fishinblack

[fishinblack]

This is your friendly reminder that we're still in a pandemic, it hasn't magically gone away, and if you're feeling unwell or have recently spent time around positive people, don't go to that Christmas gathering you inconsiderate pieces of shit.

Merry Christmas! ❤️

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Just got solve a wonderful puzzle thanks to a delivery driver and work out where in the world this was.

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When you know what you need but have no idea what it's called...

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"I didn't know you smoked."

"I smoke every once in a while. Helps kill the tension."

"When did you get so tense?"

"When i started smoking."

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Important question. If dubstep is in a foreign language, do they dub dubstep? And if they release it in multiple markets, is that a double dub dubstep? And if the dubstep is about taking a bath, is that a double dub rub a dub dub dubstep? And if that is the name for this, have we dubbed the double dub rub a dub dub dubstep a "Double-Dub-Rub-A-Dub-Dub-Dubstep"? Ok... So maybe not that important.

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The fun thing about skin conditions:

Skin: Ow. I'm dry and sore. *tries moisturiser* Skin: Now I'm even drier. *tries expensive moisturiser* Skin: AHHHHH! IT BURNS! *tries expensive prescription cream* Skin: YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE! *Repeat 37 times* Skin: ... Me: ... Skin: ...Yeah ok.

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"Please cancel my account." Certainly, please complete the attached withdrawal form. "I don't want to withdraw funds I want to cancel." You can cancel your account by submitting the withdrawal form. "Your brochure says I can cancel my account within the cooling off period." And you absolutely can. To do this, please fill out the form. "Just CANCEL my ACCOUNT!!" Just FILL OUT the FORM!! "I can't believe how complicated it is to cancel an account with you!" IT'S NOT!!

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Someone keeps leaving a fork in the coffee tin at work. I know it's the thought that counts, but the thought in this case appears to be "I'm going to put a fork in the coffee tin."

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"You know what they say. 'Treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen.'" I have a different rhyme. 'Don't be a jerk you despicable human being.' "... That doesn't rhyme." I am aware of this.

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"You are what you eat." What are you eating? "Me."

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"Hey! I'm downstairs at the coffee shop, still up for that drink?" Ha! April fools! I don't actually exist. Fooled you! "Ha ha very funny. You coming or not?" THE NUMBER YOU HAVE CALLED IS NOT CONNECTED. PLEASE CHECK THE NUMBER AND TRY AGAIN.

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The phrase I type about 100 times a day is "Thank you for your email" and it's pretty automatic. Occasionally I trip over my fingers and end up contracting it and what gets left is "Thank your email." ...THANK IT.

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Wow, it's been four years since I did anything interesting on this day. I'm duller than I thought.

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Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Seriously, he'll bite your face off. ...Happy Birthday.

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Always feel awkward when I have to write a "Dear John" letter to members, but, well, sometimes they're named John.

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"Dear Super Fund, Ass requested, please find attached." ...*delete*

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"Matt, could you tell me the tone of the rug over there?" "Why?" "Just tell me please, Matt." "But why?" "MAT HUE, MATTHEW!"