fightingyourdemonsoff

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

I can feel myself drowning in my anxiety. Each wave of it sweeping me further from security. You want me to explain it to you, but I cannot. My anxiety does not have a set shape or a face. It is like an unseen devil that grips a hold of me when it pleases. It is not something you can describe, and it make sense. There is no logic in anxiety. I can't explain why my thoughts cripple me. I can’t explain the how’s and why’s behind these thoughts. I cannot tell you why when my surroundings seem normal to others, I feel afraid. I want to properly tell you, how it can feel like I’m suffocating inside myself. Believe me darling, I wish I could, I want you to be able to understand and not look at me with fear in your eyes. I wish I could steady these shaky palms and tell you it will pass…but I can’t. I will forever live with devil in my veins. #depression #anxiety #majordepressivedisorder #anxietydisorder #anietyattack #ptsd #posttraumaticstressdisorder #obsessivecompulsivedisorder #obsessivethoughtsdisorder #obsessivethoughts

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Second chance at love? 

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Dating With Depression

It’s hard to date as a person with depression. You live in a constant battle with yourself all while trying to be “good enough” for your significant other. When you are with that other person, you are happy and can breathe easy, but once they leave you fall apart all over again. You try to put on a brave face even on your dark days when you feel insecure and scared shitless of life. Making efforts to pretend you are an active member in your own life, when actually, you haven’t left your bed in three days.

Telling your loved one you can’t wait to go out with their friends tonight; reality being, the mere thought fills you with anxiety, making you not want to move from your bed. You cover up your feelings to follow through with the night’s plan, but you are struggling to cease your weeping eyes on the drive to their house. Forcing a smile when they ask you if you are having fun. Lying to everyone, saying the reason why you’re quite is because you’re ‘just tired from work (or) school’.  Harboring a bit of guilt for having prayed for a reason to leave early when your lover tells you how much they appreciate you coming out.  They don’t know, as soon as you shut that car door, the truth you’ve been hiding will come flooding out through your eyes. And it’s not their fault, you’ve become an expert at holding back.

And when your wonderful other half asks if you will be alright tonight without them, you nod and smile, too afraid to ask them to stay with you. Even if you are desperate for their tight embrace, telling you everything will be alright, and that they are there for you. Because let’s be real, there are days you just want to scream ‘give me all your love and attention’. But that isn’t allowed. Anxiety and self-doubt whisper in your ear, prohibiting you from uttering a single word, in fear of seeming too needy.

It’s not that you can’t manage on your own, you do it on a daily basis. No, it’s simply that, that other person makes you feel like you’re not alone. They allow you to believe you are worth something.

Though sometimes your significant other is the one who, unintentionally, causes you to feel insecure. Things that wouldn’t bother you one day, suddenly have an effect on you tomorrow. It could be something as small as them liking a reveling picture of someone else on social media. Normally, you wouldn’t pay it much mind, but there are days you will be down over it. Self-doubt creeps in, you start to question yourself ‘do they wish I looked like that? Or acted this way?’. All the while knowing it’s ridiculous to get upset over it, but that is how your mind works some days.

Dating when you have depression is hard. You live in a world of second guessing a limitless amount of questions your mind comes up with…but it does get easier. One day you’ll find a person who you can be completely transparent with. You’ll find someone you can vent your struggles to and breakdown in font of, exposing the most vulnerable side of yourself, without fear of judgment. Allowing those little voices and insecure thoughts to be quieted by a single phrase from the person who loves you. I cannot lie and say there aren’t days you will feel insecure or like a burden, because there will be. But if you find the right partner, they will reassure you, and help you stand on your own two feet again.

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

What Do You Do When Home, No Longer Feels Like Home

Have you ever been lying in your bed, in your own home, and feel utterly out of place? I find myself feeling that way quite often lately. I have been trying so hard to make this place feel like my home, yet it never comes with the sense of security or comfort. I sit, drowning in anxiety and unrest, trying to find ways to make these walls seem less intrusive... The stress of never being able to relax is taking a serious toll on my mental health. I'm losing my battle with depression at the moment...Now my question is, what do you do when home, no longer feels like home?

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

My night💕

http://iglovequotes.net/

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

I don't think you understand what knowing you're spending time with another girl does to me..It rips me apart inside. I can't speak I can only cry from the ache I have inside of me.

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

BIBLIOPHILE n. a lover of books;  one who loves to read, admire and collect books.

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Reading plan!

How to read more. Here are books I’ve written. Here are of books I like.

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Need to read this

“You were the sun…And I was crashing into you.”

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

I want this book case😍📚

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Your true vibe will always attract your tribe.

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Today's the day! 💜💛💜💛

Always stay positive.

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen 🌷💖🌺

[fightingyourdemonsoff]

Things to remember. My inspiration for the day 💜

things to remember:

there will always be a tomorrow

nearly all problems are fixable

even your smallest achievements are something to be proud of

being alone can be exactly what you need sometimes

always get back up, no matter what it is that pushes you down

new opportunities will come along

you are not alone

you are valid

you are loved

and you are going to be okay.