fidilkid

[fidilkid]

2022: WTF Just Happened to Me?

It's kind of mind boggling. I'll say more later.

[fidilkid]

70 Days Until Spring! #fridayfunday 

[fidilkid]

I know, I know. They're all men. But these were my go-to guys in high school. I love them to this day. Are there women or POC writers that you love? Share them here because I'd love to know!

[fidilkid]

Happy 2021! Phew. We made it. The dumpster fire is behind us. Well, maybe... I’m finding it hard to let go of 2020 because I know for a fact that the problems haven’t left just because the year on the calendar changed. I’m determined to be optimistic though! Here’s my hopeful bucket list for 2021. What’s on your list?

1. Figure out how to live stream and DO IT!

2. Let go of old clothes - donate or sell on Rakuten

3. Start my day right with self care

4. Create a before bed routine

5. Play and study music daily

6. Promote our business to gain exposure and customers

7. Get and use web skills (coding here I come!) 

8. Get professional head shots

9. Learn Bookkeeping 

10. Get a new mattress (ours is DEAD)

11. Make and keep Friend Dates (phone, zoom, in person)

12. Get new kitchen appliances

13. Create and use a cleaning plan

14. Eat breakfast every day (I usually don’t eat until noon)

15. Find a new lower carb meal weekly (breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner) & create a pinterest board to track them 

16. Keep a food journal

17. Walk every day for at least 21 minutes 

18. Read 12 books this year

19. start a doodle journal

20. play my left-handed guitar

21. Take myself on a play date every week

OK, that’s me! What about you? 

[fidilkid]

BUNCHAF*&!IN’BULLSH*T

One of my favorite riffs from Dana Carvey’s recent special is where he channels an inner teenager who swagger/struts around, arms flailing backwards, snarling “That’s a bunch-a-f**kin’-b*llsh*t”. Knocks me off the couch every time! (Yeah. There were multiple screenings...)

Anyway, I’m a bit of a travel nerd. I can’t really afford to go anywhere but once a year or so, but I’ve been slurping up “Spirit Airlines Sucks” and “How to Hack Budget Airlines” you-tubers for a couple of months now, and this most recent re-post from Tortuga Packs (awesome and comprehensive, btw) about all the hidden charges that budget airlines hit you with just makes me say...

WHAT A  BUNCH-A-F*&!IN’-BULLSH*T!!!!!

That’s Monday, folks.

Image Credit: ETTTO, Unsplash , Tortuga Backpacks

[fidilkid]

Your Monday Inspiration: “Strain and fatigue are often caused by rigidity. The more you allow your body to move and breathe, the greater your stamina.” -- You Are Your Instrument, Julie Lyonn Lieberman

How many times have you finished up a practice session or rehearsal and struggled to get up out of the chair or had to stretch or massage your jaw/hands/shoulders? Chances are that when you are practicing, you are tensing up as you focus on intonation, technical mastery, or just memorizing a tune. 

Make breathing, gentle movement, and mindfulness a part of your practicing and you soon train yourself into a more dynamic yet relaxed way of playing. 

[Read More at the StoneyStepsITM Blog]  

[fidilkid]

Earlier in January, a couple of friends and I went to Ireland. There’s no arguing that the Cliffs of Moher in County Clare are gorgeous. I’m just glad we went in the winter because if I thought there were a lot of people there (and I hate crowds), I can’t imagine what it is like on a lovely summer day jam packed with tourists. Am I missing something about Ireland because I only go over in winter? Probably, but I’m willing to sacrifice that for the more relaxed vibe and lack of tourists. #thermalsseason

[fidilkid]

Crafty TBT: Sometimes it’s just fun to do a little crafty thing by hand. I made these cute little envelopes using a template I found online.

[fidilkid]

Curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not.

Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) January 23, 2012

[fidilkid]

Sometimes you just have to say “Thank You for Sharing.”

As I was writing in my morning pages today, I had an “A-Ha” moment. I’ve been spending quite a bit of time lately feeling unhappy and trying to push it down and “just be happy.” Don’t get me wrong - I love my life and my work. I have awesome family and friends. I have great clients. I really enjoy what I do. Even when the rest of the world isn’t supportive or, as one friend says, “I don’t get that stuff and I don’t even want to hear about.” Yeah. For real. That one is tough. Because I enjoy my work and I like to share and talk about it. Don’t you? So, mostly he talks about his work and I listen.

...But I digress. I was talking about unhappy. Here’s how it manifests: Here I am just minding my own business, dorking along doing whatever, and suddenly a memory of an old stupid thing I’ve done or said or felt - a moment of bad behavior, an unprofessional outburst, a time when I’ve acted out inappropriately - will just pop into my head unbidden. Up until now, I haven’t been able to resist wrestling with it and trying to get it to leave me alone. I’ll fight it. I’ll rationalize it. I’ll let it take me back there and make it totally real again. And honestly - I don’t even recognize that I’m doing it. I’ve even started telling my husband about the situation as if it is happening right now.

And in my head, it is actually happening right now. This is the thing about the human brain. A memory is a story. It lights up your brain - it makes the experience real again for you. (Marketers and advertisers have mastered this - that’s how they influence us to buy things. By telling a story. Check out this blog post from the Buffer App blog about the power and the science of storytelling.)

I was discussing this “hijacked by a memory” problem with a friend of mine this past weekend. She asked me some fairly pointed questions. She wanted to know if when I experienced these memories, did I realize I was well past the time that the incident happened? Didn’t I know that I was beyond it? Didn’t I believe that I had actually healed from it and it was long gone, never to happen again? And I couldn’t really answer those questions. Because when I’m in it, it feels real again, as if I am living it all over again. Of course the person or people who were there at the time have most likely forgotten about my transgression. Or they might laugh about it periodically. But for me it feels like it can never be healed, never be fixed, it is still there being a perpetual reminder of my stupidity, inability to function as a human being, failure in life/business/friendship/etc. Even though that conversation with my friend was great and really helpful, it left me with a nagging question: “How can I stop giving these memories so much power?”   

Flash forward to this morning. I was sitting at my desk writing my morning pages, listening to a meditation music channel on Pandora, when I had a sit-up-straight, smack-your-head-with-your-hand, “A-Ha” moment. And it was this: That when those memories bubble up, they bubble up because I am already feeling a little down. And when they burst through, I need to identify that they are there and that “I’m doing it again.”

 A-ha! Wow! Is it really that simple? 

The Buddhist mindfulness meditation I’ve been using says to focus on the breath, and when you notice your mind has wandered, simply return and begin again. As you advance in your practice, you learn to note when feelings, energies or emotions come up (in an internal voice, gently say, “anxiety, sadness, pain” or whatever the sensation or emotion is). 

So, I suddenly realized that if I notice that I have this memory and a corresponding emotional response, I can give it name! I can touch it with my mind and then refocus on the state I want to be in, which is a state of peace. I can really use mindfulness - my awareness - to identify that the loop is happening again. The mere act of simply noticing that I was heading off into the feedback loop of hell took some of the power away from the memory. It significantly improved my ability to recover from the unpleasant experience quickly and to feel more hopeful and move more quickly back into my day. 

One of my favorite books is The Riddle Master of Hed by Patricia A. McKillip, a story about a young man in a magical world of wizards and magic, and the peaceful land-bound people that depend on them to hold back the dark forces that are hidden all around them. The main character faces many challenges as he travels various lands seeking wisdom from the most powerful person in the world: “The High One.” He seeks answers to increasingly difficult riddles and faces darker and darker magic. Nearly all of the threats he faced could be overcome simply by knowing the name of the threat that faced him. This young man was born with three red stars on his forehead. Throughout the course of the story, he goes to great lengths to avoid asking the question to which those stars are the answer. You’ll have to read the book to find out what happens, but for me, the moral is that sometimes our toughest challenge lies within ourselves.

Interested in meditation? Try ABC News Anchor Dan Harris’ 10% Happier app on iTunes or listen to his amazing podcast 10% Happier - interviews with interesting people who use meditation as part of their daily lives (I recommend the great interview with chef Eric Ripert!). 10percenthappier.com 

*NOTE: I am not sponsored by the podcast or app. I just love it!

[fidilkid]

Pretzel Day is every day in our house! #NationalPretzelDay

Pretzel’s don’t need to be chocolate covered to be bad: Happy belated #NationalPretzelDay 

[fidilkid]

Now What? Producing and Distributing Your Book Independently

As part of our “Now What?” Months, we’re shifting our focus to publishing in all its myriad forms. Today, Orna Ross of the Alliance of Independent Authors continues a series on independent publishing, focusing today on production and distribution:

This the third in a series of four blog posts that will lead authors through the design and formatting phases of the writing and self-publishing journey. You’ve completed the self-editing and editorial phase, and the design and formatting stages. Now what?

Production and distribution refers to the process and logistics of actually getting your book to the consumer. There’s a myriad of services and platforms from Amazon to Ingram to iBooks that help you put your work in the hands of readers. Each one has pros and cons, depending on your needs.

Keep reading

[fidilkid]

Christmas in New Baltimore "Wrapped in Song"

Christmas in New Baltimore “Wrapped in Song”

On Sunday afternoon, December 13, 2015, the New Baltimore Reformed Church sanctuary will ring out with beautiful choral music – sacred and secular – of the Christmas season. The Hudson Mohawk Chorale will be 35 voices strong, and will feature acclaimed accompanist/composer Alfred V. Fedak on the church’s pipe organ. Mr. Fedak played the inaugural performance on this organ, installed in 2003, and…

[fidilkid]

Great episode - Congratulations Matt! And Chris - def do @Kidnight! Awesome!

From episode 743: Two Weeks.

[fidilkid]

Yes. Absolutely true.

Reminder: You are under no obligation to look pretty.

Not when you are laying around the house, not when you go to the grocery store, not when you sit in a classroom, not when you go to the gym. You are never obligated to get dressed up just so you are pretty for others.

Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman. 

[fidilkid]

Tradition isn't stagnant. It's not meant to be. We have to change. We have to adapt. Traditions are there as a signpost, as a guide. But it's not for us to preserve it. That's a very challenging thing, because you're talking about history. You're talking about generation.

Chef Edward Lee, Mind of a Chef 

[fidilkid]

Because I’m Happy...

Learning to be happy despite f***ing up and being human.

Last summer my friend gave me a book called “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. My friend is incredibly perceptive, and he’s had his own share of personal challenges, so this gift meant a great deal to me. And it came at a time when I really needed some perspective.

Spring had been very difficult. Diagnosis. Surgery. Waiting for the results of the tests. And then a problem with a client project hit me. I barely had energy to heal and I had to leap right back into work. Because this problem was my fault. And I worked very hard to fix it. But I didn’t know what to do and ultimately I handled it wrong. And I failed.

So, even though I got a clean bill of health a month after the surgery, I didn’t feel as though I’d gotten the all clear because of this work failure. What should have been a joyful and relaxed recovery turned into a stressful, guilt-wracked summer. It wasn’t all miserable, certainly. I got to heal in a beautiful place with people I love. I had support and advice from wise people. And I learned to pray.

“Didn’t you pray when you were ill? Before the surgery?” Of course. But that was the I’m-terrified-of-dying, bargaining-with-God, deal-making kind of prayer. When you’re dealing with mortality, it is a whole other thing. (Disclaimer: I was told I was not going to die. I believed it, but I didn’t. Let’s leave it at that.) It was hard for me to understand Grace when faced with a scary diagnosis and many, many unknowns. Of course, that’s exactly when you need it. More enlightened people than me are already there. I’m not. Yet. Believe me, I’m totally on board with the power of prayer and Reiki and good energy. I’m certain it helped me throughout the process. But it took a tragedy of my own making to give me insight into the idea of asking God for help. 

This guilt and fear and crushing failure literally brought me to my knees in prayer. I can’t do this alone, I prayed, I need you. I was okay during the day, for the most part. If it wasn't, I'd phone-a-friend to talk about it and express my dismay and fear and guilt. And talk, and talk, and talk. (My friends and family are awesome...did I mention that?) But at night, I was really alone. There were no life-lines at two in the morning. Not without the risk of pissing someone off! I struggled to quiet the voices in my head. Buddhists call it Monkey Mind. A good friend calls it squirrel brain. Whatever you call it, it wasn’t good. And sleep didn’t come easily anyway....

Now, sleeping with a couple of big abdominal incisions is already tough if you’re a side-sleeper like me. I’d only just been able to go back to sleeping normally after the surgery in 2013, and here I was starting all over again! It was kind of a fun challenge to see how far I could roll over on my side without actually ending up on my stomach - which was a big no-no. Women who have been pregnant know this already - body pillows are AWESOME! If it had been up to me, I would have just slept in a pile of body pillows. Ahhhhhh. Nice. 

So, no doubt the bed was comfortable, but add on to this pain meds that interrupt your sleep and the summer heat and the menopausal insomnia, and all that guilt and fear, and you’ve got one pretty unhappy camper. I tossed and turned and tried to numb myself by watching all sorts of crap on cable: Keeping up the Kardashians and Pawn Stars and Top Gear and Unwrapped. (Yes, pickins’ were slim. Why do we even bother with cable? It’s all crap!) And tossed and turned some more. And I still couldn’t stop thinking about this terrible, horrible, no good thing that happened. And whether it could be fixed. Or rectified somehow. And finally I prayed. 

While I was in the hospital, one friend gave me a sweet little teddy bear and another a prayer quilt. These two things were my constant companions while I was there. So, now home and trying to heal, on these endless nights where I couldn’t quiet my chattering brain, I held on to that bear and that prayer quilt. And I curled up and I prayed. I asked for insight. I asked for strength. I asked for forgiveness. And somehow, through talking about it, and asking for advice, and asking God for guidance, I came to terms with my own humanity. My human frailty. And then I began to be happy. To feel joy and not guilt. To find solutions for things instead of only seeing obstacles. 

That brings me back to The Happiness Project. My friend had bought the book in the airport, “to read on my way out to the west coast.” He said he’d finished it on the one flight. And loved it. And thought I would too. Well, I didn’t read it in one day, but close. And I did love it. I DO love it. The book is laid out on as an experiment to find happiness by taking on certain challenges each month in the pursuit of happiness! As a result of my experience with the terrible, horrible no good situation, and because I truly felt that this second surgery was another chance at life, I wanted desperately to live my life and not by default.

In her introduction, the author says, “...I was in danger of wasting my life.” In asking herself what she wanted from life, her answer was, “...’I want to be happy.’ But I had never thought about what made me happy or how I might be happier.” Yes. I’m right there with ya, sister. My morning pages, and these blog posts are my current effort toward finding happiness - they’ve been perfect for grounding me and reminding me how great I really have it. 

What I really want is to find joy and happiness even when things are tough or scary or I might fail. The truth is, we either have failed or will fail at something, and we all recover from it. We are human, after all. I keep the book open on my desk to the section entitled, “Ask for Help.” So...I do. When I need it. I make a phone call. Send an email. Ask a question. Or pray. Depending on what is needed. And I think I’m better for it - certainly less fearful of what might happen if I do or don’t do something I’m worried about. I used to think that I was on my own and not allowed to ask for help. To my surprise, there are many people willing to help. My job, once I ask for help, is to listen. Boy is that a topic for another day!

I’m about to start my own happiness project. I still have ten weeks to go of the Artist’s Way, but my personal New Year started last week, so it seems like a good time to begin. There are three steps to a Happiness Project: preparation, making resolutions, and then (the hard part) keeping them. Maybe that’s the best part! Seeing what works, what doesn’t work, and hopefully finding a greater sense of joy and peace, no matter what challenges life throws at you or, if you are like me, what firestorms you create for yourself!