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Right Before Your Eyes | read on AO3

David’s got a burner phone of questionable origins and a world to save. Patrick…has a few questions.

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Hi! Tell us about the "HAHA johnny pov" WIP please!

Gladly! It's a 5+1 (written in Johnny's POV because apparently I hate when writing is easy) about Johnny trying to engineer family bonding and it (mostly) going wrong. Here's a bit from #4:

--

"Unbelievable, Moira. This is unbelievable. Our kids are--"

"Unbelievable, dear, I heard."

Johnny points at her. "Right." This whole thing was far more effort than it was worth. Johnny can't be expected to do everything for this family. What a bunch of entitled--

"John?" Moira asks. "Did you, perhaps, neglect to tell our progeny of this Dickensian little get-together?"

Well. "Fuck."

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HAHA Johnny POV sounds very interesting 👀

Mostly I'm mad at myself because writing Johnny POV is VERY VERY VERY hard! But the gist is a 5+1 about family bonding Johnny tries to initiate, like 5 times it didn't work and one time it did. Here's a bit from #2:

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"Moira, can you grab the kids please?"

Muffled shrieks over the sound of the water in the shower are the only response he receives, which he knows from long experience is a reluctant yes.

"I'm going to grab the game from the car. Five minutes, dear!"

A bang on the door is his confirmation.

"What am I looking at?" David asks half an hour later, after Johnny stands at the foot of his bed and tugs his leg hard enough that he finally rises, muttering about stretched fabric and maligning the tailoring of Johnny's suits for some reason.

"It's Monopoly, son." Honestly, he wonders what those tuition bills for private schools that encouraged open inquiry and critical thinking went to sometimes.

"Thanks," David says. "Why is it in your room?"

"We're having a game night." Johnny rubs his hands together. This was one of his better ideas.

Okay, so Jocelyn had actually brought it up. She was talking about Twister though, and Johnny isn't planning on using the rules she and Roland do. For obvious reasons.

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Oooh, music man AU??

Patrick the traveling music festival organizer! And David the Schitt's Creek transplant who can't believe that his family went through all this bullshit with Eli and *still* can't spot Patrick as a scammer! This fic is over 3/4 done and it's high on my list once I finish the fic that's almost post-able. Here's a bit from David and Patrick snipping at each other:

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"David," Patrick says politely. It's so annoying, the way that he acts like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

Okay. So he's got to stop rereading Fried Green Tomatoes before someone gets him a fainting couch and hand fan. This week has been stressful, and no one is taking him up on his banned books display.

"Patrick."

The cool tone must snap something behind Patrick's glossy veneer, because his smile slips before he ratchets it back into place. "Is there something I can do, David?"

"Excuse me?"

"To catch your ear," Patrick--opaquely--clarifies. "I have something I'd like your help with."

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hi hello, I JUST watched Stardust for the first time a few days ago and I need this au in my life. Please tell me more? 😍

Ahhhh of course!! The idea of this one is that David and Alexis fall out of the sky and Patrick finds David. Then the two of them are looking for Alexis together. Here's a lil snippet/the best joke I've ever made:

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“You have a Schitt candle,” David breathes. Wait. “<em>You</em> have a Schitt candle?”

“Yeah,” Patrick says dejectedly, holding out the stumpy bit of wax. “I have a really shitty candle.”

“Oh my god,” David mutters under his breath. But still, maybe there’s a silver lining to this whole cloud thing he’s got going tonight, except that metaphor has never made sense and also it was a fucking necklace that knocked him out of the sky, not a cloud and certainly not a cloud with any kind of lining. Time passes slowly while David thinks, weighing his options. He can either make it clear to Patrick that he’s right—and he does so love being right—or he can make a grab for the candle and hope it’s got a long enough wick to get him to Alexis. He lifts a hand, then sighs when the chain wrapped snugly around his wrist chafes.

Ugh, this is going to be so annoying.

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WIP game

thank you @maxbegone for the tag!

post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it. and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

(this isn’t all of them but all of them is TOO MANY so here’s six)

exes to lovers

sweet home alabama AU

stardust AU

music man AU

ski instructor fic

HAHA johnny pov

Tagging @yourbuttervoicedbeau @hullomoon @sarahlevys @hagface @delilah-mcmuffin @lilythesilly @kindofspecificstore

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"No! No-no-no-no-no-no-nooooo!"

"No! No-no-no-no-no-no-nooooo!"

David sighs and nudges Patrick's bag toward his husband with his foot. "Honey, I'm sorry; you were outvoted. This is just as hard for me as it is for you."

In this moment, Patrick can't believe this is the man he married. "You can't just force me to take a day off, David--that's not how co-owning a business goes!"

drop the first sentence of a fic in my ask and i'll write the next five

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Send me an ask with the first sentence of a fanfic and I’ll write the next five.

Saw this on @resting-meme-face‘s blog and wanted to try it.

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I like you. I like you so, so much. You’re not hard to get, at all. You’re hard to earn and it’s… so much better.

SET IT UP (2018)

dir. Claire Scanlon

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i’ll love you for the rest of my life

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*slides in on rollerskates* oh hi there, about to queue a bunch of stuff and do some ask memes sorry it’s been two months

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your honour i think they’re (platonic) soulmates for @davidbrewer

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May 12-26: Elevate! 2021 Sign-Ups Are Open!

The time is NOW!

Elevate! A Schitt’s Creek Femslash Exchange is all about celebrating the Ladies of the Creek in love, sex, friendship, and fabulousness.

Get your ticket to The Gateway NOW!

Important Dates:

Please note the below have been slightly adjusted since our announcement post last week.

Sign Ups Open: May 12-26

Matches Delivered: By June 2

Works Due: July 16

Works Posted: July 19-23

Works Revealed: July 26

FAQs:

Can I submit a solo work? Yes!

If I’m going to submit a solo work, do I have to fill out the form? No!

If I want to partner with a writer to create art, podfic, or something else, how do I get that set up? Email us at elevatefemslash@gmail.com and we’ll get you connected!

If I want to partner with an artist, podficcer, or someone else to have work included with my fic, how do I get that set up? Find us at elevatefemslash@gmail.com and we’ll take care of you!

Are there any restrictions on who can sign up? We only ask that fest participants (exchange and solo) be 18+.

I have more questions! We have answers! Find us at elevatefemslash@gmail.com!

Sign up today! And in the meantime, you can check out last year’s works. See you in The Gateway!

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The hike AU. I really want them all but this one makes me curious.

David had his suspicions about this picnic, no matter how he hid them around his mom and sister. Patrick had been far too eager to brush off David's reasonable follow-up questions about what they would eat and where they would go, which was saying something considering Patrick's general indulgence when it came to David.

But that hadn't been enough on its own. Then David had asked if Patrick minded postponing for an hour or two while he made a quick run to Elm Gulch to drop off some library books and pick up a few that were on hold, and Patrick's face had dropped in a way that would have been too much even for David.

So David was suspicious.

And then he saw the gross, unwieldy, and slightly smelly no matter how much Patrick protested hiking backpacks sitting in the backseat of Patrick's car when he pulled into the motel lot to pick David up.

That wasn't happening. Patrick tended toward fanatical when it came to his hikes, but David needed those to stay a solo activity.

Plus, his sweater would not do well with physical exertion.

So he lingered by the car door before getting in, bending down to tie his shoe and popping up just in time for his mom's customary lobby top-up of her morning coffee.

And then he softened under her pleas to fold the programs this time around, hesitating just long enough for Moira to clasp his arm and drag him inside. Patrick followed behind, just like David knew he would.

They could do an actual picnic some other time, when Patrick stopped engaging in malicious subterfuge to get him alone on a mountain for some unknown reason. And if Patrick did pack food, David could still eat it without exercising like Patrick was going to trick him into doing.

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David Rose: too willing to compromise? (...gen? unclear) 👀

"You don't have to," Patrick says behind him, making David jump and curse.

"Ugh, must you always move so quietly?" David runs a hand down the line of his sweater where it always manages to crease after a particularly physical day. "It's unnerving."

"David."

"Patrick," David teases, affecting the take-no-business-prisoners tons his boyfriend gets into sometimes during vendor contract negotiations.

Patrick runs his fingers up David's arm lightly, lingering around his elbow but not doing anything more like grabbing or squeezing or making any sense. "You don't have to let people tell you what to do like that, is what I mean. If you don't want to do it."

David frowns. "Don't want to do what?"

"Things." Patrick huffs a breath through his nose. "Things you don't want to do."

Oh.

David doesn't want to have this conversation, if they're talking about things he doesn't want to do.

Still: "It's just Jocelyn and Ronnie. That's just how they talk sometimes."

The humming noise Patrick makes when he lets a subject drop is also not a thing David wants to do. Hear. Whatever. "If you say so."

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For the WIP ask game: GG AU? 😘😍❤️

"Oh my god." David would pace around the room, but his back made an ominous twinge last time he tried to stand up, so he restrains himself. "I'm fine."

"Well, you look positively green around the gills."

David turns his--very human, thank you very much--head to follow his mom as she wanders toward his kitchen. It's dangerous for multiple reasons. She'll either comment on how he feeds both Jordan and himself or she'll, god forbid, try her hand at cooking.

"Can I help you with something?" He calls after her, hoping that whatever she wants won't require him to get vertical. Or move his arms. Or his neck again, because that kind of hurt.

"You mustn't worry so much, David. You'll give yourself more frown lines."

He sighs and closes his ears to the slander until he hears pots and pans clanging around.

"David! What does burning smell like?"

"Oh my god, get out of my kitchen! What are you even making in there?"

"I can't simply abandon my enchiladas at this stage!"

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a hike au you say??? 👀 tell me more!

While they're both contorted into pretzel shapes in unwieldy hospital chairs, David elbows Stevie in the ribs. "You seem worried."

"Ew." Stevie shakes her head. "I'm just--interested. In what totally innocent explanation your dad has for that fainting maneuver."

David wrinkles his nose and holds out the bag of chips Patrick had shaken free of the vending machine. Stevie takes a handful even though she always complains that salt and vinegar chips taste like battery acid. "Would we call that a faint?"

"Why were you even at the motel, anyway? I thought Patrick had planned a really cute picnic." Stevie pitches her voice up and drags out the last few words. David would be offended if it wasn't a surprisingly decent impression of him telling her about his plans last night.

He hums. "Would we call that a picnic?"