more of a chill/personal account from all my socials, will post art and stuff but more prone to rambles. 🇨🇺🇵ðŸ‡
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Nothing Means Antyhing.
Nishikiyama Akira... oh... the beautiful broken man you are... i love him, he makes me cry. This took me two days to finish and it turned out better than what i initially expected. I kinda wanna turn this into a print...
↓ Art process ↓
Initial idea
Sketch
Colored
Final rendering
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everything is changing and im too slow to catch up why cant it just be over
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h
#i canr keep sdoin g stupid shit like this#i dont wanna wake up anymore and feel sore#i dont wanna deal with seeing videos of people getting shot or fought#i dont wanna feel so hungry everyday#i dont want to be such a dumb piece of shit all the time#they say im smart yet being passionate and caring doesnt bring in the money#my head is always spinning and more and more gets thrown off me the longer i spin#and the ride wont fucking stop#im so done i just want this over with#.#mumbles
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i cant
#it keeps going wrong#i dont know why but everything keeps just going wrong in some way#first i slept through two fucking things#my food that i ordered got messed up beyond getting fixed#my head and back just keeps feeling more and more sore#i feel like shit#i cant man#.#mumbles
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#everything has been ruined#my hair was completely screwed over by my barber so now i have to wear a hat until it grows back#i have so many art assignments i need to pull together because im struggling to even draw on top of educational stress#my professors literally refuse to update anything and the quarter is close to ending#hhh holy fuck im actually gonna break i cant do this anymore#.#mumblings
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#hhhhh relapsing#i hate this feeling why am i dealing with this why was i such a fucking idiot to fall for this#two times practically mind you i hate when my boundaries are pushed and i hate when i cant even say anything about it#.#mumbles
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#i feel so fucking useless dude its not even a joke anymore or an exaggeration#i cant wait to go home and do nothing and bed rot all weekend#ive lost so much this year i just want to fuckin kill myself dude#hhhh everyday gets lonelier#.#mumblings
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everything going wrong again
#have an entire project due today#got to rush it#not only that but two back to back classes where i gotta sit down and not understand the material whatsoever#hh im gonna get a migraine today#i feel already shitty enough man i just found a pair of headphones gifted to me a while back and i was going to use them this morning#but i cant find them at all and it hurts so bad man yesterday was so good because i was able to push through with the help of my headphones#but now theyre gone and i dont have any other ones#man i just want to give up#nothing has worked out in the week and i cant even cry about it because of emotional repression#i miss my friends and i miss talking with them yet i feel so out of place and i feel as if i dont deserve them#everything keeps getting worse#i cant do this anymore man
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working on a new project
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#alone this halloween#its such a bad feeling and this day is already gonna start with me on the verge of tears#i dont wanna do this anymore already and i feel like its getting worse with each minute#i want to be doing something yet i cant afford nor do anything#halloween as a holiday means so much to me and for it to not be possible this time around makes me crumble into pieces#atleast ill be isolating myself is that what people do on halloween#atleast i think ghouls and vampires do that so
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#been listening to chromakopia#dont listen to much music let alone tyler’s though im intrigued since i hear it being great#first song is really good so far#mumbles
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#spent nothing but the last couple hours drawing and nothing got done at all#the will to give up is growing stronger and i dunno how much longer i could do this#my mind is strained constantly and i think there’s a point of giving up#i think im just this close to kicking the bucket sometimes
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