existential-d1scomfort

[existential-d1scomfort]

wish i got kidnapped and put in a dungeon for a month and starved

[existential-d1scomfort]

My friend needs therapy and im frustrated bc it's impossible to bring it up with her without causing some kind of an emotional disaster

[existential-d1scomfort]

As a mentally ill person, this is such a weird thing to feel bad about. But like...

I hate positivity, with a passion. I don't hate all of it, i don't despise the entire concept, but the kind of mechanic, compulsive kind of positivity that loses its meaning when its repeated ad nauseum, i hate that.

I really dont need encouraging with every single task i say im about to do.

I really dont need to be told every single one of my decisions is "valid". God, just seeing the word makes my heart race with anger.

I really dont need to be talked softly at all the time.

It absolutely disgusts me. I hate it i hate it i hate.

I just never ever want to hear such phrases as

"You can do it!"

"I believe in you!"

"Be safe!"

"That's super valid!"

And etc etc ever again. They fill me with rage.

But i cant bring it up with my friends bc i dont think they would understand, i know they just mean well by participating in this compulsive positivity culture. But still, somehow, i would like to let them know that hearing that same kind of hollow positivity repeated day after day really has lost its edge and it just makes me feel bad. Super bad. I cut myself today bc i was so pissed off at my friends being all uwu and softé with me.

AAARRGH i dont know where to put this feeling or what to do with it

I kinds just want them to SEE my hatred. I want them to FEEL it. I dont want it to buried under "aww feel better soon honey ♡" and "whatever feelings you have they are super valid uwu!" and such. FdzsZcvgxzeyzrxlgclg. I am so full of hate.

I cant. I dont want my friends to see how ugly i am inside. Or, i would like to show them so that i wouldnt have to pretend to be such a good and nice person anymore, BUT they would hate me afterwards. Ugh.

I am rotting inside and the rot is about to burst through my skin, and fear that when it happens, my friends would just spritz perfume over it and be like ur feelingz r soo valid boo <33

LET ME RAGE

LET ME BE GRUMPY AND ANGRY

L E T M E F E E L B A D

I cant take a single soft take anymore

I dont WANT to be valid, i want to be horrible but not be judged despite it.

And like. I know that if i straight up told them i am actually a very ugly personaly theud just be uwu but we love you, we dont believe what you say, we know you are good <333

Like no i am not, fuck. Im disgusting and youre just gonns have to DEAL with it.

[existential-d1scomfort]

Autistics who Scream(tm) have no rights actually. Youre literally the most annoying kind of person. You can speak normally if you just try. You are hurting my ears. Everybody knows you are happy or excited even if you don't make weird screeching noisew, less is more.

[existential-d1scomfort]

I don't understand ppl who /need/ to own tv series, movies, music etc on a physical disc. Like i get wanting to own your favorites, hell i have my faves on discs, but im now talking about about ppl who have a compulsive need to have their own physical copy of every single series and movie they've ever watched or liked even a little bit. Often these ppl don't even watch those things that much. Honestly it just feels like such a stupid waste of money to me. Also enviromental factor of constantly getting stuff shipped in the mail.

This is probably an extreme example, but i have a friend who is like this and her habit of collecting physical copies of things drives me nuts. Heres why...

She lives on government welfare and the charity of her family bc she can't work bc of her poorly managed mental health problems, so her money is limited to begin with. She doesnt ever seem to consider that collectables and discs arent, like, the best possible things to waste money on when she should be putting her money towards food, rent and rehabilitation etc. But every time some new merch comes out, or a series gets published on bluray, or whatever the hell, she's always like "welp i have to buy this now i literally cannot help it i am obliged to do this or i will DIE" in the group chat. And she is often complaining how her money situation is bad bc of her MH problems make her bad with money... I always want to ask why she "needs" to order music CDs from japan that only have like 2 or 3 songs on them (seriously wtf???) just bc she "needs" to own everything her favorite idol group shits out. And she has several fave bands.... i just think it's absolutely sick and she should seriously re-evaluate how she spends her money (money which she does NOT earn by herself). She is also constantly making impulse purchases just bc something is SOOO CUUUUTE OH MY GOSHH I WILL DIEEEE I NEED IT I NEED IT!!! Her apartment is full of otaku junk, it's cluttered and dirty. I hate how un-self-aware she seems.

[existential-d1scomfort]

She needs therapy so bad but i cant tell bc im afraid it will ruin our friendship

I want her to be happy and comfortable, and not to suffocate and wither under the pressure of her worsening anxiety disorder

But the last time i gently insinuated that she might benefit from therapy, that just trying it out for a little bit good do a world of good, she completely brickwalled on me and got so hostile i just dropped the subject

[existential-d1scomfort]

There is 1 good quality about me and its that i keep pads for my friends in my bathroom even though i myself dont have periods

Bc honestly, if you have friends who have periods, you too should probably keep pads/tampons for them

[existential-d1scomfort]

If you fart and let it go up inside your vagina and you can't wiggle it out, your vagina will smell like farts

So girls, remember to hold that gas in, and if you can't, put disinfectant in there

Dirty smelly pussy wont get you anywhere in life

[existential-d1scomfort]

God i just want to have sex

It's been 8 months since i last got laid and im dying of touch starvation

Masturbation just doesnt hit the same

I crave the element of not being in control

The slight surprise factor

Just pls i need someone else's hand on my junk

[existential-d1scomfort]

Adding to list of forbidden kinks: omegaverse with mpreg. Especially teen mpreg.

Things I can't tell my best friends

I watched the entirety of Rick and Morty and loved it

Many of the kinks I'm into (emeto, diapers, incest, super big age gaps)

I don't care about social justice nearly as much as I let them believe

I'm very uncomfortable with trans p0rn and one my friends keeps showing me pics, but if I said I didn't wanna see them she would label me as a transphobe (to be fair I think she's right, I find trans folk 0% percent sexually attractive.)

I've had a couple of wet dreams about my friend who's aroace, and i feel guilty for finding them that attractive, i don't wanna make them uncomfortable

When i go to the bathroom i don't actually wash my hands, i just let the water run for a while and then i kind rumple the towel. To make them think i wash my hands when i don't.

All the things i find infuriating in each of their personalities and habits are things a routinely complain about to my Super Best Friend/Sister

One of them stinks like a corpse and I can barely stand it

They all love using "uwu such a hecking smoll doggo do an angy!" language every chance they get and it drives me nuts. I hate it so much. Oh my god.

Only one of them has a sexual orientation i actually recognize the existence of

I often find myself thinking that they are a bunch of losers with no future in sight, but they also think that of themselves

[existential-d1scomfort]

The biggest tragedy of my life is that she doesn't love me the way i love her

I'd bring her the moon if she just asked

But she doesn't want my affection, nothing

But i'll keep holding on to her, bc i can't live without her, and she can't bear to cut me out either

I think i resigned myself to a torturous existence a long time ago

But it doesn't matter bc she is my everything

I love her i love her i love her

[existential-d1scomfort]

Dudes w/ manvags are vagfags

[existential-d1scomfort]

I'm sorry your genitals turn me off. But then again, it's not something i can change. I can't just command my pussy to get wet at the sight of a manvag. Don't worry, i'll never even consider dating you, you won't have to tolerate my opinions.

[existential-d1scomfort]

But yeah, trans men are men. Just a completely different category of men. Men Lite(tm), like it or not. You will never be cis, and so you should not be lumped together with or compared to cis men. Your body nor your brain is cis, so it's futile to expect to be treated like a cis person. You will always belong to your own category.

[existential-d1scomfort]

Stop ruining my favorite boys by giving them tits n pussy n dysphoria. Yiiiiiiikes

[existential-d1scomfort]

Trans porn? No thanks, major squick

[existential-d1scomfort]

I hate your trans headcanon. Yikes and yuck.