flytrapman - Tumblr blog

[flytrapman]

Welcome to Your Simulation

Welcome to Your Simulation

** BREAKING NEWS ** Reality is not real. We’re living in a simulation. Thank you for your patience and understanding. The regular scheduled programming will begin shortly. We can't trust our senses or perception, it's just five types of natural deception. Nobody can hit this off button, that's the distinction, between playin' PlayStation or livin' in a simulation. Sleep, wake up, shower,…

[flytrapman]

Halloween 2022: Fun-sized Variety Pack

Halloween 2022: Fun-sized Variety Pack

A tiny devil desecrated my neighbor’s tree with toilet paper…it must be Halloween. Stay away from vampires smoking cigarettes in the local graveyard. Trust me. You now have an excuse to cover your head with a bedsheet and nobody can judge you. Boo. This fun-sized variety pack contains photographs, short story snippets, poetry, and a video clip. (Don’t wolf down the whole bag or something bad’s…

[flytrapman]

Hanging with the Witches

Hanging with the Witches

Shhh…take some early Halloween candy. Sink your plastic fangs into this lyrical creation inspired by historical New England witch trials. Watch out. Don’t let your neighbors see you park that broomstick in the garage, or the last necklace you wear might be made from rope. Go where the midnight moon glows, feel cold earth under your toes. Beyond where they lay the living to rest, take the hand of…

[flytrapman]

This is Why Mars Sucks. Again.

This is Why Mars Sucks. Again.

Did you stock up on sunblock and petroleum jelly while it was on sale? Ladies and gentlemen, strap yourself in, this one is going to be a real burner. Prepare for your eyes to bulge out of their sockets…we’re going to Mars. Again. The BIGGEST Disappointment in the Solar System Here’s something they don’t teach people in kindergarten: Mars isn’t the biggest planet in the solar system, it’s the…

[flytrapman]

Two-sentence Horror Story: Boy from Andromeda

Two-sentence Horror Story: Boy from Andromeda

Today Flanagan, the boy from Andromeda, celebrates his eleventh year on planet Earth. Parents step into gooey puddles on the front lawn as Flanagan waves his new blaster in the air. “Who else wants to play laser tag?”

[flytrapman]

Your Stocking

I hung your stocking It’s lumpy and quite heavy Your foot’s still in there Drawing By Poet Rummager Happy HorrorDays !!! Merry Krampus !!!

[flytrapman]

Free Nightmares For Everybody

Free Nightmares For Everybody

Boo! If you’re expecting a treat, wait until you fall asleep—your sweet nightmares may contain a nougat center…if you’re lucky. Dark chocolate? Nope, just dark, because some ghouls people are allergic, and everybody must suffer equally. You understand.

Here’s a little something for all you vampires and ghosts. Feast your eyes on my basket of spooky images. Please keep your rolls of toilet…

[flytrapman]

Still Here

My neighbor’s dog wasn’t eating cicadas—it was eating…something else. I don’t remember going outside. Videographic data proves my senses are still grasped upon the fine edge of reality, because the sky appears not to be playing by the same old rules. What the hell do I know about such things? Decide for yourself.

How much is a single slice of normality worth to you? For some people, it’s worth…

[flytrapman]

Turn it Off

A microchip won’t stop blinking—faint light pulses from a tiny triangular lens.

Last night I bashed a hammer against my radio’s head until I couldn’t breathe. But that damn microchip never stopped blinking. You should turn off your radio, too. Permanently.

A few dying words spewed from my radio’s broken mouth. I don’t know…the broadcast announced another mass exodus. Some people are…

[flytrapman]

Think Twice

When the sun goes down, shadows can’t be trusted. Paranoia warps darkness into a canvas that stretches beyond the borders of reality, while our fears use nightmarish colors to paint obscure visions upon the void. Watch out.

The NWU may have been compromised. I don’t know…some of the emergency broadcasts contradict each other. Our gut is only thing we can trust.

I recorded what I saw outside…

[flytrapman]

Interference

Did the thunder keep you awake last night? It sounded like another bomb…or something else.

My biotracker is still disabled. Ignore the latest emergency public announcement—that message wasn’t created by us. High-altitude flying machines dangle propaganda on barbed hooks. Nobody knows what happens to the people who take the bait. Don’t remove your identity shroud. Let’s wait for the next NWU…

[flytrapman]

Look Up

Turn on your radio and listen to the latest NWU broadcast. Something is interfering with my radio signal. I can still hear a few words through the static.

Wait.

Someone said the unusual sighting have been confirmed, and we should stay inside until further notice. That’s all I heard. Sorry.

I don’t know…everyone could be suffering from a mass delusion caused by the isolated perspective…

[flytrapman]

Something is Out There

Something is Out There

Anyone still here? I’m awake. Nations World United News said there have been numerous reports about…I don’t know…people seeing things in the sky. I can’t be the only one who hears the noise.

Nothing has been the same ever since we been told to stay inside. I’m sure you remember what happened last time when they told us everything was fine and dandy. There’s not enough dirt to bury the victims.

[flytrapman]

Did You Hear That?

Did You Hear That?

I can’t sleep. Someone is crying outside my window. I don’t know…could be just the wind or an animal.

I’m still trying to get some shut-eye. I been browsing through a big steaming pile of shitty facts about celebrity mansions. The noise won’t stop. All the lights are off. Right now I’m looking out the window and see my neighbors staring at something in the sky. I don’t know…perhaps it’s only…

[flytrapman]

Shooting for the Moon: Free Photography Guide & Instructions

Shooting for the Moon: Free Photography Guide & Instructions

Are you going outside to photograph the Moon? Hold your rocket boosters—study this free guide and learn quick, easy techniques that you can use tonight. Don’t have time to become an astronaut? Your photographs will bring the Moon down to Earth.

There are 5 main ways to photograph the Moon.

(composite and webcam imagery not included in this guide)

Scenic landscape

Telephoto camera…

[flytrapman]

Halloween 2019: Bite-size Monsters

Halloween 2019: Bite-size Monsters

  Ghosts, ghouls, and goblins are eating candy corn…horror movies haunt our television set…it must be Halloween. Put on your hockey mask— we’re gonna scurry down the sidewalk and take a closer look at nature’s miniature maniacs.

  1.

Bite-sized Monster: “Poisonous” caterpillar (banded tussock or American dagger moth)

Beauty is in the Hair of the Caterpillar

    American Dagger Moth Caterpillar /…

[flytrapman]

Talkin' Smack: Bigfoot is Real

Talkin’ Smack: Bigfoot is Real

  This is a tale about a creature who lives in the forest.

Somewhere in the densest,

darkest,

or farthest.

  Naysayers say there’s not enough to go around…

…can’t have big feet…

…if there’s nothing to eat…

…can’t propagate…

…if there’s not enough to mate…

…that’s the kind of stuff people regurgitate.

  Bigfoot is just a myth, legend or…