estwhyard

[estwhyard]

Scheherazade

He sat there as shallow as a screen  collecting weight and opinions. All the same, there was something about  him, something that caught a corner  of my mind that’s penetrable, by a certain type of person in a certain way, that steals and sways me  like a drunken woman; eyes foggy  with the mist of a thousand summer  mornings promising the heat of  A silver lining and the rain of a…

[estwhyard]

Dad and Amazon #3

Days are often spent in Halstead where Dad lives, And I lived until I was nineteen but Time does not exist there. The town where I grew up. When I am there, I cannot escape past feelings, the places still exist in my minds eye as they did then and when I’m in town I’m searching for old faces Which sometimes emerge though physically older than I remember Eyes sometimes look me up and down in…

[estwhyard]

Summertime Sadness

There was a certain inevitability about the early summer heat. That it would run out. Too much too soon – not like the year before last, when you just knew that it would go on and on and on- and it did. It was relentless and so has the rain been this summer. Like nothing I can remember and granted, I don’t remember everything, but I do remember summertime. There is something about the summer…

[estwhyard]

Quieter

I’m a little bit quieter now,Not so eager to shout out loud,Be proud about some thingTo layer it with meaning Unnecessarily, thickening what wasWith reinterpretation.Compartmentalizing what doesn’t needTo be in a box,Or on show or the focus of who I amI just am,A little bit quieter now.

[estwhyard]

Against all odds.............................

i got hold of the book which he had said was probably long gone. It was tucked away , in respite care, away from over interpretation; likely in these days of misunderstanding and over analysis with the best of intention to steady a mind , lacking constancy. He had said it was long gone in that sardonic way of his ,without much depth, of course he didnt realise what the book meant. it wasnt…

[estwhyard]

Dad Moments

“Are you coming over tomorrow Splods”, my Dad asks me during our usual evening telephone call. “Yes Dad yes”, I reply. I am about to say that he knows this, as its Thursday and I always come over on a Thursday, but before I can get beyond know, he has started speaking again, “It’s just I rather hoped you might go to Sainsbury’s for me ……. I have a list you see…”, and I hear the strain in his…

[estwhyard]

Yesterday

A poem from my newest Poetry collection called Liminal.

If I looked at yesterday, it would have your face in it A reflection in today’s mirror which shines so brightly You could almost be here with Your hand raised, clenching a belt; I shook so hard that I had to have an extra-large plate of food I didn’t eat, because I was a good girl And good girls don’t want and they don’t feel  A goddamn thing.

[estwhyard]

Breathe the pressure ........

Some days you just have to go with the flow........

Let’s not pretend that life isn’t  chaotic most of the time Perhaps we dress it up as order and define ourselves as in control ,and sometimes, for long stretches, days roll over and over and we might feel that we are there. We have reached At this point though there is the possibility that we might become compacent. The complacency , nurtures the growth of a backlog of tasks which start as…

[estwhyard]

Quiet hope

Sometimes hope is just putting one foot in front of another and facing another day. It is learning to be in a moment without allowing A million other potential moments To come crashing in on you Imploding the maybes and scattering the possibility of now.

[estwhyard]

Whatever next

Its hard watching yur parents age.

Since the lockdown Dad has become less able to manage his own surroundings. He is 85 now and although talking to him is as if you are talking to him 30 years ago – albeit a bit louder- but moving around with him is a slow business. As a naturally fast person, this makes navigating days with him quite tricky, and as I have given up some days of my week to care for him, its presented me with a…

[estwhyard]

Jacinda Ardern: A decision well made

The news that Jacinda Ardern has resigned has shocked the world and despite not being a staunch follower of NZ politics I admit that my eyebrows rose this morning when I scrolled through my news feed. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/19/jacinda-ardern-resigns-as-prime-minister-of-new-zealand It struck me as surprising as what I had previously read suggested that she was committed to…

[estwhyard]

The Great Scott Tread Mills Challenge!

The Great Scott Tread Mills Challenge!

Back in 2005 middlest was a year old and eldest was 4. I spent a lot of time at home with them both and as I kept them busy, the Radio kept me company which it had done since I was a kid. As a teenager I loved Radio 1 l- I shed tears when Zoe Ball announced her engagement to Norman Cook as I sat on my bedroom floor getting ready for college , I raved to Radio 1 Dance Anthems with Dave Pearce and…

[estwhyard]

Don't tell Miss

Don’t tell Miss

I remember,  I couldn’t cope with knowing what you were doing.  I wanted to give what I knew to someone else.  ‘cause, if it stayed part of me any longer it would rot my insides  A sin I held onto ,  that felt like the food you didn’t want in you.  Small bits of information you fed me on paper that  Bloated my stomach until  Like you, I wanted it out.  The words digested from letters we…

[estwhyard]

Sea sick

Middlest created this with her boyfriend. I just love it.

[estwhyard]

Better late than never!

I laughed out loud at The Observers Emma Beddington recollection of her  Mothers Day experiences- (Observer,https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/mar/27/mapping-out-my-life-in-mothers-days-emma-beddington )- moments she recalls and those she would rather forget. It’s an article which many will relate to and with and when you have travelled the full stretch of child…

[estwhyard]

And then there were two

Be kind to yourself and your family. Slow down.

“Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while ……. you could miss it.” Matthew Broderick; Ferris Buellers Day Off. Eldest has left home…………. they actually left before Christmas, but it’s taken me a while to face it squarely, an age to clean his old room and even longer to write about him leaving. I have wondered why it has taken nearly five months to acknowledge…

[estwhyard]

All change please

I met a lady the other day who has given up her career in health visiting to become a therapist in alternative medicine. . She described her training as, ‘life changing’ and listening to her; watching her speak, her experience is visceral -for her and for me. The joy she gleaned from learning about something different and it became the impetus for a lifestyle revision and placing it alongside a…