him the opposite of sadness; it’s who wears it and that’s the one he’s supposed to object in being taken away from and not a piece of clothing.

  “What do you want me to do?”

  His whisper goes through and he’s desperate to have some answer even if it’s the vaguest because he wants to fix this more than anything.

 “Want you to find someone else.”

  Harry would scoff at the idea if it wasn’t for the situation that the only thing leaving his mouth were broken sobs, shaking his head to what you’ve said and he doesn’t want to do it nor believe that you would want him to do such a thing but he doesn’t want to be convinced with your eyes that were telling otherwise compared to what he believes.

  He simpers and he’s looking for any hesitation in your eyes and it breaks him when he can’t find any, hands falling limp on his side and he stutters.

  “Don’t want anyone else. Don’t want anything else. Please, love, just stay. Would do everything for you.”

  The sight of him breaking down is enough to put someone to their knees in their attempt to calm him down and it softens you, not as the same way it renders you with the urgency to drop everything you’re doing and hush him until he stops — it renders you now as a friend as you consider yourself to him these past few weeks of thinking about your decision, and prompts you to wrap your arms around his waist.

  It felt weird touching Harry for the first time in weeks, and he’s never changed around your grasp, only if were someone that’s the closest to him feels on how tight he grasps you and it’s with utter desperation, but it didn’t at the same time.

  “You don’t need to anymore.”

Until I hear your voice It haunts me every now and then Your ghost It cuts me through every memory and I Just wanna run away But my feet are anchored underwater

  The second time Harry realizes you weren’t his anymore, was when he was shifting through voicemails to find the one Jeff sworn he sent awhile back.

  “Should get a new one.”

  He mumbles to himself when the process isn’t going fast enough, groaning to himself as only three minutes have passed but he’s getting tired listening to conversations half-way to know if it was Jeff’s, about to call him to prove that he really didn’t send one.

  He was about to take a nap in his couch because the lack of doing something and coming down from something exhilarating as writing and recording in the studio made him absolutely knackered, and there’s this voice he hears that’s so fucking familiar and it makes him sit upright.

  “Hi, Harry! M’coming over later, s’that okay? Well — wait, that’s stupid. You aren’t home.”

  It’s your voice and it snaps him right to his core, looking at the phone and it’s the only thing that’s grounding him from not having his heart beat so quickly since it’s the one that reminds him you aren’t there.

   A beep sounds and it signifies for another message and he’s just about to rush over to the landline again to reply that voicemail but he’s cut off, with your voice again, and the realization sinks in him faster than he’d like it to.

  Drafts.

  The last words of your voicemail weren’t meant to stab him in the heart in guiltiness, but it was meant to be said to yourself since you’ve just realized at that moment that he really wasn’t there at his house — and that message wasn’t really meant to be sent.

  God, he remembers it now. The way you’d always complain about your phone at your flat because it’s pricey yet it’s extremely hard to work out no matter how much you read the instructions included in the box. And he was meant to buy you a new one as a surprise; only that he didn’t get to do it.

  “How was your day, bub? Just got out of work, and my boss — fuck, this isn’t about me.”

  Harry’s sat there in his melancholy and then he realizes on how much he’s missed you, and the fact that he was reminded of it using only your voice made him think it’s that much worse.

  He has a ton of unsaid words on his mind, and if only you were to say that in real-time, he’d scold you in a second because how your day went is as important as how his went, and then he’s gonna have to coax the little story you have originally prepared for him about how it went when you get too flustered.

  Your voice plays for a little more, and there’s a string of voicemails meant for him and they both have the mix of the ones you meant and didn’t mean to send.

  And the words are just spilling out of his mouth.

  But you can’t hear them now, can you?

Now you’re coming back Ooh can we make it? This wreckage that we’re at We’re trying to save it Bruises on our hands Talking on the phone Oh, I’m drowning It hurts to be alone Oh, we’re going back I can’t let you go but I need to I’ll bleed if I have to

  The third time Harry realizes you weren’t his anymore, was when he saw you at Nick’s party without the slightest idea that you’d be there.

  “Where did you buy that white long-sleeved shirt again? Wanna buy one for Sarah.”

  Mitch asks him and it makes him shake his head, raising his hand to dismiss him as he takes a sip of his drink and it confuses his friend momentarily, but he gets what he meant quickly.

  “She could have mine.”

  It warmed his heart that Harry really was ready to give that shirt of his to his girlfriend, but he’d rather not have him do that because the last time he gave something of his to someone else, he suddenly regretted it because when he saw those boots that Harry L. bought for him as a gift for the end of the tour, he knew that the shirt he gave to a friend was the one that would be the most suitable for the pair of it.

  “Why are you givin’ me that look?”

  He accentuates and he raises his shoulders, giving his friend a look of disbelief and amusement because he’s always given that Mitch look in where he just squints and pouts his lips as if he was thinking but in the same time looked like he was dismissing, and it’s very confusing.

  Harry was about to explain what he thinks of the look his friend is giving him and his eyes roll, lingering around the room to find Sarah to back him up on this one.

  And for God’s sake, he freezes again.

  The chill he’s having extends from the back of his ears to the bottom of his spine and it’s goodebumps all over again and the taste of metal in his mouth.

  Doesn’t know if he’s lucky to have seen you after four months of not doing so, and the wound in his heart was only faint and it took him the majority of those months to have it as that.

  And it’s square one all over again, both the feelings he felt the first time he saw you and the last.

  Harry’s feet walked on their own and they don’t coordinate with his heart that’s hammering against his chest painfully fast, and even Mitch doesn’t see it coming because he’s suddenly whipping his head around looking for his friend who he swears was just right in front of him a second ago.

  His hand is tightened around his glass and the contents of it keep sloshing around the rim of it but never spilling, and it resembled his heart pouring over upon seeing you.

  It’s like you never left.

  Or that you left.

  He doesn’t know the difference because you’re just so lovely and looking so bubbly and happy, and he ponders if you still would’ve if you never left and he never fucked up.

  He knows the answer to that but he doesn’t want to know.

  “Y/N.”

  Harry raggedly breathes out and it takes you in surprise too, hesitantly yet in the same time eagerly turning to face to whom the warm familiar voice belonged to and he looks dashing if you admit.

  Doesn’t know what’s going on in your mind and his eyes are frantic, just taking you in completely and looking on how the corners of your lips are raised and the drink you have the same as his.

  There’s this pull in him that just wants to put you in his grasp, and it’s powerful that his mind wasn’t even able to comprehend it when he embraced you.

  Nor even comprehend when you embrace him back.

  You feel so warm and welcoming and he’s happy by that because you’ve never changed with that aspect in you, faintly remembering that every friend of his that you’ve hugged telling him the same exact thing.

  “You’re really lovely.”

  He whispers against your ear and it’s enough to make you chuckle and say a ‘thank you’ back, and he only realizes to let go of you when he feels a pair of eyes on the side of his head, and he doesn’t know either on who it belongs to.

  “Never not lovely, y’know.”

  Harry adds and he’s a stuttering mess and he’s trying to calm himself down because this is all too much to take.

  Your scent that he loves and yearns for is overwhelming him and he wants to get away from it and breathe it in at the same time.

  It’s not the same when he sprays your perfum to his pillows all around his house when he got around to buying it for himself when you left, and he realizes that it just makes him sadder yet in the same time a little less empty.

  Your touch that he craves is on his back rubbing soothing circles as you offer him a glass of water and he genuinely doesn’t know how to feel.

  Harry shakily takes the glass from your lips and he brings it to his lips, eyes hesitantly looking to your warm and concerned ones and it hits him.

  Hits him that you changed for the better, and he’s the reason you needed to do so.

  He’s not the better.

  He’s thinking of you as a friend, as someone who treats him the way you always did when you were more than one, and he doesn’t know if he has to hurt about the treatment yet the lack of the label he wants back.

  Harry shakily smiles, and he wants to put his hand on top of yours without thinking of how snug and perfect they wrapped around his.

  If only he could.

I’m reciting out This secret language that we share Maybe you’ll hear my voice from where you are I’m realigning All of the stars up in the sky Disconnecting you and I ‘Cause I’m alright

   The fourth time Harry realizes you weren’t his anymore, was the day after he met you again.

  He wakes up without an alarm and without the dread to get up not unless he has a plan for that day, and that’s maybe four out of seven times in a week that he does get up.

  His sleep was peaceful, and he had less intervals in between them of just wanting to do something besides resting the past weeks.

  His phone was on silent, and he’d normally be a bit worried that it is because he thinks for worst case scenarios from time to time, and he isn’t compelled to check it just for the sake of it.

  He didn’t even feel the slight hangover he thought he was gonna have last night from about the three drinks he had, and that either says something that he’s too used to the alcohol or his immune system has just gotten stronger.

  Harry fell asleep to the thought of you.

  And his heartbreak was put to the side because the both of you didn’t rehash anything that happened in past and he’s thankful because he doesn’t know if he could muster another breakdown right in front of you for the second time that night.

  “Love, where d’you wanna go today?”

  And maybe he woke up too to the thought of you.

  Harry isn’t answered and he turns and god he wish he hadn’t because he isn’t faced with what he fell asleep to thinking in his dreams.

  You’re not there.

  You weren’t really there.

  You haven’t been there for so long.

  His face falls and so does his heart, and he’s anxiously biting on his lip in disbelief on how could he have thought that you were actually there with him.

  Or even more, the thought in his head that you never really left.

Until you touch my skin You’re sounding all of my alarms Imagining What it’s like to be wrapped back in your arms I’d run away But my feet are anchored underwater

  The fifth time Harry realizes you weren’t his anymore, was when he was pissed-off his mind drunk, but not that pissed-off his mind drunk kind to not forget you.

  “Half a year.”

  He kept mumbling to Mitch who’s worried for him and if only he knew that the half a year he was talking about was today, and that it’s been half a year since he lost you.

  He’s looking at him warily, and he just decides to remove all the alcohol he could be in reach with and he’s talking to Harry as if he’s a toddler that he’s gonna get him some water, to not leave, and that they would leave right after.

  But Mitch doesn’t even remember to take his friend’s phone, because he doesn’t know that your number were one of the only five things Harry knows in this state of mind, and one of them was to properly dial it.

  “I-I need you right now.”

  He says as soon as he call goes through and he’s mumbling to describe his surroundings the second later, and there’s tears pouring down his cheeks all the while.

  He really does need you, and that’s why he called.

  He needs you in every way he can think of.

  Harry needs you back and needs you for himself. And he can’t believe to himself that it’s been half a year that’s he been going by without you and the days he went through felt so long and he hates that thinking about on what you can call a sad milestone, it feels fast.

  He remembers being in bed all day and being completely a bum to be with. Doesn’t have words poked out of him not unless your name was mentioned.

  He’s missed waking up before you, and he’d fight anything just to see how your chest rises and falls again while your hand is holding whatever body part that’s closes to you or something you’ve gotten a hold of while you sleepily move, and sometimes it’s his hair, his arm or his waist.

  Missed seeing you sometimes smile in your sleep and being real happy when he sees you do it because it was so rare for him, and he’s taken a picture of you doing that and it’s compiled to an album of you, both in his phone and in the shelf he has.

  “Hey, c’mon now, are you okay?”

  Harry barely notices that it’s been twenty minutes now and that Mitch’s watching him from the bar as he calls the driver and follows his gaze that lands on you.

  His hair is being pushed back by you to have a better look at him and he’s all messed up.

  There’s this pull again, and not a second later that he has himself engulfed in your embrace he took initiative of starting and there it is again.

  Warmth and welcomeness and everything he misses.

  He tears up and he’s fisting the back of your shirt again as he nuzzles his head to your neck, lip trembling and he doesn’t know how it’s only been half a year.

  And he may or may not have gotten drunk for this, and maybe has found reasons and excuses just because.

  Harry wants to know what it’s like to be wrapped around your arms.

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Why do I even bother?

I just want to cuddle with the person I want.

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I am no expert when it comes to using tumblr. Can someone please help me? Huhuhu

Loser Asian Kid

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thank u

I just want to thank whatever supreme force there is in the universe for leading me to you. Even though, there is a possibility in which I may not be the guy who’ll make you smile. I’m happy that in this lifetime, I’ve met you. Hopefully as my soul travels to the next one, I’ll make sure that our souls will meet again, and I’ll have it stay that way until the end of eternity.

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Please don’t fuck me that hard, UPCAT! I BEG YOU, PLEASE GO EASY ON ME. I’M NEW

Virgin Beni

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✨

My stranger will soon arrive. Whether it be a he or a she, chubby or skinny, tall or small, and whatever other contrasting adjectives out there. 

All that matters is that I’ll be waiting here!

Waiting to love that stranger regardless of his/her flaws.

Waiting for that perfect stranger to sweep me off my feet and take me to the places that I’ve always wanted to go.

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Awuuu

Pia if you have time can you rec me some coffeshop AU's for ziall

hello my love, as you can see by how long this took me i had no time, sorry about that! since there’s a criminal lack of coffee shop aus, here’s a list of fics that are either a) at least in parts set at a coffee shop or b) set somewhere similar-ish…………

amidst all the weather - this one is probably the most popular coffee shop au even though it really only starts in the coffee shop…i get it though, it’s really fucking lovely

paper cup hearts - as classic as coffee shop aus come, but wonderfully done

on a wednesday in a cafe - i love the idea behind this!!! it’s so cute!!!

i see you off in the distance - writer!zayn meets uni student!niall and they do cute stuff like fall off skateboards together (also fall in love obviously)

if i could, i’d only want to make you smile - niall owns a coffee shop and writes cute messages on the cups he sells a mysterious businessman (*eye emoji*)

coffee - reading really old fic is great because you get these past versions of them described so vividly you kind of can’t take them seriously but this is real cute anyway

monday morning - short and sweet “meet cute” set in a coffee shop?

who needs dubai? - shhh it counts as a coffee shop au! (coffee shop employee niall crushes on customer zayn and guess who he runs into one long night at the airport)

i love you a latte - girl!ziall doing lots of pining around a coffee shop - i’m sold!

i don’t have a sweetheart (yet) - another cute as hell girl!ziall coffee shop au (what more could you want than niall calling herself a raging lesbian shdfjsj)

 somebody to you - this is a five universes fic but one of them is a coffee shop au and all of them are SO worth the read!!!

amour doux - okay, it’s a french bakery and not a coffee shop but i can’t leave it out

just falafs - the title suggests it and yes, it’s a falafel shop not a coffee shop but the tags are accurate: “it’s not a coffee shop au but it might as well be” and a fucking cute one at that!!!

where everybody knows your name - a pub au and not a coffee shop one, so basically the same but a little angstier skhfjs but no i really do love this a whole lot

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Made myself some lockscreens while the internet was out, you can have them too.

BTW here are the songs and artists, definitely check them out pls:

Kiana Valenciano - Does She Know IV of Spades - Hey Barbara Over October - Never Stop Ben&Ben - Ride Home

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Hello everyone!🐶💛