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Asian Women and Pacific Islander Women Domestic Violence In The United States (Quick Facts):

In an Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence survey, 41-60% of API respondents reported experiencing DV (physical and/or sexual) during their lifetimes.

Project AWARE’s (Asian Women Advocating Respect and Empowerment) 2000-2001 survey of 178 API women found that 81.1% reported experiencing at least one form of intimate partner violence in the past year.

A survey of immigrant Korean women found that 60% had been battered by their husbands.

In a study conducted by the Asian Task Force Against Domestic Violence in Boston – using self-administered questionnaires at ethnic fairs – 44-47% of Cambodians interviewed said they knew of a woman who experienced domestic violence.

In a random telephone survey of 262 Chinese men and women in Los Angeles County: 18.1% of respondents reported experiencing “minor physical violence” by a spouse or intimate partner within their lifetime, and 8% of respondents reported “seve re physical violence” experienced during their lifetime.

In a survey conducted by the Immigrant Women’s Task Force of the Coalition for Immigrant and Refugee Rights and Services, 20% of 54 undocumented Filipina women living in the San Francisco Bay Area reported having experienced some form of domestic violence, including physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, either in their country of origin or in the U.S.

In a study of 30 Vietnamese women recruited from a civic association that serves Vietnamese women in Boston, 47% reported intimate physical violence sometime in their lifetime and 30% reported intimate physical violence in the past year.

In API communities, emotional control, respect for authority, self-blame, perseverance, and the acceptance of suffering are considered highly valued virtues and traits. However, those culturally based responses contribute to API women’s hesitance to express their victimization (even to people inside of a close circle of friends or family).

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE (CALL 24/7/365):

1-800-799-7233

1-800-787-3224 (TTY for Deaf/hard of hearing)

Quick Facts Via: http://www.doj.state.or.us/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/women_of_color_network_facts_domestic_violence_2006.pdf

[MARCH IS WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH]

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I wrote about what it’s like to live inside one of the bodies Trump maligns: “For as long as I’ve been alive, my body has been here for someone else’s pleasure or release. I am tired of hiding it. I am tired of burying the questions I need to be free.” 

cc: @survivorloveletter, @biwomensupport, @ptsdconfessions, @posttraumaticstresssurvivors, @thenewwomensmovement

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Recovery asks many things of you:

To hold in your mind your values over the competing values of your disorder. 

To envision your future (which is not at all easy to do because sometimes you cannot picture living that long) and what you want that future to look like as well as the consequences that may be waiting for you there.

To sit with the most uncomfortable and overwhelming feelings.

To be in your body when you want to escape.

To change how you think of “strength” and “will power” and “weakness.”

To learn and face things you probably don’t want to look at. Things you may want to forget.

To value yourself as a person, not an illness.

To try and try again.

To be patient with a slow process.

To learn your own way through recovery, not what you think it should be perhaps, but what it means to you in your life.

To understand that you can be in your disorder, but it will cost you in many ways.

To ask for help.

To grieve for what you’ve lost and hopefully be able to take something from your struggle as it has shaped you into the person you are now.

To live in defiance of a diet obsessed and thin-focused culture.

To accept and deal with your feelings.

To step away from the known and into the often frightening unknown.

This is not easy. You’re trying and sometimes failing. It doesn’t make you a bad person when you choose your illness because sometimes you will. It’s not ideal because it harms you and others in your life, but it is what it is. Try to forgive yourself and move on. 

Whether you’re doing your best or you’re not doing your best because you’re deeply conflicted, you are still (and always) a valuable person. A pained person perhaps, but that is human. We struggle. Every single person on this planet struggles in different ways. 

Keep striving towards a better life (as defined by you, not others and not your illness.) But also appreciate how much effort this takes. It isn’t just about “knowing better,” it’s much more complicated than that. This is a life lesson and it takes us all different lengths of time to learn what we need to.

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This is a really helpful page in my CBT textbook for tackling some of the maladaptive beliefs we often hold. The first column lists the rules and assumptions we often may tell ourselves, while the second column is a more functional belief. Just thought I would pass this along. Be kind to yourselves, friends❤

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Much Longer

A poem for #metoo and other survivors who need some psalms of rage.

I’d forgotten. About the clarity that comes with anger. The certainty of knowing you’ve been harmed.  

It was taken from me.

I was 12 and hellbound. His eyes lingered too long in the wrong places   The glint inside always trying too hard

He wasn’t looking at me I was too old. It didn’t matter. He was still looking at her.

I knew furry then. Told family to fuck off. Told my mom she was wrong to believe the devil. Burned it all down to give my sister passage

They had a wedding anyway, despite the fire. His eyes didn’t bother pretending. Mom didn’t need the illusion. She’d already signed away everything that mattered.

I gave up on furry, then. There was no phoenix. No rising, no glory.

I’d forgotten.  Anger was snuffed out of me. Too close to protest, or to close to hymns that made God listen to little girls.

Today I remember. I remember when I started yelling again. I remember when my sister discovered a punching bag. I remember the way Her spirit stands up, now. I hear the chorus of women around me, Singing psalms of rage.

our souls won’t stay vaulted much longer.

P.S. To any survivor reading this: I love you. I believe you. We will keep fighting.

cc @biwomensupport @bisexual-community @survivorloveletter @colormetheworld 

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Within a few days, I got bounced between two experiences of queerness. Over the weekend, I spent time with queer women who live out loud and don’t apologize for it. I meet them at a Roller Derby match, and yes, it was gayer than Ellen page in Whip It.

On skates they all seemed invisible: grooving to music before the match, game planning between jams. It was beautiful and sexy and…regular. Just a regular Saturday. No one was trying to look a certain way and please some unacknowledged, invisible force that might dictate their acceptance. They just were. it was a glimpse of the world I want to live in, where self-care isn’t a labor but an everyday joy.

A day later, I saw the news about Scout, a non-binary bisexual organizer who was shot because of how their mental health crisis was misread and judged to be threatening. Scout was someone who spoke out for us, who felt compelled to fight for the magic of Derby to exist and flourish. They continued fighting even though they were broken down by the same invisible forces that keep Derby from being the rest of the world. I wish life would have been better to them. I wish they could have felt like it was safe enough to prioritize their own healing. I wish the small pockets of queer joy we carve out for ourselves got to go on and on, instead of being interrupted by some echo of violence.

I want to keep fighting for a world that feels more like Derby on a Saturday. I’m still figuring out how to do that in a way that doesn’t comprise my heath, or leave me vulnerable to the kind of mental health struggles that bi people face. But if queer folks have taught me anything, it’s that joy--built on unbridled expression and liveliness-- is worth fighting for.

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#goals

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So true …

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keep calm

- or, how to conquer stress, anxiety, depression, and panic

sounds

rainymood

coffitivity

harry potter sounds on ambient mixer

meditate to sounds of nature on spotify

ocean escapes on spotify

lost in the forest on spotify

acoustic winter on spotify

indie acoustic >> chill on spotify

the stress buster on spotify

evening acoustic on spotify

your favourite coffeehouse on spotify

stress relief on spotify

spa treatment on spotify

northern winter town on spotify

a dreamy wind down on spotify

a different sleeping list on spotify

acoustic covers on spotify

the most beautiful songs in the world on spotify

deep dark indie on spotify

visual & interactive

laughter is super effective- try short comedy videos like clips from my fave comedian’s show, russell howard’s good news

a year in space- interactive website that teaches you about nasa astronaut scott kelly’s misson on the international space station. it’s broken down into episodes, which makes it easily manageable

journey to the centre of the earth- an interactive guide to what’s under the earth’s crust. you might learn something too!

patatap- create audiovisual symphonies using your keyboard

flame painter- create drawings with flames

beans- mousepad, meet a tin of beans

bio-bak- complete tasks on this weird but cool interactive platform

orisinal- beautiful and calming games, with an instrumental soundtrack (try “the way home”)

openpuppies - every time you open this website, you get to see a different puppy gif. it’s cute!

earthcam- a bunch of different live webcams such as times square, giant pandas, and even the northern lights in canada.

open sea cam- similar to earthcam, but this is the live feed for the monterey bay aquarium.

food & drink

5 minute chocolate cake

5 minute bread pudding for one

4 minute chocolate mousse

nectarine smoothie

5 minute breakfast rice

homemade potato chips

22 desserts you can make in 5 minutes

skinny homemade hummus

10 5 minute vegan meals

5 lunches in 5 minutes or less

52 DIY herbal tea recipes

how to make iced tea

perfect iced coffee

creamy hot cocoa

cocoa with homemade vegan nutella

23 delicious mocktails

tips

if you’re stressed out in a crowd, sing to yourself quietly. the familiarity of the song is comforting; the action of singing will help distract you. singing will help keep you anchored to yourself in chaotic situations.

you could also use a visual anchor throughout the day to keep you grounded, such as looking up at the clouds or even out of the window if you’re inside all day.

similarly, try doing an action with rhythm, such as clenching your fists and letting them go when you feel overwhelmed- the regularity will help soothe you.

try breathing techniques, such as these six techniques by TIME magazine.

remember that alcohol and caffeine can aggravate stress & panic and anxiety problems you might already have had. consider examining your habits and regulating these if you feel like they might be making things worse

make time in your day for a “worry period”: set a time each day (not just before bed, as it might affect your sleep) to sit down and think about everything that’s worrying you. if you feel overwhelmed during the day, make a note of it and save it for your worry period- then when the time comes, you can sit down and address everything on the list. the rest of the day is a worry-free zone.

the 2 minute rule- if something that’s bothering you is solvable and will take 2 minutes or less to do, then do it now. it might take an effort to start, but once you’ve finished, you won’t need to worry about it again.

however, don’t be too hard on yourself if you started a task and you can’t finish it. it’s better to do things incrementally (i.e. bit by bit) than stress yourself out trying to do a huge thing in one go.

remember that thinking about what could go wrong isn’t going to make the situation any better. life isn’t predictable- just change what you can.

challenge your thoughts- “is this thought rational? what’s causing it? where’s the solid evidence that this is the truth? how will worrying about this help me in the long run?” and lastly, “how can i look at this in a more positive or optimistic way?”

it may help to picture yourself floating in water. picture your worries floating past in the water, and as they pass, acknowledge them and then move on. don’t react or judge them- this is also called the movie technique, where you picture your life on a movie screen.

however, when you feel completely overwhelmed, it might be best just to distract yourself- get out of your own head! don’t think about the big picture. read a book instead, do a household task, have a bath, play with a pet…

one thing you can have control over is yourself- take a shower if you need one, drink a glass of water, do your hair (even if it’s just a messy bun), have a piece of fruit or try one of the quick recipes above.

“walk and talk therapy” can be super helpful- if you can find someone to talk to, ask them to take a wander with you. the act of walking can promote deeper and more creative ways of thinking due to the mood-boosting endorphins released when you do any physical exercise- and it’s almost as though you’re becoming physically “unstuck”, walking away from your problems.

don’t worry too much about what other people think of you- we really don’t notice as much about other people as we think. and even if something does happen, people are sympathetic and will understand. they’ve most likely been through it too!

try journalling- write down all your negative thoughts. once it’s on the page, it’s left your head. this really works!

make the phone call. send the text. write the email. don’t stress over what you’re saying, just shia labeouf it.

you can always try to fit natural mood boosters into your diet- such as nuts, soya products e.g. milk and yogurt, dark green leafy veg, dark orange vegetables, broth/ soups, legumes, citrus, wheatgerm, tart cherries, and berries. bananas are also an all-round super food, and while it’s been disproved that they can flat-out cure things like depression, they’re definitely recommended as a natural sugar, and good for energy.

lastly, try a personal mantra to get you through:

it’s always darkest just before dawn.

i am the rock that the sea breaks against.

may i be happy, healthy, and free from pain.

i’ve conquered this before and i’ll do it again.

i am strong. i am worthy. i am enough.

i allow and i trust. 

it’s never too late to start my day over.

tomorrow is another day. (margaret mitchell)

feel the fear and do it anyway. (susan jeffers)

action conquers fear. (peter nivio zarlenga)

in the world through which i travel, i am endlessly creating myself. (franz fanon)

excellence does not require perfection. (henry james)

it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. (e.e. cummings)

our greatest glory is not in ever falling, but in rising every time we fall. (confucius)

i hope you find the courage to get through whatever life throws at you today. 

and finally, take molly weasley’s advice- there’s nothing you can’t fix with a good cup of tea!

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here, have some happy girls and their girlfriends/wives/significant others ♥

(do NOT repost)

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GIANT SELF HELP MASTERPOST

｡◕‿◕｡

emergency compliment  calming manatee calming paintbrush soothing techniques the thoughts room the quiet place daily puppy draw a stickman self injury recovery masterpost need a hug?? comfort box alternatives for anger and restlessness happy thing masterpost when you’re sad? click here to smile feeling stressed? cheer up! the dawn room

isnt the rain beautiful are you feeling okay? calm down weave silk to calm down do nothing for two minutes match the colours look at the stars!

wanting to self harm or worse? maybe you want to comfort someone else wow beautiful nature sounds! really good game to get feelings out nature not your thing? coffee shop noise

sand patterns speak to people how to care for self harm cuts distractions and alternatives for self harm how to fade and cover scars what to do when someone notices your cuts/scars? resisting the urges 25 ways to avoid self injury tips to help stop cutting helping someone who is suicidal stupid games to cheer you up (pointless games) the butterfly project just relapsed? reasons to live

eating disorder support groups coping with exercise addictions bulimia recovery coping with weight gain overcome your eating disorder

bipolar self help living with bipolar dealing with bipolar without medication 10 more ways to cope with bipolar bipolar coping skills

how to cope with depression natural depression treatments ways to deal with depression/stress overcoming loneliness  finding the right antidepressant

understanding and managing anxiety understanding and coping with panic attacks tips and tricks for dealing with anxiety anti stress breathing tips coping with social anxiety cope with panic attacks

self defence tips rape escape how to break out of a zip tie

depression resources masterpost cool game called ‘the end’ to distract you “how to cut” (not what you think) big master post of masterposts

HOW TO stop skipping breakfast stop biting your nails work through feelings of social isolation understand types of anxiety deal with anxiety calm down calm down during a anxiety attack do yoga to cheer  yourself up learn how to mediate cope with ocd coping with social anxiety disorder coping with schizophrenia coping with depression coping with bipolar coping with borderline personality disorder coping with eating disorders coping with autism spectrum disorder

GET HELP WITH

disorders/mental illness low on cash but wanting help? panic and anxiety coping with PTSD never say these things to someone having a panic attack what is ocd? more about ocd what is PTSD? what is social anxiety/social phobia supporting someone with PTSD tips living with someone who has OCD what is depression? what is autism spectrum disorder? what is bipolar? what is borderline personality disorder? what are eating disorders? what is generalized anxiety disorder? what is panic disorder? what is schizophrenia?  suicide prevention hotlines more hotlines (UK) list of hotlines for everyone mental health hotlines

8TRACKS PLAYLISTS CALM/CHEER UP MUSIC

note to self good feelings spring fling coffee shop acoustics rad covers good feelings a little bit of everything good morning breathe acoustic conquer school wheels on the road choose happy sleepy tunes coffee shop tunes

BACKGROUND NOISES

MYNOISE SOUNDROWN RAINY MOOD COFFEE SHOP SOUNDS TO FALL ASLEEP TO STUDY PLAYLIST MOST RELAXING TUNE ACCORDING TO SCIENTISTS CALM SOUND

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6+ years of friendship. Time with this one feels like home 💜👭💛 (at San Diego, California)

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staircase

How can I pour so much of myself into the cracks of someone else? When did I start thinking my love should always be free?

How do I start pouring concrete back into my own steps? Faith could become a staircase so easily

How do I stop saying no at the precipice of believing?

How do I say yes to myself before anyone else can say no?

How do I release the full force of me in service of dreams that belong to no one else?

How do I let joy be the thing that guides me most?

How do I pursue it without apology, taking struggle out of the heart of my story?

How do I do the thing that keeps women from being their full selves?

Kick imposter syndrome straight in the jaw and walk out?

Concrete steps can become a staircase so easily.

Could I just let myself bust out in blaze of glory?

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FUCK YEAH 

Survivors will not be denied.

We heal. We find our way to love again. We bring others with us. 

Kesha makes a triumphant comeback with powerful song “Praying.”