excarow

[excarow]

I get that some of you have your brains wired in a way that compells you to do this, but I hate it when people go "um actually the truth is more complicated than that" when I try to make general statements that sum up the concept in a simplified manner. I was not unaware that those details were there, I chose to omit them because their presence does not alter the general principle and their absence streamlines the expression to be more efficient.

Like yes, technically speaking "you can do anything except avoid the consequences of your actions" is not the most correct statement. Of course you can avoid the consequences of your actions, and the consequences of avoiding the consequences, et cetera et cetera, until the consequences of the consequences of the consequences become a domino effect that ends you up getting killed with a hammer. So although the outcome is the same, you are technically speaking correct about the entire mechanism being more complicated than how I worded it.

Sure, I can tell you to stop doing that, but I can't make you stop doing that. But there is a possibility that I own a hammer.

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hey girl you’re so. the papery substance they put between the slices of packaged cheese so they don’t stick together

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Okay, so. Yesterday, my spouse's cat (my beloved, furry stepdaughter) was suddenly very sick. Spouse had the car on the opposite end of the state for work, so I walked down the road to the local vet. Unfortunately, she needed to be rushed to the emergency vet in the next town over, so I had to order an Uber and cross my fingers.

Enter Donald, a gay Puerto Rican man who rolls up in an electric Kia with a rainbow Zelda shirt. I know he is Puerto Rican because that is the theme of his car's decor. He's probably in his late forties. He's gushing over the cat but his demeanor changes when I tell him how sick she is and how I need to get her to the ER. He solemnly informs me, "I'll take care of it," and RIPS out of the parking lot of my building.

Dude is flooring it. The entire time he is sending his husband text-to-speech messages about, "Going to the vet, do you want me to go in and talk to them?" He informs me that he actually needed to go speak to the vet at this clinic anyway--his dog who he just had to put down yesterday went there for renal failure treatments--and that "fate brought us together." He tells the cat to hang in there, that, "Girl, I will take care of you."

He turns on his emergency blinkers. He's weaving through traffic like he used to professionally race. Any gap he sees, he takes it. It is terrifying but I am in awe.

We get to blocked traffic because it is rush hour. He asks me if I trust him. I tell him, "I guess I have to in this situation," and he nods and swings into the shoulder, guns it, whips around the traffic, and takes off on a side road. The GPS means nothing to him. He knows exactly where he's going and he is beating the traffic jams for the sake of the cat. She can't wait.

When we pull into the vet clinic, he goes in with me. As my cat is taken in, he asks me if I want to see pictures of his late dog. He shows me a picture of a chihuahua in a bow tie and it is the cutest fucking dog I've ever seen. He tells me how his husband is a dog trainer and the dog had been around the world, and that this vet is a good one and my cat will be fine.

I compliment his shirt and he nods like Arnold at the end of Terminator 2. Then he just marches out the door.

Anyway. The cat is staying overnight at the emergency vet but seems to be doing fine aside from not wanting to eat. Apparently, this is a $2.5k case of "your cat has a cold and is constipated, and what you thought was respiratory distress was her gagging on snot while nauseous." We pick her up sometime today.

Wherever you are, thank you, Donald. My spouse left you a tip higher than the cost of the trip because you are awesome and your dedication to our cat was inspiring. 10/10, I would endanger myself on the road with you again.

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:3

every day i think about the cat on twitter who looks more like a scheming eunuch than any creature has ever looked

monkey i love you beloved little freak i would die for you

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I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

This is a metaphor

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"Wait, humans have culture? Oh, sorry, no, I was just taken aback a bit. I don't mean to insult your species, you just all seem so constantly preoccupied with your warfare and mating rituals that it hadn't occurred to me that you would have time for the arts."

"Oh, no, we have plenty of art. Visual arts, sculpture, music, storytelling... And their combinations in all sorts of way. I actually play an instrument myself, and one of my favourite songs is based on an old folk tale. Would you like to hear it?"

"Absolutely! I was already astonished to only hear that human art exists at all, not to imagine that I could witness it!"

"Alright. So this is a song about a man who starts a war against his brother because they both want the same woman."

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I don’t like being referred to as a boy

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batman…..

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sad reality of the fanfic-to-published work economy is that the weirdest people are willing to do it. that's why there's now hundreds of shitty no plot cishet hate-to-love enemies-to-lovers books that are ex reylo fanfic. and it's not even good. that's because the people who wrote book-quality steve/bucky and kirk/spock fic are too normal to think to themselves "i should get this porn published". they're too busy working in local government offices

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"the ides of march". "neil banging out the tunes". "superputinelection"

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One more joke hate: You may claim to be a woman but biologically you are a featherless biped and thus a man.

Finally a good argument for why I'm actually a man

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I would argue that this does showcase one of Bruce's failings to Tim: enabling his lack of self preservation (honestly I'd even call this a character flaw for Tim)

To be fair, every single vigilante (the ones from gotham especially) have piss poor self-preservation instincts but Tim seems to have a special habit of turning to villains/morally-grey-people-at-BEST concerningly fast.

Like, if you are watching your ward/new child side kick to make sure he's safe while giving him the illusion of independence, I think that when said child decides to ditch the teacher you set up to instead learn from one on the world's deadliest assassins with out much of a plan - that's more then enough reason to step in

Why do people make Tim being “sent” to train under Lady Shiva a bad thing in fanfics?

UM… ACTUALLY! Everything about that sentence is wrong.

Bruce doesn’t send Tim to train abroad after “only a few weeks.”

Bruce doesn’t send Tim to Lady Shiva. Tim finds that trouble all on his own.

Point 1: Bruce doesn't send Tim to train abroad until after he's been trained by Bruce for months and has "earned" the robin suit by saving Bruce from The Scarecrow. Tim meets Bruce during Spring — as seen in the art during Tim’s time tracking Dick to Halley’s Circus during his intro comic — and is being trained by him until Christmas Eve where Tim defeats Scarecrow. That is a at least 7-8 months of training.

After receiving the Robin suit, Tim expresses doubt in his ability to be Robin to which Bruce says “You just need to gain physical prowess” and suggests a training trip in Paris.

Point 2: Bruce then sends Tim to Paris to train under one of Batman’s old teacher: a Tibetan monk who’s taken refuge in Paris and is a specialist in both healing and hand to hand combat. The monk is referred to **cringe** as “Lama.” Tim then gets caught up in a gang fight which spirals into a conspiracy and catches the attention of Lady Shiva all on his own!

(Total side note and I know it was like 1991 BUT SO MANY early Tim stories have awkward racism you can’t even squint past. You gotta just grit your teeth and keep reading. His parents are killed by an evil voodoo guy. He trains under a mystical Tibetan monk. He has some awkward run ins with a Chinese mob. He had to manage a couple of “angry black guy” characters. Like I’m sure lots of other DC properties were just as bad at this time. But then you remember that Tim’s Robin is one of THE MOST successful comic lines during the 90s and early 00s and it’s just awkward. And DC still won’t hire enough non-white male writers and artists when you have beautiful stories like The Boy Wonder written by brilliant POC artists. Like why?!??)

Look I'm not saying Bruce is a perfect mentor to Tim. His reactions to Janet Drake's death is not ideal. Bruce also tries to hide information from Tim when his parents are kidnapped and lets Tim think his parents are dead because "what if Bruce can't fix it". Bruce's control issues are on fine display for several issues.

But sending Tim to Lady Shiva is not a neglectful act on Bruce's part. Tim ditched Bruce’s safe training plan and gets involved with a DEA agent and Lady Shiva.

It turns out — as you find out at the end of the comic set about Tim’s training — Bruce has been lurking around watching and waiting to step in if things get out of control for a while sfter Tim ditches Paris but otherwise lets Tim think he’s alone until Tim has succeeded in his mission and defeated King Snake. Bruce does this is to help Tim gain confidence in the field, something he was lacking during the moment Bruce hands him the Robin suit.

It’s a really sweet arc actually and helps set up what kind of Robin Tim Drake is going to be! Plus it’s a fun read (ignoring the racism)!

There is no reason to treat it as one of Bruce’s failings. He makes plenty of those all on his own.

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An aesthetic that first appears to be pure and basic Heterosexuals Are At It Again, but becomes increasingly uncomfortable until you finally understand:

these babygrows (onesies) with parental professions on eBay.

An entrepreneurial sort, eBay user “justtheshirt” realized that for some people, the perfect gift for, say, the baby of a beekeeper is a onesie saying “Daddy’s Little Beekeeper.” In fact, the more obscure the profession, the more excited the customer will feel about the representation! So they took a list of All the Professions, and generated a listing for each one. If someone buys a onesie, they can stamp it with whatever the listing said - and make a rather enormous profit, on a £3 onesie, having made exactly one design and used one script. Genius!

The issue is, they didn’t curate the list. Not a single human appears to have overseen this process. So they have inadvertently created some uncomfortably themed babywear, like “Daddy’s Little Maid,” “Daddy’s Little Nightwalker,” and “Daddy’s Little Courtesan.”

The database also contained a massive proportion of obscure Medieval English professions, like “fulker” and “meader” and “whipcord maker.” (The auto-generated listing enthuses something like, “the perfect gift for a whipcord maker - or just for someone who wishes they were one!”)

There are onesies for babies whose daddies are herbalists, muleteers and sacristans.

I have come full circle in my feelings about this and now I am all in favor of dressing babies in these, as long as the profession is incredibly obscure, and the daddy in question refuses to explain anything.

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Soon™

[excarow]

Trick question: cut a piece of pie then stab a senator

Happy Holidays! Don't forget to grab a knife :)