freshcelerysticks

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fresh cut flowers: :(

put em in water: :D

poppies: thou believe thee can separate me from the source of my very life? Foolish mortal! Thou art sorely mistaken, thou shall have no part of me so as to display my corpse in thy mansions, making a garish mockery of my fate. Thou shall have none of mine splendor, only the stalk of which I was born. poppies: How you like them apples

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farmer: so what's the matter with her doc? Why's her udder so small?

vet: I'm sorry, but she has a bad case of IBTs

farmer: can we treat it? What is it?

vet, pushing his glasses up so they catch the light and do the anime shwing: itty bitty titties

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bageera: I can't believe you let Mowgli go rafting by himself! He would've gotten swept over that waterfall if I hadn't gotten here in time!

baloo: so you're saying, him going over that waterfall would've been a dis-raft-er

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[camera turns to a dairy farmer in a cowshed. He waves and smiles in a YouTuber tutorial way]

"hey guys, today we'll be showing you how to milk a cow. Now, this is the closest some of you will ever get to touching tits so pay attention."

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if I sprinkled glitter on Michael Jackson would he be sparklheehee

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peter: if we sent a teleporter into a black hole to find out what's on the other side of the event horizon would they get back before the universe ends?

tony:

peter:

tony: I thought preschool didn't let out for another hour

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me: who the hell invented mint peas like they're so impractical, they don't do anything for your breath and they go mushy if you keep them in your pocket

everyone else at the wedding:

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we have this farm car that's probably older than the sun and held together by duct tape and prayer, and the inside latch for the driver's door doesn't work, you gotta roll down the window and stick yr lil pooper scooper out and open the outside door handle and I can't help but think how much that would suck if I ever got into a high speed chase and I had to bail out the door and roll into the bushes while the cops raced after my unmanned dinosaur car, like one second lemme just *neeeeeeyeeeeeeyeeeeeyeeeeee*