eventidetempleguardian

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Michael being a BAMF.

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Sorry for my MC’s spam,I had to…

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Michael Crawford, Dale Kristien and Hal Prince in rehearsals for the LA production of “Phantom of the Opera” - April 24th, 1989

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Hey kids, as we approach Halloween I just wanted you guys to be careful and say DON’T FUCK WITH SPIRITS. Don’t mess with Ouija Boards, don’t talk to no dead people, don’t fuck with demons, don’t summon shit, don’t dick around in abandoned buildings. If you are considering a thing, just think, “would a white person in a horror movie do this thing?” If the answer is yes, then don’t do the thing.

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PSA

As we approach Halloween, remember:

If you find a random old book lying around in an old abandoned building, do NOT just decide to read the Latin incantations out loud.

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Last night I was talking to my boyfriend, and I couldn’t think of the word ‘library’, so I said ‘book ranch’. He thought it was hilarious and started making up alternative names for ‘librarian’.

“Cowbook! Like cowboy! No…Readcher? Like Rancher? No, fuck this is hard…”

and just now I heard him yell “BOOKAROO” from the other end of the apartment in the most triumphant tone of voice i’ve ever heard

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the 7 y/o boy who lives next door doesn’t want to go in the house to bed and i just heard his dad use the old “you live under my roof, you live by my rules” and the kid just shouted back “im not under your roof im under the sky and thats god’s roof and he wants me to play out for longer!”

i can’t stop laughing.

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You throw your rent bill across the room in frustration, and it lands under your bed. A few seconds later, a claw pushes the bill back out with a wad of cash.

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I was inspired by several articles about the Tampon Tax recently and some of the protests against the categorization of tampons as “luxury items,” so I made this up. It’s funny because it’s true.

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Dear Photograph, 50 years ago you not only caught the magical toss of a young bride’s bouquet, but also a certain gleam in a new groom’s eyes. 50 years later the petals of that bouquet may have long since turned to dust, but all the hopes and dreams they represented have been lovingly and happily fulfilled. Thank you for capturing the exuberance of my parents’ devotion to one another–a promise for us all that true love does exist.  With happiest Golden Anniversary wishes to my Mom and Dad, - Billee

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The softest love you will ever have has always been hidden in the inside, the marrow of your own bones.

Nikita Gill, Your Body Has Always Loved You More Than Anyone (via meanwhilepoetry)

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I spend so much time being afraid to be happy. Everyone knows the Gods only take from you when you are truly happy.

Nikita Gill (via meanwhilepoetry)

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Me when people at work say things like, ‘But I need to rename that Microsoft Excel cell! It’s still called A1!”

Grey by Chad Barry

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An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

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An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

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The Joys of Parenting

America: For the last time Dad, I'm the United States! I'm not a colony anymore, I'm grown up!

Britain: Just last year you couldn't elect an official

America: ... Yeah, so?

Canada: Hey Dad can I have my independence?

Britain: Yes, Canada, go make your old man proud.

America: WHAT WHY DOES HE GET TO HAVE HIS

Britain: Because he's not a little shit, that's why.

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One thing I love about Judaism is that long involved conversations about things like “can a zombie attend shul?” or “can i use my pet dragon to light candles on shabbat?” or “is meat from a replicator kosher?” are seen as completely normal.