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Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships

Research into violence in relationships has grown substantially in the last 20 years, however, the majority of research focuses on violence in heterosexual relationships, with men viewed as perpetrators and women the victims. Has society acknowledged the problem of violence and abuse within same-sex relationships? I feel that ignorance is widespread and support for LGBT victims is practically non-existent. 

I was a victim and only now, 12 months later, I am finally ready to open up and speak about my experience publicly so that I can help others.

In the beginning, it was like any other relationship - fun, romantic, exciting. I had fallen for this man, and I had fallen bad. It didn’t just happen, it was small incidents to begin with, a gradual process. It happened so slowly, I didn’t see the signs. I constantly felt afraid, manipulated and controlled by his angry outbursts and mood swings.

It started with words. These words were followed by apologies. Then came fists and these were followed by apologies. I didn’t keep a record of all the incidents, I had many marks and many bruises but one event poignantly sticks out. 

Friday 9th January 2015. He, as usual, had too much to drink. I was in a nightclub talking to friends when I was grabbed from behind by the collar of my shirt and dragged across the nightclub floor. I knew exactly what was happening. I curled up in to a defenceless ball and tried to protect myself. It happened so fast my two friends didn’t even get a chance to comprehend what was happening. I felt the force of his boot on my body as he kicked me multiple times before the bouncers came to drag him away.

I knew I couldn’t deny it any more. It happened in public, people had seen and my secret was out. I was asked by the bouncers if I knew him, and of course to protect him I denied his existence. I was mortified, publicaly humiliated and it felt like I was standing there completely exposed. The “I’m sorry” never came.

I struggled to move on in 2015, I was completely consumed by the way I allowed myself to be treated, abused and walked over for 4 years. I didn’t get a sufficient apology, nor an explanation, or even the truth about how many times he cheated on me. I was filled with anger and emotion for an entire year.

2016 is the year I take charge of my life again. Soon I’m moving to a new city, with a new job and new prospects. I’m taking a risk, I’m taking a chance, venturing into the unknown and maybe, just maybe, something amazing will happen. This is my new opportunity – a fresh start. 

Just remember, if you are a victim, you’re not alone. There are some great people out there who are willing to help. Talk to someone, be it family or friends, just talk to someone, they will listen. Broken Rainbow and PACE are two fantastic charity organisations who have helped me immensely. You just have to be ready to let them help!

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Fresh trim for NYE. New Year new me 💅🏼😎💇🏼 #Shameless

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Christmas nights with these fine lads #Belfast 🎅🏼⛄️🎄🍷 (at Ollies Belfast)

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I love this spectacular island #Ireland ☘ (at Glendalough National Park)

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Successful shopping trip in one of my favourite cities in the world ☘👒🇮🇪 #Dublin (at Samuel Beckett Bridge)

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Successfully completed the 12 pubs of Christmas 🎄🎅🏼🍻 (at Lavery's Belfast)

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Standard Christmas photo but isn't Belfast just the cutest at this time of the year? 🎄🎅🏼🍷 (at Victoria Square Shopping Centre)

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It's not Thursday but I'm throwing back to 2013 and my failed attempt at wearing a Christmas jumper, better luck this year Enda 🎄🎅🏼⛄️ Happy Holidays! xox (at Melrose Street)

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Sunset over the River Lagan, Belfast #Ireland ☘ (at River Lagan)

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It's a crazy world we live in. United for peace ✌🏼️☮🌍 #prayforparis (at Tour Eiffel)

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Just bought Binge @tyleroakley lets get suck in 😍 📚📖

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Perks of working from home #Fermanagh (at Devenish Island)

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Fermanagh Lakelands are too pretty (at Knockninny Marina)

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Helsinki, Finland 🇫🇮🍻

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Hello Helsinki 🇫🇮🙋🏼👌🏼 (at Helsinki, Finland)

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I'm a brown Simpson. Call me Apu Nahasapeemapetilon 👳🏾 #universalstudios #orlando #thesimpsons (at Universal Studios & Island of Adventure Theme Park)