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Satoru Gojo may be the strongest, but his heart, was the weakest.

He knows that he isn't perfect, no matter how hard it was to accept, but still, he tries, y'know, just in his own way.

Which was why it didn't feel real when you walked out that door.

Ever since then, he feels like he's floating aimlessly with no anchor, no one to hold him down, to make him feel human, to make him seen.

But still, he watches.

He knows it isn't his business, not his place to look after you like you're still his, but still, he watches you from afar, watching you slowly start to smile more, start to laugh more, to open up.

To people who aren't him.

He knew he was wrong.

He knew that he was too loud, too fake, that it felt impossible to get him to open up. But he hoped that maybe, just maybe, you would've stayed, just long enough that he could break down.

Satoru Gojo always held you at arms length, close enough to love you about, but not close enough to let it show.

His world was just to cruel, to harsh. There were so many possibilities where you could be taken away or just been disgusted by the real him.

So he kept his distance, emotionally. To outsiders it didn't seem like it, but your relationship felt hollow, you were giving everything and receiving nothing.

You gave him your time, your effort, your love and all you got were physical affection, some gifts, but none of it held any true meaning behind it, nothing that would provoke any emotion.

For a while, you just told yourself that he was just new to relationships, just wanting to get to know you a little more. But as the months passed and nothing changed, it felt like he was distancing himself even further.

It didn't feel like he was yours no matter how many times he promised, how many times he held you, it felt fake, all superficial.

Now, as he sits at crowded bars, surrounded by tons of people who aren't you, he drowns his thoughts in expensive drinks, ignoring the women all around him.

But no amount of alcohol can ever full silence a man's regret.

Did he drive you away?

Or was he even there to begin with?

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A/N: IM BACK BABYYY (Sukuna fic will be out soon, but i just needed to write something small + short) inspired by Sparks by Coldplay obviously

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Slight teaser for my future medieval AU !Emperor Sukuna x !Queen Reader fic:

To the free queen,

I give my condolences for your late husband, the king. However, I assume you have found your current situation quite pleasing, the unrivaled power, the complete jurisdiction. Now, just know that the satisfaction and power you feel right now can be taken away in an instant. I withdrew my troops in well wishings of your new rule. Nobles and advisors left and right will take any chance to stab you in the back, like your so unfortunate husband. 

I advise you to meet with me at noon tomorrow and the eastern border to perhaps negotiate and discuss terms about your new power and discuss the future conquest of your kingdom. You will not be able to prevent it, so do not try. But perhaps we can come to a few terms we can agree to, I imagine your future fate will be a lot kinder.

Besides, I wouldn’t want to have to take your new freedom away.

His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Sukuna

His stupid signature glared at you from the bottom of the page. The thick, red, swirls that cursed out his name took up the whole bottom half of the parchment. That pompous bastard, thinking could just march in and threaten your people like he had any right to speak, much less insult you. But, you would have to go to the so-called “negotiation” if you had any hopes in preventing the destruction of your people.

You paused as you reread it, seeing the date in the corner.

Five days before your husband was killed.

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i read ur lactating!reader x JJK, and i was wonderin,,, if u could do pregnant sex with reader and the harem 🫶 ur everything btw

-❄️

Heyyyy so sorry I don't think I'm the person you meant to send this to. As far as I know I haven't written anything like this 😅😅

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How Sukuna and you got your first child

Warnings: slight gore, Heian era Sukuna, mentions of violence, slight mention of child abuse (not of reader)

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Sukuna was everything but gentle. He was all rough and sharp edges, lashing out at anyone and anything that even slightly irritated him.

So, why were you perched on the armrest of his throne so casually?

To be honest, you didn't really know yourself.

But he clearly had a soft spot for you.

He'd let you roam around his palace and gardens, take books from his many libraries and pursue whatever interest you found that week. He had no objections to the small moments of domestic life you gave him, brushing his hair, picking out his clothes, and waking up in the mornings in the same bed.

It wasn't unusual to you.

Neither was intruding in on his meetings or audiences when you were bored.

Which is what you were doing now.

Entering the throne room, you ignored the long line of curses waiting to give their offerings and pleas to the King of Curses. No guards stopped you as you passed the line and marched right up the dais and perched on the armrest of the throne.

"And what do you think you're doing?" He drawled, turning to look at you, an expression of mild irritation on his face.

Yet, despite his annoyance, he made no move to dislodge you. In fact, the way he leaned back ever so slightly, propping his arm next to you.

"Just taking my place," you said innocently, grinning at him.

He rolls his eyes, letting out a huff as his fingers drummed on your knee, "You could've waited in line like everyone else."

You grimace, brows furrowing, "I am not a curse."

"Correct, but that doesn't give you the right to skip the line."

Sukuna's reply was as blunt as ever, his hand now coming to rest on your waist, fingers lightly tracing circles on your skin. His gaze held a mixture of annoyance and affection.

Rolling your eyes, you lean back, crossing your arms and making no move to get away from him, "You'd miss me too much if I waited in line all day."

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as you leaned back, allowing yourself to be pulled closer. He didn't comment on your choice of words, instead continuing to absently trace circles on your waist.

"Your presence is always irritating," he grumbled, though there was no real bite. The way he kept you close spoke louder than any words.

"You find everything irritating."

His fingers moved from your waist to your arm, tracing the outline of your muscles through your clothing. The touch was almost affectionate, a contradiction to his harsh words.

"But you're the most irritating," he shot back.

Before you could argue back, the curse in the front of the line stepped forward, shifting on his feet nervously.

"What do you want?" Sukuna asked harshly, switching back to being the King of Curses. "Speak."

The curse bowed lowly, "I have brought offerings, my lord," it says in a quivering voice, setting gold, jewels, and silk at the foot of the dais.

With a slight move of Sukuna's hand, servants collect the offerings, putting them with the steadily growing pile of riches next to the throne. "You may go," he speaks firmly to the curse.

It lets out another quick bow and scampers off, the next coming up to present the offerings. It was boring, the continuous sucking up and kissing Sukuna's ass by his subjects.

Meanwhile, one of the King of Curses' arm was still wrapped around your waist loosely, the lower left arm resting on your leg, fingers stroking your skin through your clothes tenderly.

Half an hour later, riches filled half of the throne room, the smell of rich spices and metal thick in the air.

Then, another curse stepped forward that had you tensing.

This one had a human baby in its clutches, a knife in its other hand. It leered at you, a look of disgust on its ugly face. The curse holding the baby and knife in its grasp chuckled, its eyes fixated on you. It held the baby close, its grip firm on the small bundle in its arms.

"I have a special offering, o King of Curses. A human sacrifice," it sneered, its eyes narrowing in malicious delight.

"A human sacrifice, you say?" Sukuna echoed, his voice low and dangerous.

Human sacrifices weren't uncommon, but not a curse had dared to sacrifice one when you were present, fearing Sukuna's wrath.

The curse's grin widened, its eyes fixed on you with an almost malicious glee. It held the baby closer to its chest, the knife dangerously close to the baby's sensitive skin..

"Yes, o King of Curses," it replied, its voice dripping with confidence. "A human sacrifice, just for you. A pure babe."

You knew this wasn't just a sacrifice. This was a direct insult towards you in effort to undermine your authority and challenge your humanity.

Sukuna's gaze flicked from the curse to you, his eyes narrowing as he caught your glare. He could feel the tension in your body, the anger radiating from you.

The curse, meanwhile, chuckled again, its grip on the baby remaining firm. It held the small bundle up, its eyes fixed on you.

"Isn't she a beautiful sacrifice, o King of Curses?" it asked, its voice laced with malice.

"Set it down," Sukuna said firmly, a direct command.

The curse blinked, surprised at the King's disagreement, "But my lord, it is th-"

"Put. It. Down. You will do as I command," he stated, his voice leaving no room for argument.

Hesitantly, the curse set the crying baby on the cold floor, eyes darting from Sukuna to his protective arm around you.

"You will leave now," he said, his voice leaving no room for argument. "You have offered your sacrifice, now you may go."

As the curse turns around, you rise, descending the dais and picking up the crying baby, turning back up the stairs.

What you don't see behind you, is the curse being cut into nearly a hundred invisible slices, being swept away with Sukuna's power before you could see.

As you settled on the armrest, Sukuna's hand moved back to your knee, his gaze settling on the crowd, "Do not think to undermine my wife again."

A wave of shock went through the crowd, his wife, since when?

You batted no eye, content with entertaining the baby in your arms.

"You know you don't have to do that, right?" he asked, his voice low and soft as he glanced at you rocking the baby.

"I am keeping it," you said firmly, settling the sleeping baby against your chest.

He blinks, surprised at your sudden decision before shrugging and pulling you into his lap.

"Whatever my queen wants."

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!𝕸𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖊𝖛𝖆𝖑 𝕬𝖀 (𝕵𝕵𝕶 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗)

!princess reader x !knight Gojo ➺ (Coming Soon)

!blacksmith's daughter reader x !assassin Toji ➺ (Coming Soon)

!advisor reader x !prince Suguru ➺ (Coming Soon)

!noble reader x !musician Choso ➺ (Coming Soon)

!queen reader x !emperor Sukuna ➺ (Coming Soon)

!servant reader x !advisor Nanami ➺ (Coming Soon)

A/N: This is gonna take a while (especially with school), but I'll try to get them as good and put together as possible. Love yall and let me know if you want to be tagged <3

General Taglist: @denlusionella @mxtcha-lvr @strawberryshortcakkitty @myrottingbrain @thefemmefatalexo @savtron @aurorab-0-realis @i0lovepink00

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Mkay yall so I've watched JJK and Death Note, i need yall to help

(Also if there's any one that you REALLY recommend let me know bc i just went off of whats on Netflix, but I'll find some illegal websites)

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Good Girl !

Good girls get bred <3

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x Reader

Content Warnings: toji breeding smut below cut, DOWN BAD toji, descriptive dialogue, pussydrunk man, tw pregnancy talk

A/N: fastest thing i've ever written omg it was so inspiring this might be it guys my magnum opus

FWAP FWAP FWOP GRR PLAP SMACK OH OH RIGHT THERE HUH BABY? YOU CLOSE? GONNA BReED YOU MAMA OH MM YEAH FEEL YOU FLUTTERING ROUND ME JUST LIEK THAT YEAH GOOD GIRL OH CUMMING CUMMING INSIDE

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So did wattpad itself like my comments bc why haven't i gotten any other notifications for likes???

Also can you tell I like Choso? (Suguru was being an ass in this fic)

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Hihi congrats on 200!! Recently came across your work and love your writing

Is it okay to get a vanilla, no glaze, confetti icing & choco sprinkle donut of Itadori Yuji or Fushiguro megumi - just something fluffy based off how they like to hug their partner or how they express affection

Thanks so much for your time

Soooooo... i did both bc i made you wait so long but at least it was abt my babiessss

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Yuji Itadori

Yuji had always been the touchy type to anyone and everyone, no matter if they were affectionate or not.

Once you started dating him, that only multiplied tenfold. Now, he had a girlfriend he could love on and pester 24/7. In public, he always had his hand intertwined with yours or a hand around your shoulders or arms linked with yours.

Sometimes when you left school, he would always carry your bags, slinging them over his shoulder and arm while his other hand was holding yours.

But in private, he would seek out your presence even more, practically laying on top of you with his face buried in the crook of your neck.

His favorite part of you was your waist, his arms would be wrapped around your midsection as nuzzled into your stomach.

Several times Nobara or Megumi would accidentally walk in your room, seeing Yuji clinging to you.

Yuji could not care less.

He was also your biggest supporter. Any moles, stretch marks, fat, scars, or acne you couldn't bear to look at in the mirror, he noticed, kissing or massaging, or subtly praising your looks.

He wasn't the biggest on reading, but he'd lay in your lap, letting you prop and book on his head as he slept.

His love language, besides physical touch, was watching movies together. He'd set up a pallet on the floor with pillows and blankets and snuggle with you as you ate snacks and watched whatever movie he insisted on watching.

He loved it when you did his makeup or skincare, sitting there with a grin and a headband pushing his pink hair back.

Under the table at meals if he wasn't sitting next to you, he'd tap your calf with his shoe until you put your feet on his lap.

Anytime you went out to eat, he'd let you steal off his plate as much as you wanted, eating your leftovers of the food you disliked.

He wasn't concerned with any onlookers or people judging you two, he was content to be close to you.

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Megumi Fushiguro

Megumi was quiet.

He didn't show emotions or talk much, but he showed his emotions in little ways.

Like the way he'd always share one of his corded headphones with you in the car. He'd have his pinkies intertwined with yours at meals. He'd let you lean on his shoulder when you were tired. He'd let you fix his hair, or do skincare, or dress him up.

He wasn't one for grand gestures, but he was always there, a solid, steady, comforting presence that you could fall back on.

Somehow, Megumi could always tell when you needed his help. He carried your stuff without asking, he massaged you when you were sore, he kissed you when you were too tired to ask.

And on those days when you felt too heavy to get out of bed, he was already there, holding you while his Demon Dogs curled up against you, nuzzling your hand.

Most of the time he waited on you to initiate contact, especially in public, but he always reciprocated it.

He'd never tell anyone, but he loved physical contact with you. He'd make excuses just to touch you. Accidentally brushing against you, steadying you, or insisting on holding your waist on the train.

One of his favorite things to do was your hair. If it was in the shower, he loved to shampoo or condition it, rubbing your scalp gently. Even after, he loved to brush it or dry it or add oils or serums or mousse to your hair.

And of course he always melted whenever you ran your hands through his hair or rubbed his back. There was something he just loved about being able to be coddled by you without asking. Sure, he'd protest weakly and act like he disliked it, but he adored being taken care of.

Sometimes he'd walk through the dorms in the middle of the night after a bad dream just to crawl into your awaiting arms, where he slept much more peacefully.

On missions, he always kept you in his peripheral, just to make sure there were no surprises.

He wasn't great at expressing his emotions, but he tried.

And that sure as hell meant something.

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Mkay so Haibara died when he was still a first year right? So doesn't that mean Nanami was the only first year and he graduated as the only one in his class? Cause Shoko, Satoru, and Suguru were all in the grade above him, but he wasn't really close to them.

Like could you imagine how lonely that must've been? His only real friend died on a mission and he was left alone to aimlessly sort through his doubts about being a sorcerer and his morals.

Do we think that's why Gojo decided to have 3 first years? Because he could've just had Megumi and Nobara but he fought to make sure Yuji could get a spot because I think Yuji reminded Gojo of Haibara.

Because of course Yuji is like Gojo at least a little bit but for me Yuji reminds me of Haibara more because they both have that pure childish innocence and not the arrogance or pressure Gojo had at that age.

Also, I think Gojo watched Nanami withdraw from jujutsu society and didn't want that to happen to his students (cause he loves them). So he wanted there to be at least another person to help support them.

Because we saw Megumi and Nobara's reaction to Yuji's "death" as well as Yuji's reaction to Nobara nearly getting killed in front of him (he thought she was dead). So could you imagine what that would've been like if one of them actually died and there was only one other classmate?

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When you gave birth, something in Suguru changed.

He was already a father to Mimiko and Nanako but this was yours and his, flesh and blood, something you had created together.

At first, he wasn't sure he would ever want another one as he watched you in labor, thrashing and squeezing his hand in a death grip.

But when he held his daughter for the first time, he knew he wanted another one, hell, as many as you wanted.

He brought her everywhere. In meetings she would be sitting on his lap, playing with his long hair. At meals, he would feed her just so you could have a chance to eat peacefully. He'd take a nap laying face down on the floor or couch or bed, your daughter asleep between his shoulder blades, a toy clutched in her grubby fist.

But he never neglected you or the girls, just now, there was an extra member in your odd family.

Suguru was very attentive to you as well, gently picking up his baby girl and closing the door behind him as you napped on the bad, curled up in the warm sheets in his clothes.

He sat your daughter in the high chair, sitting down next to her and grabbing a couple of files, flicking through the paperwork and finances.

The girl coos, shaking the toy and chewing the teething ring in her mouth with a happy cry.

Suguru glances up briefly, tapping his pen against his lips as he studies his daughter, "Are you trying to help me with work?"

She lets out another happy cry, dropping the teething ring from her mouth, give him a toothless, gummy, smile.

"Well, do you think we should expand more into the non-sorcerer world? I mean, we have a good amount but we could always get more people," he muses, flicking through papers.

Your daughter chucks her toy as far away as she can, letting out a shriek and waving her arms.

"Agreed," Suguru hums, signing something off with a pen, "Good point, we don't want the higher ups to take too much notice of us."

He doesn't look up as he hears the door open, you coming out and rubbing your eyes.

"What are you doing with her?" You ask, yawning.

He looks up with a smile only reserved for your family, "She's helping me with business."

"With business?"

He nods, pulling you into his lap and resting his chin on your shoulder, "She's made some very good points on finances, she'll be my new advisor."

His lips curve into a smile against your neck, pressing a soft kiss against your pulse point, "However, I believe soon I will need more than one."

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A/N: my first Suguru fic that didn't have angst

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See if I could draw well I'd do it myself but i NEED someone to draw L and Light like the CEO at the coldplay concert

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So... I watched Death Note

Or at least 25 episodes of it bc im stopping here. I don't give a shit abt Light of Misa's goals, I started ugly crying when L died

Like this poor lonely 25 YEAR OLD!!?? was alone at the top of the world and finally had one person understand him and have 2 friends only for them to BETRAY HIM WITHOUT A SHRED OF REMORSE???? HELL AND RIGHT BEFORE HE DIED HE SAW HIS "FATHER FIGURE" DIE

and he knew Light was Kira the whole time, he just didn't want to believe it, he wanted to believe that he truly had a friend, someone that he could connect with

so he did something he would normally never do, he IGNORED ALL THE SIGNS FOR A FUCKING CHANCE AT FRIENDSHIP BC HE WAS SO AFFECTION STARVED

Look, idc if you ship them or not (personally I see them as just friends), but either way WHAT THE FUCK????

WAS THE AUTHOR NOT LOVED AS A CHILD SO HE TOOK IT OUT ON US LIKE GEGE AKUTAMI???

(anyway, i will be taking reqs for L bc he deserves happiness in some universe)

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You were tired.

Not physically, mentally.

Your life was monotonous, and not the good kind. Every morning you woke up, Satoru next to you, painfully hungover from whatever party he was at last night. He didn't wake as you got ready and ate or when you left a glass of water and some medicine on the side of his bed, leaving silently.

Your apartment was just so dull now. Any pictures of the two of you were months old, the flowers were gone, neither of you worried about replacing them anymore. The fridge was stocked only with necessities, lights always off, and curtains shut.

The air was still, no one woke up early to cook you breakfast before work, no one dragged you in their lap to watch movies with you late at night, no one had their hands around your waist as you did the dishes.

Your apartment wasn't home anymore.

Well, technically it never was. Satoru Gojo was your home.

Was.

It didn't feel that way anymore when you got out of work after a long day, checking your phone to see the only text message he ever sent you nowadays.

At bar. Can u get me 11ish

No more, i love you's, or im making dinner, or your turn to pick the movie tnt.

He knew you worked late and had to get up early the next morning, but you went anyway Despite how your body was begging for sleep, you stayed up late and drove out to get his drunk ass.

Every night.

Some nights he'd be so drunk he could barely recognize you, leaning heavily against some girl he'd stuck with that night.

His friends gave you pitying looks as you took him home, Suguru looking at Satoru with something akin to frustration, like he couldn't believe Satoru would be out here partying every night and just leave you to wait on him.

Once you got home, you bathed a nearly unconscious Satoru and made sure he drank water and slept. By the time you got to bed it'd be nearly 1 in the morning.

Great, you had 5 hours to sleep.

This had to stop. You couldn't go on like this. It was like you were taking care of a child. You never received any thanks or affection anymore, just another request.

"I'm going to the bar tonight," Satoru said as soon as you stepped in the door. He was laying on the couch, watching the tv.

You had a splitting headache as you set the many bags of groceries down on the counter.

"I'm not picking you up," you sighed.

He sat up, "Huh? You always pick me up."

"Yeah at fucking midnight, and then I have to make you get in bed like a toddler and maybe, just maybe, I get 5 hours of sleep if I'm lucky, before I have to work."

Satoru winced, looking slightly guilty, "Look I'll get an Uber, I just need some money."

"No," you say simply, "You are an adult man, I'm not taking care of you anymore."

He gapes at you, "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Not yet but if you can't bother to at least help me out than yes I will."

He looked at you then, truly looked at you. He looked at your weary expression, your tired eyes, your messy hair, no makeup on, no thought into your clothes or hair.

He stood, rubbing his eyes guiltily, "I'll stay home tonight, help cook dinner."

"I was getting takeout anyway," you say simply, putting the food in the fridge.

"I'll make it, all of it," he blurted out, taking the groceries out of your hands, "Just let me do something for you."

You sigh, "One chance."

He grins, kissing your cheek and gently pushing you out of the kitchen, "I'll make it good baby, I promise."

You'd have to stop falling for those pretty eyes.

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A/N: I'm (surprisingly) not in the mood for angst (I only am for Suguru) pt 2?

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When Satoru got the chance, he was lazy.

He was lazy, and clingy, and soft.

Because he could. He was able to just be your husband and not Satoru Gojo. He could lie in bed, curled up next to you with your daughter in between and sleep.

Hell, when he could, he was attached at the hip. Always holding your hand or having his arms around you. He always had his daughter on his shoulders or carrying her around no matter how much she grew.

He finally got the chance for family and he'd be damned if he missed a second.

When she was in kindergarten, he missed a meeting with the higher-ups just to watch your daughter's kindergarten graduation.

And he was 100% the loudest cheerer there.

It didn't matter for what, but he was your kid's number one supporter. It didn't matter which kid, if it was about sports, grades, art, or music then he was there, front and center with a huge grin on his face.

Sometimes, late at night and early in your relationship, he'd let you hold him to your chest as he shook, worrying about the future, his family, his job.

All he wanted was for his kid's to have a father.

And a damn good one at that.

When your eldest daughter had her first breakup, he was there, showing her how a real man acted, treating her to hugs and chocolate and comfort. And when it was time to give her away, he cried as he danced with her at the reception, giving her to her husband.

When your second daughter flunked her class, he was patient, studying and learning all of the material alongside her, helping her navigate financially and academically. He cried when he watched her accept her bachelor degree in her robe.

Your third daughter always had a passion for the arts, always drawing and listening to music from the time she was a toddler. He made sure she had any art supply or instrument she could dream of, each of her pieces framed in your bedroom along with any awards she got.

He taught, your youngest, your only son how to be a man, how to treat a woman right. Late at night, you'd catch them throwing baseballs or kicking a ball around or playing basketball in the driveway. Whatever sport your son was currently into, your husband was there with him.

He made sure all of his children succeeded in their own ways, always there as a crutch for them to lean on, to be their home from the beginning.

And he was an amazing husband to you.

Hell, when you were pregnant he didn't leave your side, buying anything to try to alleviate the pain or discomfort.

In the middle of the night he'd wake and track you down while you were in the bathroom, looking like an abandoned puppy as he waited for you to get done peeing.

He'd find ways to cook your favorite foods or make you crack a smile through tears or sit with you silently or listen as you showed him everything from music to yapping about a show you watched.

Sometimes when the silence was too heavy, he'd talk. He'd tell you how much you meant to him, how much he needed you.

He hated when you cried, he never wanted to be the cause for your pain.

One time, he got so panicked because he planned a surprise birthday party for you while you were pregnant. Hormones were raging and it ended with you crying in the backseat while he tried to comfort you enough so you'd want to go inside.

Or when you were in labor, your daughter already inheriting his stubbornness and refusing to leave your poor body alone. He kissed your head, brushing your hair back and letting you squeeze his hand like a stress ball.

But he wasn't afraid to cry either, leaning on you when his job was too heavy on him.

You were the one he sook out when he had to kill his best friend or when his student died or when he got in an argument with one of your kids.

He showed you, and your kids, what a real man looks like.

To them, he was their dad, not the strongest, but Dad, not Gojo.

And to you, he was your husband, your partner.

He made sure you never had to worry about anything else.

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YALL I GOT 1/2 OF XAVIER'S MYTH IN 20 PULLS!

20 PULLS????

I DON'T EVEN SPEND MONEY ON THE GAME AND I ONLY HAD LIKE 2.5K GEMS SAVED UP

WHAT IS THIS CRAZY LUCK?

AND THEN I HAD 10 WISHES ON THE REGULAR WISH THINGY AND GOT 2 5 STARS IN THE SAME PULL, 1 CALEB 1 XAVIER

HELLO????

ima switch my main to Xavier atp bc i wish i had this luck with Rafayel

BUT LIKE HELLO??? NOW I HAVE 13ISH DAYS TO GET ONLY 1 WISH INSTEAD OF 2

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So how am I supposed to learn this???