efficiiency

[efficiiency]

Precious. It's a good thing Bernie wasn't worried about women at Andy's age or she might've been just as pathetic and helpless about it all.

" It's a good start, " she says, and pauses where she's stocking the clean glasses. " But if all you say is hey, you're putting all the pressure on her to keep the conversation going. Why don't you ask her a question or something? Compliment one of her photos? "

closed: @efficiiency

location: sea foam

"Okay, so I need your help," Andy said hesitantly as she wiped the bar down. "I matched with this really cute girl on Bumble yesterday, and she hasn't said anything yet and I'm trying to think of how to open here. What do you think about 'hey exclamation point exclamation point smiley face'?"

[efficiiency]

" God, no. This is ancient history, and I'm the bad guy. Nothing depressing. " Bernie reaches into her bag and grabs hold of the small stack of baseball cards she'd shoved in earlier. " I accidentally stole these from my ex-husband when we got divorced. They were in my bedside table, okay, I just never gave them back. Anyway, I could probably sell them or something, I know they're worth a few bucks, but it's more satisfying to me to know this would hurt him on a deeper level. He'd be like, Bernie this is just fucking wasteful, now no one can have them." Bernie adopts a deep, cartoonish voice while she mimics her ex. " Exactly, Kilroy. Now no one can have them! "

Bernie side-eyes the man, her eyebrows sliding up. " If you really kept it as loose as you say you do, there probably wouldn't be people here burning your shit. "

"Hell yeah, what is it?" Peter questions, rubbing his hands together like a sumptous meal had been placed before him.

"And by juicy I mean it'd better not be fucking depressing -- I've already heard six stories worth of a bad country song and I ain't even halfway down the beach yet."

He pulls the vape from his pocket, taking a pull of the honey flavored cartriage and shaking his head.

"Nah, baby, I keep it loose. Easier to stay outta drama that way. Wouldn't be shocked if there were a couple girls here burning my shit, though."

@efficiiency

[efficiiency]

Watching Ell's confidence inflate and pop in the same breath shouldn't be as fulfilling as it feels. Bernie takes her little wins where she can get them; besides, the two of them had lived in the margins of acknowledgement for years before properly sleeping together. She's good at playing these little games - finding the invisible meanings.

" No, no, no. Of course not, " she says honestly. It wouldn't be fair, not when she was the one who finally put her foot down. " But I was still thinking about you. I'm allowed that, aren't I? "

Bernie helps herself to another fry. They're sharing now, she's decided. If she has to hear about Elliot's escapades with younger women, she's going to at least have a snack. " Oh yeah? Did you play Alanis for them, too? " A smirk frames her chewing, and she swallows before humming a little Head Over Feet. She'd never forget how beautiful that moment was. Or how good the sex was after. " They are good photos. Very MILF-bait. I'm sure your little trysts are very athletic, " Bernie teases.

Elliot's smile unraveled like a cheshire cat's at Bernie's acquiescence and she took a fry for herself as well, tossing it into her already full mouth.

As her hand caught the drink, which she immediately lifted to her lips in the same motion, she found herself caught between commenting on a couple of different observations. First of all, would it have hurt Bernie to be a little less light-handed on the gin? Second of all, a gin and tonic was hardly a difficult drink to remember, but there was still some marginal satisfaction in the fact that it'd been made without Elliot having to ask.

Third, Bernie was thinking about her, huh? The corners of her mouth practically reached her ears, only to deflate marginally at what immediately followed.

"Huh," she said. "Funny." She idly twirled the glass just to see the drink slosh against the sides of it. "Hope you don't feel the right to feel some kind of way about that."

That might've been a little more pointed than she meant it to be. She quickly changed tacks. "The photos I picked are good, right? I've been a hit with the twenty-eight year old femmes. They love an older woman who can play the guitar."

@efficiiency

[efficiiency]

Bernie welcomes Mia with a tight hug, her face bright with a smile despite the stench of horses all around her. Seahorse Ranch isn't her favorite place to be - or even close to something she enjoys - but she tolerates it for the occasions her and Mia actually get to hang out.

" She was almost right. Penelope had a meltdown before we left and I was about to cancel. " Bernie pulls away, her smile only growing when Penelope and Tina ran off. Good. Last time, Penny tried to get Bernie on a horse. Fuck that. No way. " This is the only one of her hobbies I hate. Figure skating is nice, I like that one. It's cold but there's snacks. "

Alone for awhile, Bernie lets the exhaustion sink back into her expression, and she smiles warmly at her friend. " How are you? "

Location: Seahorse Ranch || @efficiiency

It didn't matter that Mia had already been doing this for a year; she still doubted she was doing this right. However, Tina was smiling so bright at the moment, waiting for Penelope to arrive that it got Mia thinking that at least she hadn't managed to ruin her sister further. She was almost twelve now —a very formative age when kids absorb all your mistakes, a mother had made sure to tell her..before Penelope's mom, Bernie basically told her to shove it. That was the beginning of a beautiful alliance.

"There you are!" she exclaimed, too brightly compared to her usual personality, hugging Bernie. "She'd been driving me crazy you wouldn't show for the entire ride here." she whispered to the other quickly, before pulling away. "Hey Pen" she greeted the little girl that Tina had already claimed by grabbing her hand and whisper-yelling to about how fun the horses were going to be. God, she was raising another menace to society...

[efficiiency]

Bernie pffts and waves Delilah off, amusement playing in her eyes though her tone remains serious. " You need to have more fun. What's your feed like anyway? No, don't tell me, let me guess: get ready for soulcycle with me, my dream wedding, here's how to become even more of a workaholic... "

To be honest, Bernie can't imagine Delilah's spent enough dedicated time on her phone to get a hyper-specific feed like that. Perhaps it says more about her getting hot-bush-summer videos than it does about Delilah not getting them. Bernie pokes at her fries, wishing she'd brought her little bottle of vinegar with her. " I'm already planning into fall, girl. If I don't figure out when I'm taking vacations now, I'll never take them. Don't you want to go somewhere this year? Take a break? "

Delilah looked up from her salad and squinted at her friend over the table.

"I think we both know the answer, so I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." She said after a beat passed, head shaking as she stabbed at her next forkful, but found herself sighing before she could take the bite. "No, Bernie. I haven't been getting videos about something called--"

Well, they both knew what it was called.

"Clearly you and I have very different feeds." Delilah's eyes rolled, abandoning her fork to grab for her glass of water instead. "Also, January's not even over yet. How are we already talking about the summer?"

@efficiiency

[efficiiency]

" Fine. Just this once I'll let you. But half price! Half price. And a promise you'll always be my favorite. " Bernie clicked a few buttons on the screen of her register so she could charge Kenny, then goes about making said delicious little mango cocktail. Even for her favorites, it's always been money first, drink second. Bernie wiggles her eyebrows as she pours. " Are you here with someone tonight? "

“Mango tequila!” Kenny gasped, dramatically bringing a hand to their chest. “You know me so well. Yes please, except I’ll be paying for it. Can’t have you doing that for me Bernie, even though I’m your favorite. That better not change. Ever.”

@efficiiency

[efficiiency]

" Okay, hold on, waitwaitwait. What are the colors of the wedding party - do you know? If you go red and they're doing a whole monochromatic schtick you are going to stick out like a pancake at a barbecue. " Bernie flips through a few more dresses before huffing and putting her hands on her hips.

" The prices here are ridiculous, " she mutters. Her mother would be so proud of her frugality. " Boutiques are a scam. I know they're ordering half of this stuff wholesale. Maybe we should just learn to sew. "

if most families were complicated, vera was convinced hers was a twenty-square interlocking sudoku of fuckery. but there was a desperate need to please; to belong. which is why she was even bothering with this ridiculous task in the first place.

"or, hear me out: do I go completely left field and go with red? go against all my instincts?" a playful smirk tugged at her lips. her own eyes wandered to the jumble of numbers, widening as they took in the amount. ".....not that much. unless I'm able to wear it again."

[efficiiency]

To have spent all of last weekend swatting away thoughts of Elliot after finding her dating profile and then walk out to find her, in the flesh, carrying fries and smelling like, well, like Elliot but drunk, makes Bernie, whose been nothing but dead sober all night, feel woozy. Did she manifest this? Are those Instagram mindfulness reels onto something?

You did not manifest this, Bernie promises herself. Because you would not have manifested her in the fuck-me-blazer. You're not strong enough to be around Elliot in the fuck-me-blazer.

She almost turns around and walks right back to her office, but... But. Butbutbut. Bernie levels Elliot with a flat gaze for as long as she can manage and then gives a dramatic, huffy shrug before reaching for the offered snack. " Of course I want a fry. You knew I was going to want a fry. "

Bernie pops the whole thing in her mouth and then reaches for the gin like a habit, pouring a half-strength gin and tonic because Elliot already seems like she's had her fill. " It's weird. I was just thinking about you. I saw you, " she says vaguely, then arches her eyebrows. She slides the drink across the bar. " Saw your Hinge profile. "

closed: @efficiiency

location: sea foam

Elliot usually avoided Sea Foam like the plague. It was a fucking shame, given its status as the lone gay bar in town and the women she'd seen going in and out on Saturday nights, but there was one of them in particular — who she'd only willingly put herself in the same room as a handful of times over the last five years — who made her switch to other side of the street when she walked by.

So why was she plopping down onto a barstool, planting a takeout container of fries on the bar, and making herself comfortable like she was a regular? She was drunk. And you could call her sentimental when she was drunk.

"Ah, there she is," Elliot said, eyes lighting up a little (against her will, for the record) as Bernie showed her face on the other side of the bar. She nudged the container over. "You want a fry?"

[efficiiency]

" Oh, darling, please, of course this is on me. It's a business expense. " Bernie pats her purse as though Laurel can see straight through to the Sea Foam credit card inside. It's not like she's hurting for money - as explained by the rather large settlement from said mouth-breathing ex-husband - but if she could sum this up as a tax write-off, she would. Her face only sours slightly at the mention of him, and only because she's thinking of, well, his sister. Bernie takes a long, selfish pull from her cigarette and tries not to bum out the mood before they've even gotten inside.

She does blush, just a little, even though she knows Laurel's just being nice and playing along. Bernie tucks her short hair behind her ear, nearly burning her forehead in the process, and says a too-sweet thank you before throwing her half-smoked cigarette on the ground and stamping it out with her lavender-colored high heel. " But if you're trying to get me into bed, you'll have to try harder. Come on, quit smoking, I want to grill you about your love life over clams and stuffed mushrooms. "

Laurel hummed noncommittally, but the corner of her mouth twitched up into a smile as she looked Bernie up and down. She did look nice, but Laurel was more than happy to play the stick in the mud and not take the bait.

They bit their tongue and kept themself from continuing to rub in the 'Valentine's Day dinner with your divorce lawyer' thing, a basic fact even if their relationship had managed to evolve past that. "Well, I'll take that as a compliment, then. You should also be excited about footing the bill on this one, because I seem to recall that I got the last one, and let's not forget that I know exactly how much money you got from that mouth-breathing ex-husband of yours."

"Wow, another compliment. You're laying 'em on thick today. But thanks." They paused to take another drag before finally conceding, "You look good too. Beautiful, even."

@efficiiency

[efficiiency]

As Bernie was shoving the last bit of cookie into her mouth, thinking lovingly of salted caramel mini pies, Mei's demeanor changed. Bernie eyes her friend with concern, her full cheeks not changing anything about how serious the rest of her face looks. While Mei is one of her more serious friends, this level of quiet sincerity isn't normal; Bernie swallows, both her cookie and the news, and her eyebrows fling into her hairline.

" What the eff? " Bernie asks, her shock turning to a whisper on the last word. " What the freakin' eff, Mei? He's here in AB? Oh my gosh. That's huge. That's... " Of course Luna would probably freak out, though whether with excitement or upset it's hard to tell. Hence the treat basket. Bernie's less concerned for Luna right now, though. She fixes her soft gaze on her friend. " Are you okay? "

Mei grinned amusedly as her friend took the offered bite before she finished it off herself, resisting the urge to lick her fingers clean because it was that decadent and good. It was a miracle in itself that she wasn't here daily and buying the place out. "Okay, okay. Fair enough..." She joked- not that she needed much twisting to her arm. "Those pies are good. In the fall they do salted caramel pumpkin ones that amazing and...yeah. I maybe always get ones just for me." She admitted as she kept looking through the various sweet treats, a half dozen things already in her arms.

"I'm also...maybe wanting to buy lots for Luna to butter her up a bit.." Mei admitted, her smile fading off just a bit before she let out a breath and looked over to her friend. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you, and maybe this isn't the best place for it but..Luna's father is here. In town. And...I'd like to finally tell her. She deserves to know." Even if she was still so young and it could end up confusing her or upsetting her. Or maybe she'd be excited. So many scenarios flooded through her head any time she thought about it.

[efficiiency]

Bernie's too busy for her own right, filling her schedule with odds and ends that keep her mind too occupied to think about the ugly bits of her life that seep into her bones and ache like cavities. Thank god for this holiday - it's allowed her to book up her weekend so tightly that she can't possibly entertain thoughts of her vile love life.

So. Mimosas with friends it is. Bernie swallows half of hers in one go, smiling as she brings the glass down because she really truly does love being with her gal pals.

" Nonono, come on, there has to be something. A little midnight rendezvous? Something? Hell, Celine, even I'm on the prowl. " She nods solemnly, takes another sip. " I'll spill if you spill. Here, I'll go first: I saw my ex on a dating app. And I'm thinking about swiping up. Or right. Or whichever direction matches me. "

"Oh my god, no - this was much needed. Thank you for getting me out of my house." The brunette said chuckling lightly as she looked around the place then back to Bernie. While she loved the comfort of her home, she also loved to drink and have a good time with her friends. Celine laugh upon getting with back to back question in just a few seconds - nothing new with Bernie. "My mimosa is fantastic! The most exciting thing in my life right now because my love life ain't it." she chuckled lightly before taking a sip of her drink. "That's very thoughtful of you to get all all matching bandanas. But how's life, outside of bowling?"

[efficiiency]

" Don't mind if I do, " Bernie says, already graciously accepting the cookie half and taking a big bite. " Mmph, please, Mei. " A few crumbs find a home on Bernie's chest, though she quickly flicks them away as she chews and talks. " It's a frigging bake sale. I'd think you were crazy if you managed to come through here and only get stuff for Luna. I mean, " Bernie finishes chewing, swallows, then reaches for a little baggie of neatly packaged mini apple pies. " You see this? I'm going to buy this, and I'm not going to share with my kid. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it at all. "

closed - @efficiiency

where - sweet nothings

"I know we're predominantly here to help out a good cause and to surprise Luna with a basket of sweet treats, but would it be terrible if I get some things only for myself? I mean, try this." Mei told her friend with a laugh, holding out half of the cheesecake cookie she'd been sampling, shaking her head. "I almost feel like the principal in Matilda muttering much too good for children to myself."

[efficiiency]

Bisou

bisou (kiss): what’s your favorite place to be kissed?

" Way to put me on the spot! I... I don't miss much about my ex-husband, okay, but he had this way of... Well, he'd kiss my palms and fold them up afterward as though I could capture and keep the kiss all day, which was sweet, but always made me kind of sick if I thought about it for too long? But it was nice. It was... adoring. And I'll likely never get that again; it's odd to ask someone else to kiss your palms. "

[efficiiency]

brûler (to burn): what are you most passionate about?

" Acceptance. On all fronts of humanity. Not just tolerance, not just yeah, ok, you're there, whatever, but full-out, passionate acceptance. What makes us all different is also what unites us. It's beautiful! It's wonderful! I will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to make my club a safe place for people. And my town, too - I've gone to every march and every protest. This place should be a beacon of love and acceptance for every person. All of them. Even the straight ones! I'm also very very passionate about Love Island right now. That's just, like, less serious of an answer. "

[efficiiency]

péripatéticien (wanderer): believe in ghosts?

" Sort of? My parents tried to raise my sister and I under traditional Korean shamanism but religious concepts never really stuck for either of us, of any kind, shamanism or otherwise. It's hard for me to not believe that there's some sort of... dimension or in-between space for spirits to go but it's also hard for me to believe in the Americanized evil spirits that live in attics and target white families with lots of money. "

[efficiiency]

" Oh, please, I knew what I was signing up for. This is your place, girl! Help them! They need it. " Bernie smiles, her tone encouraging. She's ignoring the wine because she knows she'll want some later with dinner, and the idea of nursing a headache before she's even cracked a bottle of fuck-off expensive wine from Neptune isn't very appealing. Unfortunately this means her choppy paint job is irking her rather than making her giggle. Bernie grimaces and turns her bowl upside down so she doesn't have to stare at the mess she's made.

" It looks fab in here, by the way. When did you have the time to decorate this place? You're like a superhero! "

closed starter: @efficiiency location: Timeless Pottery Studio

Melody was helping someone with fixing their mug before pulling herself away and allowing the help to well..help with them instead of herself since she decided to take today off from work. She just couldn't help herself from taking over, her son being at a friends house for play date gave her some time to catch up and gossip with the other. "Okay I promise that was the last time I helped someone for today, you have my full attention."

[efficiiency]

" Not to toot my own horn, but toot toot. It's pretty friggin' juicy. " Bernie's tone indicates she's not exactly sure whether she's proud of that or not. " How about you? Are you taking care of any drama tonight? "

starter for: @efficiiency location: the burning of the exes

"So did you bring anything juicy? Or, better yet, combustable?"