elizabethalexis

[elizabethalexis]

Is this anything

[elizabethalexis]

I try my very best to trust that the universe will take me where I need to go, and if it leads me to your door it will be because it’s meant to be, and if it leads elsewhere or leads nowhere at all, then that is meant to be too. it’s just so hard to have faith in the invisible hand of the world. to believe that my prayers are real rather than imagined delusions meant to soothe my broken heart. it’s always been so incredibly hard for me to keep faith - in anything, let alone something so enormous, so improbable as fate. but I am trying. to trust that wherever I land is where I’m meant to be. even if that place is removed entirely from the man I loved and love still.

[elizabethalexis]

“I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.”

— Haruki Murakami (b. 12 January 1949)

[elizabethalexis]

Thornton Willis - Summer House, 2008 - Oil on canvas

[elizabethalexis]

Sang Woo Kim

Ways of Seeing 014, 2024

Pigment dye transfer on canvas, artist’s frame

155 x 41.6 x 3 cm / 61 x 16.4 x 1.2 in

[elizabethalexis]

Untitled (Insect Window), 1994, Gregory Crewdson

[elizabethalexis]

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, there will be a tree outside your bedroom window. It is very important to romanticize this tree as much as possible.

[elizabethalexis]

Miffy and Mondrian, from the book Nijntje in het Museum (Miffy at the Museum), 1997 | illustration Dick Bruna (Dutch, 1927–2017)

[elizabethalexis]

[elizabethalexis]

girl help all i do is endure

[elizabethalexis]

NOVA (detail)- Piotr Jabłońsk; 1968

[elizabethalexis]

Alex Dimitrov, from “Living in Time” [ID in ALT]

[elizabethalexis]

*cups my own face tenderly* its gonna be okay babe

[elizabethalexis]

will I ever stop missing you? will I ever get to a point where instead of longing or love or anger or grief, all I feel for you is neutral? all I wish you is well, instead of wishing you’d get your shit together and commit to not disappearing on me, not abandoning me the moment things get hard? will my stomach ever remain settled when your name - whether it belongs to you or someone else - pops up in my world? my heart remain steady and even? will I ever stop crying over everything we went through together, everything I gave up to love you, and the excruciating grief of loving you still without being able to reach to you?

I honestly don’t know. every time it seems I’m getting close, every time it seems like the days of forgetting you are increasing in number, something brings me to my knees with loss. I miss you so fucking much and all I want in the world in this moment is to just lay my head on your chest and to fall asleep to the rise and fall of your breathing.

[elizabethalexis]

[elizabethalexis]

Mark Rothko, Untitled (Red), 1968 Oil on paper mounted on canvas 33 x 25 ¾ inches (83.8 x 65.4 cm)

Solomon R. Guggenheim Foundation Hannelore B. and Rudolph B. Schulhof Collection, bequest of Hannelore B. Schulhof, 2012 © 1998 Kate Rothko Prizel and Christopher Rothko/Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York

[elizabethalexis]