feministdatingbible

[feministdatingbible]

three.

“Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a fucked-up girl who’s lookin’ for my own peace of mind; don’t assign me yours.”  Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 

We are not your manic pixie dream girl. We are not that "bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.”

We are real human beings with our own needs and don’t exist to inspire you or make you feel more alive. We are not here for your intellectual stimulation or growth. Forget what Woody Allen or Zach Braff told you, treat us like an actual human being with their own needs, hopes and desires. 

Don’t think of us as the paragon of what is perfect, then cast us aside when you’ve discovered that we too have flaws (and not in the picturesque way). Or don’t feel like you’re ‘growing anymore’. After all a relationship is about making things work after the initial spark has run out. It’s about the gritty work of recognizing your partner as a human being, and you can’t do that if you think of us as a concept. 

After all as Anais Nin says, “For too many centuries women have been being muses to artists.” We’re done being yours. 

love, your girlfriends.

p.s. here is more to read on why this the worst 

[feministdatingbible]

two.

Newsflash: we are not your personal cheerleaders.

Expecting us to sit on the sidelines, smiles aplenty, clapping our way through every faults (more often than not, what is perhaps your own) is not what we’re here for.

A healthy relationship is one who supports, absolutely - but please avoid treating us like Hallmark honeys, pumping out motivational posters when needed. There is a massive difference between being supportive and spoiling someone rotten, rendering them unable to stand on their own two feet.

Expressing disappointment is completely valid between partners, it is never a personal attack and wholly needed to improve each other’s faults.

[feministdatingbible]

one.

do the fucking work.

Look, we know there is so much to learn about feminism. But honestly, just do the fucking work. Your partner is not supposed to gently coax and spoon feed you this information. There are so many resources out there from Everyday Feminism, Men’s Guide to Feminism, and of course… Google.

In feminism, the personal is political. This isn’t a metaphysical philosophical concept. All women face sexism in some way or another as per following pyramid. 

So when you are lazy about learning feminism it makes us feel like the inequality and sexism we face isn’t important enough for you to learn about. As feminists, we do so much education for so many other people, that we kind of expect our partners to be adults who does not need instructing. 

So, just do the work. And don’t be insulted when you’re being called out for being sexist. We all have internalized misogyny. It’s all part of the progress, and it’s all a part of the work. 

Love, your girlfriends.