ex-joonyoungrk

[ex-joonyoungrk]

does this mean you'll be dropping minhyuk too?

yeah. since he is in a relationship with seohyun, there are more things to work out for him. but he will most likely be dropped soon.

[ex-joonyoungrk]

you don't have to post this.. but. please don't go.

you said i don’t have to post this -- but the fact is, it’s time for me to go. i want to do better in university, i want to be happier and more contented as a person, and i want to get out of the place that isn’t doing me any good right now. i’m not going to be sorry for leaving, and i don’t do goodbyes well. 

thank you for wanting me to stay. but... it’s just time. 

and if i don’t do it now, i’ll get stuck here even more.

[ex-joonyoungrk]

joonyoung is leaving ;

for reference: he left sphere, and left for l.a. soon after to pursue music. he didn’t really tell anyone besides adam and his brother which was done pretty much as he was leaving.

[ex-joonyoungrk]

I just want to smoke my cigarettes and drink my whiskey and for you to love me for the monster I am.

Christopher Poindexter (via wordsnquotes)

[ex-joonyoungrk]

rktiffxny:

(* hours pass, legs weak from all the walking, wandering, exploring that really shouldn’t be called that because she doesn’t pay attention to much around her. her surroundings had been gray space, the sounds white noise. it was a day to herself — a night really after leaving training, even for a saturday. she almost thinks it’s exhaustion that places him there outside her door again and she clears her thought, announces her presence. no sense avoiding him, not when he’s clearly made an effort to greet her for her birthday ) hi. did adam make that? (* lips curl into a light smile and she makes her way to the door, opening it because she really can’t do this standing up anymore. her feet ache for rest and prince is asleep in the carrier ) come on in. my neighbors won’t appreciate a fire in the hallway

( ‘ / it’s the sound of footsteps that causes his gaze to rise; he doubts himself and he hates that doubt more than anything. people sense that sort of weakness, and he doesn’t want to look weak in front of her. her immediate assumption that adam made the cupcake draws a scowl through his features. ) “no, i did. adam’s a terrible cook.” ( ‘ / insulting his friend takes the tinge of sentiment from his lips, eases the strangulation of his heart and when her lips curl, joonyoung takes the satisfaction in that he was part of the reason. ) “it is a little hot for a fire.” ( ‘ / the response languidly appears on his lips as he climbs to his feet, trying to hide the surprise that she’s letting him in; no fight, no ‘no’, no whines or pouts on his side. he tugs at his clothing, straightens out the thoughts in his head as he glances over her; it feels like a while since he’s seen her face, see her. a compliment on his lips carelessly. ) “you look pretty.”

[ex-joonyoungrk]

150724 Simsimtapa Live All Night blue | do not edit

[ex-joonyoungrk]

2015.08, CeCi, Jung Joon Young, 1N2D

[ex-joonyoungrk]

I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone.

Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five (via wordsnquotes)

[ex-joonyoungrk]

              CONVERSATION WITH…  형

                                                                   ( msg from : 형 )                                                                    joonyoung, i asked abeoji. he won’t                                                                    pay for your medical bills.                 ( msg to : 형 )                 did i even ask you to ask, hyung?                 i told you he wouldn’t. just leave it.                                                                   ( msg from : 형 )                                                                   joonyoung, you’re broke. i’ll pay for                                                                   it or something.                ( msg to : 형 )                i’m fine, hyung. i’ll pay for it. it’s                 my bills. don’t worry~                                                                  ( msg from : 형 )                                                                   you’re not alone you know. you don’t                                                                   have to live like this.               ( msg to : 형 )               live like what? doing music? i’d               rather be broke and homeless. just               don’t worry about it. i’m fine.

[ex-joonyoungrk]

JOONYOUNG’S POINTS CHART: 29/07

singing: 171 (35.9%) dancing: 1 (0.2%) rapping: 10 (2.1%) charisma: 202 (42.4%) creativity: 80 (19.3%)

debut: 90

* note: this is after submitted points posted

[ex-joonyoungrk]

gosh…love this song!!!!!

[ex-joonyoungrk]

*Drops off 2 burritos that have shrimp, black beans, avacado, sour cream, and salsa* ~Food anon

( ‘ / doesn’t say anything, just starts eating and smiling. )

[ex-joonyoungrk]

Probably someone should take this girl in his arms and hold her tight, I thought. Probably someone other than me. Someone qualified to give her something.

Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (via wordsnquotes)

[ex-joonyoungrk]

[ex-joonyoungrk]

               ✖  ━━━ 「 SPHERE SOLO 」12:13AM                             ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none

The cigarette was rested between Joonyoung’s lips as he drew his phone out and checked the time again. He was waiting for Adam to turn up with his change of clothes, which had him with his legs crossed, perched on the edge of a seat and pretending he wasn’t frustrated. A difficulty when Adam was running late, and Joonyoung was low on cigarettes. The trainee was twisting out the orange embers when he saw the familiar figure of his best friend coming in his direction. “Joonyoung!” Adam greeted, a happiness to hide whatever else was going on his mind and Joonyoung tried to ignore that he could tell. He didn’t want to ask his friend what was going on -- all he wanted was to collect his belongings, and return to Sphere for another night of arguing with his guitar. 

“Did you bring everything?” Joonyoung asked, focused on the bag that Adam had on his shoulder, and trying to retrieve it in seconds. The younger of the two seemed unwilling to part with the bag, his fingers hesitating to release his grip and his orbs filled with that look they often got when he was worried. “Are you going to move into Sphere?” Adam’s question came through when he finally let go of Joonyoung’s things and the trainee shook his head. That joke wasn’t even funny to him -- he didn’t want to live anywhere but back in his apartment and that was a mountain he didn’t want to climb just yet. “They have shit food, why would I do that?” Joonyoung retorted as he unzipped the bag, soon shuffling through the contents to see if there was everything.

“Are you avoiding me?” Adam’s next question made Joonyoung exhale; that wasn’t what he was doing. But he knew that’s what Adam had thought, was thinking, would believe -- that Joonyoung was avoiding him. The trainee zipped the bag back up, tugging it onto place on his shoulder and looking to his best friend. “You smell really bad,” Joonyoung taunted back instead of giving an answer; one that was strung somewhere between the fact that he was scared that he couldn’t play anymore, and that he didn’t know what it would mean if he couldn’t. He’d been playing guitar too long, it was a part of him. “I have to get back. I’m working with some other trainees,” Joonyoung cut Adam off before he could speak again.

“Okay. Call if you need anything,” Adam’s response was weak and Joonyoung ignored it as he laughed and teased his friend for being like his servant; backward steps taken away. There would be more messages from Adam tomorrow than there was the day before -- Joonyoung didn’t even need to doubt himself on that. His friend was written with concern for him.

It didn’t take long to return to the empty room in Sphere, his things dropped aside and he was soon staring down at his guitar again; Joonyoung didn’t want anyone to see his doubt in himself. No one needed to know -- they’d only find a way to use it against him.

[ex-joonyoungrk]

               ✖  ━━━ 「 SPHERE SOLO 」4:28PM                             ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none

The pages of sheets of lyrics were hazardously spread across the surface in front of him; he couldn’t compose melodies or make arrangements without being able to play and that left him with only lyrics. His brow knitted as he continued to etch out songs, his leg shaking with nervous energy as once again the hand dryer went off and he looked up at the male trainee. Joonyoung was currently seated in the bathroom, knees pressed into the tiles and his work sprawled across the counter top in the male’s room in Sphere building. Composing came easier in the bathroom. Which was something he reiterated to most of the confused expressions of his fellow trainees when they found him in there. 

“I’m writing,” Joonyoung’s answer was bland, the pencil awkwardly twisted as he etched in an edit to a line of lyrics and the trainee found himself nodding in response; as if this were the most bizarre thing that Joonyoung could be found doing in the bathroom.

None of the lyrics were any good, but he persisted for the sake of keeping himself busy and when he got bored, he folded paper plays to throw across the bathroom. The time he spent in there, he was able to produce a handful of planes that would make it from one side to the other. Though he had made little progress in writing decent verse, he returned to the blank pages more than once to scrawl out a thought. Not that he would admit that he was struggling to anyone at the moment, it was bad enough that he couldn’t play his guitar anymore -- to admit he was unable to produce a decent few lines for a song caused a strike of frustration to run through him. 

He was too stubborn, too defiant, too certain that music was all he had to begin unraveling.

A cigarette, a drink, some of his pain medication and he would scrap the page for a new one; start over and start over again. There was no part of him that would let anyone who said he couldn’t make it, be right.

[ex-joonyoungrk]

               ✖  ━━━ 「 SPHERE SOLO 」3:13PM                             ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none

Dance practice was a mess, a fact that led to Joonyoung standing in front of one of the dance coaches after and recognizing that look he often got. A mix of disbelief, frustration and that resounding announcement that he was going to be scolded again. It was becoming a monthly occurrence to be taken aside by one of the dance coaches for one reason or another. Today, Joonyoung was certain that it was due to his lack of progress or the fact that when he was asked to practice more, he said that he wasn’t a dancer. A breath taken in by the dance coach singled the beginning, Joonyoung’s fingers scratched light at his eyebrow as he lowered his head in a defensive maneuver.

“Eleven months, Joonyoung. That’s how long you’ve been here and you’ve shown no improvement in dancing -- you might actually be getting worse,” the dance coach began with the usual pitch to make him feeling guilty; but Joonyoung never felt guilty for the fact that he was unable to dance. Not once had he bothered to practice the dance outside of when he needed to. Besides when he worked with Chanmi, Joonyoung didn’t put in much effort to learn and he usually used the dance lessons as a way to play around. “Everyone shows improvement eventually, but you’re wasting everyone’s time. Then you talk back to us. We don’t care what you did or who you are outside. Here, you’re a trainee. You’re like everyone else. You have to put in the same effort. You’re not here to play around, and if that’s what you think this is -- you’ll never make it.”

The twenty-six year old nodded his head in a lacking manner, not truly absorbing anything that was thrown at him. More than once he had heard that he wouldn’t make it, that he should give up, that he would be better elsewhere; his own father gave him those speeches. The coach’s words were going to have little affect on Joonyoung, who soon felt the sharp pain to the side of his head. His fingers curled into his palm as he nodded again. Frustration often bred into this; Joonyoung went quiet when he was scolded, the adult would take it as disrespect and he’d be physically reprimanded. “You can’t play guitar. Dance. Or stop wasting everyone’s time.”

Joonyoung nodded his head again in response, bottom lip stung with pain.

He’d do what he wanted -- a defiance that permeated through his mind as he looked up to watch the coach leave. Joonyoung would always do what he wanted.