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I made a joke in my dream that I know is a banger. I remember it has cultural significance, a pun, relevant, and funny. I woke up and I can't remember the punchline. I need the punchline so I can draw it and post it as an official cartoon of our school's official publication.

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I looked into my heart and asked what would I draw if I could draw anything I wanted and my heart said you would draw your favorite deltarune characters with angel wings

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I was in a tattoo parlor and Rihanna came in wearing bell bottom jeans, chuncky heels and no shirt. When I asked her where her shirt was, she looked me in the face and said, “Oh hun, today is a titties out kind of day.“ 

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just finished iii i loved the part in the finale where cabby gets one trillion girlfriends

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Sometimes all you need is a little awkward honesty.

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Go eat at Spudsy's!!

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That line hits different now, huh.

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has anyone noticed that working for a living sucks ass

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scientists in the 1990s, putting a Get More Purple gene attached to a harmless plant virus into an already purple petunia: please get more purple

the petunia, sensing an apparent honest to god Get More Purple Disease, using the previously undiscovered RNAi antiviral ability to shut down all other purple genes along with it just in case: you put VIRUS in petunia? you infect her with the More Purple?? oh! oh! her children shall bloom white! jail for mother, jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holigayz.

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tumblr discourse after 13 years on this fucking website

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If an alligator could squeak he would

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kiss kings

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Mina doesn’t care, she chose to give Torbek some affection

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"Mordecai and Rigby from Regular Show fucked", I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when two voices speak and command silence from the room in unison.

"They're right", they say. I look for the owners of the voices. There in the 3rd row stand Mordecai and Rigby.

Another voice rings out from the next row: "You know who ELSE fucked?"

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A piece for TF2 Medic-centric zine! @doctorassistedzine