fridaynightquotin

[fridaynightquotin]

Boyfriend: My Girlfriend is too tall for me to kiss her on the lips what do I do

Pico: Punch her in the stomach, then, when she doubles over in pain, kiss her.

Ritz: Tackle her.

Kapi: Dump her?

Nene: Kick her in the shins!

Girlfriend: NO TO ALL OF THOSE JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN

[fridaynightquotin]

Girlfriend: BF and I are no longer dating.

Boyfriend: Babe that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married

[fridaynightquotin]

Boyfriend: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Pico: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

[fridaynightquotin]

Girlfriend: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Boyfriend: This is a lie.

Boyfriend: I'm literally dating her. This is a lie.

Boyfriend: SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE WHAT IS THIS

[fridaynightquotin]

Boyfriend: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.

Boyfriend: Fruits that do live up to their names?

Boyfriend: Orange.

[fridaynightquotin]

Pico: I'm having problems with a guy...

Darnell: Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems?

[fridaynightquotin]

Senpai, shakily: Please, just tell me what the book is about. The plot, please.

Pico, reading an annotation on the cover of a book, unfazed: A subversive masterpiece. A deep and touching story. New York Times Bestseller. Go fuck yourself.

[fridaynightquotin]

Girlfriend: Did you have to stab them?

Nene: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.

Girlfriend: What did they say?

Nene: "What are you going to do, stab me?"

Girlfriend: That’s fair.

[fridaynightquotin]

Girlfriend: "Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss" this and "Manipulate Mansplain Malewife" that. What about "Reduce Reuse Recycle."

[fridaynightquotin]

Daddy Dearest: I WANT TO DANCE! I WANT TO PLAY MY DRUMS! I WANT TO PLUG MY BASS IN, AND LAY A SLAP RIFF OVER THIS! .....BUT MY WIFE IS ON THE SOFA WITH A MIGRAINE! .........SHE IS MY WORLD!

[fridaynightquotin]

Pico, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Boyfriend: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

[fridaynightquotin]

Girlfriend, to Mommy Mearest: How do you tell someone you want to hit them with a brick politely?

[fridaynightquotin]

Boyfriend: We all have our demons.

Boyfriend, arm around Girlfriend: This one’s mine.

[fridaynightquotin]

Pico: The Ocean is a soup.

Darnell:

Darnell: Elaborate.

Pico: What is needed for something to be a soup?

Darnell: Eh... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Pico: *Tilts head*

Darnell: The Ocean is a Soup.

Pico: The Ocean is a Soup.

[fridaynightquotin]

Pico: Remember, BF, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Boyfriend: I think I crossed that line when I got a girlfriend.

[fridaynightquotin]

boyfriend: you keep sending assassins to kill me but every single one falls in love with me

[fridaynightquotin]

Boyfriend: how the hell you spell showfer

Senpai: Chauffeur

Boyfriend: ooooo fancy pants rich mcgee over here fuck you

Pico: Spelling bee ass

Boyfriend: he gon give me the definition next