emotionally-sober-blu-demoman

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Aye, that’ll do. What does this magic ‘non want?

Ahve already got Merasmus with a sword through his wall, so don’t try anythin disastrous.

Thank goodness it wasn't the evil wizard, I have been busy recently and I missed my shrink spell wearing off,

Though I'm curious if you have seen the enemy Demo lately? I need to send him a little "present🪄🪄🪄"

-Animal Lover M! Anon

Yeah well- tha evil wizard asked me what I fear tha most so I think I'm screwed eitha way...

Do ya mean @emotionally-sober-blu-demoman ? 'Cuz I dunno- I'm still new to this app an' all

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

CAN ANNEHBLSY HELP THERE’S ZOMBIES BANGING ON ME DOOR AND AH CAN’T HOLS IT CLOSED FOR TOO LONG

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

BACONY CAKES- Wait, bacon cake sounds like it’ll taste good.

I’ll find it online later.

This has done more positive impact for the autistic community than any autism organization has.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

THIS IS WHY AH DONT LIKE THE RED TEA- AUGH THAT’S A NEEDLE

-Doctor!!! Are you sure this will work?

-AHAHHA, YES!!!

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Friendly reminder that LGBTQ+, Queer, and LGBT+ are the preferred terms for the community (x).

Friendly reminder that Queer is approved by 72.9% of the people, and the groups who don’t prefer it’s use as an umbrella term are straight people, exclusionists, transmeds, truscums, sex-negative people, and sex work critical people (x).

Friendly reminder that aros and aces are excluded only 9.2% / 8.1% of the time respectively while being included  78.9% / 81.2% of the time (x)

Friendly reminder that exclusionists are in the minority and aro/ace people are included in the LGBTQ+ community by the people within the community.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Where’s, ah, RED me? Ah wanna see if this us true.

Where would I rank, actually.. I know @emotionally-amused-blu-scout is really good at finding online recipes- that, or engi bookmarked those for ‘em. Scout’s definetly atleast 7 or 8 out of 10.

How good is each merc at cooking?

Merc Cooking Scale

Soldier 0/10

Everything he makes is poison. Or radioactive. Or stone. Or some combination.

That is, if there’s even anything left of anything after he’s done

Many, many, many, wild explosions have happened. Stuff that’d make Demo amazed.

He is banned from the kitchen.

Sniper 2/10

This man lives off instant meals.

He’s just the kind of guy who learned how to make what he likes and has stuck to that.

Not only that, but he would absolutely suck if he tried anything else. He’s not interested in learning, either.

He will eat plain wild game to survive if need be. He's got such bland tastes you can't convince me otherwise.

He does not like trying new food.

Medic 3/10 

 I don't trust him.

Pyro 4/10

They’re actually a pretty okay cook when they can focus! They enjoy helping around the kitchen.

Usually, they enjoy finger food that doesn’t require a lot of prep. They make those faces/pictures out of platters.

They are an excellent sweets maker. But when working with complex savory stuff things get much harder for them.

And when the stove is involved... well...

Somehow, though, their damage has never been bad as Solly’s.

Engineer 5/10

Man can cook a solid meal. He doesn’t, usually, but he enjoys it when he does.

His cooking is always super greasy.

His meals are also pretty limited. Really only knows how to make meat-based stuff like bacon, BBQ, eggs, chili, and roasts.

He’ll try his best if you can't/won’t eat meat but it's not the best.

His breakfasts are so good though.

Heavy 6/10

He’s actually a very decent chef but is brought down by the limited resources he had growing up

He’s had to find pretty much every way to cook a bear there is. His family and him are tired of bear meat but to fresh mouths it’s delicious!

He’s slowly learning how to include more variety in his cooking. Sandwiches were an easy introduction and are now his favorite food.

Cooking has become a hobby of his but he’s limited by his own pallet.

His cold meals (meals that don’t involve stove/oven/crockpot/etc., not literally cold food) are very good!

Spy (7/10)

He knows how, of course. He can make plenty of gourmet meals if need be like any respectable gentleman.

The problem is he hates actual doing it.

He can make a bunch if specific fancy meals very very well. They are delicious. They are beautiful. They are perfect.

But he can only make those things. He’s got absolutely zero creativity in the kitchen and could not tell you the basics of cooking.

He can follow a recipe but won’t bother to learn why you take the steps you take in it.

Demo (9/10)

He’s actually got a very similar story to Heavy but without the lack of resources.

He’s a mixologist. He’s a chef. He’s Husband Material.

After he went to live with his parents again, cooking became favorite chore.

As they got older, it also became an obligation. One he fulfilled with love and service.

He loves cooking for other people. He won’t ever really do it for himself. He likes sharing his meals much more than eating/preparing them.

It’s the social aspect for him.

Scout 10/10

Scout? How’s Scout so high up? It feels like he shouldn’t know how to do more than make toast, right?

WRONG.

His oldest brother is the best god damn cook in all of Boston. You bet your ass he spent his childhood eagerly observing him and their Ma.

From the time he was old enough to grip a spoon was eager to help out and prove himself.

He’s an excellent chef—and a resourceful one. He can make a gourmet meal out of five bucks.

Everyone is absolutely SHOCKED the first time he cooked for them. Spy accused him of ordering it from a restaurant to fool them but he was too genuinely knowledgeable/passionate about it.

His chicken meals are exquisite.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

.. yeah? Pretteh sure it won’t surprise meh.

you eva’ have somethin’ happen durin’ a battle that makes you just…think?

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Scout I swear ta respawn can ya atleast tell me who it was

you eva’ have somethin’ happen durin’ a battle that makes you just…think?

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

.. okeh, that doesn’t answer the question, but ah feel sorreh for ya.

Ya can go get a drink from RED demo, he’ll probably give when asked.

you eva’ have somethin’ happen durin’ a battle that makes you just…think?

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Alright, which teammates made out?

you eva’ have somethin’ happen durin’ a battle that makes you just…think?

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Prolleh not. Ah was planning on doing it in a couple nights ta catch em off guard.

The demoman is stilled, standing in the cold waste outside the underground of the BLU base.

He mutters to himself. “I gotta find out how tha red medic kept spy’s head alive fer so long. Shouldn’t be possible. What if they used it to cripple one of us?”

The demoman merely sits down in the snow. Thinking.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Ah was plannin’ on sticky jumping to RED base to steal their ubertech. Not much, mainly spy’s head platform and an Uber heart for medic.

The demoman is stilled, standing in the cold waste outside the underground of the BLU base.

He mutters to himself. “I gotta find out how tha red medic kept spy’s head alive fer so long. Shouldn’t be possible. What if they used it to cripple one of us?”

The demoman merely sits down in the snow. Thinking.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Scout, why are ya goin threu the online recordings?

The demoman is stilled, standing in the cold waste outside the underground of the BLU base.

He mutters to himself. “I gotta find out how tha red medic kept spy’s head alive fer so long. Shouldn’t be possible. What if they used it to cripple one of us?”

The demoman merely sits down in the snow. Thinking.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

“Might steal that tech from ‘em, it’s not fair for them to just have that to themselves. Their medic is crazy anyways.”

Demo slowly grabs a sticky from his pockets- A spikeless ball, sticking it into his launcher.

“Team’d disapprove but eh, I ain’t letting RED keep all of that.”

The demoman is stilled, standing in the cold waste outside the underground of the BLU base.

He mutters to himself. “I gotta find out how tha red medic kept spy’s head alive fer so long. Shouldn’t be possible. What if they used it to cripple one of us?”

The demoman merely sits down in the snow. Thinking.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Demo slowly turns to the resident, nodding. “Yeah, that’d make sense.”

He reaches for his stickybomb launcher, picking it up, and examining it. “Do ya think I could take that tech? Give ‘em a lesson of their own makin’?”

The demoman is stilled, standing in the cold waste outside the underground of the BLU base.

He mutters to himself. “I gotta find out how tha red medic kept spy’s head alive fer so long. Shouldn’t be possible. What if they used it to cripple one of us?”

The demoman merely sits down in the snow. Thinking.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Am I a bit late, er are ya okay with sleeping in me room? I’ve plenty extra space.

Trust me, the rest of BLU won’t mind. It’s no worse than what soldier does to the vents.

G'day or... evenin' or whatever, uh. Can I sleep 't someone's tonight? No reason obviously.

[emotionally-sober-blu-demoman]

Ooh, that’s neat. Ya named it yet?

MAGGOTS AND CIVILIANS

TODAY, I HAVE FOUND A VERY COOL-LOOKING INSECT. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS INSECT AS MUCH AS I ENJOY THIS INSECT.