fashionable-fucker

[fashionable-fucker]

Laffayette: don’t fear death. fear the state that you’ll die in

Hamilton, whispering fearfully: Virginia...

Jefferson, bursting into the room, screaming: YOU DARE SAY THAT ABOUT MY HOME TOWN?!

[fashionable-fucker]

To all the parents out there who bundle their babies up in the winter time with those little hats with the little ears that make them look like little teddy bears: You are doing the lord’s work. Seeing tiny ewoks toddle across the grocery store parking lot is just what we all need sometimes. My joy is immeasurable and my day is restored.

[fashionable-fucker]

true art

do not click me!! warning!!

[fashionable-fucker]

cake with fondant literally isn’t even food it’s like a play dough sculpture with cake trapped inside its vile

[fashionable-fucker]

people i make myself look good for:

myself

gay women

my friends so they go “damn bitch u look fucking good” whenever i enter the room

[fashionable-fucker]

me: laughs out loud at a vine me: ok back to being sad

[fashionable-fucker]

sweet fuck vampires are pale b/c they’re anemic

[fashionable-fucker]

do i deserve back pain at this age

[fashionable-fucker]

i hope u find someone that mindlessly plays with your hands and lightly strokes your legs and massages your back and plays with your hair and i hope that u feel like you’re home when u look at them

[fashionable-fucker]

me: *lowkey wishes people take more photos of me in a poetic way*

also me: *smacks anyone pointing a camera in my direction*

[fashionable-fucker]

when ur alarm goes off on a school day and you just

[fashionable-fucker]

Do something with your life that would make a 1950s straight white man angry

[fashionable-fucker]

brain: what time is your appointment on wednesday?

me: 2:30

brain: you sure bout that, buddy?

*receives email re day/time of appointment*

me: see! 2:30

brain: you sure?

me: checks TWELVE MILLION TIMES just to be safe

brain: okay but consider this - why not check again

[fashionable-fucker]

if you masturbate to me and don’t tell me… that’s illegal. horrible. disgusting. tell me so i can jerk off to you too you fucking coward

[fashionable-fucker]

drinks from the simpsons rated

bart’s hot cocoa marshmallow

is it still technically a drink? who cares! grampa wanted a slice and i do too 10/10 skittlebrau

i’m still waiting for some artisanal craft beer company to crowdfund the actualisation of skittlebrau 9/10 malk

brittle bones are a small price to pay for all that vitamin r 7/10 the all-syrup super squishee

this drink comes with consequences. are you prepared for what that might mean? 5/10 shelbyville turnip juice

turnip juice is a real thing apparently? who looked at a turnip and wanted to drink it? 3/10 homer’s morning glass of syrup

my teeth are crying 0/10 marge’s homemade pepsi

an undefinable and unknowable entity ?/10 lays liquid potato chips

i’ve got questions and they’re all about how i can forget i ever had to think about this 0/10 worcestershire flavoured soft drink

carbonated worcestershire is truly a cursed concept 0/10 a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat

the bartender requires you to sign a waiver before he serves you. this drink takes you to a strange new place where the man whose hat you are drinking from tells you the meaning of life in a way you are never able to articulate after you regain consciousness number eight/10

[fashionable-fucker]

me as a 12 year old: yeah, women are just objectively more beautiful. like its just true. women are always more attractive than men, thems the facs. it is nature, god’s will, if you may. i am heterosexual.

[fashionable-fucker]

Me, a romantic: candlelit dinners, blooming roses, tender kisses, love letters, longing looks, beating hearts

Me, a Romantic: sword fighting, bloody knuckles, messy hair, smudged lipstick, cold hands, fiery eyes