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Actually, ex-Christians have earned the right to make fun of Christianity. It comes free with the religious trauma.

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@im2tired4usernames let me know if you want me to delete this cuz I’m responding to your tags but legitimately did we have the same mother? This is wild.

Some strange things that came with growing up Christian (fundamentalist baptist):

Having a new sibling every 2 years for 8 years (Quiverfull)

Having to verbally shout “that’s not true!” every time we read or watched something that mentioned evolution

Having books on dinosaurs but having any mention of evolution sharpied out

Christian book fairs

Harvest Festivals

Pledging allegiance to the AWANA flag

AWANA in general

Cry nights at Christian Summer Camp

Bible Smugglers, the classic Summer Camp game

Matyr, the other classic and totally appropriate Summer Camp game

Jesus Freak

Carman music videos

Forbidden Doors series

Left Behind series

And that’s just off the top of my head.

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Not "pro religion" not "anti theist" but a secret third thing

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"They use the Bible to push their own agenda."

That's rich coming from a Pentecostal woman but let's act like Progressive Christians are the only ones guilty of misinterpreting and cherry-picking the Bible.

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Free yourself from sin

I'm already free from sin because I don't believe in the Christian concept of sinning.

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The current term "deconstruction" is just a new word for apostasy.

They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us. 1 John 2:19

And this people has an apostate and rebellious heart, they have turned aside, and they go on. Jeremiah 5:23

I am broken with their apostate heart, which has departed from Me, and with their eyes which go astray after their idols: and they shall loathe themselves for the evils which they have committed in all their abominations. Ezekiel 6:9

All of them are turned aside by apostates, walking slanderously -- brass and iron, all of them are corrupters. Jeremiah 6:28

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Christians are so weirdly obsessed with sex and also obsessed with the world being obsessed with sex

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im not transcending shit. im chilling as me. then im dying. foh

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I’m aware it’s the ✨ religious trauma✨ but anyone who uses explicitly Christian vocabulary immediately becomes less credible to me.

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Christian Summer Camp Horror Stories, Volunteer Edition:

Major TWs in Tags

They did not employ a nurse or have anyone with formal first aid training working there.

They had a policy to keep children at camp even if they were throwing up. You were never to call their parents.

They had a lift that was broken and everyone knew just to watch carefully for the signs that it was about to free fall while you were using it so you could hold on.

We were supposed to have breaks (1 half hour per 12+ hour day) but they didn’t always happen. Those who worked through breaks got praise and those who complained about not having them got shamed.

Volunteers had to surrender their cell phones and were not allowed to call home except on weekends, even then they had to use the phone in the hallway so everyone could hear you.

If we had a problem we were not to talk to our families and friends back home but instead the owner of the camp who was our “mother” while we were at camp.

The volunteer form had the option to mark what you were not willing to do but it meant nothing once you got there. You’d be spiritually pressured into doing what they wanted eventually.

Mental breakdowns of volunteers were actually pretty common. Once a volunteer ran away and slept in a nearby field for the night. Another time a volunteer locked himself in the boys dorms and didn’t let anyone else in for an entire day. Another cried every night from the stress. I myself had a meltdown in front of the rest of staff after leadership assigned me something I wasn’t capable of and then ignored me when I tried to tell them.

When my volunteer time was up they made a public announcement that I was leaving to try and shame me into staying longer. When it didn’t work they made a member of leadership take me on a private walk and try to talk me into staying longer. When even that didn’t work, I got cornered by the owner who tried to spiritually manipulate me into staying longer.

The co-owner physically assaulted me as a 14 year old and then bullied me the rest of the time I volunteered there (which was years).

The co-owner also called an Asian camper “China” the whole time she was there because he couldn’t remember her name.

The camp as a whole was also racist towards the indigenous campers (regularly stated they were all thieves and trouble makers).

They had a dress code for volunteers but it was mostly just for the women. They had a policy that if a male volunteer complained, a female volunteer could be forced to change- even if she was already following dress code.

They had a volunteer who was repeatedly aggressive with other volunteers (and leadership) but was allowed to stay because his mother worked there as well.

The same volunteer cut out a picture of Ellen from a cereal box and tacked it to the staff lounge wall. When asked about it he said he was “crucifying her for being a lesbian”. Nobody in leadership cared.

I was also there the day gay marriage got legalized in the United States and almost every volunteer started going through their Facebook and unfriending everyone who posted positively about it.

The year I left was the year they put in their policy that you couldn’t be gay and work there.

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@jocastasilver that makes a lot of sense, thank you for responding.

To be honest, I’m shocked I didn’t see the connection between quiverfull families and the white supremacist great replacement theory sooner. In retrospect, it seems quite obvious.

“Just cuz you had a bad experience as a quiverfull child doesn’t mean that quiverfull families are bad!”

It isn’t just me though. I spent a lot of time in quiverfull circles and I’ve never met a quiverfull family that wasn’t fundamentally flawed and dysfunctional. Children are constantly parentified, emotionally neglected, and most often cannot be cared for adequately. Even great, loving parents would struggle with 7+ children (especially financially when you only are allowed 1 income). I’m not saying all quiverfull parents are doing it intentionally, I’m saying the entire concept is flawed and harmful for everyone involved. And it’s frustrating as someone who experienced growing up in a quiverfull family structure to be told that the quiverfull family is the ideal cuz it’s really not.

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Christian Summer Camp Horror Stories

I went to a few Christian summer camps as a child, here’s some stories off the top of my head.

Camp 1:

The speakers were dressed up to be what I can only assume was what they thought people from rural tribes in South America looked like. They had red and yellow and black face pain all over their faces, skirts made of leaves, and leaves sticking out from their heads (I have photos still to this day and it’s horrifying).

They also talked about native people in general in really appalling ways (basically calling them primitive for not having Jesus).

We were forced to watch a cartoon about missionaries who were brutally murdered by a tribe in South America. It was bloody and honestly made me feel sick as a kid.

Bible smugglers is a stupid game and I stand by that. Anyways, we LARP’d persecution every night after dark.

This isn’t really bad but it was weird. Girls with long hair were required to tie their hair up at the pool (cuz of the filter) but boys with long hair did not?

Camp 2:

We had to fill out paperwork detailing how sure we were we were going to heaven after we died. I was 11 maybe? I wrote down 9/10 because I was a believer but also nothing is 100%. It turned out to be the wrong answer and my counselor literally cornered me and grilled me about it. I ended up lying and saying it was a typo. They then proceeded to watch me erase my previous answer and change it in front of them.

I have a debilitating fear of heights. My parents were sure to specify I got an exemption for the high ropes course. Nobody there cared and I was told that I was a bad Christian for not trusting God to keep me safe. After being shamed in front of everyone, I agreed to climb to the top of the tree but not any further. Once I got to the top I went to go down and the worker at the top tried to bodily drag me up. When they finally let me down my counselor said “huh, you really are scared.”

I got sick and they still made me participate in camp activities even when I protested. I got told off for having an attitude.

Girls who were further on in puberty were forced to wear T-shirts and shorts while swimming. Even if they showed up in a one piece swimsuit (as per dress code).

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A good amount of nuns are lesbians and I know this because my grandmother told me, a lesbian who was a nun.

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I grew up fundamental baptist, so here are some things I did/do now that were forbidden in my early childhood:

I learn about religions and spiritualities that aren’t Christianity

I have friends of various religions/spiritualities and ones who are queer

I’m openly queer

I take anti-anxiety medication

I go to secular therapy

I curse and use the lord’s name in vain

I celebrate Halloween

I play D&D

I watched and still love Avatar the Last Airbender

I read Harry Potter (fuck JK Rowling but I had to put it on the list)

I watch supernatural horror movies

I meditate

I did yoga for a time

I have a collection of crystals (I took geology in college)

I went through a Fire Tunnel during my family’s Charismatic days

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I think the funniest way for a Christian to be islamophobic is when they refuse to refer to the the Abrahamic god in Islamic context as God, so they just use the Arabic term "Allah" as if they're two entirely different beings even though Allah means God

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@jocastasilver if you don’t mind, I’d love to learn more about this

“Just cuz you had a bad experience as a quiverfull child doesn’t mean that quiverfull families are bad!”

It isn’t just me though. I spent a lot of time in quiverfull circles and I’ve never met a quiverfull family that wasn’t fundamentally flawed and dysfunctional. Children are constantly parentified, emotionally neglected, and most often cannot be cared for adequately. Even great, loving parents would struggle with 7+ children (especially financially when you only are allowed 1 income). I’m not saying all quiverfull parents are doing it intentionally, I’m saying the entire concept is flawed and harmful for everyone involved. And it’s frustrating as someone who experienced growing up in a quiverfull family structure to be told that the quiverfull family is the ideal cuz it’s really not.

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I’m so tired