elssha9

[elssha9]

just stricken w grief the day after my mom died, and i just saw the opportunity to write down my feelings cuz i just felt numb during those days

i think grief has shown me how versatile it actually is. before i caught the glimpse of what i am experiencing rn, i thought grief is a linear phase: w no flexibility yet has consistency; a line segment that has certainty to the point that i know how far, and how many centimeters that i'm going to take to reach that level of peace i am aiming for.

but because of what transpired on the july 20th 2022, grief has now became something that clothed me from who i was. it shadows its memories that i have. and clearly, it is not what i expected it to be:

in most days, grief disguised itself as a shadow roaming everyday to somehow notify me every minute and every goddamn hour that my mother died; grief showed itself how merciful it was as it spares me to overlook the sadness eating me alive; grief basked itself cowardly for it always reminds me that i somehow failed as her child; and, grief tends to sabotage my every little piece of happines trying to invalidate all of my feelings except sadness and solitude.

and the worst thing is:

i was a writer–a writer of many characters– and to think that i somehow chose their trauma in a lighthearted way is nothing that i shouldn't be writing in the first place, as i have now experienced some of those traumas that i write casually. i now experienced more of what i write even if i researched everything.

and because of that, i became what i write. i became the soul of what i write. for i know now single-handedly what trauma is; and to live with it everyday will not fade away. ever.

so, i am a grief in a flesh basking on their thoughts writing from the depths of their heart waiting to relieve the pain.

i am grief.

[elssha9]

Chance [Levi Ackerman x OC]

reincarnated oc jumped through the aot timeline. how chaotic is that?

Chapter 1: Turning Point

「June 29, 20XX」

Hospital Room no. 42

HER LIFE IS UNEVENTFUL. Well except for the fact that she literally is living all her years in the 42nd room of the Hospital. Truth is, saying its name alone does not ring a bell on any nurses but rather it was called "Val's hideout" ever since, and no one questions it even the new attendees.

You might think that it can be boring – not having the privilege of going outside without any precautions – but her life was seemingly okay, at least that's what she is believing.

But, thanks to her loved ones, she managed it all, and let me tell you, having CF is hard but it gets harder if there's no one around. So, she loved her family and her friend, Ruth, a whole lot more than her weird obsession with the sea and that's explaining more to the story.

Being cooped up in a shell makes it more tempting to go past it, all along in the favor of curiosity.

That's right, Valentia Renee is the most stubborn and curious person that Ruth has ever met. This obsession of her roots up in her late-night Youtube session that somehow got spiraled down from watching Disney to watching the Sea (Literally!). T'was led to her being grounded (which makes no sense at all!), and the new profound hobby that was carried on till her teenage years.

      It was a typical afternoon for Valentia. Her treatments have been good to her and her disease as well; a total week of rest every day does wonders to her emotions too!

Her mood has been all up the roof and no more silent treatment to her favorite nurses all the time. It was then Ruth came by to her hideout surprisingly since all she ever did was not text her back the moment she stepped onto the sand.

You heard it right, Ruth came from a long week of vacation from a tropical country and was blessed to have stepped foot to the image of what Valentia dreamed of going to–the beach.

       Hope and Valentia had a love-and-hate relationship. Sometimes, whenever she is in the middle of a new treatment and her body does not respond to it, her thoughts begin to drift off to the once hope she held on to.

She felt betrayed.

Hope was not there to save her let alone her body as well. This made her feel how hope is not within her reach even though she wished it to be.

A butterfly that only graced her fingertips just for a moment and left without turning back, yet she kept looking for its beautiful wings only to be greeted by the white cold snowy winter under her fingertips.

However, despite all of that a teenage heart is still a teenage heart, believing that hope is just around the corner waiting to be graced by a once believer.

      "You invited who?" She questioned.

      "Justin, duh. He was the one that I'm seeing these past weeks!"

Well, expect for the fact that Valentia didn't actually care about that guy, but is happy for her nonetheless. Ruth just came out of a toxic relationship that she did not inform Valentia all about. All she knows is that the guy is crying about something that damaged his pride.

      "So, Justin and I were totally seeing eye to eye. It was like match-made from heaven! He was so hands-on and has been polite to me ever since. Also, he asks for consent and knows where to stop if I want to. That's basic decency but almost all of the guys don't know that!"

      "So, you've been seeing him for weeks, and you're basically telling me that he's the one?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I am telling you."

"Uh-huh. But I'm for sure skeptical in that sense, girl. Considering that you only met him for like the weekends or something, try to see or observe him. I don't know if this is true, but men can be manipulative when they want to, however they can't manipulate their reaction under pressure."

Valentia lectured her best friend. Relationships can be hard to find these days and for Ruth, she, unfortunately, stumbled on a rather toxic relationship before which gave her anxiety, and low self-esteem.

       "OK. I'll keep that in mind and maybe I am rushing things. Who knows he's faking it to throw me off a bus."

      "So, moving past that, tell me how's the beach?"

They talked for god knows how long, but were politely cut off by a knock from the door. Valentia signaled the person to come in and eventually stood to them was her favorite doctor, Dr. Michelle.

      "Oh, hey Mich! Ruth was just talking about her late-night escapades as a minor going for a par–" A hand was suddenly slapped to her mouth painfully,

"Hey Dr. Mich, don't mind her, she's just covering her undying love on a dead corpse."

      "NO, I said Michael Afton is just misunderstood!"

      "That's the same thing!" Michelle just laughed at them and checked my vitals for the day.

While doing so, Ruth felt a vibrate on her pocket and was then occupied the small couch to the corner and decided to check her phone as it was constantly buzzing off.

      "Are your parents coming here today?" Asked Dr. Michelle.

Dr. Michelle looked at her and was relieved that her body is doing great at adapting to the new treatment that she was doing for the past month.

      "Yeah. They said they're going to be here in an hour. Why?" She mumbled something about waiting or some sort, Valentia gave her a confused look as she talked to herself. This also made Ruth stop checking her phone and look at the Doctor as well.

      She sighed, looking at Ruth and Valentia, "Great news, Val. There's a lung donor that has the same blood type as yours." She smiled at them, making Valentia gasp, looking at her favorite doctor as if she was joking for a moment.

      A donor? A lung donor?

      New lungs?

      Her mouth fell agape at her the moment she heard the news. Ruth's phone fell to the floor as she was also shocked at the news.

      "You're kidding." Stage One. Denial.

      "No, I am Michelle."

      "Is this a dream?"

      "Stop. I know that my looks are so dreamy to look at," Dr. Michelle teased.

      "Wow. You're really shameless for an adult." Valentia jokingly said but after that, there goes her tears flooding.

Ruth eventually soothed her best friend and made a promise to go to the beach once she recovered. Dr. Michelle held her hand soothingly and was also seen holding back her tears as her long-time patient gets the surgery that she deserves.

      This is it. This is her new hope and was seemingly within her reach.

      Hope for her new life.

      After 18 years of her existence, Valentia always believes that she will finally have the chance to start over and do things that she can't do due to her conditions. With the sudden news, She can now have the chance to be with her parents and reside in her home.

      She can now be free and see the ocean for the first time in her life.

      Valentia lunged forward and hugged her favorite doctor. "Thank you so much," She sputtered and cried on Dr. Michelle's chest as she calmly circled her back.

"This is it, Val. You've waited long enough. You deserve a new beginning," She desperately clung to her and felt another pair of arms hugging them.

      "You can now finally see the ocean, Val! I'm so happy for you," Ruth sniffed and smiled. Finally, her best friend gets to experience new things and will surely enjoy the atmosphere outside these walls.

━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━

      It's been a month since the new lungs were recommended for Valentia. Along with this, she has seen many doctors who evaluated her to check if she was a good candidate for this major operation that'll surely make her life change.

Fortunately, the tissues are almost the same as hers making the surgery less complicated as it is. And here she was, in a hospital gown waiting for over 6 hours. Calming her senses and hoping for her fast recovery.

      And once this is over, She hopes she can pull off her promises for them...

       The team then gave Valentia the anesthesia, assuring her as well that it'll be quick over time. She didn't respond to them clearly as her body is now taking the effect of the anesthesia that they gave to her.

She looked at the door tiredly. Her parents are on the other side of the door, waiting for her surgery to be successful and with no complications.

      Finally, she readied herself and hoped for the best. She felt her eyelids become heavier every second. She felt comfortable in the cold room, looking up at the ceiling, and with the last thought she had in mind,

      She hopes that the surgery is successful and soon she will travel the world with her parents and Ruth.

━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━

      "Can I hold her, Dr. Ashley?"

      "You have a very lovely daughter, Mrs. Grathia."

       "She looks stunning, dear"

      "Doctor, can I see my sister?"

       'Oh man, My head hurts. Huh? Who and what were they talking about? I don't know what language they're using...' She thought, utterly confused about what was going on.

      'Is my surgery successful?'

      Then, an unexpected thing happened. She found herself crying as if it's like her nature to cry the moment she regained her senses.

After her cries now came to a halt, Valentia opened her eyes and saw three people looking at her. She felt arms wrapped around her tiny body, looking at her stunning dark-brown eyes.

"Her beauty is so unordinary," The ebony-haired woman sobbed as she looked at her partner. Her partner then approached her and looked at Valentia.

      "She had your eyes, dear, " His forest-green eyes stared at her with fondness.

      'What? I can't understand them... Are they talking German or Japanese?'

      In instinct, she tried to reach his hands but stopped as she realized that she seemingly have tiny hands,

      "I want to see her too, Dad!"

      'What? Does that mean I'm a baby?! I didn't know that surgeries can turn patients into babies?!'

      'What is happening?!'

「August 25, 826」

Estipona's residence