emmettalie

[emmettalie]

Japser learning about the new diet:

[emmettalie]

[emmettalie]

Lmao why is Angela on brand though 😂

Credit to this user they are hilarious 😂

[emmettalie]

[emmettalie]

[emmettalie]

Some random hiker just passing by the field where werewolves and vampires are throwing hands

[emmettalie]

Later that day :

[emmettalie]

AITA for hating my daughters boyfriend?

My daughter (18F) moved in with me (45M) a few months ago after having lived with her mother her whole life. I was delighted and things were going really well. However then she met a boy (110M) at school and they started dating. He seemed like a good kid though a little weird and I tried to support it. Then suddenly after playing a baseball game with his family my daughter decided she had to move out, I was shocked and upset but let her go. She turned up a few days later in Phoenix with broken bones. She moved back with me and her and the boy kept dating. Then at her eighteen birthday party her boyfriends brother (220M) tried to kill her leading to the family leaving town. My daughter was really upset and went basically catatonic, it was awful. Then out of nowhere her ex’s sister (110F) turned up and dragged her to Italy. Now my daughter and her ex are back together and want to get married, what do I do?

Tldr - my daughters boyfriend ruined her life and now they’re getting married

[emmettalie]

Give me my AU where Bella and Edward go to Dartmouth and decorate their house together and Bella struggles to drive that insane Mercedes and Edward stays up all night checking over her homework and they roam the streets on the weekends and Alice and Jasper visit all the time and they go on double dates and they achieve happiness without a child I’m so

[emmettalie]

I’m just thinking about the fact that touch screens are calibrated to recognize body heat, which is why random objects can touch the screen without it activating and why screens are finicky if you’re trying to use them outside in winter. And I’m thinking about the fact that the cullens almost definitely can’t use touch screens, and have to exclusively buy and use smart technology that comes with a stylus. What fucking morons. Can u imagine a whole family of teenagers carrying around glorified palm pilots to school and pulling out a stylus from behind their ears any time they want to text someone?!? I can’t believe they genuinely think they pass for human jskeiduwbw 😂😂😂

[emmettalie]

I wonder if the cullens ever went to their own grave sites

[emmettalie]

There’s gonna be a book tour. And interviews.

This is the TIME TO CONFRONT SMEYER PEOPLE.

ASK HER ABOUT THE RACISM, THE SEXISM, THE REPARATIONS SHE S H O U L D BE PAYING THE QUILEUTE TRIBE.

This is the time.

[emmettalie]

Books set in the Twilight universe that I secretly want more than Midnight Sun:

A series about Demetri’s tracking adventures around the world

Alternatively, a genuine travel guide but written through the eyes of Demetri. “And this pub is great to find a quick bite whether you’re in the market for food or blood”

Benjamin and Tia

Carlisle: The Early Years (actually watching Carlisle struggle around blood would be insane and watching him invent the vegetarian diet would be epic)

The Original Vampire War: Romanians Vs Volturi. (A story showing how the Romanians ruled, seeing them laugh off the young upstart Volturi, and watching their ultimate demise. Not only would it be interesting and action packed but it would also give some contrast to the later Volturi that are only seen as villains).

An entire historical fiction period drama about Rosalie’s life before and leading up to her transformation and ending with her getting justice.

Garrett’s story. I’m sure we’d call it 1776 or something.

Felix (he’s pretty much a blank slate, there’s so much you could do with Felix)

The Children of the Moon (the actual werewolves that Caius hunted to extinction. I want to hear about them).

If we’re going to rewrite twilight from other characters POV I’d like to have Charlie’s instead please. That shit would be epic. It would be fun to watch the vampire bits knowing what they are but with a clueless narrator, then it would be tragic to hear his internal monologue when Bella left. The whole book has so much more potential

[emmettalie]

[emmettalie]

Twilight and everything is the same, but Emmett is wearing crop tops Just Below Nipple Level the entire time

[emmettalie]

Jacob right before kissing her without consent: I love you Bella

Me and Bella simultaneously:

[emmettalie]

broke: after rosalie saved emmett and he was turned, they immediately started dating when he woke up as a vamp

woke: after emmett woke up as a vamp, the lovestruck bumbling himbo fool earned her trust, she lowered her defenses, and he courted her in a reasonably-paced developing romance