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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 25 days ago

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Almost, Always

♥ ♥ Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Happy endings aren't for everyone, so it seems, but that doesn't mean that you can't stop trying for one. Question is, are you actually star-crossed lovers that can figure something out, or just absolutely blind to reality and really fucking stupid?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, language, adult themes, cheating

Author’s note: so, i got a request from the lovely @lfdybadgirlsdiw that i wasnt able to let go and now, here we are, the beginning of a new five-parter! enjoy! lmk what you think, thanks! <3

Wordcount: 5.7K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

The first little crack.

“No, that is your side. And this should be mine.” Joe argued, arms flailing, gesturing at both sides of the bed as he stood at the foot of it.

The first little crack of many.

“Joe. I have always slept on this side,” you said, already in bed, tucked up and all cosy, barely able to keep your eyes open still.

If you hadn’t been aware of how much Joe had been pushing to get his way lately, this could have come across as playful banter.

“Listen. If we’re going to establish actual sides, you should be furthest away from the door.”

But given how Joe had been making you feel after compromising, after giving in and meeting you halfway, no one would think this was funny.

“Why?” you closed your eyes and nuzzled into your pillow, not even slightly bothered by Joe’s pleading who desperately wished you’d roll over to what, up until now, had been his side of the bed.

“For… just, because.”

“Hmmno.”

“For danger. What if a burglar gets in?”

You sighed. Deeply. Sank into your pillow more. It was the kind of breath released just before you were about to doze off, and it was meant to signal that you weren’t going to engage in this discussion any longer.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

Joe could go and lay on his side of your bed, or he could go and sleep on the sofa, and that was that.

“Babe.” Joe tried to give you a little push, but the way you’d wrapped yourself up proved you needed more than just a slight shove to end up where he wanted you.

“Hmm.”

You were bone-tired, already all sunken into the mattress, ready to go visit another planet for a good few hours.

“Babe.”

You opened a bleary eye to see Joe still look just as awake and ready to win this argument as he was when you’d closed your eyes.

“This flat won’t get burgled.”

“You don’t know that. Might have someone kick in the door tonight, and, then what? Hmm?”

Something cute about this need to protect you, and you knew that’s what he could dress this up as, but the timing of it was so God-awful, you couldn’t see past the fact that you wanted to fall asleep on your own side of the bed already.

“Think of it this way,” you started, holding a stretched hand out that Joe easily took, knees pressing into the mattress as he towered over you for a minute. “In case of a fire, I’ll be the first one out.”

And just like that, Joe let himself fall into the empty spot next to you, seemingly giving up and giving in.

Good.

“A fire is much more likely than a burglar.” You concluded, word slurred and eyes closing again as Joe got his legs underneath the covers.

“That’s not as good but…” Joe thought for a second, then said, “If a fire breaks out here, it’ll be from that old hair thing of yours. That thing you use that smells like it’s melting.”

“See?” you mumbled, disagreeing, but happy to let sleep take you.

“Or because you leave an empty pot on a burner again.”

“Mhm.” Little less happy. You only did that once and it wasn’t even your fault.

“Or because–”

“Joe.”

A short moment of silence followed.

“Fine,” he whispered, adding, “for now.” on the back-end of a deep breath.

When you woke up the next morning, you were on Joe’s side of the bed.

“Morning.” Joe smiled, just beyond pleased that he’d gotten his way by moving your unconscious body across the bed in the night.

You gave him the blankest stare you’d ever given someone, which was easy because you’d only just opened your eyes, sleep still causing enough confusion to fully comprehend why Joe seemed to be awaiting a response.

You tutted and rolled your eyes when his expectant smile only grew.

He had rolled your defenseless body over in the night. What the fuck, actually. And this idiot thought he was being all cute. Was reaching over to take your hand into both of his, to pull it to his mouth where he gave it a small kiss.

“You’re such a child.” You pulled your hand from his grasp and turned away from him as you sat up.

“What?” Joe feigned indignancy, his smile too big to sell it to you properly.

“An actual child. This isn’t funny.”

“Oh come on. It’s a little funny.”

You got up and out.

“Babe.”

You ignored him. Walked right past him.

“Baby.”

The first little crack.

“Oh, come on!”

The first little crack of many.

Friday. End of a long day a long week of whirlwind work days and awful nights of sleep. It’s the wrong time of day for this.

“A flat white for…”

Autumn. Rainy, cold weather that your wardrobe’s not caught up to yet. It’s the wrong time of the year for this.

“Joe?”

You can give yourself a stern talking-to later about how most of the day had completely passed you by in a blur, but you hear the words flat white and Joe and are immediately more in tune with the world.

You look up from your phone in the queue to see Joe step forward and take his drink.

“Thanks.”

It takes a slow second for you to realise it’s really him. A slow blinking moment of just looking at him, a tired mind slowly speeding up to real world tempo, before your brain goes, it’s him.

Oh.

Oh no.

You’re too tired for this.

Wrong place, wrong time, entirely wrong headspace.

The second he turns, you make eye contact for the briefest second which prompts him to do a comically exaggerated double take that immediately makes running into each other less awkward. You smile despite your mood.

God, you’d almost forgotten what he’s like.

It’s been a couple of months now, just over half a year, and the hurt has dulled enough that trying to be normal, and civil, and courteous, and polite, and kind shouldn’t be the most difficult thing ever.

That’s your ex-boyfriend.

You hope your face didn’t show how that first millisecond of seeing him struck you, but you saw him before he saw you, so you are probably fine.

That’s your too-kind-to-pretend-to-not-have-seen-you ex-boyfriend. Your somehow-still-really-happy-to-run-into-you ex-boyfriend.

And now you’ve gone and smiled at him, even though pulling up the corners of your mouth feels like exercising at the minute, you need a nap so bad.

You shouldn’t have left work early.

Shouldn’t have decided to go for a large coffee on your way home.

Shouldn’t have looked up.

Shouldn’t have even wanted to check if the flat white was for your Joe.

Correction.

No longer your Joe.

Just Joe.

It’s fine, it’s fine. There’s a whole new person in your life. It’s fine. But it would’ve been lovely if the universe could’ve waited until after you’d drank this large black coffee you are about to order, but of course that’s never how things work.

Stars are against you when it comes to Joe, apparently.

Joe could’ve left it at that. You’d had a moment of oh my god it’s you, what are the odds across a coffee shop and he could have easily waved and left. Have that be the whole interaction. That would have been fine.

But instead, Joe decides to stay, and he communicates with looks for a moment. With facial expressions and gesturing arms.

It’s a wild look around from Joe that tells you, what a weird time and place to see you! and a funny tired shrug from you in reply that tells him, life’s weird, what can I say?

You feel a little proud that you’ve not ignored him. That you’ve not pretended you just didn’t see him only to later contemplate sending him an incredibly lame “was that you getting a flat white this afternoon?” text that you’d regret the very second those ticks would’ve changed colour.

You’re working at 40% brain activity right now, and it’s a little difficult to use your social filter to pretend to feel any other way than you’re actually feeling.

Up until now that meant that your bad mood was everyone else’s problem.

Seeing Joe now, it suddenly means that you can’t pretend that you don’t immediately notice shit like how he isn’t wearing any of his rings. And how he probably wore something that covered his hair earlier today.

Wrong things to focus on, but a tired mind is difficult to keep in its lane.

You see how Joe checks his phone with a thoughtful look before he then nods as he puts it away. He gives you a questioning look as he points down.

You got a minute?

And you do the same; check the time on the phone that’s already in your hand and think of a million excuses to turn him down, but you only have the gym later, and that’s it. When you look back up, you give him a funny nod and a half shrug and you try your best to make your eyes look like you’re properly awake.

Yea why not, go on then.

You’re an adult running into an ex and you said you’d stay friends and you had really truly meant it then, so this is fine.

He looks a little too handsome for his own good, but it’s fine.

Joe waits for you. Hangs around near the bar at the windows and half-sits on one of the stools there, one foot still on the floor, more leaning than actual sitting, with his back towards the windows.

You try not to watch him, but you can’t help but notice the way he lets his eyes scan the room for a minute. The way he looks over his shoulder as his eyes dart across the street.

It occurs to you how quickly the checking you used to do for him stopped after you broke up. After you left his world. It’s a little weird how, here, in the same coffee shop, in the exact same location, you’re in entirely different worlds from each other, and the closer to you get to the end of the counter, the more they overlap.

It’s one of the things you haven’t missed.

When you step into earshot properly, after ordering, you make eye-contact and smile at each other.

“Hello,” Joe makes his voice go up and down, like he’s just as pleasantly surprised to see you as you do him, but you’re trying to not make it so obvious. “Fancy seeing you here.”

You smile and grab his arm for a second as a hello, rather than going in for a hug. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Joe smiles right back, and takes the touch of his arm as enough of an invite to hug you anyway.

You ignore the flicker of worry you see across his face, the slight twitch in his eyebrows, just before his face disappears from your view and all you can really focus on is how Joe smells.

All right.

Jesus.

Joe smells like that little hidden bottle of his old cologne that you still have, and it’s like being transported back into your old life a little. The life that you tried to hold onto with all ten fingernails until they all chipped and broke and bled.

When you step back, Joe smiles all warm, eyes fully fucking focused on you, like he’s glad he can just look at one thing instead of having his attention with all of his surroundings.

Not a hint of worry there now.

God.

You’ve missed him.

Miss him still.

You know that he can see how tired you are. That the slight concern that flashed across his face was only there because of how you weren’t fully opening your eyes after each blink.

“Nice shirt.” You comment, doing your best to keep the ice broken and not let it freeze back over.

Joe looks down at himself and grins wider. He’s wearing a shirt he only got because you said you liked it. Which, you still do.

“Thanks. You look good too.”

Liar.

What follows after warm smiles is warm small talk by the end of the counter until your coffee’s ready. He asks how you’re doing. What you’re up to. Remembers something specific that you had coming up at work ages ago, something that’s now long passed, and Joe wants to know how it went.

“My God. All right, Mister Memory.”

Charmer. He’s basically interviewing you.

“Oh, sorry. Is that weird? I’m being weird. Sorry.”

“A little. But… um…” you have to really think about that for a second. “Yea, all of that went fine.” you guess before your brain finds the right memory and you give him a slightly more certain, “Great, actually. Yea. It was good.”

Joe smiles. Nods. Looks like he’s really fucking pleased for you which is almost funny because you remember a time where your work hours were mostly an inconvenience to him.

“I should be asking what’s going on with you!” you chirp, and Joe just shrugs. Jokes, “Nothing much. Quiet life. Sort of boring, you remember what it’s like.”

You laugh. It’s out of you before you can stop it.

Fuck.

Joe has no business making you feel the way he is right now. You’re tired and in actual need of comfort. It’s dangerous to be around someone who knows how to give you what you want. What you need.

Your coffee gets placed onto the counter, and there’s this awkward moment where you now have your drink and maybe this is the moment where you go, Okay, was good seeing ya, bye! and dart out the door.

But instead, Joe grabs you by the arm and nods towards a table where someone’s packing up. “Come on, let’s sit.”

And just like that, you’re being lead over to go and sit down with him.

You take the biggest gulp of hot coffee before you sit down, definitely burn your tongue, and are already thinking of ways you can explain this to others. What if someone sees you? If someone gets a sneaky pic in?

You’re not doing anything illegal, obviously.

And it’s not like you went to this coffee shop on purpose.

You hadn’t meant to run into Joe.

But now you’re taking your coat off and so is he and you both have hot drinks to warm your hands and Joe pulls in his chair real close and asks you a bunch more questions about work, and your family, and he says he heard you traveled, which you did, and he’s making you laugh, and yea, you’re tired, and you keep suppressing yawns, but the coffee is helping a little, and it’s nice to sit, your limbs are thanking you for it, and Joe is acting like you meet up for coffee all the time, like this is normal, and you almost start believing it, he’s being so friendly and casual, until he suddenly leans over the table, both elbows on the faux marble surface, ducks his head down a little before he says, “Is this the time we... where we talk? About what happened?”

It catches you off guard, a little.

You don’t want to talk about what happened.

You kind of don’t even want to be talking to him at all if you really think about it. Not because you don’t like it. Despite that, actually. It’s lovely talking to Joe. That’s precisely the problem. You didn’t break up with him because you stopped liking him.

The longer you look at him, the more nice things you’re remembering about him. The more you start thinking about what could have been.

So you don’t respond for a moment, and then you give a half-hearted shrug.

“We don’t have to.” you say quietly, almost absently.

There’s not enough brain space available to you right now. This is the type of conversation to have five years down the line, after a long holiday where you’ve managed to catch up on sleep and… you know… when you look well rested. Tanned. Satisfied with life.

Not now.

You could carry all your essentials in your eyebags right now if you really tried, you think.

Joe just smiles at you. Watches you for a moment, head tilted back a little, chin jutted out.

“I mean, is there anything left to say?” You’ve pretty much said all that needs saying. Everything else is implied and doesn’t need to exist in the world, you think.

The two of you didn’t work out because it simply didn’t work out.

Joe seems to disagree.

He twirls his paper cup, his flat white, and raises his eyebrows a little. Makes you hold your breath at what he’s about to say next.

“Weird if I tell you I miss you?” his voice is all soft as he asks you, almost breathy, like he knows the effect it will likely have on you.

You let your head drop to your shoulder and grimace, eyes squeezing shut. “Oh my God,” you blurt out, and you sound like you’re in actual pain.

“Sorry, sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry.” Joe immediately back tracks, but this motherfucker is smiling. Blushing. He makes eye-contact with you as he goes for another sip of his coffee and then looks at his hand placing the cup back down as he adds, “You’re right. No need for me to tell you. So I won’t.”

He’s already said it.

You try your best at hiding a smile as you mirror Joe, going for a sip of your own. When you place yours back on the table, Joe can hear from the hollow sound of it that it’s empty.

“I, em…” you start, hand reaching for the back of your neck where you rub at your skin, a little awkward now that Joe’s said that he misses you. “I should probably go. I’m meeting…ugh, it’s– someone.” You cringe inwardly, try to do it so Joe doesn’t see it. You could’ve lied and said you’d be meeting Emily, but it’s a thought that comes to you after you’ve already been weird about it.

And Joe knows you. He sees you cringe inwardly just fine. Sees you rub at your neck the way you always do when you’re tired. Remembers all the times he used to take over and you’d fall asleep within seconds.

Joe knows that if you’re as tired as you look, there’s no thinking before you speak.

Someone.

Joe nods.

So there’s someone.

He bets this someone doesn’t know shit about how you like the back of your neck massaged, fingers in very specific spots, pressing and rubbing into very specific pressure points.

You resist the urge to rub your eyes. Rub your neck instead.

He sees that too and, in turn, tries to hide the sudden, protective wave that washes over him so you don’t see it.

He’s lucky you’re too worn out to catch his twitching hand that wants to reach out and replace yours.

“Sorry for making it weird.” Joe is still smiling, and you don’t want him to think that what he said is the reason why you’re suddenly done talking to him. You really are meeting someone. That’s not something you made up to round up this interaction.

“No, no. I’ve got–” you check the time, and you have so much of it before you have to be somewhere, but Joe doesn’t need to know that. “I’m meeting someone to go work out with.”

Joe raises both eyebrows and widens his eyes, the playful shock there clearly visible.

“At the gym.” You finish, and you scrunch up your whole face in a full grimace, because you know what he’s going to say.

“At the gym?”

“At the gym.” You confirm, finding your coat whilst your eyes remain in contact with Joe’s.

He sits back, a little baffled. A little… proud.

“She goes to the gym. Wow.”

You hate the gym.

You hate working out in general, but doing it in a gym, indoors, on machines? You really fucking despise it. Still. You’re going. Trying to put your best foot forward in this new relationship you’re trying out with this new person in your life.

Joe knows you hate the gym. He remembers the countless times he’d told you to just come with him. Come work out with him at his gym. He also remembers the countless times you’d told him to fuck off and that you’d rather die.

Something something personal development. Whatever. You’re fucking exhausted but, you’re trying, all right? Progress.

“That reminds me, actually,” you say, struggling to make your arms find the sleeves of your coat. “I still have your pumas.”

You say pumas like it’s meant to be a dig at him.

It is a dig, in your opinion. His old faded Speed Cats, these two feminine looking things. Fucking purple too.

The very second Joe learnt that you didn’t like them, still don’t, he started wearing them extra often.

Little shit.

“Oh my God,” Joe says softly as he huffs a laugh through his nose and closes his eyes for a joyous second. “My pumas.”

“I found them on one of the top shelves of the wardrobe.”

“I…” Joe narrows his eyes at you in suspicion, smile unwavering. “What were they doing there? If I remember correctly, that’s not where I left them.”

You know that’s not where Joe left them. That’s where you left them. Hid them. So he’d be forced to buy new shoes. Different shoes. Which he then did, so, it all worked out fine.

You give an innocent shrug as you get up, slow and sluggish, arms still not in the sleeves of your coat properly.

“No,” you sigh, feeling how bad your legs want you to go and sit back down. “But that’s where I found them.”

Joe laughs heartily and then, like you’re not two people who went through a painful break-up, also gets up and helps you into your coat. Holds it and guides your arms where they’re meant to go. Folds the collar so it sits how its meant to. Lets his hands linger there for a fraction of a second too long, but it’s nice.

It’s nice having Joe close.

“If you’re not doing anything right now,” you start, but stop because you’re already regretting where your mind is taking you.

You want to have Joe close so he can rub the back of your neck when you sleep.

No.

There’s someone else.

You can’t.

Shouldn’t.

“Oh, do you mind?” Joe is quick. Easily takes the step you hesitated to take.

“Well, they’re your pumas.”

You’re not sure how he does it. How he keeps this air of normalcy. Like inviting himself over to your flat to come and pick up a pair of shoes is all casual and fine.

It’s not.

And yet somehow, it is.

The familiarity that’s still there added to the amount of time that’s passed somehow makes this not feel like the wildest thing, even though you know that if you tell Emily that Joe came round to pick up his stinky old trainers, that she’d worriedly ask you if you were okay.

The worry would be misplaced, because you’re actually totally fine.

You’re fine as Joe leads you from the coffee shop, opening his umbrella and offering an arm for you to link yours through, just so you can share the protection from the rain, no other reason.

You’re fine as Joe doesn’t need to be told where to go, obviously knows where you live and the quickest way to get to it.

You’re fine as Joe says something about the bakery near your flat that he used to go to all the time, and when he looks inside he squeezes his arms to his body in a silent moment of celebration, involuntarily squeezing you closer to him.

You’re fine as he makes you laugh when he pretends to be normal about baked goods, shrugging and clearing his throat and softly murmuring that you didn’t just witness him get excited over coffee cake that he’ll definitely get on his way home.

You’re fine as he keeps you from tripping up because you’re not really lifting your feet enough for your shoes to not get caught on the uneven pavers of the wet London streets you’re braving together.

You’re fine as you make your way into your building, where you share the small space of the lift together, and you lean against one of the side panels and can see in the reflective surface of the doors how Joe’s giving you a soft smile.

You’re fine as you let Joe into your flat, where you leave him momentarily to go get his shoes from your bedroom, and when you come back, he’s discarded his coat over one of your dining room table chairs, has already gone and turned down the thermostat, and is looking at one of your bookshelves near the TV.

“Found ‘em.” you say, holding them up before placing them on the table near his coat.

Joe throws you a look over his shoulder, smiles, but then goes straight back to scanning book spines. Like he doesn’t care about his pumas at all.

“You read this?” he picks up a book, turns around so you can see which one he means as he reads the blurb on the back.

You’re too busy staring at the visual of Joe in your messy living room, wearing the shirt you chose for him, to answer the question.

Too busy letting your eyes focus on his hands that you want in a very specific spot on the back of your neck right now, because your body remembers exactly what that feels like and you’re tired.

“Did you like it?”

Joe is in your living room and… it’s actually not fine.

Joe is wearing a shirt he only got because you liked it, and it’s not fine.

Joe is holding a book and you can see how large his hands are and it's not fine.

Joe confessed that he misses you, and you’re not fine.

Fuck trying to mold yourself into someone that goes to the gym for this new person who pales in comparison to your ex-boyfriend who kept you close and walked you home and who just took off his coat like he’s going to stay for at least a minute and who you can just be yourself around. You don’t have to pretend to care about working out, or about an untidy living room, or about your hair that’s frizzed up from the rain and... isn’t that just lovely?

Your lack of answers eventually makes Joe look up at you, and oh… you look like you’ve fallen asleep standing up, eyes slightly distant and unfocused.

“Hey, you okay?” the book Joe’s holding finds a new home on your coffee table as you blink a couple of times to bring yourself back into reality.

It doesn’t really work.

“Yea… yea, fine.” you say softly, your expression unchanged, eyes still just as glassy.

Joe doesn’t buy it.

Knows you.

Sees how you’re watching his hands. His fingers. Knows exactly what you want.

“You sure?” he steps closer, a little hesitant, because what even really is he doing here? He doesn’t want those ratty old shoes back. He thought those had been thrown out ages ago, well before the two of you got even close to considering not being together as an option.

Joe watches you stare into space for a moment, and sees you blink so slowly, you might as well just keep your eyes closed at this point.

There’s not a chance you’re going to be meeting someone at a gym.

Joe walks across the room until he’s right in front of you, and he stays there until your eyes slowly rake up his body and you’re looking each other in the eye.

He knows what he’s doing here.

You know what he��s doing here.

Joe watches you raise a slow arm up to let your own hand touch the back of your neck as you inhale deeply through your nose.

Joe smells nice.

“Can you, um…” you pause and frown, and let your deep breath escape you in a sigh, not finishing your question as you rub your fingers where you want Joe to rub his.

You don’t need to finish your question.

Joe knows you.

Knows he probably shouldn’t do what he’s about to do, but finds he wants to and so, why the fuck not, you know?

He grins, but only slightly, and uses both his hands. One to remove your own hand from your neck, the other to grab hold of it there, where he pushes his thumb right into the dip at the base of your skull and starts to rub in small circles.

It almost works like an off-button.

Joe knows it does, because it always has.

He has to grab hold of one of your arms to make sure you don’t topple over. He ignores how he feels your whole body shiver.

“You’re not going to the gym.” Joe says gently.

“Mhm,” you hum, not even sure if you’re answering a question or not.

Joe smells so nice. Familiar and comforting and just, lovely.

“I think you’re going straight to bed.”

Joe barely has to guide you. The smallest of pushes just makes you turn and walk straight back over to your bedroom where your wardrobe doors are still open from fetching Joe’s old trainers, and you vaguely think how Joe shouldn’t be in your bedroom with you, but… he is, and so what?

You try undressing with heavy limbs, jeans a little clammy and difficult to take off. You do most of it with your eyes closed and wait for Joe’s hands to come help you out. But they don’t come, and it’s a little confronting how that disappoints you.

It’s something to think about later though.

Joe came over for his shoes and is now just making sure you don’t trip and bash your head on something. That makes sense.

But then, Joe hands you one of your own folded pyjama tops from one of the drawers and you can’t help but let a tired laugh escape you. You sit down on the edge of your bed and take it from him with dropped shoulders, head hanging to the side as you look up at him.

This is so stupid.

“Sorry,” Joe says a little sheepishly. “I just… remember where you keep things.”

“No, no,” you yawn before you add, “It’s fine.”

It’s not fine.

“I’ve missed you too.”

So stupid.

But again, it’s all something for later. Your leading with your wants right now. Not rational thought.

It’s want that reaches for Joe’s hand after you’ve put your pyjama top on.

It’s want that whispers, “Take your shoes off.”

It’s want that sits and stares at Joe with half-lidded eyes as he undresses until he’s in his underwear.

It’s want that asks if Joe can put his hand back on your neck where he had it before.

It’s want that lets you be scooped up and placed into your own bed, on the wrong side, furthest away from the door.

It’s want that doesn’t give a shit about where you are in your bed, because all you care about is that Joe’s there, and he is there when he climbs into bed right next to you and lays behind you on his side, not entirely big-spooning you, but if he just got a little closer...

Then he softly asks, “Is this okay?” and holds you by the back of the neck again which makes you whine into the pillows.

Joe is allowed any spot in the bed he fucking wants.

“There you go,” Joe says softly, and he suppresses a smile as he feels how you relax.

It’s the wrong place, the wrong time and absolutely the wrong person.

You logically know this.

You’re going to have some explaining to do tomorrow.

You know there’ll be missed calls.

There’ll be hurt feelings.

There’ll be guilt.

You know it’s all wrong, but it’s hard to let your rational mind make smarter decisions when it all feels so stupidly right.

You’re not doing anything illegal.

Joe said he misses you, and it took a little time, but you said it back. You miss him too.

Joe decides to stay awake until you fall asleep, and maybe he’ll take a short little nap himself too before he goes to get himself some coffee cake, he’s not sure yet.

He has to stop himself from shaking his head at the fact that he can tell just by the way you’re breathing if you’ve fully dozed off yet or not.

It shouldn’t take long. You’ve barely been able to focus your eyes on anything from the moment Joe saw you in the queue of that coffee shop.

Just before you drift off, Joe feels how you slowly turn around to face him. How you scoot a little closer. Then two smaller hands find his forearm, and Joe lets you wrap both arms around his bicep. Lets you hug it to yourself, which involuntarily makes his hand rest on one of your bare thighs.

Joe’s hand is warm, and his touch his gentle, and it fucking makes your eyes sting.

There’s something about being in bed with a man that makes you feel safe and protected and like you can actually sleep.

It’s not like that yet with who you’re seeing now. These are the things that take time. Hence how fucking tired you currently are.

Have been all day.

All week.

“Yea,” you suddenly whisper, and it’s so soft, Joe wouldn’t have heard it had he not been so close to you. “Miss you.”

You tighten your arms around Joe’s which makes his chest ache, and finally let sleep take you.

Joe smiles.

You said you miss him.

He knows you do.

Thinks that maybe you don’t have to.

What if there’s a way back?

He’ll find a way back. He knows he can.

“Yea,” Joe repeats, and decides taking a nap in your bed on your side is actually the best fucking idea he’s ever had.

“Miss you too.”

---

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 27 days ago

Text

💚💚💚💚

Change Of Heart

The Middle - Part Four

Note - coming at you a day early, so I hope that’s okay 😂 this chapter is a ride and I pray you won’t be too hard on our girly. She’s been through a lot and has a lot of emotions and also people aren’t angles 100% of the time (unless your name is Mason) so it’s normal for someone to have a strop. Sorry I really feel like I’m explaining myself here but I’m just scared you’ll hate her. This chapter also involves a song and I’ve added a thing so you can listen along to the version I was thinking about 🥰 LOVE YOU GUYS FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED AS ALWAYS 🩷😘

Pairing - Mason Mount x Reader

Word count - 6.6K

Warnings - series contains angst & fluff

They say you always hurt the ones you love, and even though you never meant to hurt Mason, there always seemed to be moments over the years when you’d take your moods out on him.

You knew he was upset, but he always took it in his stride and let you have your strop before accepting your apology straight away no matter how much you didn’t deserve it. Not wanting to be moody with each other now you didn’t see each other as much but after you’d calmed down it didn’t make you feel any less guilty.

Moving to Manchester was everything you thought it would be and more.

Now you’d been promoted you could afford your own house up here and you made sure it had enough bedrooms so there was a spare for when Mason or your family wanted to visit and you felt incredible that you could provide for yourself and Gee all on your own.

Mason helped you move and unpack but he couldn’t stay more than one night as he had to go back to London and back to training but you were grateful for his help nonetheless and happy that he was finally onboard with such a big change.

It was the perfect fresh start, and you knew no one here so you made sure you made a few connections by joining a mummy and baby group in hopes of making some mum friends and on the first day you met Ell. It was her first day with baby Tommy and by the end of the hour you were becoming fast friends. Ell having lived in the area her whole life and she promised to take you under her wing and be there for you. Even skipping the class sometimes so you could take the babies out for lunch and have a gossip.

You saw and spoke to Mason as much as you could but you knew things had changed. FaceTime wasn’t the same as seeing him in person but the season was soon ending and you’d even managed to make it back down for his last game of the season. Watching on proudly as he picked up his second player of the season award and you knew it had meant a lot to him for you to be there.

It was the least you could do, Mason always sacrificing himself for you and you knew you weren’t always the best to him. Blaming your bad moods on being tired due to work and the stress of raising a child on your own in a place where you hardly knew anyone but Mason always took you as you came just like he had your whole life.

You loved your life up in Manchester though. Quiet nights spent with just you and Gee cuddled on the sofa as you told her how long you’d waited for her to come and everything you wanted to do together. Watching her grow and learn new things everyday as you learnt more about yourself in the process and when she wasn’t in your arms you didn’t feel whole.

You had been living in your house for around three months when Mason first came to stay for a few nights. It was a bit last minute and you had made plans to go out with your new work colleagues to get to know them a bit better but Mason assured you it was fine and that he would stay with Gee that night rather than her usual babysitter.

Gee was around ten months old now and Mason couldn’t believe how much she’d changed since he last saw her. His eyes filling up as he held her to his chest and you melted at the way she clung to him. Even though they didn’t get to see each other too often it was so lovely to see how strong their bond was. Mason eventually pulling you into his arms so you could all cuddle together by the front door and you didn’t miss the way your shoulders relaxed at his touch. Trying your hardest to not bury your face into his shoulder as you’d missed him so much but you pulled back and smiled at him sweetly.

‘Go sit, I’ll grab you a drink’ you told him and him and with a quick kiss to your cheek he made his way into the living room whilst you headed just down the hall to the kitchen to flick the kettle on.

You could hear Mason from the kitchen, letting Gee babble away at him as he tried to respond back to her with the noises she’d just made and as the kettle boiled, you popped your head around the corner so you could watch them. Masons back to you so he had no idea you were listening in but he was sat with Gee practically on his chest and you smiled softly at them as they made silly faces at each other.

You loved getting to see them bond, knowing how much Gee loved Mason already even though you didn’t get to see him as much, but soon enough her incoherent mumbles turned into actual words.

‘Dada’

‘Oh… oh no I’m not your dada baby’ he whispered, his voice sounding sad and your heart broke a tiny bit. Mason was more of a dad to Gee than anyone and the feeling of her not having that vital person in her life for her early years upset you more than you thought it would, but it was no match for the words that were about to come out of Mason's mouth. ‘I wish I was though, Gee. I’d do anything for you, you know that right?’ He whispered. ‘And I love your mummy so so much. More than I could ever tell you… or her. Trust me, I tried once and it did not go well’ he laughed.

You felt overwhelmed, stood in shock as you watched him confess his feelings for you to your baby in a soft voice so you didn’t hear but he clearly had no idea you could hear every word as he carried on talking. ‘It hurts you know? Knowing your person doesn’t quite see you as theirs but it’s okay. I’ve learnt to let her go and let her be happy, even if it’s not because of me. She’ll find her person one day and maybe I can learn to love someone like I love her. Like give someone else what I’ve always wanted to give her. I think I’d make a pretty good boyfriend if I let myself be one. And I think I’d make a good dad too, like I’m not that bad am I?’ He asked her and the excited yelp that left her little mouth made you smile even though your heart was breaking.

‘Thanks Gee, you always know what to say’ he laughed. ‘Who knows, maybe I can give you some cousins one day?’

He still loves me. After all this time he still loves me.

You’d always had a feeling Mason still liked you more than he should, but hearing him say it again to your little girl hurt. The fact that he was keeping it under wraps still gave you mixed feelings but clearly he didn’t want you to know as he was dealing with it in his own way so you figured you’d let him carry on.

You loved Mason, you just weren’t in love with him. If there was a way you could have flicked a switch to turn those feelings on then you’d do it in a heartbeat but all you knew right now was that you had to pretend like you hadn’t heard anything for the sake of your friendship. Knowing he’d leave if he knew you knew and you liked things exactly as they were.

You shook it off and made him his coffee just how he liked it. Carrying it into him quietly and when he smiled up at you in thanks you knew he didn’t know you’d overheard. Carry on talking to you without a care in the world as he played with Gee. You felt awkward though, no knowing what to say to him as a feeling of guilt settled into your tummy.

‘I need to go get ready’ you told him eventually. Making your way upstairs so you could start doing your hair and applying your makeup away from his big brown eyes and silly dimples but you were still thinking about what he’d said to Gee. The way he was still in love with you but just carried on and hid it like he was doing made you feel so confused

You were halfway through doing your makeup when you heard him walking up the stairs, his voice low as he told Gee he’d find you for her and after a quick knock at your door you let him know it was safe to come in.

‘See Gee, I told you she was here’ he cooed as he rounded the corner into your room and you sent her a smile as she looked your way. ‘Sorry, she didn’t believe me when I told her you were up here’ he laughed and you could see Gee sending you a huge smile back now.

‘That’s okay’

‘Are you alright?’ He asked as he took a seat on the edge of your bed but you just nodded your head. Still unsure as to what you should say to him. ‘You sure? You seem quiet’

‘I’m fine, just nervous. You know what I’m like with big groups of people’ you half lied but you could see him nodding away behind you in the mirror.

‘You’ll be fine, I promise’ he smiled before his eyes were flickering around your room. ‘Are you gonna wear that dress? He quizzed, nodding over to the one you’d hung up on the outside of your wardrobe and you nodded in response. ‘That's always been my favourite on you’ he beamed and you felt your tummy drop at his comment.

He let you get ready a little while after. Taking Gee downstairs so he could pop on the dancing fruit video she seemed to love so much to keep her entertained but when you came back down ready to leave you could see the disappointment and confusion all over his face that you’d chosen something different to wear.

Mason still showered you with compliments and helped you put on your necklace. His face beaming at the fact you still wore his gift after all these years but little did he know you felt lost without it.

Ever since he’d given it to you that fateful night you very rarely took it off as you felt like he was always with you when you had it on and even though things may have taken a weird little turn tonight there was no way you were leaving the house without it.

After a long goodbye with Gee you managed to make it out the door. Hopping in a taxi to take you to a restaurant nearby and as soon as you were inside your worries disappeared. You loved your new team and there were only around six of you so you were able to chat with all of them with no one feeling left out and really connect in a way you can’t do everyday in the office.

You checked your phone periodically but nothing had come through from Mason so you just figured the pair of them were having a lovely time and focused on getting to know your new colleagues.

You’d just finished up dessert when you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket. Quickly reaching for it to see Mason's face filling up the screen so you excused yourself just off to the side so you could answer.

‘Mase, everything alright?’ You asked, thinking he was just updating you quickly but the beat of silence on his end made your tummy drop.

‘Hey, yeah no listen. It’s Gee. She’s been all grizzly since you left and I thought it was just her being moody but she’s had a temperature all night and-‘

‘She what? A temperature? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?’ you asked. Your tone sounding panicked as your tummy dropped and the thought of Gee being unwell and needing you while you were out.

‘Well I didn’t wanna ruin your night out and I thought she’d be fine but she’s getting really upset and-‘

‘I’m coming back’ you told him. Hanging up the phone so he didn’t have a chance to answer before grabbing your things and making a swift exit. You didn’t want to cause a fuss so you quietly let your assistant know and slipped away before anyone could say anything before making your way back home ready to tear Mason a new one.

When you first walked in, the sight you were met with would have usually warmed your heart. Gee laid on Mason's chest with her head smooshed into his neck as he rubbed her back but you could see her eyes were red from crying and her little nose looked flushed.

Mason on the other hand looked frozen in fear. Looking up at you like he’s was scared you were about to rip his head off but you paid him no mind. Slipping your jacket off before storming over so you could gently lift Gee from him. Thankfully Mason didn’t put up a fight but your plan to just completely ignore him and go upstairs was thwarted when he began to speak as you turned to leave.

‘I gave her some calpol about half an hour ago, it’s taken her temperature down a bit but she might-‘

‘I don’t need you to tell me how to look after my baby’ you snapped. Turning to face him and if you weren’t so furious and worried you might have felt bad for how you’d spoken to him. ‘I told you to call me if someone was wrong so why didn’t you?’

‘Cause I-‘

‘No Mason! There’s no excuse’ you cried but your loud voice had stirred Gee awake and her bleary eyes were right on Mason.

‘Come on Gee, let’s go to bed. We can cuddle for a little bit, okay?’ You whispered, walking straight towards the door but her tiny hands Were grabbing straight for the boy you furious with.

‘Dada’

‘No, Uncle Masons going to his room’ you told her. Loud enough so Mason could hear and as soon as he was out of Gee’s sight she began to cry hysterically. ‘Come on Gee, it’s okay. Mummy’s here now’ you told her trying to do anything you could to soothe her but nothing was working.

Guilt flooded you for the second time that day but now it was for a different reason. You were still feeling a little awkward about earlier and knew you shouldn’t have snapped like you did as he was just trying his best, but the idea of Gee being sick scared you and Mason was the only one around to take it out on.

You figured she was crying just because she felt so sick but when Mason appeared in your doorway around ten minutes later, the two of you looked up and over to him and only then she began to calm down as she reached for him. It was at that moment you realised she was upset because she thought Mason had left her.

He didn’t say a word, just came and sat in front of you so he could hold Gee’s hand and her sobs disappeared almost immediately. His big brown eyes flashing to yours but they were back on Gee almost instantly as a look of worry washed over him.

‘Lay down, I think it’s best you stay here. She won’t stop crying otherwise’ you told him quietly but he seemed hesitant.

‘Oh I-‘

‘Just do it… please’ you told him softly. ‘I need to get ready for bed and I’ll be back’ you gulped and with that you grabbed your things and went to the bathroom. Not taking too long to get changed and take your makeup off before you were rushing back to them. Gee now wide awake and looking up at Mason as he tried his best to make her smile but you noticed he toned it down as soon as you were back. Laying her on the bed in the middle of the pair of you so you could both look at her but you kept silent as you watched her giggle at Masons silly faces.

‘Why does she keep touching your lips?’ You asked quietly after a while. Not missing the way her little chubby fingers were repeatedly reaching up for his mouth and you noticed his cheeks turn pink as he tried not to smile.

‘I think she wants me to sing her our song’

‘Your song?’

‘Yeah, whenever I put her down for naps or to sleep I always sing to her. I’ve been singing to her a lot tonight to try and cheer her up’ He giggled nervously and you felt your heart melt for him just that little bit more.

‘You never sing for me’

‘That’s cause you said my voice sound like nails in a blender’ he joked, his eyes flashing up to yours but he clearly didn’t know where he stood still so he was quick to look away.

‘Well even so, Gee obviously likes it. You should sing to her now. It might help her sleep’

‘I don’t know…’

‘Come on, she’s practically begging you’ you encouraged and you knew you were breaking him down.

‘Well I can’t do it with you watching me’ he laughed, embarrassment written all over his face so you did the only thing you could think of and rolled over to your other side so you were facing away from the pair of them and the sound of his little laugh before he cleared his throat made you smile.

‘I would take the stars out of the sky for you

Stop the rain from falling if you asked me to’

You knew the song immediately. One of your mum’s favourites that she would listen to at home but listening to Mason sing it so softly to your baby gave the lyrics a whole new meaning and you felt every hair on your body standing up as you listened on.

‘I'd do anything for you, your wish is my command

I could move a mountain when your hand is in my hand’

You could hear the smile in his voice, and hear the laugh coming from Gee as she listened to him. Your eyes filling up almost instantly as he sounded so sincere and you couldn’t believe how lucky you were to have a friend like Mason who gave his all for a child that wasn’t even his.

‘Words cannot express how much you mean to me

There must be some other way to make you see

If it takes my heart and soul, you know I'd pay the price

Everything that I possess I'd gladly sacrifice’

You knew he meant every word he was singing just by the tone of his voice and as the song took on a whole new meaning to you, you felt your eyes spillover as you heard your baby giggling.

‘Oh, you to me are everything

The sweetest song that I could sing

Oh, baby, oh, baby’

You couldn’t take it anymore. Turning round to look at him and his eyes flashed to yours immediately. The bridge of his nose a deep red still as he was clearly a little embarrassed you’d heard him sing but to you it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever heard.

‘I’m sorry Mase’ you whispered. ‘I didn’t mean to have a go earlier, I was just worried’ you told him. Eyes filling with tears again as you took in his guilty face but soon enough his own face looked just as miserable as you felt.

‘I know love, it’s okay’

‘No it’s not. I was awful to you when all you’ve ever done is look after us. You know I trust you with Gee 100% and I’m sorry if I made you feel at different’ you gulped. ‘I see it every day how much you love her and we really don’t deserve you’

‘Y/n, it’s fine. I should have told you earlier I just wanted you to have a good night and I thought I could do it’

‘You did though Mase. You did everything right, see?’ You smiled. Motioning down to Gee who was laying there as happy as Larry but you could tell from the yawns she was ready for sleep. ‘She just needed a little bit more time for the medicine to kick in but she’s alright’

‘I was just worried’ he told you. His bottom lip wobbling and it really hit you how much this whole evening had upset him.

‘I know you were’ you sighed. Picking up a now barely awake Gee so you could place her in her crib next to you before turning back to Mason with your arms open for him. ‘Come here’

He didn’t need to be told twice. Shuffling over and laying his head on your chest so you could hold him while stroking his hair and you felt him deflate in your arms.

‘I really am sorry, Mason’ you whispered in his ear. ‘I was just worried too but I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that’

‘I know you were. That’s why I didn’t want to call you, which I know is stupid’ he sighed. ‘Are we okay? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me all day’

You felt even worse now knowing he’d picked up on your mood but there was no way you were telling him how you’d overheard him earlier so you just nodded your head. Wracking your brain for some sort of excuse to tell him but you were coming up short.

‘We’re okay, Mase. I’m really sorry for how I’ve acted today I’ve just been a bit stressed lately but it’s not your fault’

‘Okay’ he whispered. Kissing just over your heart as that was the only place he could reach and you felt your heart flutter at his softness and the love you felt for your best friend. ‘Gimme five minutes and I’ll go back to my room’

‘Don’t go, I’m comfy’ you whispered. Hearing him chuckle as he held you tighter but soon enough he was getting heavy and you knew he’d fallen asleep.

You didn’t have big arguments, but when you fell out it was usually your fault. But Mason being Mason always forgave you even when you didn’t feel like you deserved it.

You did your best to forget about Mason's confession and as the months passed you managed to get back into your normal routine with him. You and Gee still cheering him on from the sidelines but this season was turning out to be even weirder than the last.

The season wasnt over yet but it had been really tough for Mason. Ever since the World Cup he’d been carrying an injury and a few weeks ago he’d finally had surgery to correct the issue. He hadn’t played in a really long time and since he had a week in between recovery sessions he’d made the choice to come up and see you both.

It was perfect timing really since Ell had taken you away for a few days to her husband Noah’s families house in the south of France and the five of you had had the best time. Sending Mason Cute snaps of the kids on the beach but all he did was warn you to keep them apart as Gee was too young for a boyfriend.

y/n

liked by masonmount, ell_197, lukeshaw23 and others

y/n our first little holiday 🥺🩷 wouldn’t be the same without our besties. Thank you for inviting us into your home and making us feel like family 🥰 forever grateful for your kindness

masonmount my girls ❤️ cant wait to see you all

y/n we’ve missed you so much masey!!!

ell_197 the best trip 😘 I’m planning the next one as we speak

y/n so thankful for you 🩷 we had the best time ever and I loved watching our babies have fun together 😩

masonmount she’s not allowed a boyfriend

ell_197 who? 🤣

masonmount both of them 😌

Mummy_y/n wish we were with you both 😍

y/n us too 🥺 but we’ll see you real soon

Mason being free meant he was able to pick you up from the airport and at 3am your heart stuttered as Gee ran as fast as her little legs could take her into Mason’s waiting arms before he squeezed her like he never wanted to let go. Only opening his arm when you came close so he could pull you in too and the feeling of home flooded you.

This was the first time Mason had met Ell and her family and they seemed just as enamoured by him as Gee was. Noah admitting he was a big fan and was trying his hardest to get him to come and play for Man United. Mason just smiled and laughed like he usually did when someone said the same but you could see there was something else behind it this time.

You were home soon enough though. Popping Gee in her room so she could sleep before making your way back to the living room. You still felt wide awake and Mason had offered to make you a tea and to maybe watch a film as he wasn’t tired either due to his nap earlier, so you got yourself settled and began absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

There was a reason you never went on Facebook and right now was a perfect reminder as to why.

Facebook was full of updates from people you hadn’t spoken to in years or elderly family members posting badly taken selfies and stupid opinions but after an email popped up saying a girl you hadn’t heard of in years had posted a picture your curiosity got the better of you and you clicked on the link.

It was from there you went on a downward spiral. Mindlessly scrolling through your feed as you became reacquainted with people you hadn’t thought of in years. Wondering why half of these people even still used this god forsaken app until you came to a past that made you stop in your tracks.

‘I don’t think I’ve done the popcorn right’ Mason suddenly bellowed through the halls and as his voice got closer you sat yourself up on your sofa and tried to look like you hadn’t just had the biggest shock of your life.

‘I mean how difficult is it to microwave a bag?’ He carried on. ‘I didn’t think it would be that hard but I shook it and there’s still loads of kernels in there’ he complained. Finally flopping down next to you and you knew once he cast his eyes in your direction it was over for you. ‘Hey, y/n what’s wrong?’

How were you even supposed to explain your way out of this one? Mason was your best friend and knew you inside out so there was no lying to him but you weren’t sure you could get the words out to tell him exactly.

‘It’s Jack’ you sighed. His name leaving a sour taste on your tongue and you knew as soon as Mason stiffened besides you were in for a barrage of questions.

‘Jack? What? has he tried to talk to you or something?’

‘No no, I was just on Facebook and I must have forgotten to block him on there since I never use it and a post from him came up’

‘Oh okay, I get it must be tough to see his face again’

‘It’s not just that’ you sighed. Passing him your phone with a shaking hand to show him the picture and you didn’t even need to look at him to know he was shocked by what he saw.

You didn’t even know Jack was dating again, let alone be ready to propose to someone and the fact you could tell exactly where it was made it hurt even more. The place you’d planned on visiting once you’d both saved up enough to live out your big dream and looking at him living it without you felt suffocating. Like the elephant from the picture was sat on your chest so it could crush you until you never breathed again and all you wanted was to flee the scene and scream your lungs out.

‘Oh love, I’m so sorry’

‘It’s fine, you didn’t do anything’ you shrugged, taking your phone back from him before locking it and you couldn’t decide if you wanted to talk about it or not. Thankfully Mason made that decision for you and started going off about him and how he was never right for you in hopes it would make you feel better and you couldn’t deny shit talking about him for a bit made you smile a tiny bit.

‘You know I never liked him’ Mason told you after his big rant and when he took your hand in his he squeezed it tightly.

‘I know’ you laughed ‘I don’t care for him too much either’

‘What’s got you all upset then?’ He asked. Pulling you into his side a bit further and you rested your head on his shoulder so you could talk without looking at him.

‘I don’t even know’ you shrugged. ‘Its just weird to see I guess. Makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me’

‘There’s nothing wrong with you at all’

‘But if he can do it for her, like grow up and be a proper man then why couldn’t he do that for me?’

‘Because he wasn't meant for you’

‘Who is meant for me then huh? Cause they’re taking their bloody sweet time getting here’ you laughed but there was no humour in it.

I’m meant for you Mason thought. But he kept his lips zipped as he just wanted to be there for you.

The more you thought about him the angrier and more upset you became. Tears eventually spilling over onto your cheeks and there was no way you could hide them from Mason.

‘I know you didn’t like him, but he was the first boy I really loved, you know?’ You croaked. Looking up to Mason for a bit of sympathy and thankfully he was giving you just that. ‘The first one who told me they saw a future with me and mapped it out for us. Who wasn’t afraid to show me off even on my bad days and yeah it sucked the way it ended but we were happy once’

‘I know you were. And I know it’s cheesy but if you can be happy with him then imagine how happy you could be with me’

‘Wait… with you?’ You questioned. Mason's face paling as he realised what he’d said. A slip of the tongue that he was meant to keep inside but now it was out in the open and you could tell he was flustered.

‘Oh uh, no I didn’t meant me I um, I meant like-‘

‘No… you said you. You meant you’ you pressed, wanting him to just come out and say it but you knew he wasn’t going to. Fighting with his whole being to not let anything else slip out.

‘Y/n I-‘

‘Just be honest with me’ you told him firmly. Wanting him to come out and tell you what you already knew but now his face was bright red and even though he’d seemily backed him into corner he wasn’t coming out anytime soon.

‘Please y/n’

‘Do you… do you still have feelings for me?’ You asked. A mix of tiredness and your frustration about what you’d seen getting the better of you and as he tried to stutter out another excuse you lost it.

‘What? I-‘

‘Why are you doing this to me? You’re just as bad as him sometimes. Fucking with my emotions like this all the time. I told you when we were kids how I felt but here we are again. You’re making everything about you!’

‘I didn’t-‘

‘Whatever I don’t care. I’m going to bed’ you huffed. Storming off upstairs and slamming your door behind you in hopes that would send him a bit more of a message but as soon as you’d flopped down onto your bed you’d regretted the way you’d spoken to him. Tears springing in your eyes once more but you just let them flow, not ready to talk to anyone just yet as you needed to unscramble your thoughts

Mason had been sat with his thoughts for around five minutes when he heard footsteps coming back down the stairs but he knew straight away they weren’t yours. Waiting quietly for Gee to make her way into the living room and when she appeared in the doorway with the Gem the giraffe, the Teddy he’d gifted her when she’d just been born, under her arm Mason sent her a warm smile.

‘What are you doing up and about, misses? You should be asleep’

‘Where’s mummy’ she mumbled, her voice slow and sleepy as she rubbed her eyes and he realised she must have woken up when you’d slammed the door to your bedroom.

‘She’s just gone upstairs for a little bit. What’s wrong, pickle?’

‘Loud noise’ she pouted and Mason's suspicions were confirmed.

‘Oh I’m sorry, Gee. Would you like to come and sit with me for a bit?’ He asked, praying she would say yes so he wouldn’t have to go and disturb you but thankfully Gee nodded and made her way over to Mason. Standing in between his legs with her arms raised so he could lift her into his lap and once she was comfy with Gem cuddled into her chest, she was asleep again soon after. Her face smooshed into his shoulder as she laid across his body, holding onto his hoodie string with her tiny fist and he held her tightly before kissing her head good night.

It was around half an hour later when you realised you probably owed Mason an apology for blowing up like you had. Rubbing your eyes and sitting yourself up so you could build up the courage to make your way back down in hopes he was still on the sofa.

You came down to an unexpected sight, Mason still in his seat but a little visitor was asleep on his chest and your heart melted as you watched his hand rub over her back before he kissed the top of her head. Seemingly engrossed in whatever he had on the TV but he must have seen you moving in the corner of his eye and he turned to face you with a petrified expression.

‘What's Gee doing down here?’ You asked quietly.

‘She woke up when you went upstairs’ he told you and you instantly knew it was when you’d slammed the door. Guilt flooding you straight away that you’d managed to upset everyone under this roof tonight unintentionally. ‘I was gonna take her up in a bit she just seemed comfy here’

‘It’s okay, I’ll do it’ you nodded. Walking over and carefully picking her up from him and your heart thumped as she clung to your neck but that wasn’t the only reason. She smelt just like Mason as she’d been laying on him for so long and the need for his comfort consumed you. You just didn’t know if he’d want to give it to you this time.

It was a fairly simple job getting her back into bed. Usually when Gee was asleep she was dead to the world which made you feel even worse that you’d managed to wake her up but once she was back comfy under the covers with Gem cuddled under her chin, you stayed with her for a few minutes to check she was okay.

‘Mummy’s sorry baby’ you whispered. Pressing a kiss to her forehead as you smoothed her hair from her face but you knew there was someone else you needed to go and say sorry to.

Mason was still sat in the same spot, head resting on his hand that was propped up on the arm of the sofa and when you walked in he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. You didn’t give him the chance to say anything and you didn’t speak either, just crawled onto the sofa next to him and took up the space Gee just was. Nestling your head into his shoulder as you sprawled across him and even though the pair of you needed to talk things through, you were both giggling as he wrapped his arms around you and held you like a baby. Popping a kiss on your cheek as you got each comfy in each other's arms, a comfortable slice falling over you but you knew you needed to speak.

When you looked up at him, he was already looking down at you. Eyes full of confusion and hurt and even though you were terrified to open up to him, his scent that was so strong on Gee was now filling your senses and you felt at peace.

You felt at home.

‘I'm sorry for blowing up at you’

‘It’s okay-‘

‘No it’s not, Mase. You're not my punching bag and I shouldn't have said all that to you. It’s not your fault he’s gone and done that, I was just upset. The whole safari thing, that was my thing you know? Our thing, even. Not his’

‘I know love, and that’s what I meant earlier. He was a dickhead and you still wanted to go there with him, imagine the fun we’d have? And you don’t even need to imagine cause I promised you when we were kids I was taking you and I intend to stick to that promise’

‘Really’ you pouted.

‘Of course. You know when Gee’s a little older and she knows what’s going on and I’ve got the time I’m taking all of us, okay? I promised I would and I keep my promises’

‘Now I feel even more like a twat’ you laughed but he just held you closer. ‘I’m really sorry, Mase. It’s just hard. He always seems to get what he wants you know? He doesn’t deserve a happy ending’

‘I know it is, but you’ll get yours one day though i promise’ he whispered. ‘Shall we get you to bed? We can talk about it tomorrow if you still want to but I don’t want you down here winding yourself up’

‘Will you stay with me tonight?’ You asked. Looking up into big brown eyes. ‘I just know I’ll go crazy if I’m on my own’

‘Okay’ he replied shyly. Kissing your forehead gently before holding you close as you buried your nose into his neck. ‘If that’s what you want’

You realised in that moment that was a perfect phrase to sum up yours and Masons friendship.

If that’s what you want.

All he ever did was give you what you wanted to try and make you happy and as you laid in his arms you knew the next time he needed you you would be there for him in ways you never had before.

Little did you know that he’d be needing your more than he ever had sooner than you thought.

‘Will you sing to me like you sing to Gee?’ you asked. Laughing as you wrapped your arms around his bicep and nuzzled into his shoulder once you were both ready and in bed and you could tell from the way he laughed it was a no, but soon enough his soft voice was filtering through the room. Barely a whisper as he sung to you the song that was always reserved for Gee and it must have had the desired effect as soon enough you were sleeping peacefully next to him.

Mason kept singing though, using the fact that you were asleep to help him out a bit as the second verse of the song he always pictured you. It was like whoever wrote it had plucked the lyrics straight from Masons brain and you being asleep gave him the courage to finally sing this part to you.

‘Though you're close to me, we seem so far apart

Maybe given time you'll have a change of heart

If it takes forever, girl, then I'm prepared to wait

The day you give your love to me, won't be a day too late’

Tag list - @saltyheartnightmare @harvestmount @prideofpd @sid-vii @carlottawllms @footiehoemcfc @katharinanadiaa @whenelifallsinlove @neverinadream @cityzenchick @msnmnt @stikkibun @masonmtxo @chillymountsjess @yoursselo @maseymm @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @leclerc13

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 2 months ago

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Change Of Heart

The Beginning - Part One

Note - first of all a big sorry to Elisa 😭 you sent me this request so bloody long ago but it’s finally here! I really hope you all enjoy this and please let me know what you think 🩷 chapter two out same time next week!

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 3.5k

Warnings - series contains angst & fluff

‘Mase, you up there?’ You called, not hearing any signs of life apart from the rustling of the leaves above but as soon as you spoke you saw the light of his torch flicker on.

‘I’m here, you need a hand?’ He offered, his face coming into view above you but you shook your head. Grabbing onto the wooden ladder as you began to hoist yourself up and into his treehouse. ‘This better be good, Mount. Cause if I get stuck up here again I’ll make sure you never kick a ball for the foreseeable’

‘It is, I promise’ he chuckled, helping you in as you got to the entrance and pulling you over to get settled on the cushions in the far corner. ‘What took you so long anyway?’

‘I had to get ready, I was practically in my pj’s when you text me’

‘I forgot, you can’t leave the house without your lipstick on’ he jibed, making you roll your eyes but you knew he was right. Ever since you were little you loved wearing makeup and as soon as you discovered red lipstick you wouldn’t put anything else on your lips. Mason rarely saw you without out as you never felt complete unless you had it on but Mason never made you feel silly about it.

Mason was your bestest friend in the whole world, meeting at nursery when you were three and going through school together in all the same classes meant no matter if you didn’t like him, you were stuck with him. That and both your dad’s being good friends helped the situation and even though you’d not been as close for a while when you were around 12 because boys sucked, you’d found your way back to each other and been besties ever since.

The treehouse you were currently in was in Masons garden, a street away from our own house and you used to come up here years ago all the time to get away from the adults. However, ever since Mason was growing busy with football and you were focused on your exams so you could get into uni, it was rare you did anything like this anymore.

‘Still smells the same up here’ you commented, facing him with a smile but you could tell he was eager to let you know his news. ‘Go on then, what is it?’

‘I’ve been signed’ he blerted, his wide toothy grin on full display and even though you were happy for him you had no idea what he meant.

‘Signed? What do you mean I thought you were already signed?’

‘Well yeah, but this is different. I’m going out on loan to another club and I’ll get to play properly. Like proper first team football’ he told you, his excitement infectious and you couldn’t help but smile along even though you were still a little confused.

‘Thats amazing, Mase. So you’ll play for a different club?’

‘Yeah, just for the season, and then I’ll be back in the summer’

‘But I can come and visit right?’

‘Well that’s kinda the thing’ he huffed. Scratching the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous and you were sure you weren’t about to like what he was going to say. ‘It’s not around here’

‘That’s okay, I’ve made the journey up to Chelsea all the time’ you countered. Thinking he should have known you’d drive to him to hang out no matter where in the country it was. ‘And surely you’ll have away games? I’m sure some will be near my uni, right?’

‘Not exactly, y/n. It’s in the Netherlands, I’m moving overseas for a year ’

‘What?’ You breathed. Your heart sinking immediately at the thought of him being so far away but the excited smile on his face lifted you ever so slightly.

‘Yeah, but I really think this will be good for me’ he nodded and although you didn’t want to rain on his parade, you had your concerns.

‘I don’t like the thought of you being in your own all the way over there’ you pouted but he just sent you a reassuring smile.

‘No it’s okay, mums gonna live with me for a few months till I get my bearings and I’ll be fine after that. It’ll be good for me, you know? I might actually learn to grow up’ he laughed, tapping your knee in jest as you were always the first to call out his silly behaviour but even though he was making a joke of it, you didn’t want him to change. You loved that Mason didn’t take anything too seriously and some of your happiest memories he was involved in.

‘But I like you as you are’ you whispered, watching his face soften slightly. ‘Well even so, I’m still coming to visit. It might not be as frequent as before but I’ll still be there’

‘Thank you’ he smiled, his face looking shy just before you pulled him into a hug. Wanting to let him know how proud and happy you were for him and from the way he squeezed you tightly you could tell he appreciated it. ‘I wanted to give you something’ he told you shyly, the words getting lost in your hair before you both pulled back and the serious look on this face let you know this wasn’t going to be something light.

‘Oh Mase, you’re not gonna make me cry are you?’

‘I hope not’ he laughed, pulling away and reaching into his pocket where he produced a medium sized jewellery box and you felt your bottom lip drop immediately. ‘I haven’t even opened it yet’ he giggled, bumping his shoulder into yours playfully and you didn’t want to ruin the moment so you held it together as best you could.

‘Sorry sorry, I’m fine keep going’ you laughed, your eyes darting down to the box he was starting to open and your hands covered your mouth as he opened it up fully. Not being able to contain the gasp when you finally saw what was inside as your eyes flashed from his face to inside the box repeatedly.

Inside was a tiny white enamel heart on a dainty gold chain. It was simple and understated and definitely something you’d wear so the fact he’d picked it out made you smile.

‘Oh Mase’ you breathed, your watery eyes looking up into his soft ones and the small smile on his face made your heart thump in your chest. ‘it’s lovely’

‘Turn it over’ he whispered, nodding down into the box and after a beat you carefully reached out to flip the heart over and you caught sight of the small M engraved onto the back.

‘Sorry if it’s a bit cheesy, but we won’t be able to see each other as much as I want to, and I just wanted you to have something from me’ he explained quietly and his thoughtfulness made you want to sob.

‘No, Mase. I love it, thank you so much’ you told him. Hoping you sounded as sincere as you felt but from the smile on his face relaxed you.

‘That’s okay, I’ve wanted to get you something for a while just to say thanks you know?’

‘Thanks for what, I haven’t done anything’ you laughed but he just playfully rolled his eyes and he set the box on his thigh so he could get it out.

‘You have. You’ve always been here for me like you’re the bestest friend I’ve ever had’ he explained and as much as you wanted to tell him you felt the same, you were feeling terribly shy and did what you always did in these situations and tried to cover it up with humour.

‘Don’t tell dec that’ you laughed but he just scrunched his nose up at you.

‘You know what I mean, I know you’re involved with my football stuff but I like that I can forget about all that stuff with you too. Like I’m just Mason to you and I can’t tell you how much I need someone like you in my life’

‘I thought you werent gonna make me cry’ you laughed, flinging your arms around his neck again so you could hold him. Half because you wanted to and half in hopes he’d stop talking as you were far too emotional about everything and when you pulled away he motioned for you to turn around so he could put your necklace on for you.

You moved your hair to the side, shivering slightly as you felt his lips close to your ear as he tried to manoeuvre the chain around your neck and you could tell he was struggling to clasp it as the curse words fell from his lips causing you to giggle.

‘Why do they make these things so fucking small… ah there we go’ he laughed. Hands falling to your shoulders to give them a quick squeeze before you turned around to face him. A bright smile on his face as he took you in but you found the deep blush on his cheeks adorable.

‘I love it Mason, honestly thank you so much’ you smiled, your hand fiddling with the small heart but you could see he was still a little shy about it when he just shrugged.

‘Thought you might need something to remember me by’

‘I can’t believe you’re gonna be gone for a whole year’ you sighed, settling back into the seat next to him as you both looked forward. Your thighs touching as you were now sat so close but you didn’t care. Knowing you wouldn’t be able to do this soon for a while.

‘I know, hopefully it’s worth it though. Like if I’m good enough maybe Chelsea will have me, or some other other team and I can play full time’

‘Of course you’re good enough’ you laughed, bumping his shoulder with yours and the sound of his laugh made you smile.

‘You know if I do make it, I’ll finally be able to afford to take us on that safari we’ve always talked about’ Mason laughed and even though it was still a pipe dream, the thought of the pair of you maybe getting to do something you’d always dreamed of excited you more than anything.

When you were little, you loved watching nature documentaries but your favourites were always about Africa and the rhinos. Every birthday party was safari themed and whenever Mason had a free weekend you’d go to the zoo and talk about how cool it would be to see them in the wild, Mason promising he’d take you one day when you were older. You had both saved up your pocket money for years but that had since all been spent on silly nights out and things you needed for uni and even though Mason obviously made money from football the pair of you were still young and had years to figure it all out.

‘You sure you’re gonna have time for little old me when you’re all big and famous?’ You teased.

‘Of course I will, I’ll always make time for you no matter what, you know that right?’

‘I do’ you whispered but you suddenly felt a wave of anxiety wash over you as his face changed into an expression you’d never seen before.

‘Listen, I need to tell you something else. I didn’t bring you here just to give you that’ he mumbled, his voice quiet as he looked almost shy and you sat quietly in hopes he’d carry on talking. ‘I want to say something, okay? I didn’t want us to leave with anything unsaid between us and i need you to just hear me out’

‘Okay’ you whispered, unsure as to what he was about to say so you got yourself settled as he took a deep breath and got ready to speak.

‘I really like you’ he admitted, eyes trained on the floor as you gave him time to carry on speaking. ‘Like, not just as a best friend…’

‘I just wanted to know if you liked me too, in that way? Cause if you did you know I’d do anything to make it work like whatever you want me to be I’ll be’ he smiled, looking up at you hopefully but you knew your expression was one of shock. ‘I really think I could make you happy, you’re my best friend y/n but I really want us to be so much more and it didn’t feel right not saying anything before I left’

What were you supposed to say to that?

Mason was your best friend, the person you told all your secrets to and the one who’s presence brought you comfort like no other and whilst you couldn’t say you'd never thought about him as more once or twice there was no way you saw it ever working out. Especially not now.

Mason was off to goodness knows where for a year at least and you were off to uni to start your new life and the thought of a boyfriend you never saw wasn’t in your plans. You were both on the cusp of a fresh start and whilst you’d always want Mason in your life you weren’t sure this would be a good decision.

You knew what you had to do, but the thought of breaking Mason's heart and possibly losing him altogether made this even more difficult. His bright eyes were trained on you and you struggled to find the right words to say.

‘Mason’ you breathed, taking his hands in yours but the hopeful look on his face crushed you. ‘Mason I’m so sorry i-‘

‘Oh’ he whispered, taking his hands away from yours before you got a chance to explain anything but the slight nod of his head made your eyes sting. Hopefully he’d understand your point of view straight away but even if he didn’t you were just hoping he’d give you a chance to explain yourself.

‘You’re my best friend, you know that right? And when we think about each other I want it to be good thoughts only. You leave soon and so do I, like I don’t want us to ruin what we have you know? We’ll never be able to see each other and there’s so much change about to happen, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to make even more changes’

He was silent, eyes sad as he took in your words and when you cautiously cupped his jaw he shut them completely so you couldn’t look at him.

‘I’m sorry Mase’

‘It’s fine’ he gulped, pulling out of your grasp and you felt your heart sink. ‘You’re probably right, we’ll both be away a lot and it’s gonna be difficult to talk and-‘

‘Wait’ You interrupted, touching his arm in hopes he’d stop talking as you could tell what he was thinking a mile off. ‘I still want you in my life, this isn’t me trying to get rid of you or anything. You’re still my best friend, Mase’

‘I know’ he gulped, trying to smile up at you but you could see it was all fake. The gravity of how much you’d hurt him now settling in and you wished you could take it all back. ‘I want the same but I might need a little time’

‘Oh Mase-‘

‘Honestly it’s fine’ he laughed, trying to deflect. ‘I just didn’t want to leave without anything unsaid’

‘I’m so sorry’ you whispered, feeling the tears you’d been holding in suddenly fall from your eyes as you quickly tried to wipe them but he’d seen them fall already. ‘Please don’t hate me’

‘It’s alright, come here’ he smiled, opening his arms for you to settle into. Your face buried in his neck and his warm skin pressed against yours bought you comfort like nothing else. ‘I could never hate you, okay? We’ll be fine, yeah? We’ve both got our own things going on like you’re gonna go to uni and you’re gonna smash it’ he told you, making you laugh through your tears and he squeezed you tighter at the sound. ‘You will, I know you will. You’re the smartest person I know’

‘And you’re gonna go out to the Netherlands and show them all how amazing you are, and you’ll come back to Chelsea and get straight into that first team and I promise you, you’ll alway have me right there cheering you on’

‘Thank you’ he whispered, his face crumpling ever so slightly so you pulled him into you so you could share a hug. The both of you sad but hopeful for the future and when he squeezed you tightly you held him back just as hard.

Not too much long after, the pair of you made your way back out of the tree house so you could get home. Reaching up to leave a soft kiss on his cheek and wiping away the lipstick stain straight after but the sad smile that you weren’t sharing something more was clear on his face and you couldn’t handle upsetting him anymore so you made a swift exit.

You had no idea what to say to him, thinking it was probably best you let him come to you and just as you were starting to lose the will to live after two days of silence, a message came through from him and you opened it up as soon as you could.

You felt your heart shatter as soon as you read his text over. He didn’t have the heart to talk to you right now and he was leaving in the morning meaning you didn’t get a chance to say a proper goodbye to him.

You felt responsible for it, shooting him down like you had but you really did think it was for the best. Long distance never seemed to work and you loved Mason as your friend. Now just wasn’t a good time for the both of you as you took your different paths in life but him disappearing like he was stung.

You wanted to let him know you’d still be there for him just like you’d said you would be, that the door would always be open for him to talk to you so you sent him a text back as soon as you could. Your heart breaking a tiny bit knowing this would be the last you’d hear from him for a little while but you were starting to realise that’s what happened when you grew up.

You felt crushed. You knew he might have been a bit upset but the fact he was denying you the chance to say goodbye properly made you feel weird. Like your tummy was sinking and even though you said it was fine you could feel your bottom lip wobbling as you tried to hold in your tears.

This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen, for it to be awkward and for you to be upset with each other but you took note of what he said and believed he would text you soon. Hoping he’d miss you as much as you knew you’d miss him.

But clearly that feeling never came for him.

One week turned into a month. That month then into two and before you knew it it was Christmas and you still hadn’t heard a peep from him.

You’d kept up with what he was doing, knowing it had been hard for him the first few months out there but things had started to pick up and you wanted to speak to him more than anything. Writing out a million texts but always deleting them as you felt stupid and couldnt handle the rejection.

Thankfully with you at uni, you missed the questions from both sets of your parents. You had moved to the north east of London and it was a good few hours to get home so you only went back on breaks and holidays but the sight of Mason's tree house always haunted you.

A part of you wanted to rewind time, to be up there with him and tell him that you’d be his and you’d find a way to make it work but deep down you knew that wasn’t what you felt for him.

Whenever you did get to see his family though, they never mentioned the fact you and Mason hadn’t spoken. Clearly he was telling them everything was fine so you did the same but turned the energy you had from missing him into working extra hard and you managed to pass your first year with a 1st and at the top of your class.

You knew he’d be home soon, but you didn’t know what that meant for the pair of you. Did he want to see you? Did you want to see him? Was there any coming back for the pair of you? You had no idea, but you knew you’d have to face him at some point you just didn’t realise how soon.

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 2 months ago

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they should invent a tummy that doesnt hurt

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 4 months ago

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Tiny Dancer - Eddie Munson x Reader

An As You Wish Story

Summary: It’s your daughter Eliza’s first recital and Eddie couldn’t be prouder

Note: This idea came to me and would not leave me alone until I wrote it 💕

Warnings: older!eddie, dad!eddie

Words: 1.9k

[As You Wish masterlist]

“Why did I have to wear a tie?” Luke complains, yanking at his buttoned-up collar.

Eddie leans forward so he can see Luke around Ryan, who is seated between them.

“Because this is a special occasion. Your sister’s first recital.”

“They’re three-year-olds,” Luke hisses in a whisper, one hand gesturing towards the empty stage.

“Hey,” Ryan says to his brother, “she cheered louder than anyone for you at your baseball game. You can do this for her.”

Eddie nods at his oldest in thanks.

Luke turns to you and asks, “Think her hair is still all up in the bun?”

Wrangling your daughter’s dark curls into the ballerina bun on the top of her head had been a massive undertaking. Some spirals were shorter than others, so there were always a few popping out right as you would go to secure the hair with the white bow. It was an immense test of patience to try time and time again all while Eliza became more antsy and less appreciative of you tugging on strands of hair. She ended up with enough hairspray on her little head to make her hair as hard as a helmet.

“It’s out of my hands now,” you say, wiping your hands and holding them up in defeat. “If Ms. Benson wants to deal with a curl going rogue, that’s on her.”

The lights dim and eight little ballerinas walk onstage, all with hands on their hips, poofy pink tutus flaring out just below them. Their instructor, Ms. Benson, follows them out to make sure they’re all in the spots they should be.

Eliza is the third ballerina from the left, and she looks so precious you think your heart might burst. Her white tights and ballet slippers somehow aren’t stained even though they’d been in your house longer than forty-eight hours. The pink leotard and tutu give her the regal air of a princess, though that might just be Eliza’s own aura. She’s nothing if not captivatingly glamorous. It looks like all of her unruly curls are still on their best behavior, but it would be hard to see one or two offenders that sprang loose from the audience anyway.

You peek over at Eddie and see him beaming as he looks at your little girl up onstage. He feels your gaze and turns his head to meet your eyes. The pride on his face makes your heart melt against your ribs. Eliza hasn’t even done anything yet and Eddie is over the moon.

“She’s so beautiful,” Eddie whispers.

“Like her dad,” you reply, giving him a wink.

He playfully rolls his eyes, but you don’t miss the touch of pink that colors his cheeks. Luke puts his hands on his stomach and pretends to gag. Eddie thunks him on the back of the head.

Ms. Benson finishes her inspection and gives the girls a thumbs up. She scurries off stage, all ballerinas still with hands on hips. None of them can truly stay still, though. A few are swaying, one is twisting from side to side, and Eliza shakes one little leg, her knee bouncing up and down. You’re unsure if it’s due to nerves or anticipation.

A few moments later, the speakers above the stage crackle to life. The opening notes of music tinkle and the voice of young Shirley Temple singing On The Good Ship Lollipop floats through the air.

Eliza and her fellow dancers start to move, tapping the slipper on one foot on the stage in front of them, then switching to the other foot. It’s hard to tell what foot they’re all supposed to be on, since it’s split about fifty-fifty with what foot each girl is using.

On The Good Ship Lollipop

It's a sweet trip to a candy shop

Where bon-bons play

On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay

Arms go above Eliza’s head as she spins around, little feet stomping around in a small circle rather than spinning on one foot. Once she’s facing forward again, her arms come down to shoulder level and her knees bend and straighten, bend and straighten, as the ballerinas bounce. Again, all girls are going at different times and speeds, so it’s hard to know on which notes they’re supposed to be up or down on.

Lemonade stands everywhere

Crackerjack bands fill the air

And there you are

Happy landing on a chocolate bar

Next, it’s one hand back on the hip and one hand waving out to the crowd as the dancers rock from side to side. You specifically remember Eliza practicing this move at home and she kept reiterating how her toes needed to be pointed on the foot she wasn’t balancing on. Only two other girls have their toes pointed at the appropriate times, so you can tell they didn’t take this step as seriously as your daughter.

The moves of the eight tiny dancers are clunky and mismatched, which makes the performance all the cuter. When they all walk to the right on tippy toes, they’re at varying heights, some more flat-footed than others. On the march back to the left, one girl stomps so hard you can hear the clacking of her slippers.

With arms out, the girls do one more twirl and then take their bows.

The crowd breaks into applause and the small girls smile, appreciating the praise for their performances. The ballerina farthest on the right jumps up and down in excitement and the one on Eliza’s left waves furiously to her family. But Eliza stays in her final position, grinning from ear to ear as she looks out at you and her guys.

“Yay, Eliza!” Luke cheers.

Ms. Benson comes out, leads the girls in one more bow, then ushers them all off. The applause is still going.

“There’s my ballerina!” Eddie grins and catches Eliza as she runs over and leaps into his arms. He presses a smacking kiss to her cheek and squeezes her in his arms. “Mwah!”

“I did good?” she asks as the other girls reunite with their families all around you.

“You were wonderful,” you tell her, leaning in to give her a kiss on the opposite cheek. “Did you hear me cheer for you?” Luke asks.

“Yes,” Eliza says with a giggle. “So loud!”

“Of course, it’s Luke,” Ryan says. He ignores Luke’s jab to his ribs as he reaches up and presents his sister with a bouquet of white flowers or different varieties.

Eliza beams and takes the crinkling plastic wrapping from him. She leans in to sniff the flowers and giggles as a few brush her nose.

“I got flowers!”

“For being the best ballerina ever,” you tell her.

“I love! Can you hold ‘em, Daddy?”

“Of course, my little ballerina.” He takes the bouquet from her with his free hand.

Ryan pulls on the bottom ruffle of his little sister’s tutu. “You look like a pretty poof ball.”

“Mama, can you take bow out?” Eliza asks.

“Sure thing, sweet pea.”

Eddie bends down a bit so you can see the top of her head. As gently as you can, you unwind the bow from her hair, wincing when you accidentally tug on it. Tough little girl that she is though, Eliza doesn’t whine.

Once you get it out, you do your best to stifle a laugh. It’s not good enough though, a snort of laughter breaking through your hand covering your mouth. Luke and Ryan laughing as well doesn’t help, either.

“What?” Eliza asks with a pout.

“Sweetie,” Eddie says, also with a small chuckle, “I think Mommy used so much hairspray on you that your hair is stuck up in a bun all by itself.”

She gasps and her hands go to the top of her head. She feels around the stiff hair, moving backwards to the curly bun that hasn’t fallen one little bit since you took the bow out. Short fingers inspect the bun and Eliza turns to look at you with panicked eyes.

“Mama!” she cries. “My hair!”

“It’s okay, Liza,” you tell her, not able to help a small giggle coming out with your words. You pat her back soothingly. “As soon as you take a bath, it’ll be good as new.”

Your words visibly calm her. Her shoulders lower, though she still keeps her hands up on her hair. Now that she knows it isn’t stuck that way, she’s able to find the humor in it. Small giggles turn into loud laughter as she begins to shake her head from side to side like a wet dog getting out of the bath. Her hair hardly moves, only wobbling a little when she really whips her head around.

“Do you want me to put your bow back in since we’re going out to eat?” you ask.

Eliza gasps. “We are?”

“Yep! Wherever you want,” Luke says, but adds under his breath, “despite my begging.”

“Yes, bow please.”

“What do you want to eat?” Ryan asks as you secure the soft white bow back around her stiff bun.

“Mmm…pancakes!”

“Ooh, breakfast for dinner,” Luke says, nodding his head in approval. “Nice choice. I’ll gladly wear my fancy schmancy suit while eating a waffle.”

“Okay, you can take off the tie now,” Eddie says. “I don’t feel like washing syrup out of it.”

“You don’t feel like washing syrup out of it?” you ask, raising your eyebrows at your husband.

Eliza pats her dad’s shoulder three times, as if she didn’t already have his attention.

“Mama does wash.”

“You tell him, kid,” Ryan says to his little sister.

“Why you taking the girls’ side?” Eddie asks as you all begin to head towards the doors.

Ryan looks over at his little brother who is wrestling to get his tie off over his head. It’s currently stuck around his eyes and Luke just keeps tugging on it.

“I’m not on his side,” Ryan says, looking back towards his dad.

“Well, help him!” Eddie scolds Ryan.

“I gotcha, Luke,” you say.

A few strategic pulls and you have the knot undone, the green tie falling away into your hand.

“Thanks,” Luke says as he reaches up to rub his nose. “How’d you learn to undo ties?”

“Taking dad’s off,” Ryan says with a smirk.

Both you and Eddie whip your head towards Ryan with wide eyes. Luckily, both of his siblings are too young to get his innuendo. The further he gets into his teenage years, the more subtly inappropriate comments he makes.

“Dad doesn’t wear ties a lot,” Luke says.

“You’re right, Luke,” you say, ruffling his curls. Then you step closer to Ryan and wrap your arm around his head, your hand closing in over his mouth. “And you need to watch yourself, Mr. Teenager.”

Ryan mumbles something beneath your hand and the muffled sound makes Eliza laugh. When you still don’t move your hand, Ryan licks it, and you yank it back. Eliza laughs even harder at that.

“You think it’s funny?” you tease, wiping your saliva-coated hand off on your daughter’s tight-clad leg. She squirms in Eddie’s arms, her legs kicking and almost catching him in the crotch.

“Ewww!” Eliza squeals.

“I don’t have germs,” Ryan says.

“Yes, you do,” Luke and Eliza say at the same time.

“Can I eat at a different restaurant?” Ryan asks.

“Nope,” you say, looping your arm through his. “You’re stuck with us.”

“Yep!” Eliza echoes. “You’re stuck!”

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 4 months ago

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﹂come home (s.h.)

"come home to me, okay?" "always," steve promises. in between saving will, then hawkins, then somehow the world, you fall in love with steve harrington. (a stranger things rewrite).

﹂pairings: steve harrington x henderson!reader, slight jonathan byers x reader

﹂contains: fem!reader, slow burn, slight enemies to lovers (reader more just pities steve), cursing, miscommunication, unrequited love, angst, protective older sister chaos, violence in the later seasons.

﹂blurbs

﹂playlist

﹂jonathans mixtape for bug

﹂season one

﹂season two

﹂season three

⌑ status: ongoing

⌑ main masterlist

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 4 months ago

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Steve Harrington x HendersonSister!Reader Masterlist

Welcome to the Steve x HendersonSister! Universe! I have so many ideas for these two, and will probably never go through them all, but I wanted to keep them in one place! They will not be posted in chronological order, but I will list them here that way. Hope you enjoy!

Disappointed Revelations - After working on a school project together, you had actually started to believe that there was more to Steve Harrington than meets the eye. All of that changes after an interaction with Jonathan Byers. (Season 1)

Hold Me Tight - Ever since Prom, Steve and you had been growing closer to crossing that line from friendship to something more. During a hot summer day, a little more of that line gets crossed. (Between Season 2 & 3)

Conversations On Top of an Elevator - Well, your brother has gotten you and Steve into another mess, this time on top of a Russian elevator. While Steve stresses out, you reassure him that you’ve gotten out of this shit before, you can do it again. (Season 3)

Saving Steve - Steve Harrington has already saved your life, so it’s time to return the favor. Little did you know that would feel a little less like an action movie and more like taking care of rowdy toddlers. (Season 3)

You Feel the Same? - The tension that’s been rising between you and Steve all summer has finally been set to boiling after spending time trapped in Russian elevators together and overhearing his confession to Robin about the new girl he likes who sounds suspiciously like you. After everything, you don’t care if it ends up burning you anymore. You just know you can’t waste another second not being with him. (Season 3)

Those Three Little Words - 18+ ONLY. Steve gets upset when he finds a letter on your table from Indiana University, and it forces the two of you to confess something you’ve been trying to say for a while now. (Before Season 4)

Holding You to That - Steve Request. You go to get your boyfriend Steve from Family Video when Robin tells you you’re a distraction, and of course you’re not! Okay, maybe a little. (Before Season 4)

A Not So Good Day - It’s Spring Break in Hawkins, and you can already tell that it’s going to be a great, relaxing time. Well, until you find out that your best friend might be dead and the gate to the Upside Down might not be as closed as you thought. (Season 4)

Watergate - Dustin has a theory that there’s a new gate, and Nancy has a suspicion of where it might be. The best swimmer needs to go to the bottom of Lover’s Lake and check it out. Unfortunately, much to Steve’s displeasure, that happens to be you. (Season 4)

Travelin' Man - Well, you didn’t love Eddie’s plan, but you also didn’t see many other options. (Season 4)

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 5 months ago

Note

*chefs kiss*

OMGGGG WELCOME BACK QUEEN!!!!! honestly you can write quite literally ANYTHING (esp hurt/comfort pls pls pls) with jamie bc all your fics are simply immaculate 🫶🏼

THANKS QUEEN. I’m starting off with the most open-ended prompt and let me tell you, ya girl is RUSTY. This took way longer than it should so pls forgive me😅

But yeah requests are still open so ask away!

birds of a feather

The lights are off when you get home, but you don’t bother turning them on. You’re familiar enough with Jamie’s house that you can make your way upstairs and to his bed without looking. You drop your bag, kick off your shoes, and trudge upstairs.

The light’s on in his room but he’s passed out. You smile to yourself despite the day and switch off the lights.

You weren’t going to cry again, really you weren’t, but by the time you’re brushing your teeth, they’re sliding down your face.

But it’s dark, so no one can see.

You slip into bed where you can (hopefully) cry yourself to sleep when a sob escapes your throat.

Another slips out, then another, making it hard to stop and harder to breathe.

“Babe?” comes Jamie’s hoarse voice. “You alright?”

You can feel him reach for the light, so you blindly grab for his arm. “Don’t,” you gasp, “Please, just leave it off.”

Jamie understands what you mean. You’re trying to say, I don’t want you to see me cry.

He shifts so his face is two inches from yours. He’ll be awake in a few hours, but it doesn’t matter at the moment.

“What happened?” he whispers, but he already knows the answer. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but Beard had been running the team ragged in training.

You take a shuddering breath and Jamie’s eyes have adjusted enough where he can wipe away a tear. “Went exactly as expected, didn’t it?” you say. “She did what she always does. Asked for money, was furious when I said no. Asked for advice, was mad when I gave her an answer. Asked me to listen, was upset when I wasn’t giving her solutions. She stormed out after an hour, but not before throwing her wine on me. I ruined the dress you got me, I’m pretty sure we got papped, and I’m really, really sorry.” That’s going to be a lovely article to wake up to in the morning. If Keeley were here, she would be able to come up with a catchy headline for it, rhyming “Tartt,” with something about sisters and WAGs and thrown wine.

But Keeley isn’t here, it’s just you and Jamie, and you can’t help but think it’s too early in your relationship for this.

Really though, you haven’t been together long enough for your name to tarnish his. That’s a milestone that should be passed in ten months. A year, even.

Jamie barely catches himself from asking, “Why do you still see her?” just like everyone has asked him about his father.

Instead he says, “I’m not fuckin’ worried,” and wraps you in his arms.

You exhale and snuggle as close as you can.

It’s times like this where you remember exactly why you’re with him. He just- gets it.

You met him through Keeley. Keeley had been your sister’s friend first, met at a photo shoot, but it was hard to stay friends with your sister. You and Keeley became close while your sister accused you of stealing all her friends.

“Keeley would love to see you,” you had tried to tell her one time in an attempt to keep her from shouting.

“The fuck I would,” Keeley had snorted when you relayed the story hours later.

Keeley’s a genius, really. She took a horrible a vitriolic viral tabloid story about Jamie’s dad and a charity gala, and managed to create this, whatever “this” is.

Jamie’s running his thumb up and down your arm as your breathing evens out.

“Want to go on a run with me and Roy tomorrow?” he asks. “I’ll get you breakfast.”

You whisper back, “I can buy my own breakfast,” and Jamie’s grateful that it’s dark so he can roll his eyes without getting smacked.

“What if I fucking want to get it for you? What then, ey?”

You respond, “Hm,” and then you’re asleep.

—

If Roy’s surprised you’re with Jamie in the morning, he doesn’t show it. He grunts and says, “Don’t think I’m going fucking easy on you, Tartt,” but he sets the warmup at a pace you like before saying, “You’re doing fucking sprints today and I don’t want to hear fucking shit about it.”

He’d never admit it, but Roy’s excellent at reading people. The sprints are so you don’t have to have a single thought inside your head. By the time the sun rises, you’re enjoying coffee on a bench with Roy while Jamie completes his eighty-second pushup.

“Don’t fucking read the fucking Sun,” is the last thing Roy says before leaving to go to his actual work. You grimace, but Jamie takes your hand and swings it the whole way back to his house.

“I’m not going to see her again,” you tell him. He knows you’re lying. He said the same thing about his dad month and a half ago, but he’s going to see him in rehab next week.

Jamie hands you a credit card on his way out the door “to get something fucking hot, babe.”

It won’t change anything and it won’t even fix anything either, but that’s not the point.

The point is he’s looking at you. He sees, he understands, and he’s still there.

You do end up reading the article. It’s complete shit, a made up story about you being a bitch whose newfound celebrity has alienated you from your loving family. Nowhere does it mention that said “loving” family only comes crawling around when they need something. That what they take from you will never be enough.

The fuck did you read that shite for? comes Jamie’s text after you’ve ignored his last five. ik that’s why ur not responfing

Why is your autocorrect never on? you write back instead of answering.

Jamie’s reply is quick: for the aesthetic

You: So you can write “aesthetic,” but have trouble spelling “responding?” Seems strange

Jamie: Sma helpd

Then: *Sam.

You smile, despite yourself. Sometimes you wonder how much of this he does just to get a rise out of you. You suspect it’s more than he lets on, but you’ll let him pretend to be stupid for now.

You check the time. If he’s texting at this hour, it means training’s done. Your finger hovers over the call button for a fraction of a second before pressing it.

Sam picks up on the second ring. “Your boyfriend is hitting Isaac with a towel,” he says, no preamble. “It is chaos.”

“He was just texting me a second ago,” you say.

You can practically hear Sam shrug through the phone. “It escalated quickly. Do you need him? I’m sure they will stop since you’re calling.”

He doesn’t sound too sure, which makes you laugh. “No, it’s all good, can you just tell him-”

You’re interrupted but the muffled sound of the phone being wrestled away from Sam.

“Jamie’s a dickhead,” comes Isaac’s voice far too close to the speaker before there’s vague wrestling again and you hear Jamie, very much out of breath.

“What’s up, babe?” he asks and you don’t even remember why you called him in the first place because you’re smiling too wide.

“I really fucking love you,” you tell him and even though it isn’t the first time you said it, you feel nervous. The good kind, where you know he’s going to say it back and mean it, and that his words are just for you.

Jamie says, “I love you too,” and tries his best to convey a thousand meanings into four words.

“Great,” you say, “because the top Google story for you is me with a giant wine stain on my dress. So I think we should go out tonight and look so hot that everyone forgets all about it. Thoughts?”

Jamie says, “Fucking mint,” then, “fucking ow,” and you can tell by the sounds in the background that Isaac’s gotten him again.

“GottagoloveyouheresSam,” he says in a rush before you hear him practically hurl his phone.

“You have some strange coworkers, Sam,” you comment.

“You have a strange boyfriend,” he retorts, and he’s right. But Jamie’s strange matches your strange, so you think it’ll last.

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 5 months ago

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Any good rafe cameron x reader series? Preferably complete 🩷💛🩷

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x reader #outer banks #rafe outer banks #rafe imagine #rafe cameron series

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 6 months ago

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🥰🥰🥰🥰

If I Lost You

Note - this fic was such a struggle for me but we’re here and we made it 😂 I know I haven’t uploaded in a really long time by my standards so I’d love to know what you guys think and also thank you to my besties for your help on this one, I couldn’t have done it without you 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 7k

Warnings - angst and fluff

There was nothing Mason hated more than traffic. Traffic coupled with a later than usual training session was even worse

He’d been sat pretty much stationary for around 20 minutes now, slowly moving every couple of minutes but he hadn’t made it far. Eventually turning his playlist over to the radio so he could listen out for traffic updates but the flashing blue lights up ahead let him know what was happening.

He was right in the thick of it, no option to turn around and go another way, but not close enough to the front to be able to get around it yet and when a few more police cars came up to join the scene he realised it must have been a bad crash.

So he did the only thing he could do and waited. His mind wandering off to far away places that he tried not to visit too often and once he realised he was starting to spiral he quickly switched the radio back over to his playlist so he could distract himself.

It was only around 15 minutes later he’s made it to the front of the line, watching the traffic warden wave a few cars forward at a time to drive into the oncoming lane to get round and soon enough it was his turn.

He knew he shouldn’t have, but there was something making him want to look at the scene as he drove by. Head turning to the left of him to see how bad it was and the sight before him shocked him to the core.

The car was on its side, bonet crushed from hitting a lamppost and he could tell the windows had been broken to get whoever was inside free but after a few seconds the realisation that something was wrong slapped him in the face.

He knew that car. It was yours.

It was the colour that alerted him first. That specific shade of light blue he’d only ever known you to have but as he looked closer he could tell it was the same make and model as yours too. The panic rising up his chest until he thought he might have been sick but the sound of beeping horns shocked him out of his trance.

He couldn’t sit and wait and let himself process anything, the traffic officer waving him forward but it was like he was having an out of body experience. He wanted to get out and find you, the urge to scream your name was on the tip of his tongue but he did as he was told and drove forward, leaving the scene of the crime behind him but he felt too weird to carry on too much longer and pulled into a side street so he could park up and sort himself out.

There wasn’t much he could do, you hadn’t spoken in months and the only other person the pair of you had in common would no doubt tear him a new one if he called asking after you and he also didn’t want to worry everyone if it was nothing. He still needed to do something though and In the end he decided to text you in hopes you’d get back to him soon and settle his mind. You always had your phone in your hand so he knew this was the easiest way to grab your attention and hopefully speak to you.

The rest of the drive home, albeit short, was a nightmare. He couldn’t concentrate on anything and was constantly messing up but he made it back in one piece. Running inside so he could turn the news on immediately, hoping for any sign of what had happened whilst he sat and panicked. Not being able to think about anything other than knowing you were okay.

This was hell, and he hated it. But the way he was feeling for you right now was mostly his own doing.

You’d met Mason a few years ago at the after party for the final of their euros. Your best friend's brother was Rashy and she’d invited you along to watch the final, and although it had ended in heartbreak there was a certain brown eyed boy you and the rest of the world couldn't seem to tear their eyes away from.

You knew it was over for you when he came over to console Marcus, seeing how genuinely kind and concerned he was for his friend made your heart thump and when the pair of you were finally introduced you didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered over you.

He couldn’t stick around too long, needing to get back to his family but you caught eyes a few times throughout the night and when you were at the bar alone he used that as his in to come and speak to you properly.

It was his smile that caught you first, but it was hard not to notice his big brown eyes and musical laugh. In the end standing and chatting until the night was pretty much over and you had to go your separate ways but he gave you his number and made you promise to message him as soon as possible.

You didn’t know what you were expecting from Mason, but what you got was a blossoming friendship and you were more than thankful he was in your life. With you living in Manchester and him in London it was hard to see each other, Mason constantly referring to you as pen pals but you took what you could with him. Going to watch him play at Wembley sometimes and seeing him in the summer or whenever he has some free time for a few days gave you something to look forward to and you loved getting to know him on a deeper level.

It was very much a will they won’t they type of relationship. As much as you adored Mason, you didn’t want things to change and you knew long distance would be hard until just over a year had passed and you decided to take the plunge. The pair of you in Greece with a big group of the other boys and their girlfriends and Mason confessed he hated the thought of maybe seeing you with someone else and was willing to put the work in for you if that’s what you wanted.

And you really did.

Being Mason's girlfriend was everything you thought it could be and more. He was still his cute charming self but you felt free being able to be with him in the way you’d secretly always wanted. Your first kiss being a little awkward but he kept you relaxed and let you go at your own pace. Kissing all over your face until you were ready to try again and now it seemed as if you couldn't get enough of him.

It did come with its own set of challenges though. Being away from each other a lot of the time took its toll and even though when you were together you always made it count, the goodbyes were getting harder and Mason couldn’t stand to see you cry everytime he had to leave again. Or your sad face on FaceTime when you spoke in the evenings when you were apart, wishing he could reach out and touch you but he was never able to give you the comfort he so desperately wanted to.

It was around March of 2023 when it all came crashing down. Mason had a lot on his plate with an injury that wouldn’t go away and Chelsea’s new owners not treating him the way he should have been. You could tell he was more down than usual and planned a trip to go stay with him for a week so he’d have someone to come home to and someone to cuddle after a long day but at first you felt like he didn’t want you there at all.

You still remember the night before he ended it all. It’s like he was back to your Mason for a bit as you made dinner and spoke on the sofa until the early hours until you went up to bed. It was like he held you extra tight that night and whilst you figured it was just because he’d missed you and he’d had a nice night you now wondered if there was more behind it. Maybe thinking he should hold you properly if it was the last time and then out of the blue, he turned your world upside down the next morning.

He tried to give you the usual spiel of it’s not you it’s me and you were about to cuss him out for being so ridiculous but one look at him and you could see how much he was struggling. Telling you he hated that he couldn’t give you what you needed at that it broke him seeing you so down when he already had so much on his plate. You knew he needed to lighten his load, you just hated that it was you that would be cut off.

You didn’t argue with him, it being clear that he couldn’t take it but you spent the rest of your day packing up your stuff into the early evening where he made you stay for one more night so you weren’t driving home in the dark.

You felt stupid, making sure he was okay even though you felt like you were dying inside but you loved Mason and even though this was hurting you more than you could possibly imagine, you kept on a brave face for him. Telling him you’d still be there if he needed you and not to hesitate calling if he needed someone to talk to.

Sleeping in the guest room that night hurt more than anything he’d said to you over the last 24 hours but you remember him coming into your room at around two am as your cries had kept him awake. Holding you and shushing you in hopes you’d get some sleep but it didn’t work and all you wanted was to go back in time and undo everything he’d said but you couldn’t. So you stayed awake and tried to remember what it felt like to hold him, what he smelt like and how his skin felt pressed up against yours.

‘Can we make a deal?’ He whispered all of a sudden and you nodded into his neck in hopes he’d feel it, knowing your voice wouldn’t hold up if you tried to speak. ‘I want you to live your life and forget about me, yeah? Like if you meet someone new I want you to go for it. But in five years time, if we’re both single, do you think we could try again?’

‘I’ll see’ you whispered, knowing he wasn’t happy with that answer by the way he kissed your hairline softly but he let it go. Knowing he didn’t have a leg to stand on after what he was putting you through.

You left the next morning early, him giving you an emotional goodbye on his doorstep but you were ready to go home and be on your own now. Mason asking if you could still be friends and if he could text you and you stupidly agreed before getting away as fast as you could but you only made it one street away before you had to stop for a big cry. Wanting to get it all out before you began your drive home and after 15 minutes you set off again. Your phone going off every so often but you ignored it until you were back in the comfort of your flat and when you saw they were all from Mason you felt sadder than you expected to.

You were curious as to what he’d deleted but you didn’t have the energy to ask so you sent him a quick reply telling him you were fine and going to sleep before taking yourself straight to bed. Too tired to be upset or over think anything and when you woke up the next morning things still hurt but you’d resigned to your fate of being his friend again.

A friend.

So you spoke here and there for a while and even though you were broken it was a fairly easy split. You remained civil and on good terms and it broke you to see how unfairly he was being treated on the field and with his whole contract saga. He kept going though like the Mason you knew and loved but when the news hit he’d had surgery it felt like your world had tumbled upside down.

You felt useless, wanting to help him as much as you could but he was so far away and you’d already used up all your holiday so you did your usual and let him phone you when he needed a chat.

Not too long after his surgery everything seemed to fizzle out. Nothing happened as such but your texts and calls came few and far between until there was nothing and when the news broke he was moving to Manchester you felt too awkward to text him. Not wanting to give the wrong impression that you expected something from him now so you left it so he could come to you.

He never did though.

You weren’t sure why he didn’t, but Mason had his own reasons. Not wanting to drag you back into the mess of his life and the fact you’d stopped messaging him made him think you were done with him and he didn’t have the heart to face your rejection no matter how much you were on his mind.

So he moved to Manchester and didn’t reach out, even though he thought about it everyday, and tried to rebuild his life without you. He was doing well but you were always there in the back of his mind, even thinking he’d seen you a few times and his tummy jumped each time before he realised it wasn’t you. He’d wanted to message you more than anything but he didn’t have the guts, even though you’d both promised to stay friends the messages had become so few and far between and now there was nothing.

As soon as Mason was inside he ran to the living room to put the news on, pausing the TV as soon as it showed the aftermath of the accident so he could get a better look before playing again to where it was panning past what he thought was your car. He managed to stop it at a point to be able to examine it more carefully and he could feel the nerves rippling through him.

Same colour, same make and model, same sticker on the back window with where the car came from, different number plate…

Different number plate.

Mason let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t you. Someone was clearly hurt and that wasn’t good but he couldn’t deny he felt lighter at the fact it wasn’t you who was in harm's way. Falling back into the cushions of his sofa so he could take a few breaths to steady himself.

You were okay.

He felt a little silly now, panicking so much when you were clearly fine but as the minutes wore on he managed to talk himself back into a frazzled state.

He didn’t know what it was, not being able to settle and focus on anything but you. Now you were back on his mind, all he could see was your pretty eyes and perfect smile.

He knew nothing about you anymore. The only piece of information left being the address of your old flat and now he was getting to know the area he knew you weren’t too far away. But he didn’t know if you were there anymore and if he did turn up whatever the chances you would even want to see him?

What if you’d moved on? Surely Rashy would have told him but Mason couldn't stand the thought of turning up at your house and a random guy being there. No doubt he’d be taller than him and funnier and be able to make all the time in the world for you and the thought of seeing you with someone who’s everything Mason isn’t made him miserable.

It was like there was an itch in his brain that he couldn’t scratch, not able to settle as his mind came out with random questions to make him doubt what he already knew. He decided against messaging Rashy, presuming he wouldn’t have much of an idea either and he didn’t want to start worrying everyone unnecessarily if there really was nothing wrong.

Maybe he read it wrong and it was your number plate? Or maybe you’d changed your number plate and it was you all along? Why hadn’t you answered his texts yet either? Was there an innocent explanation or had he missed something and it really was you that was hurt?

The only thing he did know was that he couldn’t stay in and drive himself insane. Eventually coming to the conclusion that a run would clear his head so he quickly changed into some shorts and a hoodie before setting off. No particular place or destination in mind, just the need to let off some steam and clear his mind.

When the rain started to fall he cursed under his breath. Too far away from home to turn around and avoid it and also not done with his run as he was still feeling on edge so he grit his teeth and carried on. Weaving in and out of streets until he started to recognise where he was a bit more.

Maybe it was just a coincidence he ended up here, like in the back of his mind this is where he needed to end up to finally put his mind at rest but as he stopped to get his breath just outside of your building he only felt worse.

Your car which you always parked in the same spot was nowhere to be seen, and the flat he knew to be yours had all of the lights off but the curtains were open. Like you’d been out and not made it home yet to shut them and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought.

‘No no no no no’ he whispered under his breath, not understanding where your car was and it seemed like only the worst possible outcome was the right one.

He knew it was a bad decision to come here but he’d done it anyway and now his mind was spiralling more than he thought possible.

He thought about going home but the need to see that you were fine with his own two eyes outweighed everything else and before he knew it he was running up the path and standing outside your front door with his hand poised to knock.

What am I supposed to say? He thought. I thought you were dead so I came to check you were alright? No, he couldn’t but he knocked before he had a chance to think of anything else. Waiting anxiously as he heard a few noises from behind the door but if you were there then you were taking forever to answer.

As soon as you opened the door he felt his body flood with relief. Your hair was pointing up in all different directions and he could clearly see the pillow marks on your cheek. A shocked and confused expression painted your features as you realised who was standing in front of you but he just felt his heart swell before his face crumpled as he tried to hold the tears back.

‘Mase? Mase what’s wrong?’ You asked, reaching forward to touch him in some way but you second guessed yourself before you got there. Not knowing if he wanted you to touch him but he looked distraught so you pushed your thoughts to the side and pulled him into the doorway. ‘Mase, you’re soaked. Come inside, it’s okay’

‘I’m sorry’ he told you, his voice wobbling as you shut the door and the feeling of warmth engulfed him immediately. He felt self here.

This feels like home, he thought. The place was unchanged from when he was last here and he stood awkwardly in the hall as you shut the door before leading him into the living room just around the corner.

‘Sorry, you've caught me at a bit of a bad time’ you laughed as you tidied the blankets off of the sofa and reset the cushions so you both had a place to sit. Flustered that he’d turned up so randomly and in the back of your mind you wondered if it might have happened one day but you chalked it off as being a silly daydream in the end.

‘Danger nap?’ He asked and you felt your face flush at the way he’d caught on so quickly. ‘Don’t worry, I remember them well’

‘Well I’ve been having them a bit more frequently since I’ve got no one to tell me off anymore’ you joked but you saw his face drop ever so slightly. ‘Take a seat, you want a drink or anything?’

‘I’m fine, thanks’

‘You sure? I’ll get you a tea you look like you need warming up’ you told him softly before scurrying over to the kitchen and he felt his chest warm with how kind you were to him. Hearing the kettle flick down before you came back to close the curtains and then run over to the cupboard under the stairs. ‘Take your hoodie off Mase, you’ll catch a chill. I’ve got you a towel and I’ll turn the heating up’

‘Sorry, this is probably the last thing you needed tonight’ he sighed, grabbing the towel to run over his hair once he’d taken his hoodie off but the shoulders of his top were still wet and now he was sitting here waiting for you he felt silly.

‘No don’t worry about that, I know we haven’t spoken for a while but I always said I’m here if you need me’ you told him shyly. Sitting down next to him so you could place his tea on the table before sending him a reassuring smile

‘I know’ he huffed. ‘I just feel a bit dramatic now that’s all’ he told you, trying to laugh it off but you knew him and you knew something was on his mind.

‘What’s going on? Why are you here?’ You pushed gently, trying to get him to open up a little bit more and when his eyes fell to his lap you weren’t sure if he was about to tell you or not. Thankfully he did after a few moments but you weren’t prepared for the words that were about to tumble from his lips.

‘There’s um… well there’s been this big accident on the main road out of Manchester. It’s all over the news and I was stuck in traffic for like 45 minutes until I could get round it’ he told you but you were unsure as to why he was updating you on the traffic when you’d asked what he was so upset about.

‘Okay?’

‘The car that crashed… well I thought it was yours’ he told you, his voice wobbling at the end and you felt your heart shatter as you realised what was wrong now. ‘It’s the same colour and make and everything and I… well I was out of my mind worrying that… i don’t know that you were hurt or something-‘

‘Oh Mase’ you breathed, cutting him off as his voice got more and more emotional and all you wanted was to pull him into a hug but you weren’t sure if that was what he wanted. In the end you just reached for his hand and you were surprised at how tightly he gripped onto you.

‘Sorry I bet I sound insane’ he laughed, wiping his eyes with his free hand and you felt your heart break for him.

‘No no it’s okay’ you reassured him, placing your other around your already clasped ones. Hoping he’d keep on talking but you let him take his time as he was clearly overwhelmed and upset by everything that had happened tonight.

‘It was on the news and I saw it wasn’t your number plate so I thought you were fine but then i managed to talk myself out of thinking that and I tried to text you, but i didn’t hear anything back but I guess you were asleep’ he smiled, squeezing your hand gently and you smiled sadly back at him.

‘I never got a text from you, I don’t think I did anyway’ you told him. ‘I was only asleep for like ten minutes. I did see some texts but it was a number I didn’t recognise and I thought it was a scam thing so I didn’t bother looking properly cause the number wasn’t saved’

‘A scam?’

‘Yeah I keep getting those texts like Evri has your parcel but it’s damaged and the details are lost. Please send your address, bank details and blood type so we can attempt a redelivery’ you joked and you felt your tummy flip when he let out a little laugh.

‘No it’s my fault, my personal number got leaked a little while back and when I moved up here I thought it would be a good idea to get a new number. I texted most people but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear from me so I just kept your number in my contacts. I completely forgot you wouldn’t have it saved’

‘You know that makes a lot of sense actually’ you smiled, watching his eyebrows pinch together in confusion and you thought his expression was adorable. ‘I sort of texted you last week. You know, after your goal? I didn’t hear back from you’

‘Shit, I’m so sorry’ he sighed, his free hand dragging down his face and you could tell he was annoyed with himself as he rolled his eyes.

‘No it’s alright-‘

‘No cause you probably thought I was ignoring you and I wasn’t’ he told you, almost pleading with you to make you believe him but you already did and when you sent him a soft smile he let out a big sigh he’d been holding in. ‘Where’s your car? It's not parked out the front?’

‘Chrissy upstairs moved out and I was next on the list for a spot in the underground car park so I park it down there now’ you explained, releasing how shaken he must have been and still was to know you might have been hurt and when one of your hands let go to touch his shoulder, his eyes snapped up to yours. ‘Are you alright, mase?’

‘No’ he whispered quietly, his glossy eyes looking back down to his lap and as much as you wanted to push him you also didn’t want to scare him off so you sat waited for him to come clean and tell you what was going on in his head. ‘I know it’s stupid but like… I realised if I lost you then… well it felt like my world was ending in all honesty’ he confessed, laughing slightly but you could tell there was no humour in it l. ‘I know that’s dramatic but all I could think about was everything I’d never told you, all the things I’d never be able to say to you again, you know? Never be able to hold you or kiss you…’

‘Kiss me?’ You whispered. Unsure as to why he’d said that at the end as you’d been broken up for almost a year now but you couldn’t deny his confession made your heart jump. If truth be told it hurt more than you thought it would when he didn’t reply to you a week ago and seeing him so heartbroken on your doorsteps just now was a shock. But the words falling from his lips right now were even more of a shock.

‘Sorry’ he mumbled, his voice thick with tears as he shook his head but you didn’t want him to shut down on you now. You wanted him to keep talking, to see if he’d say the things you’d been waiting a year for him to admit so you carried on stroking his skin and letting him get himself together.

‘No no it’s okay, I just wasn’t expecting it’ you laughed, looking up at him to thankfully looking back at you with a small smile on his face. ‘Now’s your chance Mase, what do you wanna tell me’ you whispered, wondering if he’d say anything at all but ever the unexpected he said the last thing you thought he would.

‘I love you’ he whispered instantly. The words sending a tingle down your spine and you almost lost your breath. ‘I’m still so fucking in love with you and the though of you not being around anymore hurt more than I could tell you. Not that I’ve tried, but I can’t love anyone else like I loved you. Like I still love you, y/n’

‘Mase-‘

‘I know it’s been a while and you won’t feel the same but-‘

‘Mase stop’ you whispered, your eyes stinging at the thought of what he might be doing but the sincerity in his eyes kept a spark of hope alive. ‘Are you sure? I think you’re in shock a bit, you may want this now but what about in a month's time? Or two? I can’t go through feeling like that again’

‘I’m sure, i promise’ he nodded, dropping his eyes to his lap before taking a deep breath and you knew he had more to say. ‘I know we said if we were both single in five years we’d come back to each other but that’s too far away for me and I don’t wanna give anyone else the opportunity to have you. People like us, we’re meant to meet in a few years time when we both know who we are and what we want for ourselves but I don’t wanna do that. I want us to work through it all and grow together, you know?’

‘Mase-’

‘I pushed you away when I should have held onto you tighter. I think about you… all the fucking time and I can’t be without you’ he sniffled. ‘I know it’s incredibly selfish of me but I don’t want you to be just a chapter in my life when you’re the whole damn book baby’

You couldn’t help but laugh at his last line, your chuckles seeming to break the tension a little bit as he smiled at you and you could feel your heart in your throat at all the sweet words he’d spilled to you tonight.

‘Sorry I know it’s a lot but I just needed you to know’

‘Well thank you, and you know I care about you so much Mase-‘

‘Oh’ he sighed, trying to remove his hand from yours as you hadn’t told you him loved him back and he felt a bit embarrassed but that wasn’t your intention.

‘No Mase, wait I just… look it’s a lot to think about’ you laughed, squeezing his hand tighter so he couldn’t move away. ‘Just give me some time to take it in, yeah?’

‘Sorry’

‘No please don’t be sorry’ you told him before a quietness settled over you for a moment. Not really sure what you were wanting to say and knowing Mason had said enough for a lifetime tonight so you went back to what you thought you did best. Looking after him. ‘Listen, have you eaten? I’ve got a pasta bake to put in the oven and you know I always cook for about five people’

‘I haven’t eaten’ he laughed ‘Too busy worrying that you'd been flattened’ he joked, rolling his eyes and you couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh at his attempt at humour.

‘Well let me make us something to eat, And we can hang out a bit and catch up, yeah?’ You asked hopefully and thankfully he nodded in agreement.

So you made the pair of you some dinner before getting settled on the sofa. Keeping the tv volume on minimum so you could talk and it was like having the Mason you fell for back with you. But your heart broke even further when he explained to you how hard the last year had been for him, from being sold to the constant injuries and feeling pretty lonely up here some nights when it was just him and his family and friends had to go home.

Soon enough your plates had been discarded to the coffee table as it was your turn to open up. Not that you had as much to say but he was interested all the same in hearing about your life and getting up to date with all the people you used to talk about together. Updating him on your job and all the changes that had been made before he commented on how even with all the changes your flat was still the same and it made him feel happy.

‘Hey Mase?’ You asked quietly when you saw him try to suppress a yawn and you knew he’d realised you’d seen when the bridge of his nose turned red like you used to love.

‘Yeah?’

‘Do you wanna stay here tonight?’ You asked, his eyebrows shooting up in shock as he clearly hadn’t expected you to ask anything like that but now you had him back here you didn’t want to let him go.

‘W-what?’ He mumbled, scratching the back of his head like he did whenever he got nervous but you send him a reassuring smile in hopes that would help.

‘I mean you don’t have to, but it’s late now and I won’t be having you walking home or paying for an Uber. Unless you want me to drive you home-‘

‘No you can’t drive me, I don’t want you driving back on your own’ he argued back but you were both smiling so you let out a little laugh before being a bit firmer with him.

‘So you’ll stay then? And I’ll drop you home on my way to work?’

‘I think that could work’ he nodded but you knew he was shy about it even though he had no need to be.

‘Okay perfect’

‘Do you still keep that blanket in the cupboard?’ He asked and you felt a wave of disappointment flood you.

‘Oh I um…’ you trailed off, realising he’d got the wrong end of the stick and you knew you needed to set him straight no matter how awkward it might get.

‘What’s up?’

‘Well I thought you might want to sleep in my bed? You know like… with me?’ You explained, his face a mask of shock as the words left your lips but you knew you needed to put the idea out there.

‘Oh’

‘Sorry I’m being silly’

‘No I want to, I just didn’t wanna push it you know? I wasn’t sure if that’s what you wanted’

‘I do’ you smiled. Holding your hand out for him to take and you felt your heart give a squeeze and he gently took it in his. ‘And I think it might be what you need’

‘I think so too,’ he laughed. A shy look on his face as you walked him through and into your bedroom and once you were inside you sent him a reassuring smile. ‘Get in, I’m just gonna use the bathroom and I’ll be with you’

You left him to sort himself out, quickly applying your skincare and trying to keep calm before returning to your room. Seeing Mason was already in bed and that he was still in his T-shirt but he’d stripped down to his boxers on the bottom half and you caught a cheeky flash of his thighs as you lifted the covers up.

You knew what you wanted, and what he probably wanted too so when you got yourself under the covers you turned away from him as you shuffled up close. Your back against his chest before taking his arm so you could wrap it around your body and you could tell from how stiff he was that he wasn’t expecting it but it only took a second for him to settle down and nuzzle into your neck.

‘I don’t think I need to wait until the morning’ you suddenly heard him whisper after a few moments and you felt your heart begin to pound. ‘I never ended things with you because I didn’t like you or I didn’t see us going anywhere. It was more that I didn't like myself. You’ve been the right person for me this whole time and I knew it long before we were friends, like it had always been my plan to make you mine and then when I finally got you I let you go’

‘Well you know what they say, Mase’ you whispered, holding him to you tighter and you felt him lightly kiss your shoulder. ‘If you love something you should set it free. And if it’s yours it’ll come back’

‘Will you come back to me then?’ He asked, his voice sounding more vulnerable than he intended it to. ‘Cause I’ll always come back to you’

‘I think we can work something out’ you whispered and you felt him stiffen before moving back so he could roll you over to face him. His eyes wide and glossy as he looked at you and you could tell you’d taken him by surprise.

‘Really? You’d wanna try again?’ He asked. Lip wobbling and it all became too much for him so you reached out to stroke his cheek and catch a few of the stray tears.

‘It just wasn’t our time back then, Mase. I get that now and yeah it sucked but if it’s really what you want then it’s what I’ve wanted since things ended’ you told him softly. Kissing the end of his nose as he shut his eyes softly. ‘I’ve been yours from the second you looked at me’

‘I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want this, or if you were seeing someone else’

‘Well lucky for you, you don’t have to worry about any of that’ you told him and you didn’t miss the look of relief on his face. ‘Things will be easier now we're closer okay? We can see each other more and all the things that drove us apart won’t be a problem’

‘You really think it’ll be that simple?’ He whispered, the hope in his eyes made you want to reassure him even further.

‘I think so, yeah. You said earlier you still loved me right?’

‘I did’ he laughed, not meeting your eyes as he blushed and you thought he was the most adorable thing you’d ever seen.

‘I still love you too’ you whispered, so quietly you thought he might now have heard you but from his reaction you knew he did. Letting out a shuddery breath before he hid his face. Giving you room to kiss all over his cheek until he had the courage to look at you again. ‘Shall we go to sleep?’ You offered, noticing how exhausted he was after a long evening and once he’d nodded you turned back onto your side and let him hold you close. Smiling at the way he was kissing your shoulder softly and nuzzled into your neck.

‘Hey Mase? Can I ask you something before we go to sleep?’

‘Anything’ he whispered, and the sound of his voice made your heart jump. Knowing he really would answer absolutely answer anything you asked him and this was something that had been plaguing your mind for a year.

‘That day I left to come home and you texted me the whole way, what did the message say that you deleted?’

You felt him let out a small chuckle, squeezing you a little before huffing and you knew it was something he probably never wanted to admit. You didn’t want to push him if that was the case but after a moment you felt his lips on your shoulder again as he began to speak.

‘It said, I think I’ve made a mistake. Can you come back and we’ll talk’ he told you quietly and you felt your heart pound at his confession. ‘I gave it ten minutes and said to myself if you hadn’t replied in that time then it wasn’t meant to be’

‘Mase’ you whispered, your eyes full of tears as a wave of regret from not checking your phone washed over you but he was quick to reassure you everything was fine.

‘It's okay, I’m glad you missed it’ he laughed. ‘It would have only made things worse probably. I needed that time to go through whatever was going on and realise how much I actually need you. Cause I really do’

‘I’m here’ you mumbled, turning you head to look at him and his whole face lit up as he looked down at you.

‘So am I. And I’m never going anywhere again okay?’

‘Me too’ you told him firmly before he finally lent down and placed the softest kiss to your lips. A feeling you’d waited almost a year for and when he pulled back to look at you, you almost felt disappointed but you could tell he was greedy for seconds. Diving right back in but with a bit more force this time and you let him do as he wished thankful the universe had brought him back to you.

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 7 months ago

Note

Continuing on with my baby fever I came across videos of parents "laying" (softly hovering) on their babies lap to see their reaction. Some babies are gentle with one parent and push of the other parent. But I wanna see how Eliza would react to the entire Munson family doing this. Thank you!

Baby fever you say? 👀 Step into my office…

Honestly, looking up reference videos for this fic was the most heart melting thing ever and I thank you for bringing that into my life. I hope I have done this justice for you!

Words: 3.1k

[As You Wish masterlist]

“Ugh,” Luke groans as he flops down on the floor of Eliza’s nursery. The Minnie Mouse shirt and pair of toddler jeans he’s holding smack him in the face as his dramatics bring him down.

Eliza sits on her miniature butterfly couch and watches her brother, face stoic as the two-year-old is used to the theatrics he’s inherited from their father.

“What is taking so long?” Ryan strolls into the room and leans against the door jamb. He crosses his arms over his chest and arches an eyebrow as he clocks his brother on the ground.

Flinging the articles of clothing behind him, Luke huffs and turns his head to meet Ryan’s questioning look.

“Every outfit I pick out she doesn’t like!”

Heaving a loud sigh, Ryan saunters over to the closet tucked into the corner of the pink room. Curious as to what he’s doing, Eliza cranes her neck in an attempt to see past her oldest brother. Try as she might though, she doesn’t have x-ray vision and has to wait for Ryan to turn around to see the black and white striped dress and pastel green sweater.

“Eh?” Ryan raises his eyebrows as he holds the items out towards the toddler.

Keeping her chin high, little Eliza looks over the proposed outfit before nodding her affirmation once.

“What?” Luke shouts as he bolts upright. “The Minnie Mouse shirt is way better!”

Ryan throws a smirk over his shoulder at his younger brother as he helps Eliza get changed into the winning look of the day.

“She must love me more.”

“Uh, no,” Eliza hums as her head pops free from the confines of the dress. “Better clothes.”

Luke cackles with laughter, arms crossing against his stomach as he falls on his back once more.

“Oh, that’s too good! Please, we all know I’m her favorite,” Luke says.

At only two-years-old Eliza is already used to her brothers competing in almost every aspect of life. She rolls her doe brown eyes and allows Ryan to help her into the green sweater before leaving the two boys alone in her room.

“I seem to recall us having this argument before and Grandpa somehow coming out the winner,” Ryan says, following the little girl’s lead and heading towards the door.

“Well,” Luke says, stretching out the word as he scrambles to push himself up into a standing position, “then this time we don’t allow him to be part of our bet.”

The older Munson brother shakes his head in amusement as he walks out into the hall and to the right, towards the rest of the house. Luke is right behind him though, practically nipping at his heels as he waits for some kind of response.

“What bet?” Ryan asks, stepping into the kitchen.

“Yeah, what bet?” Eddie echoes, eyeing his two sons over his “#1 Dad” coffee mug where he leans against the counter.

“Seeing who Eliza’s favorite is. And not Grandpa this time,” Luke informs his dad as he slides into a chair at the table.

“I believe that would be me,” you say with a proud smirk, traipsing in from the living room with an empty sippy cup. “I just turned on Rolie Polie Olie for her.”

“No one can compete with the Rol,” Eddie jokes, giving you a playful wink and a smile.

“She definitely loves that show more than she loves any of us,” Ryan says. He yanks the refrigerator door open and stares inside as if something new is magically going to appear before his eyes.

“I bet I could interrupt it and she’d be okay with it,” your husband says. “And will you either grab something out of the fridge or close the damn door?”

“So, you’re saying you’re the favorite, Dad?” Luke asks, eyebrows disappearing into the curls that are getting too long for his liking.

“Isn’t that old news?” Eddie asks with a smirk as he walks over to grab Luke’s box of Lucky Charms.

“Everything about you is old,” Ryan says.

The joke has your hand slipping, causing the apple juice you were refilling Eliza’s sippy cup with to spill all over the counter. Avoiding Eddie’s eyes, you try to hide your snort of laughter as you grab a towel to mop up the mess. Once the sippy cup is successfully filled up, you turn back towards the living room—Eddie’s eyes still firmly burning your back—and go to give your daughter her drink.

“Didn’t we already do this? I feel like we played this game before,” you say. “Eliza picked Wayne over all of us.”

Eddie shrugs and takes another sip of his coffee. “No beating the old man. The actual old man.” Eddie narrows his eyes at Ryan, who just chuckles in return.

“No,” Luke says. He shakes his head as he lets the marshmallow cereal fall into his bowl. “We have to know who her favorite in the house is.”

“Any ideas?” Ryan asks, plopping down in the seat across the table from his little brother.

“Hmm,” Luke hums as he chews on a bite of his breakfast. “I’ll brainstorm at school today.”

In the end, it’s you who comes up with the idea that sets the competition into motion. Once Eddie heads out to work and the boys to school, you realize how much you’re able to get done around the house because Eliza is thoroughly hypnotized by her favorite show. It’s not until the hour of Rolie Polie Olie is done that Eliza is running around the house, wanting to play with every toy under the roof.

After dinner that night, and once Eliza is in bed, you bring your idea up to the boys.

“So, like, we take turns? One person a day?” Luke asks.

You nod in confirmation.

“Right. Because if we all did it one after the other on the same day, she’d get cranky and it wouldn’t be fair for whoever goes last.”

“What, we like, pick straws?” Ryan asks. “Then someone goes Tuesday, then Wednesday...?”

“I’m game,” Eddie says. He lifts one flannel-clad arm and rests it behind you on the couch, giving you the perfect opportunity to snuggle into his side.

“So…” Luke muses as he walks over to the couch and takes a seat next to you, on the opposite side of Eddie. “We just put our heads in her lap like this?” The younger Munson boy demonstrates by laying his curly head on your thighs, staring up at you with wide blue eyes.

“Exactly,” you say, reaching down to boop the tip of his nose. “See if she cuddles you or pushes you off. And then we’ll see who she has the best reaction to.”

“I like it,” Ryan says.

“Me too,” Luke agrees. “Ryan, go get straws. Cut one short!”

With an irritated eye roll, Ryan does as his little brother says, feet shuffling along the carpet as he goes.

The plan springs into action the next day. According to the laws of the straws, Ryan was up first. Followed by Luke, you, and then Eddie rounds it out.

Tuesday morning starts off like every other weekday, everyone running through their routines to get ready for whatever lies ahead for them that day. Once Eliza is dressed in her purple long sleeve shirt, pink overalls, and her morning apple juice is finished, it’s time for the games to begin.

You, Eddie, and Luke watch as inconspicuously as you can from the kitchen entryway as Ryan approaches the couch. Your daughter’s eyes never leave the little yellow robots, even as her oldest brother kneels on the dusty-brown cushion next to her and keeps scooting closer.

Eliza’s leaning back, her legs out straight in front of her, and Ryan takes advantage of the open space to lay his head right down on her little knees. The two-year-old just seems confused at first. She looks down at Ryan, back up to Rolie, down to Ryan, up to Rolie, then back down to Ryan again. After staring down at her big brother for a little while, Eliza reaches for his head and begins to card her tiny fingers through his golden-brown locks. Her hands continue the movements even as she turns her attention back to the television screen. Ryan can’t help but smile; it actually feels really nice. She keeps up the motions until there’s a commercial. Then Ryan rolls on his back to look up at her and she giggles down at him in return, not sure what he’s doing, but happy to have his attention.

“Do you want me to stay?” Ryan asks.

Instead of answering verbally, Eliza wraps her arms around her big brother’s neck and settles back against the cushions.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Ryan says with a chuckle, before adding under his breath, “and as a win.”

Wednesday, it’s Luke’s turn. Once Eliza’s got her favorite show on and a cup of apple juice in her, he makes his move. It’s clear from the moment Luke’s head hits her lap that Eliza is in a feistier mood today. Whether she woke up like that or Luke brings it out of her is anyone’s guess.

“Ow,” Luke groans as two small hands beat down on the side of his head as if it’s a drum. The boy winces, face scrunching up, but as you watch him alongside Eddie and Ryan from around the corner, you can tell Luke is trying to stick it out and see if he can somehow salvage a win. There’s a brief glimmer of hope when Eliza stops percussing on her brother’s head. However, it’s short-lived.

Short, stubby fingers make their way up to Luke’s curls and the youngest Munson boy breathes a sigh of relief, seeing as how gentle the toddler was with Ryan’s hair the day before. The problem, they discover, is that since Luke’s curls are far tighter than his older brother’s, Eliza’s fingers quickly get caught in them.

“Oh, please no,” Luke murmurs, but it’s too late.

Eliza tries to yank her hands free, frustrated that her fingers can’t run smoothly through his locks like she did for their eldest sibling. She pulls Luke’s hair while letting out her own whine.

“Ouch! Why are you whining? I’m the one who’s about to be bald!”

Next to you, Eddie lets out a snort of laughter.

“Bald?” Eddie says. “Wayne? That you?”

Giving a roll of your eyes, you gently swat at his stomach. Luke also hears his dad’s remark and gives him a glare from the couch as he tries to wrestle himself free from the toddler’s grip.

Finally, Eliza is able to slip her hands free from the rat’s nest that’s become of Luke’s hair—thanks to her. She’s thoroughly annoyed now and grumbles a few low groans, giving up on words completely. If she were old enough to know swear words, she’d definitely be using those.

Luke breathes a sigh of relief and raises a hand to rub at his sore scalp. Before he can make contact though, both of Eliza’s hands splay flat on the back of his skull and she gives a hard shove. The implication is clear: get off my lap.

Not willing to risk any more of her tiny wrath, Luke rolls off her and off the couch altogether. He lands with a thud on the carpet and gets the chance to rub at his head at last. His eyes narrow as he looks up at Eliza, who is no longer paying him any mind. She’s immersed in Rolie Polie Olie once again, the rest of the world forgotten.

Your youngest son pushes himself to his feet with a huff. He shuffles back towards the kitchen, back towards the rest of you.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” he mumbles as he passes, heading straight for the fridge.

To Eddie and Ryan’s credit, they do both stay silent as the three of you turn to watch Luke yank a Yoo-Hoo out of the refrigerator and pop the top. He chugs down half the bottle before wiping his mouth off on the back of his hand.

“Ugh,” Luke says with a sigh as he heads toward the hallway. “It’s not even 8 am yet.”

With both of the boys’ attempts out of the way, you’re up. You debate going in straight for the lap when you give her the purple sippy cup of apple juice, but something tells you that you’d end up with a wet and sticky face though. Instead, you wait until most of the beverage is gone and she’s let the bottle roll out of her hand onto the cushion next to her.

“Good luck, babe,” Eddie says, giving your ass a pat before you walk out into the living room.

As soon as your knee touches the couch, the television show your daughter is so transfixed on goes to commercial. She turns her head to look at you, large brown eyes sparkling with curiosity.

You freeze, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. It’s odd to be struck still and silent by your two-year-old, but here you are. Rolie Polie Olie being on a commercial break could either make or break this for you.

“Mama!” Eliza chirps.

A breath loses from your chest, and you give her a grin as you move to lay your head on her little legs. The moment your body makes contact with hers, Eliza’s arms encircle you as much as they possibly can, and she leans down to rest her head against yours. Her cheek smooshes against yours, her chin bumping into the corner of your eye.

Warmth floods through you, your heart growing three sizes as she lays all her body weight against yours.

“Hold on,” you hear Luke mutter from the kitchen, “wait to see what happens when the show comes back.”

There are only about forty-five seconds until just that happens.

Eliza’s skin brushes against your cheek as she adjusts her head to get a better view of the television, but otherwise stays where she is. In fact, it feels as if she cuddles into you even further as she settles in to watch her favorite show.

“Oh, come on,” you hear Luke complain. The twelve-year-old is clearly not happy that he is losing this competition so far. It’s not as if Eliza could be bribed, though. Luckily, toddlers haven’t been corrupted by life yet.

Luke walks into the room and stands at the side of the couch, hands resting on his hips.

“Comfy, are we?” he asks.

It’s evident your daughter is quite cozy as she doesn’t look up at her brother or move for the rest of the episode.

“All right,” Eddie says, rubbing his hands together. “Saved the best for last.”

“Debatable,” Ryan says as he chomps on a granola bar.

Your husband flicks Ryan’s black-rimmed glasses so they slide down his nose. With a huff that sounds far more sophisticated than one coming from a fourteen-year-old, your son shakes it off.

“Ready?” you ask, slipping your arms around Eddie’s waist.

“Always up for snuggles with my girls.”

A wet, smacking kiss is placed on your cheek, and you let out a soft giggle.

“Gross,” Luke groans.

“I know you are, but what am I?” Eddie taunts, proving he’s as mature as his adolescent sons.

You let your arms drop from around his middle and you cup Eddie’s cheeks.

“Go get her,” you say.

He pecks your lips before heading out into the living room.

Eliza is as entranced as always in her cartoon and Eddie takes advantage of that by silently sidling up to her. She doesn’t even realize he’s there until the couch dips next to her and her empty sippy cup rolls until it meets Eddie’s jean-clad knee.

He moves the cup aside and slowly lowers himself until he’s able to rest his head in his daughter’s lap.

At first, it’s as if Eliza doesn’t even notice. She’s watching her show, letting her dad just lay down on her. But after a few seconds, her stare breaks from the television and her brown eyes meet matching larger ones. Her head tilts to the side, inspecting him, and her curls bob with the motion. Eddie smiles up at her and a slow grin grows on her face in return.

One of Eliza’s tiny hands splays across Eddie’s forehead, some of his bangs getting pushed to the side, and some getting caught under her warm palm. Her other hand lands on his chin, delicate fingers curving around his jaw and rubbing against some stubble.

Eliza stays like that, looking down at her father, not moving. It takes everything in Eddie not to laugh as he just stares back at the inquisitive little face that reminds him so much of you.

Quickly, Eliza leans in and presses a kiss to the tip of Eddie’s nose. Gone is his urge to laugh, replaced by the most adoring grin as he revels in her affection. He’s about to thank her for the kiss when she leans in to do it again. This time, however, her mouth is open, and she ends up enveloping his nose in her small mouth.

There’s no way Eddie can hold in his laughter this time as he feels her drool dribble up his nose onto his face. The giddiness is infectious because Eliza pulls her mouth off only to begin laughing alongside of him.

“You might just be as weird as I am,” he tells her, which makes her laugh even harder.

That night at dinner, the results are discussed.

“So, who wins?” Ryan asks as he spears some green beans with his fork.

“Not me,” Luke grumbles, slouching down in his chair.

“Oh, relax,” Eddie says, reaching over and clapping the younger boy on the shoulder. “It’s not like this was scored or anything.”

Luke drops his fork onto the plate with a clang and raises his hands up in front of him.

“My hair ruined it for me! That’s not fair!”

“You know, she can talk now,” you point out, looking at Eliza happily eating in her highchair next to you.

“Good point,” Ryan says. He clears his throat and leans across the table towards her. “Eliza, which of us is your favorite?”

The little girl pops a grape in her mouth and chews, looking like she’s thoughtfully thinking over the question.

“Me,” she finally says.

“No,” Luke says with a shake of his head. “Which of us?” He emphasizes his point by gesturing to the four of you around the table.

Eliza nods her head once, with finality. “Me.”

Eddie huffs a laugh and shrugs his shoulders.

“Her Majesty has spoken.”

“I don’t think it counts,” Luke laments, looking back down to his plate.

“Yeah, her vote doesn’t count,” Ryan agrees.

You and Eddie share a look of amusement across the table. With these three around, life will never be boring.

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 8 months ago

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I second this 👌

smut is great but do you know what’s better? heart wrenching, soul twisting angst that makes you want to cry (take my money)

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feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps · 8 months ago

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One of my favourite writers ❤️

Ghostin' (Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader Series)

Summary: Before dying in the Upside Down, Eddie asks Steve to take care of you. The grief coupled with your burgeoning feelings for one another may be too much for you to handle, especially when you get some shocking news.

Warnings: mentions of smut (18+ only just to be safe), Eddie's death is canon, medical issues, language, so much angst

WC: 3.9k

A/N: This is chapter one in a series I'm writing. It's heavy on the angst, but I promise it lightens up in future chapters 💚 it's based on the song "Ghostin'" by Ariana Grande and was requested by an anon, but I don't want to publish the ask because it would give away a major plot point.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

“No…no! Please NO!”

Steve is snapped out of his daze, too light to be considered a slumber, by the sounds of your cries. They are nightly occurrences at this point, and he’s well-versed in handling them after seeing you struggle for the last month.

He nudges you gently, careful not to startle you further. “Y/N, wake up,” he whispers, wiping the sleep from his brown eyes. “You’re here; you’re safe.”

Your lashes flutter as you claw your way out of the nightmare, a scene set by threatening maroon clouds, deadly vines, and squawking bats with faces that open. Tears dampen your cheeks and stain your pillowcase. “Ed–Eddie?” you murmur, face falling when you realize that he’s not the warm body next to you.

Steve shakes his head, used to this routine. “No, it’s me. It’s Steve.” He’d been crashing at your apartment ever since you’d returned from the Upside Down. You didn’t want to be alone, and his parents didn’t keep tabs on where he slept, so it was the perfect arrangement. He’d been apprehensive about sharing your bed, but you’d insisted, and he couldn’t deny that it was comfier than the couch or a sleeping bag.

You’re momentarily confused; why is Steve “The Hair” Harrington sleeping next to you, and not your metalhead boyfriend? But then it all comes flooding back: Eddie pedaling frantically, makeshift shield flung across his back, you begging him to stop. The way your heart sank when he desperately tried to fend off the swarm of demobats, only to be pinned to the ground and torn apart by their barbed wire tails. His soft voice, reassuring you that he loved you, that you were the love of his life, even managing a blood-tinged smile when he said your name. And then…nothing. Only silence, disrupted by the sound of you and Dustin sobbing over his lifeless body.

“M sorry,” you mutter now; the embarrassment of being so vulnerable in front of someone you’d barely known a month ago is all-too present. “I don’t know why this keeps happening…doesn’t seem to get any better.”

Steve brushes a strand of hair from your face, hands faltering at the warmth of your skin. “You don’t need to apologize,” he tells you, just as he does every night. “What you went through…no one should ever have to deal with that.” The premise of the alternate dimension was horrific enough, let alone watching the person you love die from its creatures and then having to leave them there. Steve couldn’t imagine it.

After meeting Eddie, Steve quickly learned about his new friend’s love for you. Eddie wasn’t shy about it–wasn’t shy about most things, to be fair–but their walk in the Upside Down’s woods really cemented it. Always boisterous, Eddie’s demeanor suddenly shifted, and he struggled to meet Steve’s eyes.

“Hey, Harrington,” he’d started, picking at his fingernails anxiously. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen to us here, but, uh, if I don’t…make it, can you promise me something?”

“Don’t talk like that,” Steve said quickly. The thought of losing anyone in the party was enough to make his stomach curdle.

Eddie stopped in his tracks and grabbed Steve’s forearm. “Just listen to me.” His tone was harsher, more serious this time. “I need you to make sure Y/N is taken care of. She’s everything to me; I need to know she’ll be okay.”

Steve nodded and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’ll do that for you.” The fear was palpable, and he tried to ease it with a joke. “Still don’t know how you managed to pull someone like her, though.” He hadn’t really noticed you before, even though you’d graduated together. He was always too wrapped up in himself, and he regretted it now that he was getting to know you.

Eddie’s laughter breaks through Steve’s thoughts. “That, my friend,” he clapped a ringed hand on Steve’s back, “will remain one of life’s greatest mysteries.”

Steve’s eyes flicker over to the alarm clock by your bedside. “It’s only 4 AM,” he says. “You can still go back to sleep.”

“I hate sleeping,” you admit quietly. “Every time I do, I’m brought back to that day. My mind just replays it over and over…I can never get a break.”

Steve’s problem is the opposite–he can’t sleep. His brain and body are constantly on edge, and any time he’s about to drift off, a surge of adrenaline kicks in and wakes him. Even keeping the nail bat by the bed doesn’t help; the dark circles and bags under his eyes prove it.

“We can just talk, if you want. About anything,” he says, scooting closer to you while maintaining a respectful distance. “Like, did I tell you how Robin kept track of all the times I struck out with girls when we worked at Scoops?”

You offer a semblance of a smile as you turn over to face him. “No, but I’d love to hear about this.”

The two of you trade stories until the sun rises hours later. Steve drags himself from the comfort of your bed, grimacing as the cool air hits his toes. He pulls on the puke-green Family Video vest and attaches his nametag, padding out to the kitchen to make some coffee. Caffeine is the only thing keeping him from passing out behind the wheel.

You follow behind him, grabbing two mugs from the cabinet. Instinctively, you reach for the Odie one before pushing it back on the shelf. Tears prick at your eyes when you think of Eddie’s matching Garfield mug, probably destroyed during Vecna’s rampage. You’d bought them at the mall together last year, too cute and cheesy to pass up.

“Actually, I think I’m gonna take mine to-go,” Steve tells you, plucking a travel mug from the pile. “Are you gonna be okay?”

You nod as you add a spoon of sugar to your drink. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” You squeeze his hand, leaving shivers shooting down his spine. “Gotta get ready for work, too.” Your boss had given you a week of bereavement leave, but you’d been back for a bit. Being a receptionist at Hawkins Dental wasn’t too stressful, save for a few obnoxious patients, but it was still hard going through the motions of your daily routine like nothing happened. Like your heart hadn’t been ripped out of your chest and discarded in the Upside Down.

Steve stumbled into Family Video, giving Robin a bleary-eyed smile as he took his place behind the counter. She sighs, exasperated, at the sight of her exhausted friend.

“Keith won’t be in for another two hours if you wanna get some rest,” she says softly, nodding towards the break room. “I can cover for you.”

“Nah, I’m good now,” he replies, shaking the empty coffee cup for emphasis. “But thank you.” He places it down and starts checking in the returned movies. “How’ve you been dealing with…everything?”

Robin nods slowly before allowing her facade to falter. “Awful,” she admits. “Sometimes, I feel those vines wrapping around me. I’m still in shock that we made it out, y’know?” Steve puts an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close. “How’re you and Y/N?”

He shrugs, grabbing the VHSes to place them back on their shelves. “I don’t sleep and she has nightmares. This morning she…she thought I was Eddie again. Just for a second, but she was so happy. And then, when she realized it was me…”

“Steve,” Robin places her hand on his back. She recognizes the heartbroken look on his face. “I didn’t want to ask this but…do you have, like, feelings for her?” Steve just cocks an eyebrow, a warning for her to stop, but Robin plows on. “Look, I get it. We all still think of her as Eddie’s girl. But it’s okay if you’re having feelings for her. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Or friend.”

Steve relents, burying his head in his hands. “Then why do I feel like a piece of shit? Like I’m trying to steal her away from him? Not that it matters,” he adds hastily. “I think she’ll always be in love with Eddie.”

“Give her time,” Robin reassures him. “It’s only been about five weeks. Until she’s ready to date again,” she gives him a pointed look, taking some cassettes from his hand and reshelving them, “promise me you’ll take care of yourself, too. Eddie wouldn’t have asked you to look after her if he thought you’d be compromising your own health.”

He nods, making his way to the breakroom. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that nap,” he says. “But, um, Robs?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t wanna confuse her or make her feel uncomfortable.”

“Of course.” Robin isn’t usually known for her secret-keeping skills, but she knows how important it is for both you and Steve to heal before confronting more major feelings. “Go rest now.”

“Aye aye, captain.” Steve gives a half-hearted salute. When he sleeps, he dreams about kissing you, cradling your face in his hands, the softness of your lips pulling him in deeper. And when he breaks away, he looks up to see Eddie standing there, hurt and shock written all over his face.

You get home around 5:30 PM, and while your legs feel like sandbags, you drag yourself to the kitchen to cook dinner. You can’t stomach another night of takeout, especially given Hawkins’ limited options. You fill a pot with water and put it to boil, rummaging through your cabinet for a box of pasta. Steve has been coming over for dinner, so you make the whole box. The man is a bottomless pit; it completely juxtaposes your lack of appetite. You bite back nausea as you twist open a jar of marinara sauce. All you want is to throw yourself under the covers and cry yourself to sleep, but Steve will just worry about you if you don’t at least try to eat.

The queasiness doesn’t subside as you walk into the bedroom, even though you no longer smell the pasta or sauce. Overwhelming flashes of heat surge through your body, and you start to strip off your polo shirt that’s already begun clinging to your sweat-soaked torso. That minor exertion of energy drains you immediately as lightheadedness sets in. Spots dance before your eyes and your knees buckle. The last thing you remember is trying to maneuver your hands out in front of you to brace your fall.

“Y/N? Y/N, oh my God!” The sound of Steve’s frantic voice stirs you. You try to push yourself up, but you can’t withstand any kind of pressure on your hand. “Ow,” you hiss, pulling it to your chest. Your wrist is swollen, and you realize that it must be broken. Better that than my head, you suppose.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, gingerly helping you sit up. “Let me get you some water. Did you eat enough today?”

“M fine,” you mutter, “‘s just my wrist.” His eyes widen when he takes notice of it.

“C’mon, we gotta get you to the hospital. You’ll probably need a cast; we can put some ice on it in the meantime to get that swelling down.”

“All right, Florence Nightingale,” you tease him gently. It feels good to joke; even better to make Steve laugh. “Oh, shit–the food on the stove…” After you give another failed attempt to stand, Steve puts his hand on your shoulder.

“Wait here,” he instructs. “I’ll turn everything off and help you up.” You slump back, clutching your aching wrist to your chest. Once again, Steve Harrington is picking up your broken pieces, and you have nothing to offer in return.

“Does it hurt?” Steve briefly lets his gaze drift from the road to your wrist, which currently has a bag of frozen peas wrapped around it.

“Just a little,” you say through gritted teeth.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m okay, Steve. You don’t have to worry about me.” You let out a sigh, sinking back against the seat. “I feel bad that you worry about me so much. I feel bad that you’re always helping me.”

Steve’s brows furrow in confusion. “I don’t mind. That’s what friends do: drive to the hospital when they get hurt, help them defeat evil creatures in a parallel universe; you know, the usual stuff.”

His goofiness makes you giggle despite the pain emanating from your hand and the seriousness of the situation.

“There’s that smile!” he says proudly. He pulls into the hospital parking lot and shuts off the car. “And before you argue, I’m waiting with you. The only thing worse than the injury is the boredom. They never even play anything good on the TV!”

“When we came to visit Max, they were showing a badminton game. Who the hell watches badminton?” Your grin widens as he laughs with you.

“Sounds like some shit my dad’s country club buddies play,” he rolls his eyes as he opens your door for you and walks you to the ER doors. “D’you need help filling anything out?��

You shake your head. “Lucky for me, I didn’t land on my dominant hand.” You twist your good wrist back and forth. “See? Good to go.”

Steve stifles a chuckle, crossing his right leg over his left thigh. He insists on taking your completed forms back up to the receptionist, despite you telling him you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself.

Two hours pass before a nurse finally calls your name. Both you and Steve stand up, but she shoos him away. “We are only allowing patients in at the moment due to our full capacity.” He nods; though the “earthquake” happened just over a month ago, Hawkins residents are still dealing with injuries and residual effects from smoke inhalation.

“I’ll be waiting here if you need me,” he tells you, and you give him a smile as the nurse leads you to triage. She takes your vitals, avoiding your delicate wrist, before leading you to a curtained-off bed, where another scrubbed-up woman is waiting.

“We’ll just need to do some blood tests; cross our t’s and dot our i’s before the x-ray, okay hon?” She doesn’t look up from her clipboard. Her bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired; everything about her is stiff and stale. You hold out your arm for the phlebotomist, wincing slightly as the needle pinches your skin. She promises to return quickly with the results.

Back in the waiting room, Steve finds himself drifting off to sleep. He tries to fight it in case you need him, but exhaustion overtakes him. It’s a losing battle. His dream doesn’t involve Eddie’s disapproving glare, though he’d prefer that to the nightmare that wracks his brain. He’s staring straight at Vecna, inhaling the sulfuric smell of the Upside Down with each panting breath. He braces himself in a set stance to hurl the molotov cocktail at the heinous creature, but realizes that his hands are empty.

“Robin? Nancy?” he calls out, voice barely above a whisper, but his friends are nowhere to be found. He’s all alone, defenseless and at Vecna’s mercy. “Dustin? Eddie? Y/N?” The chances of the three of you being in the Creel house are minimal, and the resounding silence confirms his worst fears. Vecna advances towards him, and Steve cowers behind a pillar, awaiting his fate.

He’s startled awake by the person sitting next to him, just as Dream Steve is about to die.

“Dude, shut up,” the guy growls. “Go wait in your car if you’re gonna make noise while you sleep, Jesus.”

“S-sorry, man,” Steve stutters. He sits up and rubs his eyes, exhaling slowly. Guess that’s the last of me sleeping in public, he thinks with a grimace. Life was so much simpler before he got involved with all of this.

But then you wouldn’t have met Y/N, he reasons. And though he’d started looking after you because Eddie had asked him to, he continues to do so because he genuinely wants to. Bringing you comfort and making you smile means the world to him. And your laugh? It’s like music to his ears. Damn, Robin was right–he was down bad.

Maybe one day, I’ll tell her. Once she stops wishing I was Eddie when she wakes up. Then I’ll tell her.

You’re waiting for the nurse to come back to bring you for your x-ray, sitting on the examination table and swinging your legs. Your nausea has mostly subsided; now, your stomach is loudly grumbling. Pasta still sounds unappealing, but maybe you can manage soup and a few Saltine crackers. If only this grumpy nurse would put a move on it, and you’d be home snuggling under your blankets. Steve would probably watch a movie with you; you’ll let him pick since he’s been doing so much for you.

After what seems like ages, the nurse shuffles over to you. “Your bloodwork results are in,” she announces. “Everything looks good; no anemia or anything of the like. Unfortunately, we will not be able to perform the x-ray, for the safety of your baby.”

You let out an incredulous laugh. “My…baby? I don’t have a baby,” you tell her. “I’m only nineteen!”

She flips through your chart. “The pregnancy test we ran came back positive,” she says, frowning. “When was your last menstrual period?”

“It was…” you think back, and your mouth goes dry when you realize it was mid-March. “A few weeks before the earthquake,” you choke out.

“I see,” she continues. “That would put you at around ten weeks pregnant.” She makes a note on your chart before pressing on. “And have you had any other pregnancy symptoms? Nausea, fatigue, mood swings, food aversions?”

All of them, you think miserably. You had chalked everything up to stress and grief, but the truth was so blatantly obvious that now you felt foolish. You nod dumbly as she writes it down. You and Eddie had been so careful, always using protection. The only exception was that one night, between visits to the Upside Down. Eddie pulled you into an empty bedroom in the Wheeler house, tears pricking at his eyes.

“I need you,” he’d said. He was trembling when he spoke to you. “I’m s’fucking scared. Just need to be as close to you as I can.”

You’d kissed him, gently but passionately. His hands slid under your shirt as he brought your body even closer to his. His tongue parted your lips as you both fell onto the bed, clothes tossed onto the floor haphazardly. Eddie’s nose nudged your own, a mixture of your tears and his staining your cheeks.

“I love you,” he’d managed between sobs, pushing into you with a soft hiss. “I love you, I love you, I love you. Whatever happens tonight, I want you to know that.”

A small moan escaped your lips as he filled you entirely. “Nothing’s gonna happen,” you reassured him, though your confidence had lowered considerably since actually seeing the monsters that awaited your return. “We’ll be fine. You’re gonna graduate, move into my apartment, and we can finally begin our lives together.”

But it was like Eddie didn’t hear you, like he already knew none of that would happen. “Jus’ hold me, please,” he whispered, fingers digging into the small of your back.

You’d wrapped your arms around him, murmuring, “My beautiful, beautiful boy. It’s only ever been you, only ever will be you.” You brush his curly hair out of his eyes as the two of you work in tandem, focusing only on each other. There was no time to worry about birth control with the potential end of the world just hours away.

“You still have options, but you don’t have much time to make a choice.” The nurse's voice breaks your trance. She hands you a list of providers, giving you the closest expression to a comforting smile she’s shown all evening. “Whichever decision you make, just know it will be the right one.”

Your good hand instinctively flies to your stomach. The fact that there’s a little Eddie in there leaves you breathless. There’s no evidence of a bump yet, but at ten weeks along, you know it’s not far off. You’re carrying Eddie’s baby, and he’s not even alive to be there for you. Had to be a goddamn hero for a town that hated him, neglecting to notice that he’d be leaving behind the love of his life.

The nurse wraps your arm in a sling, and you make your way back out to the waiting room. Steve jumps up as soon as he sees you enter.

“Verdict?” he asks, grimacing at the bandage. “You gonna need an amputation?”

Normally, you’d laugh at his silly joke, but you can’t manage it. “‘S all good,” you say, unable to meet his eye. There was no way he could know about your pregnancy. Not because he’d run away screaming; just the opposite, actually. He’d want to continue doting on you and your unborn child, and you couldn’t take any more. You were so tired of being his pathetic little pity case. No, you and Eddie had gotten yourselves into this, and since Eddie wasn’t here, you had to deal with it by yourself.

The drive back to your apartment is silent, which Steve chalks up to you having a long day. He pulls into his usual parking spot–management might as well reserve it for him at this point–and pauses before turning off the ignition.

“Don’t worry about dinner; I can run out and grab fast food or something,” he tells you.

“Actually, I think you should go home,” you blurt out. “I want to be alone tonight.”

To your surprise, he looks crestfallen; you’d thought he’d be relieved to get a break from your night terrors. “Okay…I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

You shake your head. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and maybe we should try to get through this without each other.” The words hurt as they leave your lips, but the thought of him, not Eddie, getting you through your pregnancy is too harsh to bear.

“Did I do something to upset you?” he muses. “If I did, I’m really sorry…” You can practically see the cogs turning as he tries to figure out what he did wrong.

“No, Steve, it’s…” What could you possibly say to him? It’s not you, it’s me? Or, more accurately: it’s not you, it’s the unborn child I have with my dead boyfriend? “It’s just a lot right now, and…and I need a little space.” Still cliche, but you can’t muster up a better excuse.

Steve drops his gaze to the gearshift. “Yeah, sure,” he mumbles. “Um, I guess, let me know if you need me.”

I won’t. “I will,” you lie easily, dashing through the doors before you start to cry in front of him.

Steve watches as you leave his car, confusion written all over his face. He had one job—to take care of you for Eddie—and he’d failed without even knowing. He slams his hands against the steering wheel. “Fuck!” he cries out. He throws the car in reverse and speeds away, fury and tears blurring the road in front of him.

In the comfort of your apartment, you finally sit down on your bed, relishing in the silence and familiarity. “It’s just you and me, little bean,” you whisper down to your still-flat belly. “We’re gonna get through this together.”

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