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[fine-illdoitmyself]

Aww thank you so much ☺️ I’m glad you liked it!!

Unsupervised Leave

Summary: Phoenix leaves for a weekend, or when the sole owner of the group brain cell isn’t around Bob tries very hard to step up.

Word Count: 1.1k

Phoenix had never been so excited to leave North Island. For three years she had this particular weekend cleared on her schedule. No event or appointment was going to fall on the next four days. There was only one thing on her mind. She was heading back home to be the maid of honor in her sister’s wedding.

She was so excited, she didn’t realize she was grinning until Hangman stopped outside her door. “What’s wrong with your face?”

“Nothing. This is how normal people express happiness. You should try it sometime.” She replied before lifting her bag off of the bed and swinging it over her shoulder. She walked past Hangman and headed towards her car.

Hangman followed like a shadow. “Where are we going?”

“We are not going anywhere.” She opened her backseat door and tossed the bag in. “I am going on leave for a long weekend.” Closing the back door, she opened the front and climbed in. “Do not, and I repeat, do not do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

Hangman’s wide grin in hear rearview mirror was enough to assure Phoenix that he wasn’t even going to pretend to listen to her.

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I hope you have a fun weekend. I know how much you were looking forward to the wedding. I just wanted let you know that I’ll keep an eye on the guys while you’re away. I don’t expect any problems. Tell your sister I said congratulations! Text me when you get there so I know you made it safe. Bye.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey, it’s Bob again. I’m sure you’re busy spending time with your family. I don’t mean to bother you. Um, Hangman’s told everybody that you left. I thought they knew. It turns out they didn’t because they were very excited by the news. N-Not to mean we want you gone!” He quickly corrected. “I just meant, I thought you told them you were leaving. I seem to be the only one who knew you were going to a wedding. And Coyote is the only one who didn’t know you had a sister. Hope you’re having fun!”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

For the first few seconds all that could be heard was a loud yawn. The background noise sounded like a party with loud music and laughter. “Hey, Phoenix. It’s Bob. I hope this call didn’t wake you up. Although I envy you because you’re probably asleep. I wish I was asleep. We came out to the Hard Deck. The night started really fun. I beat Payback in a game of pool. Hangman tried flirting with some girl but Penny said he had insulted so many women that she was going to call his mom after he bought a round.” He paused to yawn again. “But that was hours ago. I just want to go to bed. Maybe I’ll take a nap in the truck before I drive them all back. Night, Phoenix.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I watched that video you sent me and your karaoke skills need some work.” He laughed. “But you looked like you were having a blast. I wish I could say the same. I woke up to the fire alarms going off. Fanboy put PopTarts in the microwave but forgot to take them out of the metal wrapper…We no longer have a working microwave. Everything smells like aluminum and burned strawberries. You’re having a much better time than me. Next time you leave take me with you. Bye!”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. What do you do when Rooster is grumpy and Hangman’s being an extra asshole? They’ve been yelling at each other all day today. Over dumb stuff too! There was a ten minute argument over whether Frozen or Lilo and Stitch had better sister vibes. I tried to do what you do and stop it before it starts, but then I realized I have no idea how you do that. When you come back you should teach me your secrets.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I know you’re having a great time at your sister’s bachelorette party. So Rooster said we had to match your energy. We’re headed to that downtown bar. The one with the mechanical bull. I’ll make sure to record everything. Have fun tonight!”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. So…I just got kicked out of a bar for the first time in my life. Payback broke the mechanical bull. He was chugging a beer when Hangman flew off the bull screaming like a girl. Payback snorted and all the beer from the glass and his nose landed on the control panel. He owes the owner a couple thousand dollars for a new machine. Phoenix, he took pictures of our faces so he would recognize us if we ever tried to go back. Please come back as soon as the wedding is over.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I know you’re having a lot of fun with your sister, but I really hope you leave soon. We were playing dogfight football when Hangman saw Maverick’s bike parked at the Hard Deck. I tried to stop them, I swear! They just don’t listen. Rooster was trying to help me pull Hangman off the bike. But then it all happened so fast. Someone hit the throttle. Maverick stepped in the way. Now we’re at the hospital waiting for the x-rays on his foot. I tried to yell at them like you do, but they’re just glaring at each other in the waiting room. Oh wait, here comes Mav. I’ll call you back with an update.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. Take a look at the picture I just sent you. It was Maverick’s idea. He’s fine by the way. Just a sprained ankle. But he wanted Hangman to feel super guilty about it. So he pretended he was leaving against medical advice before they scheduled the amputation. He got Hangman to cry while he was apologizing. Coyote got the best picture of him on his knees crying next to the wheelchair. It’s a bit mean, but I think it’s a fitting punishment. See you soon.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Phoenix, it’s Hangman. Why is Bob not speaking to any of us? He said he got a call from you and now he can’t talk to us anymore? How do you even know we did anything this whole weekend? Hey, Bob. Pssst, Bob!” Quieter in the background. “Phoenix said I’m not allowed to talk to you because you’ll get me in trouble.”

“What?!”

[fine-illdoitmyself]

Unsupervised Leave

Summary: Phoenix leaves for a weekend, or when the sole owner of the group brain cell isn’t around Bob tries very hard to step up.

Word Count: 1.1k

Phoenix had never been so excited to leave North Island. For three years she had this particular weekend cleared on her schedule. No event or appointment was going to fall on the next four days. There was only one thing on her mind. She was heading back home to be the maid of honor in her sister’s wedding.

She was so excited, she didn’t realize she was grinning until Hangman stopped outside her door. “What’s wrong with your face?”

“Nothing. This is how normal people express happiness. You should try it sometime.” She replied before lifting her bag off of the bed and swinging it over her shoulder. She walked past Hangman and headed towards her car.

Hangman followed like a shadow. “Where are we going?”

“We are not going anywhere.” She opened her backseat door and tossed the bag in. “I am going on leave for a long weekend.” Closing the back door, she opened the front and climbed in. “Do not, and I repeat, do not do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

Hangman’s wide grin in hear rearview mirror was enough to assure Phoenix that he wasn’t even going to pretend to listen to her.

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I hope you have a fun weekend. I know how much you were looking forward to the wedding. I just wanted let you know that I’ll keep an eye on the guys while you’re away. I don’t expect any problems. Tell your sister I said congratulations! Text me when you get there so I know you made it safe. Bye.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey, it’s Bob again. I’m sure you’re busy spending time with your family. I don’t mean to bother you. Um, Hangman’s told everybody that you left. I thought they knew. It turns out they didn’t because they were very excited by the news. N-Not to mean we want you gone!” He quickly corrected. “I just meant, I thought you told them you were leaving. I seem to be the only one who knew you were going to a wedding. And Coyote is the only one who didn’t know you had a sister. Hope you’re having fun!”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

For the first few seconds all that could be heard was a loud yawn. The background noise sounded like a party with loud music and laughter. “Hey, Phoenix. It’s Bob. I hope this call didn’t wake you up. Although I envy you because you’re probably asleep. I wish I was asleep. We came out to the Hard Deck. The night started really fun. I beat Payback in a game of pool. Hangman tried flirting with some girl but Penny said he had insulted so many women that she was going to call his mom after he bought a round.” He paused to yawn again. “But that was hours ago. I just want to go to bed. Maybe I’ll take a nap in the truck before I drive them all back. Night, Phoenix.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I watched that video you sent me and your karaoke skills need some work.” He laughed. “But you looked like you were having a blast. I wish I could say the same. I woke up to the fire alarms going off. Fanboy put PopTarts in the microwave but forgot to take them out of the metal wrapper…We no longer have a working microwave. Everything smells like aluminum and burned strawberries. You’re having a much better time than me. Next time you leave take me with you. Bye!”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. What do you do when Rooster is grumpy and Hangman’s being an extra asshole? They’ve been yelling at each other all day today. Over dumb stuff too! There was a ten minute argument over whether Frozen or Lilo and Stitch had better sister vibes. I tried to do what you do and stop it before it starts, but then I realized I have no idea how you do that. When you come back you should teach me your secrets.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I know you’re having a great time at your sister’s bachelorette party. So Rooster said we had to match your energy. We’re headed to that downtown bar. The one with the mechanical bull. I’ll make sure to record everything. Have fun tonight!”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. So…I just got kicked out of a bar for the first time in my life. Payback broke the mechanical bull. He was chugging a beer when Hangman flew off the bull screaming like a girl. Payback snorted and all the beer from the glass and his nose landed on the control panel. He owes the owner a couple thousand dollars for a new machine. Phoenix, he took pictures of our faces so he would recognize us if we ever tried to go back. Please come back as soon as the wedding is over.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. I know you’re having a lot of fun with your sister, but I really hope you leave soon. We were playing dogfight football when Hangman saw Maverick’s bike parked at the Hard Deck. I tried to stop them, I swear! They just don’t listen. Rooster was trying to help me pull Hangman off the bike. But then it all happened so fast. Someone hit the throttle. Maverick stepped in the way. Now we’re at the hospital waiting for the x-rays on his foot. I tried to yell at them like you do, but they’re just glaring at each other in the waiting room. Oh wait, here comes Mav. I’ll call you back with an update.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey Phoenix, it’s Bob. Take a look at the picture I just sent you. It was Maverick’s idea. He’s fine by the way. Just a sprained ankle. But he wanted Hangman to feel super guilty about it. So he pretended he was leaving against medical advice before they scheduled the amputation. He got Hangman to cry while he was apologizing. Coyote got the best picture of him on his knees crying next to the wheelchair. It’s a bit mean, but I think it’s a fitting punishment. See you soon.”

~-~-

Please leave a message after the beep.

“Phoenix, it’s Hangman. Why is Bob not speaking to any of us? He said he got a call from you and now he can’t talk to us anymore? How do you even know we did anything this whole weekend? Hey, Bob. Pssst, Bob!” Quieter in the background. “Phoenix said I’m not allowed to talk to you because you’ll get me in trouble.”

“What?!”

[fine-illdoitmyself]

Live Long and Laugh

Pairing: Payback x reader

Word Count: 951

Summary: Payback tries to make you laugh.

Warnings: Bad writing?? Corny jokes.

A/N: I have never written a fanfic before, but TG:M has caused brain rot and the other pilots need some love. So here’s a goofy thought I had. 

~-~-~-~-

The Hard Deck was always home to a good time. Cold beer, pool, and a lot of laughter. Which is why everyone was there on a Saturday night.

“Guys,” Payback said, pushing off of his chair. “I have a great idea. Let’s play a game.”

Hangman rolled his eyes in response. “What are we children?”

“You? Absolutely.” Phoenix added, smirking into her beer. Hangman glared back at her, while the rest of the group just laughed.

“What’s the game?” Fanboy asked.

Payback clapped his hands together. “I’m so glad you asked my friend.” The gleam in his eye should have been warning to you all, but you didn’t catch it fast enough. “The rules are simple. One person sits in the chair.” He pulled a chair from against the wall and patted the back. “Then, without touching, you have to get the person in the chair to laugh. If you crack under the pressure, you take a shot. If you fail your mission, you take a shot.” He leaned against the back of the chair and grinned. “So who’s up first?”

And that’s how a night of absolute hilarity started. It was bad enough that you spent most of your time together training. But being able to use all that information against each other while getting drunk? Payback’s ideas usually backfired. Your arms still hurt from all those push ups. But, this one seemed to be better than most.

One by one the pilots took their turn in the hot seat. Phoenix beat Rooster with a single word. A reference to a moment that according to Rooster, should never be mentioned in public again.

Bob beat Phoenix when he shared the story of how he spent the night sleeping outside during basic training because he was too afraid to ask for directions back to the barracks.

Bob took a shot of water when Coyote performed a rousing rendition of Hannah Montana’s “Nobody’s Perfect” complete with choreography.

Fanboy beat Coyote, and around and around it went. Nobody was able to win sitting in the chair. They knew each other too well.

“Y/N, your throne awaits.” Payback said with a sweep of his arms, as he offered you the hot seat.

You set down your beer and walked over. “You sure you can handle two shots back to back?” You teased. Payback had just lost to Fritz a minute ago.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s time for you to put some skin in the game. Let’s see if you can handle it.”

You shrugged and made yourself comfortable in the chair. “Ready whenever you are Lieutenant.”

Payback started with some truly awful dance moves. Long limbs flailing about. The rest of the group snickered at the uncanny impression of the wacky waving dancing inflatable tube man. But you didn’t react. Next up were the groan worthy jokes. “Why was the baby airplane sent back to his hangar? Cause of his bad altitude.” There were boos and peanut shells thrown, but all you did was raise an eyebrow. Payback was going to have to do better than that.

Next was the twerking. Full blown, hands on his knees, ass shaking in front of your face. You almost did laugh. But it wasn’t because Payback had a very promising career as a back up dancer in a music video. It wasn’t even the dollar bills Rooster was tossing in the air. It was the slightly panicked look you saw in Payback’s eyes as you crossed your arms and leaned back, face completely neutral. He really couldn’t understand how you kept a straight face through it all.

“Time’s almost up.” Hangman added.

“Alright, don’t rush me. Genius at work.” He ran his fingers along his mustache, weighing his options. He only had enough time for one more attempt.

“Fanboy give me a beat.” His WSO stepped up and cupped his hands over his mouth and started beatboxing. The two started rocking back and forth to the beat. “Uh. Yeah. Uh. Ok, ok, listen to this. My name is Payback. We at the Hard Deck. I spit that type of fire that makes you start to sweat. We havin’ game night. I don’t like to pick fights. But you mess with me, I’ll kick your ass from east to west.” The rest of the group started to sway as Payback kept freestyling. Even you were tapping your foot to the beat.

“I fly fast. Just stating facts. Graduated Top Gun, top of my class. I can sit here all night and brag. It’s easy cause the Navy pay me hella cash.” Some cheers went up from the other pilots. Hangman held his wrist up in the air and tapped his watch. He was running out of time.

“I’ll say this quick, like I’m sneaking out of class. What do I have to say that will finally make you laugh?” The room cheered at Payback’s surprising talent. You clapped right along with them. But your lips didn’t so much as twitch in amusement. When your composure didn’t break, he hung his head in defeat.

You stood up and clapped him on the shoulder. “Sorry Payback. I don’t break that easy.”

Phoenix walked over and handed Payback his shot. “I don’t know why you thought you could crack her anyways. Her name’s Vulcan for a reason.” She said, reminding him of your call sign.

He tossed the shot back quickly and shook his head. “Yeah, now I know how you earned the name. Just stone cold. No reaction to anything.”

“That’s not true at all.”

“Really? Then how’d you get the name?” He asked.

“Cause of my bangs.” You winked. You grinned before walking away to get another round from Penny.