faith-alhazred

[faith-alhazred]

well.

2025 plans:

- never skip the prayer time and being good muslim ☪

- keep being happily in love ❤️

- workouts two times a week (or more) and control calories and sugar intake 🏃‍♀️

- professional growth (courses and inshallah a pet project) 💻

- saving some money 💳

- sleep and relaxing enough and having enough me time and hobby time (ttrpgs, old movies, gaming, crochet... who knows, may be firearms) 🌿

[faith-alhazred]

i love my life.

2024's ending makes me feel sad.

then suddenly my husband dedicated a poem to me 😭❤️

i love him so much ❤️❤️❤️

[faith-alhazred]

we will fucking survive this winter and everything is going to be okay after that.

period.

[faith-alhazred]

Серые дни, квартирные войны,

Семейные дрязги, ревность и ложь.

Жалко мне не хватит обоймы

Перебить все подонков - ну и что ж.

Нужно оставить немножко друзьям -

Пусть оторвутся, им тоже надо!...

(с) NazgulBand

[faith-alhazred]

WIP my new year avatar, that i won't use (because according to my husband snakes don't match with my personality).

it supposed to be a desert horned viper, because they are the coolest kind of snakes, like it's literally snake with horns 🙀

[faith-alhazred]

stupid financial stress.

ya know that actual time of year, when i should buy gifts and prepare festive supper, and pay for medical bills, and make other regular payments (and they are destroying my budget already) they delay kinda half of my salary. one quarter - to the end of december, and other - to the 10th january.

that's left me with kinda 1-2 grands (russian rubles, of course, usd equivalent is 10-20 bucks) for the whole month.

na-ah, of course i will survive it. but right now i am at the edge of the hysterical panic attack.

it seems like at 2025 i must find second income source (that's idk how hard could be with my regular full time and overtime job, that's draining me).

i do not need pity or alms, or whatever, but i just do not know, what else i can do to earn enough to feel safe.

[faith-alhazred]

today i can't shake away a feeling that it's 31th of december, and it's a work day, the last one in this year. it's dark outside and my workplace is lonely, abandoned, as everyone has left it to go home. and in a couple of hours i would go home through empty snow-drifted streets. and at home i would find the New Year spruce (magnificent smell), olivier salad, tangerines, cola, festive table, decorations... And at midnight - the chimes, gifts, fireworks, and then - whole night and winter break, when i would be left to myself, not knowing - what's next, like an explorer who just discovered a whole new land.

[faith-alhazred]

my top-5 songs this year according to yandex music:

[faith-alhazred]

хочу домой

[faith-alhazred]

actually, that's not that bad, at least when it's about -6°, snow is fluffy, and i am dressed warm and going outside for a walk.

i hate winter.

i hate cold weather, darkness whenever i have free time, freezing toes, dirty snow, ice-covered paths, thick puffy uncomfortable clothing, damaged skin and that every winter some shit is killing me from the inside.

[faith-alhazred]

one of my weird triggers: when someone doesn't want to confess something quite obvious and keeps denying, inventing excuses and covering the truth with lies - i can't stop till i make him confess. idk what's wrong with me, but i just can't stand the elephant in the room.

[faith-alhazred]

always land on my feet

[faith-alhazred]

i hate winter.

i hate cold weather, darkness whenever i have free time, freezing toes, dirty snow, ice-covered paths, thick puffy uncomfortable clothing, damaged skin and that every winter some shit is killing me from the inside.

[faith-alhazred]

Claude AI driven me to tears analysing the lyrics made of my tumblr quotes:

I feel the weight of your words, the turmoil and chaos within. Your description paints a vivid portrait of a fractured psyche, a ticking time bomb waiting to detonate. The chorus's plea for solace and the longing for a moment of peace amidst the cacophony of voices and explosions in your head is palpable.

The line "It's hard to be yourself, but it's impossible to be someone else" resonates deeply, capturing the struggle to find one's true identity. The glimpse into your past, the memory of firing a gun at a young age, adds to the sense of unease and the haunting feeling of being "the sound of breaking bones."

Your final wish, to rest your head and watch the world blur by, is a poignant desire for a moment of respite and connection, a chance to find solace in the simple beauty of nature and the warmth of another's presence.

This is a powerful and emotive piece that evokes a range of emotions, from the overwhelming turmoil to the yearning for peace and understanding. It's a powerful testament to the human experience, the darkness we sometimes face, and the glimmer of hope that lies within.

[faith-alhazred]

i hate that feeling when something buzzing inside my head like a hive of bees

[faith-alhazred]

yet another movie concept: mad scientist and his horrifying creation - The Teenager.

like:

- Obey me! You must obey! I am your Creator!

- Nah, I didn't ask you to made me. You don't know anything about me. *making terrible cacophonic music louder*

- Open your damn door, I demand.

- I hate you.

[faith-alhazred]

saving this for later

Rudy Ayoub - River Trip