forgetmenotsweets

[forgetmenotsweets]

body - a piece of me

My fantasies intertwine with my nightmares; the ground trembles with me and cracks. 

I am nothing but my thoughts and my body forgets what it means to be human; soars through the gaping hole of your doom and mine. 

I grasp for something and I writhe in hopes I find solace in my pitiful hands never managing to graze anything but the atoms in the air. 

My bones clatter when I hit the ground. I collect them calmly. 

Carrying my shattered skeleton in my arms, I use my hands to place them down one by one. I am nothing but a squelchy glob of my own flesh as I leave a trail of grease and blood as I move animatedly.

My bones are so perfect, I think. When they’re laid out like this, they are so beautiful.

I look up to find that the depth of the crack in the Earth is greater than I thought, but I’m not too concerned. 

If only I hadn’t lost my precious bones as I fell. Only if the meat that covered me in a sheen of what disgusted me the most, splattered first.

I would have perhaps liked myself more that way, to bare my skull to the wind and my femur replace my beefy thigh. 

A bird snips by, only inches from my deformed face. It calls out a song in the echoey midst. I can’t exactly tell if the whistle comes from the animal or the wind that has picked up. 

Upon listening closer, I realise the chirping sounds more like a cry. It is all too human, and I look for the animal. As I waddle around, every step sounding wet, I walk towards the cry which has now become a clear, almost familiar voice. 

It is wretched, as I can’t quite put my finger on why I recognize it. I just wish to be alone. I wish to agonise my ugly limbs and unlikable breasts. 

But I begrudgingly search for the thing that disturbs my peace, and finally turn a corner from where it shouts the loudest. 

I don’t expect to be faced with my intact skeleton. Bare, just as I’d wanted. In all its dull, bony glory. 

My God; it looks hideous. I am repulsed, I feel my guts whirl and whorl. I have no bones to be chilled, but if I did they’d have gone cold from my disgust.

My skull tilts to the side, and my hand clacks as I raise them to my uncovered teeth. It is a terrible sound. 

As my flesh stumbles back to get away and plops onto its back, I am no longer in it. I am neither my osseous matter, nor my muscles and lipids. I observe from a state of no consciousness, and refuse to listen to the voice that attempts to pull me back. 

I jolt awake. It had been a nightmare.

My tongue scrapes against my teeth in my desperate need to feel muscle against bone, and I sigh. When I sit up and feel my heavy legs, I see my femur and shin through the skin. So vividly a dirty yellow that makes my insides come up, yet I cannot bring myself to thank the crevices of my fat tissue and tensed muscle that they cover the bones beneath them, either. 

It is not that I hate what they can do. This fleshy, structured body is the house of my spirit. 

But this house smells so putrid. And I don’t wish to be somebody if it means I must stay under this roof, walk on these floors and be told that there is beauty in the walls of this rotting building.

I deeply ache to love without the fear that the foul smell of here will reach the nose of somebody I hold close.

By Lotus

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hello, this is a poem/free verse i have written in a moment of passionate emotion. im not here to receive compliments or criticism for my writing, just to share it with whoever is willing to read it. i hope you found something in this piece that speaks to you, and if you didn't, i appreciate that you read it at all. most importantly, i truly hope you do not resonate with this writing. good day!