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[etoilefilante-cm]

worst nemesis

sometimes, i wonder if the recognition i earned along this trail is what i truly deserve, but most times, i end up caving into my doubts – that i am incapable, unskilled, and untalented; that this fate must have overlapped with someone else's; that what i achieved is nothing but a wrong stroke amongst the threads of life.

then i remember how i turned days into nights and vice versa, how i went against the odds and did past and beyond my limit, and how i befriended nightmares. i then realized that whatever standard or trend made me turn my back on myself is a mere abstract benefitting on the victor of the triumphant and feeding on the cries of the trying.

and most of all, those moments taught me that the worst nemesis we have to face is ourselves: our own reflection in fiery mirrors who knows our weaknesses and insecurities.

[etoilefilante-cm]

orange heart-filled 0621 🧡

to the spring and summer to my autumn and winter, words are not enough to express how grateful i am na nakilala ko kayo, na dinaan mo ako sa kaingayan at humor mo haha c:

sana ay maging masaya ka ngayong araw mo and make good memories with people you treasure. i always wish you blessings, opportunities, and growth. alagaan mo parati ang sarili mo, ha? i cant wait to see what youll be in the days, months, and years to come. and ofc, we are here to support you and suno!

happiest birthday, koji!! maraming salamat sa buhay mo <33 we wumv ü mehe

pahabs: omkie i dont have the hands for drawing, but i tried c: it is my first time creating this kind of illustration/twitter icon, and i am happy how it turned out!

[etoilefilante-cm]

pretense

am i surprised you're just another wretched soul in the body of a lovesome mortal — a beautiful disaster in front of our very eyes? oh dear, you're as clear as a mirror to me

[etoilefilante-cm]

"Baby, I'm falling for you もし同じ気持ちなら stay by my side I can't live without you 心が繋がるなら stay by your side"

I have been into Magic for a month now, and my love for it is still growing! It is music to my ears, literally and figuratively. So, here's my favorite part of the song^^

Not gonna lie, I tried memorizing the choreography, and I definitely nailed the arm and hand movements, but the footwork kept on killing me :c and the footwork is the best part of it! Well, I'll try and try until I get it haha

[etoilefilante-cm]

― un:mysterious-ing myself

This year, one of the things I set myself for is becoming mysterious in social media. I noticed how much activity I make on Instagram, and I basically look like an open book, but only until the synopsis. You know, details enough to give you an overview of the book, but not as detailed and thorough to know every bit of it. Me? From being a big sharer of animals and funny reels? From being a huge fan of posting thoughts in various languages? From being an expressive anime and mobage lover? Suddenly will turn into a mysterious one, close to absolutely not posting anything?

I thought it was impossible, but I did. At least for four months. However, I started becoming active again when I created a new account and have just a few close and years-known colleagues and peers as followers. Then, I realized, it wasn't really my intention to be mysterious or post nothing on my other social media account — that I was forced to.

From there on, I remembered things that hurt me, a lot, and made me feel unsafe expressing myself in my own social media space prior to me deciding to go on a social media silence. Isn't it ironic and a bit sad how I, myself, felt that way on my own platform? I never really thought I would experience that. But if there is one thing that that experience has taught me, it is to be cautious of the people you let into your life. That some, even if the one whom you have made innumerable memories with, can induce your pain. And the most agonizing part is that it can come from the people whom you trusted the most. That the one who'll do you badly is not an enemy but a so-called friend.

The reason? Maybe it will come as too shallow for some, but to me, that is the world. Imagine, having people around you saying not-so-good things to those you love, enjoy, and are passionate about. Imagine, you're not doing anything wrong nor hurting other people by sharing the things you like, but someone keeps an eye on it and is ready to shoot the fun any minute?

The moment you notice someone pulling you down and discouraging you from doing the things your heart is beating, don't hesitate to cut the line that connects the both of you or seek ways to freely be yourself.

For your safety. For your peace of mind. For your happiness.

By choosing my happiness, I have now un-mysterious-ed the real me. I have decided to be myself but now, in the right crowd.

[etoilefilante-cm]

no matter how dark the night is

the stars will always grace the night sky

just like how the winds

caress your heart when you cry

[etoilefilante-cm]

letting go of what you had and what you had been

time flies. season changes. people progress. at some point in our lives, there were things we once had but now were gone. upon pondering, we may be saddened by concepts wafting and drifting away from us, but ever realize how much we moved forward? that even within losing, pushbacks, and the negatives, there are always winning, leaps, and positives?

sure thing, letting go of what we had and what we had been are difficult, but only from that point we can make steps towards the future. that no matter how painful or how hard it is, we have to accept that there is not a single thing that is meant to stay. and all we have to do is to be grateful –

that we encountered them in a lifetime,

that we created memories together,

that we learned from them,

and that they turned life at least bearable and worth living, if not fun and memorable.

[etoilefilante-cm]

After learning Sakkun will be playing a "crazy stalker" role in Matching, this JGR video suddenly came up to my mind, with Sakkun, an imposter, saying "Miyata-kun" to Miyacchi while running from his rear wwwwww

Well, I cannot wait to see how Sakkun will portray a character whose image is the complete opposite of his! But his photo for Matching, with that bleached or blonde hair (I am sorry, I am not knowledgeable about hair since I only had black and never died mine) and THAT dead stare, made my skin shriek!

[etoilefilante-cm]

"今までも ずっとこれからも

分かってないことをちゃんと分かち合ってたいのさ"

This song is one of my favorites. Not that I can relate, but it does resonate. A masterpiece.

今日は6月1日だから泉大智さんお誕生日おめでとうございます!

[etoilefilante-cm]

― the moment i found my way back home

I was just but another little soul dwelling in the same bustle of a small town, protected by a lullaby in the comfort of the ordinary – living youth with relish and blooming into adolescence – not reckoning the days nor the nights passing by. Little did I know, the regularity of a stagnant everyday life has done me good, alluring me into the depths of adventures and fascinating me enough to explore what these eyes could not lay on over the horizon.

The year was 2015. Dancing to K-Pop songs, my hobby, even though I lack the technicalities or the groove, messes up with the tempo, could not hit the beat, and was nowhere near excelling at it, was one of the things that gave me overall satisfaction. However, my mind could not fathom nor remember the slightest tiny bit of how, despite a certain video streaming platform having its feed and search history filled with Korean acts, there was a sudden recommendation in the interface, out of nowhere, of one lone Japanese act — Bullet Train or Chotokkyuu, with 'Ebiday Ebinai' Music Video.

I neither had a background nor history with Japanese acts prior to the boys surfacing on my account, but if it just so happened that I recklessly skipped that one, I cannot imagine how monotonous I would be today. From putting on loop one music video, their discography eventually turned into a lifestyle — one that I looked forward to, the best part of the day. Their songs and choreographies have a distinct vibe only they own, and no lies, I was more attracted by their unique charms in 'スターダスト LOVE TRAIN' and goofiness in 'バッタマン,' which not a lot of talents risk doing.

Albeit I became a huge fan, I hate to admit it, but my mind slowly forgot them, disappearing from my every day like they were never once a precious routine. My last with them was 'My Buddy.' And it was when K-Pop pulled me closer and hugged me with groups like Infinite, B.A.P, UNIQ, Romeo, Victon, NCT, Golden Child, TRCNG, Produce 101 Season 2 Trainees, Sonamoo, Lovelyz, WJSN, and CLC. There, I experienced both the ecstasy of happiness and the atrocities of the pain of the inevitable in the industry with the eyes of a fan.

Come the pandemic, I was not ready for the twist, interest-wise, it had prepared ready for me. I indulged myself with NCT content, so as not to beat myself with the stress and anxiety the situation has brought — that's one, but the waves of the ocean were yet to unveil the wonders I was yet to encounter. Everything was going as usual on the video streaming platform, again, but not until an advertisement video came up and played.

It was a cheery and melodic song with the use of muted color palette, which was, in my opinion, a bit in contrast to the atmosphere of the song but, ironically, complemented either way. The visuals had people playing and scenes amusing, hence I murmured within myself how good of a concept it was. Although I seemed to enjoy it, a piece of evidence was the fact that I did not skip the ad, part of me was troubled as the stars seemed familiar. Very familiar. Then, in a snap, I heard 'Ebiday Ebinai' in the lyrics — it was Bullet Train! Again! And in an unexpected meeting! Again! This time, it was with 'Stand Up,' and I didn't waste any time catching up on what I missed during the time I was away.

At that moment, I was so happy. It was like a long-gone piece of me was finally found. Since then, I am with them and will always be with them. I do regret, to the bones, that I had been missing out on such gems the past years. My journey to meeting them, again, may just be another coincidence, but I would like to believe that it was all destiny. That it was written in beautiful italics under the Book of Destiny and was meant to happen all along.

The adventurous in me may have set sail along unstable waters, but who would have known that the same water would not trample me over, instead it led me in the best and calmest way. I may have gone on a voyage wherein Bullet Train was my destination, but from there on, the moment I found my way back home, I became more ready to embark on the gr8est journey of my life with them. I may not know what life has in store for me, but with them as my anchor and their songs as my sail, I am brave enough to conquer what these eyes could not lay on over the horizon.