exorcist-lilith

[exorcist-lilith]

“That would be lovely.”

“You’re welcome. Can I buy you a drink, Lil?”

[exorcist-lilith]

“Don’t trust anyone. If you let anyone in they own a bit of you.” Lilith said simply. Her jaw snapped shut for a moment. Turning to look at Atticus there was an anger in her voice, but a quite anger. One that if she was being objective about wasn’t for him.

“You’ve missed the point Atticus. Stop trying to relate to me. Don’t trust me and for your sake leave before I bring you down to my level. I know what I am and you trying to humanize me is both pathetic and what will get you killed. If you want my opinion you would be better getting out of this life as quickly as you can because to hunt monsters you’ve got to be one. I’ve twisted my soul so badly that if I would benefit from it I would throw you under a bus. ”

“If I can’t trust you my list is pretty short.  Or is that the point of being an exorcist?  Never trust anyone, not even yourself,” he said the last line as if he was quoting someone prestigous.  It wasn’t that Atticus was stupid, or brave, or even fearless, but he was very good at letting things roll over his shoulders.  He had grown up in a family where a family vacation meant travelling to perform an out of town exorcism - him in tow.  A family where he had always been told that spirits could sense fear.  And so he had learnt to try and not be bothered by it.

Following her out he let his gaze trail to the park that she mentioned, a strange chill overcoming him with her story.  Possession was one thing he had somehow managed to avoid so far.  For a moment he was thankful that despite everything his parents made him do, being forcibly possessed wasn’t one of them.  “That’s… wow, that sucks.  It’s different from my parents’ mentality.  They believe that I should be good enough that I could never let a spirit possess me.  Dunno how they expect me to get there.”  Turning to look at her, he shrugged a little.  “I know what it took you to survive now, so I can trust you.  I mean I kinda already got the vibe you’d push me under the bus without a second glance.”

[exorcist-lilith]

Lilith rolled her eyes. If she was honest five year old her was trying hard not to get transferred to yet another foster home. So she was the perfect little girl - even when it didn’t work. Even when they put her into a new house. Even when they promised it was nothing that she had done. Obviously it was something that she had done. It was clear as she got older that they didn’t trust her.

“You should be, Jones. Never trust me.” she nodded and lead him outside the house. “See that park over there. That’s where my first possession took place. I was twelve and my mentor told me that if I got it out of my body in thirty minutes he would adopt me and I wouldn’t have to leave my best friend. I did it in fifteen. I had scratches all over me where I tried to claw my way out. He told me that he was proud and that I was going to be a perfect warrior. My friend was kidnapped three years later. You should fear me because you have no idea what it took to get me here with a heart beat. Never trust a survivor until you know what it took them to survive.” 

“You know what?  I can imagine that perfectly.  I bet as a five year old you sat in the school yard glaring at the ground and stabbing it with sticks,” Atticus said, only half joking.  He had been under Lilith’s wing for quite a few months now and he was yet to see her smile.  In fact he was beginning to wonder if she was actually physically capable of it at all.

“Yeah, yeah, Tomoda know what they’re doing and put all the scary, batshit exorcists in the high positions.  I get it,” he rolled his eyes as he spoke, moving to collect the clothing.  “I can be shit scared of what’s in the dark, doesn’t mean I have to be shit scared of you as well.  Someone’s gotta not be.”  Pulling the shirt over his torso, he held his arms out to show that he was all dressed and ready for her to show him whatever it was.

[exorcist-lilith]

“Perspective is everything. You could be a kind but if it’s of sand who cares? And thank you.” 

“Hm, I never thought about it like that. You are really smart, Lil”  Frida pursed her lips and nodded as she spoke. “Maybe endings aren’t so bad as I thought they were. Its all about perspective.”

[exorcist-lilith]

“Okay. Thank you. And can we walk? I’d rather stretch my legs and it’s not like anythings going to come after us.” Lilith didn’t want to be around other people at the moment. It was nice just being around someone she wasn’t inherently pretending around. 

“Okay,” repeated Jinx as joyfully as was possible in this situation. Her hot fingers curled around Lilith’s and she pressed her hand a bit harder for a second, after that to start walking, “I have lots of different teas — mint, simple green, vanilla black, caramel, yoghurt and cherry. They all are delicious! You’ll love ‘em, and they will surely will lift your mood,” kept the light chatter she, going through the night, “It’s not far, but if you feel any safer, we could catch a bus or somethin’, or do you prefer walking?”

[exorcist-lilith]

Lilith chuckled but didn’t mention the beginning. After all what she did wasn’t exactly the type of trouble anyone truly wanted to see. “ True but I think the end shows a lot about a person. If you die with your head up that means you one right? Everyone’s born the same but everyone’s ending. Now that’s where you figure out their character. Like Bonnie and Clyde.” 

“I’d like to have the chance to see for myself at least.” Frida pursed her lips and then naturally the corners of her mouth turned upward again. “Endings are always so sad. I like beginnings and middles best.”

[exorcist-lilith]

“More trouble then you’re going to give me credit for although I have to say I’m not a bank robber.” Lilith gave a chuckle. “I suppose, but more people would be worried about the ending.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you’re trouble?”  She bit her bottom lip softly then Frida raised an eyebrow her smile still spread across her lips. “Bonnie died on one of the world’s greatest adventures with the person she loved, that doesn’t sound so bad too me.”

[exorcist-lilith]

Lilith tried to return the smile as much as the girl was, but for the woman smiling wasn’t second nature. “I don’t know. I mean look at Bonnie. Then again I suppose she did more then know a bank robber.”

“Knowing a bank robber might be kind of exciting.” Frida held Lil’s hand for a moment still smiling warmly. “Its nice to meet you too.”

[exorcist-lilith]

“Thank you. But I’m pretty sure my point still stands. I could be a bank robber.” Lilith reached over and shook the woman’s hand lightly. “Nice to meet you Frida.”

Frida shrugged and then smiled again. “Why wouldn’t I. Its a beautiful tree and you look lovely next too it.” Frida laughed lightly extending her hand. “I’m Frida.”

[exorcist-lilith]

“We? Now now you don’t even know me. What makes you think you’d want to see me near a this tree again? My name’s Lil by the way.” Lilith obviously used the nickname for many reasons - the mostly because the meaning of Lilith. 

Frida’s smiled widened when she saw the other woman’s smirk. “I’ve been gaining a deeper appreciation for them everyday. We’ll have to come back a check every few years just to be sure.”

[exorcist-lilith]

Lilith smiled lightly, “I’ve always loved trees. So I do hope it lasts longer than I do.”

“I love it.” Frida answered still smiling. “Though the tree my last longer then that picture.”

[exorcist-lilith]

“Maybe I will.” Lilith said snapping a picture of the tree behind the woman. “I like nature how about you?”

“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

[exorcist-lilith]

Lilith nodded shortly looking at their hands. Doing what Jinx asked she breathed slowly in and out. Lilith hadn’t needed to do this in years. The panic after all only came when she thought she was going to loose someone and for years Lilith didn’t have anyone. Lilith was selfish with the best of them, but for some reason she never valued herself very highly. Life was a game after all, but now instead of causing chaos she had a slightly different goal. 

“Okay.” Lilith wanted to go on to say that she was sorry. That she was sorry that Jinx had gotten caught up in this world of shadows, that Lilith cared about her. After all having Lilith be fond of you was like sympathy for the devil you couldn’t change the fact that Lilith was a monster. A proud one. She wouldn’t be saved - oh maybe she could be if she tried but after everything she would never let the darkness go. 

“Tea sounds good.”

“Please, please try to calm down,” now, opposite of the situation only seconds ago, Jinx was trying to soothe the trembling spirit of the young woman in front of her. She stared at her, like a wild and scared doe, afraid of the touch, but hopelessly craving for it — no matter how strong or bad Lilith might have been, Jinx saw the whole other side of her, and accepted both. She then took her hand with both of hers and stepped closer.

“Could you do this for me? Take a few deep breaths, slow ones. Nobody is taking me away, not anymore they — whoever that is — they can’t do that, okay? Let’s go home now, it’s not too hot and you might get cold. I’ll make you some tea. Sounds good?”

[exorcist-lilith]

“Yes. I won’t regret it but you will. And good.” Lilith said picking up the shirt and tossing it to Atticus. “I’m not fun. I have never been fun.” After all fun was hard to put in next  to fear and survival. There was an authority in her voice that didn’t quite match up to how young she was. It sounded like someone who survived and for all intents and purposes Lilith had survived.

“Atticus I am a terrifying person. There’s a reason why Tomoda put me where I am. You should be terrified. If I wanted to make you cower I would have done it by now. I don’t want you to - but I want you to have a healthy sense of fear. If you don’t then you might as well join a circus. You won’t last long in this business. There’s a reason why most people stop by twenty five. They die from not being afraid of what’s in the dark. Put on your shirt I’m going to show you something.” 

“You do something I’ll regret?” Atticus questioned with a face that clearly said she had something wrong about that sentence in his mind.  “You ruin all my fun, you know that?  You’re like the strict teacher that keeps you after the bell.”

“What?  And cower like everyone else?  Come on Lilith, you can’t shit over absolutely everyone.”

[exorcist-lilith]

maybe i can —        what, save me? [..] why do guys always think they need to fix or save or help?

[exorcist-lilith]

“I’ve done - Some questionable things.” Lilith said hoping to leave it there. She wasn’t sorry she’d done any of it and to explain that would to incriminate herself as unfeeling. Lilith could admit that her morals were skewed - that she should feel shame but she did feel. It’s just no one seemed to understand that. “I’m stronger and I can take care of it. They can hurt me Jinxy if they know about you. You need to be careful.” There it was - the tremor that Lilith thought she’d gotten rid of from her voice. The one that told the other kids she was weak. She hated it.

“Jinxy, I love you. You need to be careful. They always take everything I love.” If asked what they was Lilith wouldn’t be able to answer, after all she didn’t understand it herself. Was it god? was it the devil? Was it just fate or was it even her own design? The only thing she knew for sure was they couldn’t take Jinx. Not again. Never again. Lilith couldn’t handle it again. She’d burn down this city - hell the world to save the one person who ever tried to care.

She sighed, air coming out shivered lightly and Jinx nodded a few more times, pressing the palm of her friend’s, “I understand, I understand,” she assured her, “It was something you had to do, I understand. It’s not a bad thing, though, is it?” Jinx inquired shyly, “You are stronger, after all, and nobody can hurt you. Right? They can’t, can they?”

[exorcist-lilith]

                                                 If you look into my eyes,                                                         if you truly look,                                              you may find the goodness,                                                      that the devil took.

(X)