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your blog inspired me to keep my pregnancy and keep pushing. Thank u

Wow, this is amazing! It’s honestly all God’s grace, congratulations! 

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Share more of ur life. How did u come to know God?

I actually gave my life to Christ at 15. It was actually December 31, 2009. There was no altar call, I prayed a prayer to God out of a broken heart and desperation. I had just experienced a horrible breakup, missed prison by the skin of my teeth due to gang-related activity, and had been ghosted by many friends. I do intend on sharing more of me beyond my pregnancy in time, bear with me x

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do more posts pls

I will do :)

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Write more often please!!

Aww Trying to! Thank you for reading ❤️What topics would you like to see?

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God, I think I’m pregnant, Now What?

Eeeeeeeeek So I have been working on this devotional and it is almost ready guys! When I first was asked to write a devotional, I thought what shall I write about? So many ideas came to my mind, the last thing I wanted to touch on was pregnancy. I never wanted to be the girl known for her pregnancy lol. I have moved on and wanted to reflect that.

To be honest, my pregnancy broke me down. Whilst it was a truth I didn’t want to admit, God needed to break me completely so a new Millie could emerge. This girl has grownnnnnnnn, and no - shes not perfect, but she's striving to learn and to do better.

My story isn’t pretty. But its real and I know loads can relate. I cannot wait for those of you who need it to read it. I thought I’d preview day one. Let me know your thoughts! You can drop a comment (or question) anonymously, just look at the sidebar.

Day 1

I want off by saying that you are loved.

Even when you don’t feel it, or see it, God loves you, irrespective of how much of a failure you think you are.

God has a plan for you and your life, and believe it or not, God has a plan for your child.

You may have just taken a pregnancy test and found out that you are expecting, or you could have known for a while. You may be debating options. You may be single, married, divorced or young, whatever you may be...it may be a shock that you are still trying to come to terms with, it’s hard, trust me I know.

When I found out I was pregnant, my whole world came tumbling down. I was single, young and still living in my mama’s house. It was the worse thing that could’ve happened to me, at the time. Everyone I told was shocked at first and then disappointed, and I was so disappointed in myself. I felt alone and I felt like a failure. But I was none of those things and you are none of those things.

Looking back now, I can see that even my moment of despair and even in your moment of despair, God’s love carried me, just like His love carried you here. The truth in His word saved me and saved the life of my child. Lives that will be used for His glory, lives just like yours and your child’s.

Irrespective of the circumstances or the situation, I want to you to meditate on this scripture today:

Romans 8:28 (TPT) - “So we are convinced that EVERY detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfil his designed purpose.”

Believe it, or not, God knew you would be here in this moment. He is all knowing, and although you do not know what to do, He does. He can and will use this for your good and His glory, if you are willing. He can work this out for your good.

I want you to surrender this pregnancy to Him. I want you to trust Him with each day and ask Him to fulfil His words in Romans 8:28.

PRAYER: God, I’m not sure what to do. So many things run through my mind every moment, will I be a good mother? Will I be able to provide for my child? How will life be if I choose to keep this child? God I’m scared, but I know that even when people may fail me, You won’t. I want you to use this for my good Lord. I choose to trust you, I believe that you will take this and weave it to fit in your perfect plan which will bring goodness in my life. You will be my hope, my strength and my help.

Amen.

- m x

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KEEPING MY BABY UR BLOG HELPS ME

Aye! To God be the glory!! Congratulations mama ❤️

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can u write on taboo topics for christians?

I can do! What do you suggest?

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what is ur story? so inspiring i love the writing

Aww, maybe I will share it one day! Its still being written though lol 😂

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you have a unique genuine fire. Keep writinglove it

Thank you!

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God’s Promises.

When I found out I was preggers, I was a mess. And I remained a mess for the entire pregnancy. In fact, it's still quite possible that I’m still a mess lol. But what I mean is I had lost all hope.

Eventually (cos ya girls hard headed), I learned to lean on God’s promises. They have sustained me through the good, the bad and the really ugly.

I don’t know what situation’s y’all are facing, maybe its the death of a loved one, a failing marriage, a broken heart, the loss of income, depression, anxiety or something else, but I thought I’d mention my faves and what they mean to me.

Maybe you can hold onto them too. 

I couldn’t not start with Romans 8:28 - “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

This means no matter what has happened to you, no matter what you have done, if you allow God to, he can use it for your good and ultimately for His purpose for you. That means no matter what’s happened, God can and will use the ugly for his glory and as a part of your calling. Perhaps even the main part.

I do remember when I was reading this verse in the early days, I thought it meant that when things work out for my good, then it will work out to the good I had in mind. But that’s not the case. God’s good isn’t your good. But know like a good Father, whilst it may not be what you want, He will give you the very best in every circumstance. Trust that He knows better and will do better. If you let Him.

Isaiah 61:7 - Your shame and disgrace are ended. You will live in your own land, And your wealth will be doubled; Your joy will last forever.

I actually have this tatted on my hand. It means every terrible thing you’ve endured will come to an end. It also means because you have endured a terrible or hard thing, God’s hand is actually moved to double your wealth and your joy.

I remember listening to a message to Joyce Meyer where she explained it like this: because you have been afflicted and have lost joy, money, a family, love, a job etc, because the enemy stole those things from you and you remained faithful, God is actually required to give you a double portion of exactly what you lost! How awesome is that?!

Isaiah 61:3 - To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

What I love most about this is beauty for ashes. I love that God promises to give you something beautiful for something that killed you. It's a constant prayer topic of mine that God would make my life beautiful and fragrant of His glory.

Isaiah 43:1-5 - 1 But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.  Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.

Yes this is a long one lol, but its actually the other tattoo I have. Its so easy to feel worthless in this world, like nobody cares, or truly understands but this reminds me that God does. He redeems you, so He sees you as if no mistake or sin happened. You are His. I strive to give my son nothing but the best and God feels the same way about you. When you walk through trials that burn and drown you, God promises to be there with you. He said He would give up a whole nation for you. Because you are precious, honoured, loved and cherished. Reading this reminds me of how much my maker will fight for me when I can’t fight. It reminds me of his faithfulness even in the hardest of times. It always encourages me. And its also the foundational scripture to the worship song Hillsong - Another in the fire, which I lalalove.

This was fun! These gave me so much hope. And they still do. I have so many more and will maybe release them once a week? 

God’s word is so powerful that when everything dies, it will still remain.

God is working out everything for our good! Keep praying his promises. He is faithful. Although it may not be pretty now, when He is done, your life will be beautiful and you will be so glad you trusted in Him. 

- m x

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Catching Feelings.

I haven’t blogged in a while and lot’s of you have been asking for more posts so I thought I’d start. I’m a lil rusty I’m sure, just bear with ya girl.

I saw this image online and it triggered me. If there is anything I am good at doing - it is ghosting lol, trust me many can testify. I do not spend lots of time on social media so this whole COVID-19 thing has left me beyond bored.

Example: It is currently 03:25am. My son’s snoring peacefully. I have watched every show and every movie under the sun. I have cleaned (almost) every area of my home, my fridge is stocked, my wig is laid, there is literally nothing to do until Cairo wakes up.

I haven’t been inspired to write, but then I saw this and whew chile. It was a much-needed reminder. Whilst its a mood for every decision you make. It’s also a heavy mood for this season.

In this season where many of us are left with nothing but time, we are also left with ourselves. When this whole quarantine thing began, I mostly felt like eating and sleeping, and so I did. After a few days, that was boring so I felt like catching up on a few seasons of my favourite shows, and so I did. After a few days that was boring, so I decided to catch up with some friends, and so I did…you get where I’m going lol.

Alllllllll over the christian-web every tom, nick and harry are screaming that it is a time to be quiet before the Lord, pray, get close to Him bla bla bla, and I’ve taken it in as I’ve scrolled past the explore page on insta, trying to look at memes lol, but once I saw this I deeped it.

This season can make you feel like its time to chill, relax, catchup with friends etc. But that is what you feel. I can’t stress enough how living by your feelings is dangerous. Feelings are flimsy and they are often deceptive. Whilst you may feel like chilling, socialising, posting more, interacting more, I want to challenge you (as I challenge myself) to live in this season according to your purpose. Sounds incredibly cliche I know *facepalm* but it's true! 

During most of my pregnancy and maternity leave, I had and have been in a type of isolation. What I have learned is that if it is longterm, friends, tv, social media and food get you through the beginning, but that all gets boring after a while, then you’re really left with yourself and your thoughts. It’s been a week and this isolation is expected to last eight. Whilst all the stuff that comes with being sociable is fun, how much of it is edifying? How much of it holds the power to anoint you, change the direction of your life, nullify a mistake, or bring a blessing?

If you are a leader, now is a time to pray and cover your sheep in the blood of Jesus, now is a take time to pray over your sheep’s issues and intercede for them as well as talk to them. Now is a time to edify yourself with the word, books and sermons so you can go into the next season heavily anointed, don’t emerge from this quarantine the same, but rested…have a fresh fire for God, have new ideas, dig deeper into who He is, fall in love with Him again.

If you are a creative, this is a time to be creative with the Lord. Don’t be deceived by your talent, you still neeeeeeed to be anointed and that comes with time spent seeking the Lord’s face. Your talent may draw men but anointing keeps them captivated. Anointing gives you that mysterious thing they love but can’t replicate. Lock yourself away, pray your flesh away, now you have the time, write, sing, draw and work on pieces that will call many to Christ during, and after this questionable time.

Now is the time to draw near to Jesus, so really draw near to him, God’s removed so many distractions, but somehow this generation still is able to get distracted. Don’t you have pressing prayer topics? Don’t you want to know Him more? Don’t you want to know His will for you? What will it take for God to get your attention and your desire? If a worldwide virus won’t make you check your lifestyle and desires, what will God have to do next to have your heart? A war lol? C’mon sis!

Decide to live in this quarantine by your purpose. Don’t be trapped by feelings. Don’t allow loneliness, depression, anxiety or sexual frustration (lol) to trap you. 

We’ve isolated ourselves from coronavirus. But let’s be sure to isolate ourselves from things that infect our souls too. 

Just my thoughts

- m x

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Stuck.

It’s been an odd few weeks for me.

My morning routine usually goes something like this..

Cairo wakes up 7-8am, I pick him up, I put him next to me in bed, and he plays whilst I do my quiet time or listen to a sermon. I then make us breakfast, get us ready and do what needs to be done for the day.

But the past few weeks, my desire to do my quiet time, or anything God related completely died. And I mean completely died.

I don’t know what it was but I just didn’t desire God anymore, listening to gospel music or sermons, reading or praying didn’t do anything for me anymore. 

None of my go-to ‘fire up the God in me’ things worked.

So I quietly prayed for God to help me. And I waited.

If I’m completeeeeely honest, I usually grow cold for God when I’ve taken my eyes off Him and I’ve grown a desire for something else. And I guess that’s true in a way. I got used to going to church, doing my quiet time, doing all the regular christian things, that I guess I got bored? lol. I dunno. It all just became...mundane. 

So what does your girl do when she gets bored? She goes on insta, snap, youtube, mrworldpremiere, netflix, asos, prettylittlething, chilee the list goes on, and on...and on.

It then got to the point where when I woke up, I went to check those things first, because my heart had now preferred those things over hearing God’s voice in the morning. It took me a while to realise it, but God was no longer leading me. My desires were. And that’s dangerous territory. 

At first, I forced myself to do my quiet time. I thought obedience is better right? That lasted a few days. Reading scriptures burned me with boredom. I thought maybe I should fast or something lol. But then my flesh checked me lol n that wasn’t gonna happen either.

So I made a decision to tell God the truth, he knew my heart anyway right? I prayed when I could. And trust me, those prayers lasted seconds...but I stated that I didn’t really desire Him anymore. Yes, I wanted the blessings, the joy, the strength, the favour, the good things He had to give. But I didn’t want Him. I prayed the truth about my current state and asked for help everyday until I felt a change.

The change didn’t come like bolts of lightning lool. It was a small nudge to listen to some worship music. One of my faaaaaavourite songs is It Is So by Elevation Worship. So I put it on, closed my eyes, and I was reminded quietly of who God was.

..His Character, His Love, His Goodness, His Glory...Then came that deeep soul satisfying feeling that I’d missed. That thirst in my soul that needed quenching. I realised I had missed Him. 

I was reminded of how David played for Saul and demons left him. Music is so powerful. It reminded me of the Great I am and it birthed in me a desire to know Him day in and day out again. 

This journey we are on with Christ is a war. 

Some days we will feel like winners, and others like a complete failure. 

But by the grace of God, we have a huge anointed armory to use on any day. 

Weapons that will never fail, just like prayer and the word, but these few weeks, I’ve learned about the power of worship. Worship that makes you look at Him and fall in love with Him. 

And I think that’s why I was stuck. My lust for other things quenched my love for Him. I needed to love Him more and He knew that.

So I think worship can be used in battle. Especially in the worst of times.

He hears it all. It’s a form of prayer I guess. Just with melody. It’s a sacred place where you can pour out everything to God.

So I dunno if you’re stuck too but don’t lose hope. Wait on Him. Pour out your heart to Him. He’s coming to save you.

- m x

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Godliness with Contentment.

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6

Like I said in my previous blog post, I’m fighting to be content in this current season of my life. This is a scripture that I have been thinking about since the new year started. We live in a time where more is shoved down our throats constantly. You have to be more successful, more beautiful, you have to attain more money, more status..you get where I’m going with this. It leaves a lot of people thinking they are never enough. Even with cookies on the web, you are bombarded with more things to purchase all the time.

I honestly think that’s one of the greatest flaws of this generation.

We are too distracted. 

We have so much information that we are overwhelmed with it. Whilst its presented in a way that looks like it will benefit us, it actually distracts us from what’s really important and creates voids within us. For example, I confess, I can get lost on the explore page of instagram for hours. What starts off as me may be admiring an outfit someone posts, then turns into omg, she’s so pretty, wonder what her life is like..*clicks on page*...wow, she has such a nice figure (feels bad about self), and her home is amazing!...aye! her frontal is lit (goes onto aliexpress to buy a similar wig)...oh and her coat is on sale on zara (buys straight away)...back to explore page...oh I know her...aw her relationship is cute (feels lonely), how cute that he buys her flowers all the time (unrealistic expectations start to form)...back to explore page...aw, she’s an awesome christian...*clicks on page*...she’s literally on fire for God all the time (feels bad about self), (looks for something to feel better and fill all the holes created).

I hope I made sense.

As great as social media is, it can destroy us. So many people portray themselves and their lives as something it isn’t. Yes she has a great figure, but she most likely starves herself like mad and spends all her time in the gym so she can take a cute pic. Is that really goals sis? Do you know how many influencers with amazing bodies also have eating disorders? 

I think that’s why mental health is such a problem in this generation. Our minds are overwhelmed with so much. They’re always taking in something. It leaves us wanting, it leaves us drained, depressed, anxious, suicidal, broken, sad, the list goes on.

I was reading in a book the other day that there is a broken tax. When you have voids in your heart that you haven’t allowed God to deal with, there is a tax you force yourself to pay. It’s expensive too. It may be building soul ties through sex with lots of people. Buying, buying and buying unhealthy amounts of  clothes, makeup, wigs cos you want to look good all the time, for specific people to validate you. Wasting money on alcohol so you can drown away how lost you truly feel, the list goes on. It’s called broken tax because whatever you use to fill your brokenness, almost always has a financial cost, but usually it costs you your soul too. Which is expensive.

So for the past few months, I have been focusing on the good parts of my life. There is so much to be thankful for. So much God has blessed me with.

Yes, I might not be my goal weight, or have exactly what I want in life. But I have what others would be grateful for. I have life. I have a good job, a beautiful son, I have peace, I have the chance to serve God. I have a sound mind and a decent sense of style lol. I’m grateful for those things and more.

I appreciate and celebrate what others have too. And I recognise that what they have doesn’t take away what I have. We both have portions to be grateful for. 

Yes, I can and will improve myself and my life where necessary, but I won't be depressed because life isn’t a certain way, or I’m not a certain way.

God is writing my story, at His pace. Things happen in His timing, in His way and I can rest in the fact that I have the greatest Author writing my life.

I won’t let Satan make me focus on what I don’t have. That will lead me into a land where nothing can fulfill the thirst he has put in my heart. That will lead me into a place where nothing makes me happy.

But if I l focus on God, if I thank Him for what He has done, what He continues to do, and what He will do...if I love Him and serve Him and force to have a relationship with Him above anything else, then I know I will be blessed beyond measure.

I encourage you to do the same.

Just my thoughts.

- m x

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20/20 Vision.

So this is about to be one of the realest posts I have ever written.

This post is going to be about depression, a subject I hate speaking on (insert wobbly faced emoji).

Once 2020 started, I took a break from my environment, from people, and it was just God, Cairo and I for a few weeks.

I stepped into 2020 with so many goals and expectations, and I knew I had a part to play in executing them, I couldn’t just say, here God, here’s my faith - do your thing. I couldn’t expect my year to be massively different if I was still doing the same things I was doing. I needed to change. I just didn’t know how.

After I had Cairo, like I said in a previous post, although it was a happy time, I was still very sad. I had experienced so much and I had so much healing to do. Throw being a solo mother into the mix, and it was a sure recipe for postnatal depression.

It took me months to realise I was struggling from PND. It only dawned on me in January as I took time to reflect. I realised for over a year I hadn’t been myself. I’d gone into self-protection mode, mamabear mode, thick-skinned mode, emotionally-numb mode, and functioning in all those modes made me lose Millie. I hadn’t been myself in over a year. I was tired, worn out, tired, exhausted, offended, hurt, and did I mention tired? There was even a point where I was physically withering away lol.

I tried to come out of those modes, but something would happen and I would go back into them, vowing never to come out again. It was the only way I thought I could protect myself. Sometimes, misery loves company, and its favourite company is you. Sometimes being miserable is the most comforting feeling, because you don’t actually know anything different anymore. 

If you know me, you know I’m always reading something. One of the books I was reading at the time was “Wholeness” by Toure Roberts and whew chileeeee, it completely broke things down for me. 

I couldn’t see past my pregnancy anymore. Life stopped there. It was such a blow for me that I couldn’t see life before it, and I was struggling to see what life would come after it (silly, huh?). But depression pulls you into a deep, dark hole.

Reading the book made me see that I got pregnant in the first place because I wasn’t whole (you’re thinking well duh right?), although I acknowledged that fact, I hadn’t actually accepted it, prayed about it, and allowed God to work on that broken part of me. Being pregnant, then caused me to become even more broken, and whilst everyone can scream forgive and move on, it just wasn’t that easy. I needed to start right at the beginning. I needed to start looking at the issues within me that brought me to this point in life, so that I would not encounter this misstep again, and so that I could actually learn and grow from this season.

I had to address every insecurity that brought me to getting pregnant. I brought them before God in prayer and asked him to help me heal. To help me overcome them. I had to take scriptures concerning my insecurities and force them to become the new narrative in my mind concerning myself and my situation.

It was then that I saw God began to really work on my mind. Strongholds were being broken because I finally surrendered the most broken parts of me and allowed his word to loosen the lies Satan had given me to live by. 

Second thing on my list was addressing this pregnancy. Whilst I love my son with every atom of my being (and then some!), I had a hard time accepting what I had done. Yes everyone makes mistakes, and yes I love my baby. I just would wish and wish he came about in a more wholesome situation.

It was a truth I had been running from, purely because to others, I was boldly carrying my cross, you could not tell me nothin’, but inside I was yelling help me! Do you know how hard it is, living a life you haven’t come to terms with yet? Being a mum is a 24/7 job, I can’t take a day, a week or a month to get my mind together, but during prayer, God managed to comfort me.

Genesis 17, talks about when God was speaking to Abraham, telling him to walk faithfully and be blameless. Abraham couldn’t wait for God’s promise (His son Isaac) so he slept with Hagar, they had Ishmael, and well, you know how that goes. 

God was speaking to Abraham after this though, saying that He remembered every single promise He had made to Abraham and Sarah. He still wanted to fulfil them. He simply wanted Abraham to walk faithfully and blamelessly before Him. I felt like God was telling me the same thing. The past didn’t matter. He’d already factored in this misstep. All I had to do was trust Him, walk before Him faithfully and blamelessly, then all I’d have to do is watch Him work out all His promises in my life, like He still wanted to do. 

Thank God. 

With more consistent prayer, and intentionally seeking God, things began to change, I began to change, my outlook on life began to change, my personality was coming back, and a better, less bitter Millie was evolving. I naturally wanted to go out more and actually began to enjoy being both single and a mother. I found myself actually being content. 

I can’t explain it but it’s like a burden has been lifted for real, for real. Even on days when I’m exhausted and parenting is hard, I can feel God’s grace giving me more energy, I can feel God giving me more strength to endure the rest of the day joyfully. 

This is when I see scriptures coming alive in my life, like His strength being perfect in my weakness, like Him being a father to the fatherless. Like His grace being sufficient. 

I’ve had so many people around me tell me I’ve changed. Honestly, it’s for the better. I can see so much more clearer now. I’m not ashamed. I’m not insecure. I’m being made whole by His grace. Literally. 

Whilst I did make a mistake, I can’t say that I would have reached this point without Cairo. Truth is, I have always been depressed, I have always had episodes of it, especially since my dad left us as children. This situation just magnified it for me. But I’m so grateful that I serve a God who is faithful. He uses everything for our good. He’s using the very mistake I made to heal me.

I’m still on a journey, I’m not perfect everyday, but, God is faithful, and I know my end will be so much better than my beginning. 

- m x

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Change.

So I took the plunge and completely shaved off my hair. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while! For so many reasons, first of all, pregnancy completely steals your edges and your hair. That combined with relaxing my natural hair whilst pregnant caused lots of damage to occur. 

Secondly, this year, im dedicating to being content with myself. Through having Crowned and studying so many women of God, I’ve come to see that there is so much power in being secure in yourself, flaws included. 

When I first had Cairo, although it was a happy time, I was still very sad. 2019 was difficult for me. Whilst I thought I was becoming a better version of myself, I was actually becoming such an over-sensitive person. These past few days I have been re-evaluating everything and asking myself a lot of questions. I’m still not who I want to be. But I’m definitely on the way to truly healing and finding security in myself alone. I’m travelling a lot this year and doing a lot of self-discovery through seeking more of God.

Part of healing, is accepting me, for me. Not always looking for people to accept who I am, what I look like, my story, or anything else. I need to be secure in all those things. I need to be content with all those things. So shaving my hair was saying goodbye to the insecure, over sensitive me. The me who was obsessed with how people felt, what they thought and what they said.

This me honestly, truly doesn’t care. She drinks her water, sips her tea, and minds her business. Her business is seeking Him. As I’m growing personally and healing, I wanted to start afresh with my hair too, putting extra care and attention into it so that it can grow into something new and beautiful too. It also forces me to look at my ‘flaws’ head on and accept them.

I will definitely rock a wig or two cos its cold out here chileeeee! But here’s to loving ourselves because He first loved us!

Fyi: When Cairo saw me after, he cried for an hour straight - so confused at who I was LOL. 

Btw: I will be posting monthly progress pics! I find those sooooooo satisfying!

- m x

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Parenting Hacks.

When it comes to being a mama, you will take advantage of anything that makes parenting that little bit easier. These three things have saved my life the past few weeks and I thought I’d share. 

1. Huckleberry App!

This is such a badboy app! You basically put in all your baby’s stats, then put in the time your baby wakes, feeds, poops and pees for three days. What it then does, is using research, gives you the optimum times for your baby’s next nap, feed, next time to change etc. It is basically parenting for dummies lol.

I use this for Cairo’s nap times mainly as sometimes he can get overtired, then he gets fussy. I will confuse that for him wanting to play, which results in him getting more fussy and the cycle continues.

What’s beautiful about this app is it basically says “Cairo just woke up, his next nap is due in 2 hours and 5 minutes”, so it gives me a timescale of how long he will be awake, and what I can do with him to fill that time. It removes the guesstimating - and then he goes down like a dreeeam and actually sleeps for a while!

2. Wonderweeks App!

This appppppp right hereeeeee. It basically tells me all about Cai’s milestones. When he will be grabbing, cooing, babbling, biting etc, you get it. What you might not know is when baby’s try to master new milestones, their body completely goes off. Sleep is messed up, appetite is messed up, attitude is messed up lol, and wonderweeks basically gives you a heads up of what is to be expected. Cairo is all about his hands atm. He loves anything you put in his hands and it goes straight to his mouth. He’s also learning how to sit up and play peek-a-boo. Whilst all this is cute, it means he’s gone back to waking up every 2 hours (insert pulling hair emoji!!!). But, what’s also awesome about wonderweeks is it tells you how long this phase will last, and it also gives you ways of overcoming all the setbacks. 

3. Hand and foot toys!

I got these toys off amazon on a whim. They just looked cute lol. Cairo is learning to grasp but he can’t keep things in his hands for long, so toys don’t keep him that entertained. These toys wrap around your baby’s wrists and go onto your baby’s feet like socks. Cairo loves these because as he moves both his hands and feet, they jingle, and they don’t go anywhere lol. It keeps him entertained for an hour max - sometimes more and allows me to do what mama needs to do lol! 

- m x

[firstcorinthians-elevenfifteen]

The Covenant of Circumcision.

So tonight I didn’t have Cai. Church were having a prayer and worship night so I decided to tag along with my cousin. It was so nice just to be in God’s presence for hours, undistracted, pouring my heart out to Him.

Pastor talked about Genesis 17. Before this chapter, Abraham had slept with Hagar, he had obviously not waited on God. He’d made a mistake. But this is what God had said to Abraham after (Genesis 17:1-8):

“When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless. Then I will make my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.” Abram fell facedown, and God said to him, “As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you. I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. The whole land of Canaan, where you now reside as a foreigner, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God.”

Abraham had already messed up. Big time. But God was ready to do something new in his life. He was actually ready to fulfil the promises He made to Abraham and Sarah prior, and was ready to restore them, regardless of their mistakes…He just had two conditions: walk before me faithfully, and be blameless. In the NIV translation of the bible, this chapter is actually called the covenant of circumcision. Pastor was emphasising that it doesn’t actually matter what has happened in the past. How big or small. What matters is the stance you take now. If you can have faith, be prepared to stop actively sinning (circumcising your flesh, everyday), remain accountable to God and remain in relationship with God, then He can, and will do more than you can think of, ask of, or imagine. No, matter, what. You may not get it right always, but with a humble heart and a truckload of grace, you will get there.

It was exactly what I needed to hear.

We also sang a song which resonated with me, I’d never heard it before, its called ‘Nothing I hold on to’ by Will Reagan. The lyrics are simple, but powerful, and although I’m maintaining so many moods for 2020 lol, this is my main one..

“I lean not on my own understanding,

My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

I Give it all to you God,

Trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me

I will climb this mountain

With my hands wide open

I will climb this mountain

With my hands wide open

There is nothing I hold on to

There is nothing I hold on to

There is nothing I hold on to

There is nothing I hold on to

All Glory To God, Forever. Amen"

- m x