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I'm starting to suspect smth is going wrong down there💀💀

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Today new year's eve is a really good day

It started really bad i was so so behind on the tanfyz and all my big plans when away.

Then we filmed our assignments and had a bit of fun doing it. We spent so much time.

Then we lost our patience a bit for each other hahaha but it was all good. We manged to get some stuff donee

Everyone was celebrating in the streets the merro played laylt eid song too.

We ate and opened gifts with the family. We had some fun and took lot's of pics and videoss.

It was a good day I'm so so tired tho

Also so so behind on everything.

Idk if I'll be able to meet the girl ://

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My heart so wantss smthh

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Nothing hurts more than someone who looks really cool but their vibes are soo offf like why waste that face on that personality

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My sister started to notice and said u have extra energy for some time

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I'm still super manic

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Idk if i already wrote it but there was time when i kept dreaming about rotting corpses just wanted to document that here

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Or maybe it's my period that should be starting tomorrow

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It's genuinely feeling like an already fucked up level i need to quit and start over or just quit

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I also need money lotss of ittt actually

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I need all the snacks o need all the talent i meed all the time i need all the love i meed all the cool outfits i meed all the cool accessories i need everything i meed all the cool friends i need all the cool places i need it alll and i need it now i need all the nice meals i need my hair to be perfect my eyebrows to make sense and be spoteless my mustache goneee nail polosh that doesn't chipp at all new coloured converse nicee sockss i need a partner mot any partner i need my partner from my imagination i need her here i need her and her friend group i need the scenarios in my head to be reallll not all of them i need to be good at what i do and tk do it without trouble i need a job a steady one that pays well or atvleast fairly i need to be good

But I'm stuck here in bed being bad a bad friend a bad date a bad work person a artist a bad student hair messy eyebrows out of control and i have all the weekends anyone can need and i still skipp lectures because everything is too much it's too muchh

I need everything to just stop stop stop stoppp

For a bitttt i CANNOT keep up with anything everything keeps changing i keep changing and I'm trying with everything i have to ve ok and love change I'm trying I'm trying

I feel like I'm losing it which happens to be happening a lot lately

Am i usually manic around this time of year?? Is this smth new or am i just noticing it or is this smth starting to surface

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I need everything

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I need smth idk what

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I'm losing my fucking my mind(insane mood)

Anyway found a new hairstyle

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Why am i now just starting to realise i might be having tactile hallucinations. I mean this checks out. Idk of I'm having psychosis or what.

This might be worse than i previously thought.

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Every year around this time the emptiness inside me aches so bad. I feel so empty it aches and hurts. It aches and aches and there's nothing i can do about it.

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Today was a really good day just perfect all the way.

My hair looked good. Outfit was good. Lecture went well. I ran all the way home to the bank made some jokes and tried lifting everyone's mood up. Good s a little smth. Stayed with n while ppl she knows online talked to her. Went back to college after the bank thing. Stayed with my friends heard all about what happened with the dr and n telling him about the other dr being creepy. Ordered pizza and talked while it was being made. It came out bigger than expected. I loved that but it also made it that i couldn't take the metro it was too big and too embarrassing to walk around with. Tried taking an uber but no one came. Tried to wave down some taxis no one was accepting at first. Then s found one he was kinda nice. Also told me that he never says no to where i live. But he also overcharged me but that's ok. His car was pretty damaged almost broke down on the way😭. On the wayvwe passed the blue Bridge and saw the water during the sunset. I opened the movie surf's up and ate and drank pina colada it's such a perfect perfect day and it's only 6pm too!! I watched some of the movie but now I'm really sleepy. I loved everything about today. I think I'll make an alarm to see if the dr is still doing the meeting.

Thank u god for everything. Thank u thank u